Love That Remains

Years later

Dazai was sitting beside a gravestone that has S.ODA initials. Atsushi came, he's been searching for him as they will have a meeting at the agency's office but Dazai asked him first if he knew whose grave was beside him.

"I don't know, but... they must be someone important to you. Right, Dazai-san?" Atsushi answered his question.

"Why do you think they are important to me?" Dazai asked, wondering.

"Because this is the first time I've seen you visiting a grave." Atsushi answered with a small smile on his face.

"And what makes you think this is a visit?" Dazai asked another question.

"I can see it... Perhaps, it was a woman you like?" Atsushi takes another guess. Dazai grinned.

"If it was the woman I like, then I should've died with her." answered the man in a matter of fact tone.

Atsushi forces a smile.

"Right, if it was the woman you like then you would've died with her." he repeated what his friend says.

Knowing Dazai, that's what probably he's going to do. He calls it double suicide.

"It's my friend," Dazai speak after a couple of seconds. Atsushi continued to listen to him.

"If it wasn't for him, even now, I would still be in the Mafia, killing people…"

Atsushi got shocked after hearing the words the man said.

"I'm just kidding." Dazai immediately eats his word not wanting to scare Atsushi. To help Atsushi forget the word he said, he decided to ask him another question.

"Atsushi-kun Do you know the meaning of the word, Saudade?" 

Atsushi shakes his head gently.

"No, not really. It's actually the first time I heard that word..."

"Saudade means a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant, or that has been loved and then lost... it means, 'the love that remains'." answered Dazai with a small smile.

Atsushi gets the meaning, but he can't understand why he is hearing Dazai saying such a sentimental word right now.

"It's like holding onto the pieces of what will never return. The only thing that remains is the thing that they have left behind."

"Isn't that for couples or lovers only?" asked Atsushi with his forehead crumpled.

"Nope, it can also be used for your friends, family, or the places that you truly love. Everything that is loved genuinely is worth missing and remembering anyway."

Before standing up and telling Atsushi to tell Kunikida that he won't be able to attend their meeting as he have found another method of suicide that he wants to try, he look at Atsushi's face and smiled.

"Missing someone is a part of human being after all, right? It makes you feel like crazy."

Atsushi didn't speak. He was still bothered by the thought that Dazai would try another suicide method. Dazai felt Atsushi's uneasiness and worriedness so he stood up and quickly walked towards the guy to give Atsushi's head a gentle pat.

"I won't make you miss me like crazy so you don't need to worry. I had tried many suicide attempts already so doing another attempt won't kill me easily."

Atsushi, who's still worried about him, smiled a little.

"Promise?" Atsushi asked.

Dazai hates making promises. It is just a crazy belief that humans do to make themselves and the person they made a promise feel at ease. He believes that promises are meant to be broken, however, Dazai thought that if that word—promise, would make Atsushi feel at ease… then he can't think of any reason not to make a promise with him.

"I promise," Dazai said.

Atsushi smiled. He knew Dazai would keep his promise to him no matter what. He doesn't need to worry about anything because he knew he could trust his friend.