20 I will never abandon him

The bishop plunged into thought somewhere, melancholy, as if a sad past was returning to his heart.

“I once knew someone similar," he explained. “We went to the same high school. We were classmates. He was extremely intelligent and capable, but when it came out that he was gay, his life turned into hell. In those days, it was a disgusting mental illness that stigmatized people. I also stigmatized him and turned my back on him. Since then, I've been wondering, why did this happen? After all, he hadn't changed. He was exactly the same boy I liked and was friends with. Why did one piece of information turn me away from him so much? After all, he hadn't changed. My perception had changed.”

“What happened to him?”

“He changed schools. He had to. For a while there were rumors that it was his own father who abused him and made him just that, and that was even more shocking and disgusting. The whole family left, and I never heard from him again. I never tried to find him. Ever. I even tried to suppress memories of him. I'm ashamed of it now. I wonder, did he find happiness for himself, or did tragedy befall him? Is he living true to himself, or is he lying for fear of harassment? I regret that I rejected him then as a person and as a friend. But you are different, aren't you?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I've known you for years and I think you would never have abandoned Adam. I think if you couldn't reconcile the mission of a priest and the acceptance of your cousin, you would have abandoned the clerical state.”

Piotr wanted to deny it. He had become a priest out of genuine faith and vocation and had never regretted it. His heart, however, said that the bishop was right.

“Yes, I wouldn't abandon Adam. No matter what, I wouldn't be able to do it. But I don't want brotherly love to blind me to the point where I would consent to anything. Just because he's my cousin doesn't mean he doesn't make mistakes.”

“So be as objective as you can. God sees our intentions and actions. So does he," he added with a smile.”

Piotr was encouraged by these words. He wanted to serve God, but first of all he wanted to serve people. He could never reconcile himself to the voices of those who condemned otherness-intellectual, racial, religious, sexual, and whatever else came along the way. He always believed that this world was beautiful precisely because of otherness.

He had known Adam forever, they grew up together, and Piotr knew no better man than his cousin. If he had to reject him because of his otherness just because "someone" said so, he couldn't do it. Because that "someone" didn't know Adam. He didn't know any of the wonderful, "other" people he was writing laws against by hiding behind an interpretation of the Bible written by another man a thousand years ago with a thick cover. And yet Jesus' teaching was not one of hate, but of love. Love of neighbor. After all, ‘Who among us is blameless...’

Comforted in spirit, Piotr decided to visit Adam. He was grateful to the bishop not only for his words of comfort but also for his understanding, which meant that he could devote more time to his cousin. It allowed him to focus more on his problems and to check on him more often. And although the turn that his acquaintance with Hubert had taken did not entirely please Piotr, the most important thing was that Adam had not yet done anything more reckless and tragic in its consequences. And after all, it was life that mattered most, even if it didn't shine by example. For when we live, we can always correct mistakes and get off the wrong path.

And if Adam's sensitive heart needed the support of someone strong, who is Piotr to defend it?

The only problem lay in whether there could be heart's desire in this friendship?

Whatever the case, Adam looked a little better. He was more energetic but also calmer. And above all, he was more lively.

Still, Piotr was not one hundred percent sure that knowing Hubert would be good for Adam. Raymund seemed like a good, honest guy, maybe too direct, too frank, but those were not flaws per se and might as well have been advantages. Hubert made a really positive impression, but was his relationship with Adam sure to be good for the lawyer?

The first problem was time, the second was distance. Piotr knew that in a few days Raymund would finish the project and return to Sweden, where he worked and lived permanently. Adam, on the other hand, would return to Warsaw, most likely to resume his time-consuming job. These were not circumstances conducive to the development of a relationship.

Yes, a relationship, because Piotr knew that what his cousin needed most at this moment was emotional stability. A casual, short-term fling somewhere in another part of the country might bring relaxation to his body and temporary relief to his heart, but that moment wouldn't last long. If Adam really needed someone to take care of his sensitive heart, it was definitely for longer than just a few days.

But no one quits their great career just to set their sights on a relationship with someone they've barely known for a day or two.

And even if the men decided to continue their relationship, there's probably only a two-hour flight between Warsaw and Stockholm, was Hubert really what Adam needed?

Ever since his cousin had asked for help years ago, Piotr had basically kept in touch with him. Something bad had happened to Adam in between running away from home and contacting Piotr. Adam never said what exactly, but Piotr guessed it had to do with an unsuitable partner his cousin had hooked up with. One day Adam confirmed, but only that. He never divulged the details.

So Adam didn't have the best experience with lovers. So far each of his partners had turned out to be a failure. If Hubert was going to be another, wouldn't that prove to be too much? Especially now that Adam was in such an emotionally fragile state?

Piotr, the young priest, didn't even realize that he was thinking toward his cousin almost the way any parent thinks about their child. Had he realized this, he probably would have been embarrassed.

But the truth was that after Adam had separated from his parents, after he had cut himself off almost completely from his entire family, Piotr had been a father, mother, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, and literally everyone to him. After all, he had to fill all these roles alone. He had to single-handedly take care of Adam.

Although Piotr was tolerant and open-minded, although he allowed Adam to make his own decisions and mistakes, he wanted his cousin to be happy and to finally find the person who would fill his sensitive heart with good, warm love. However, despite the affection Piotr felt for Hubert, he doubted very strongly whether Raymund would be able to love Adam in this way.

Piotr knew so little about Hubert Raymund that he was even a little ashamed at the thought of how quickly he had trusted him with his cousin. But who but a priest was to trust people and always believe in the good that existed in them? Plus, Piotr had never had any proof or even reason to suspect that Hubert was not an honest man.

In fact, Hubert may have been the best, most honest man under the sun - but is he right for Adam's battered heart?

Will the kind of man Hubert is be enough for Adam to find peace and happiness?

There were too many doubts in Piotr Lechoń's heart. Doubts that only true love can give birth to in someone.

True love for another human being.