Chapter 8.5: How to survive furry.

Do you prefer tea or coffee? Such a simple question is capable of revealing things about people that even they ignore, or rather, choose to ignore.

Those who long for peace would rather enjoy of a relaxing cup of tea to calm their nerves for a moment than to bother with bean juice. Drinking tea in a hurry could be considered a crime worthy of those punishments normally reserved for the worst criminal scum, a true tea lover would make sure that his breathing matched the fluid movement of the tea itself. There were no words, there was no other, there was no time, just the one person enjoying tea.

Sasuke was this kind of person. A tea lover that spent sleepless nights trying to master the art of using fire ninjutsu to prepare the perfect tea…no, there was no such thing as a perfect tea, the way of a tea was an endless travel of constant improvement.

Paradoxically, the young Uchiha hated tea ceremonies. In his crimson eyes, they were an aberration that tainted the beautiful simplicity of enjoy tea with their complex sets of rules that turned a pleasure into a thankless job.

Of course, this had nothing to do with what was happening right now.

"Here is your tea." Neji said after carefully filling his guests' cups. "My apologies for taking so long."

"Thanks kid." Kurama replied before gulping the almost boiling beverage in a single motion.

But Sasuke wasn't entirely sure of what was happening right now, so speaking about tea seemed like a good idea al the moment.

After running away from a giant dragon for about two hours, the non-binary MC of this world decided that enough was enough and dismounted their colossal summon. Their bright blue eyes stared at the Uchiha with such coldness that it almost felt like a doujutsu, and then Naru*o put a hand over the seal in their stomach, calling the monstrous chakra of the legendary nine-tailed beast. The pressure was so great that even powerful dragon wimped in submission before disappearing in a cloud of smoke and Bobby shit himself…or maybe that was Sasuke, but nobody paid attention to those details.

And then everyone somehow ended having tea at Neji's house.

The young Uchiha didn't know if it was a product of resignation or denial, but the Hyuuga was acting as a great host.

"I must admit that you are way more amicable than I first expected." Sasuke finally decided to start a conversation with the four meters' tall fox. "Is this because…you know."

The house trembled as the fox growled, showing that was a sore spot for it.

"Yes, it because the breasts." Kurama confirmed. "Otherwise I would have kill you and everyone you hold dear. Nothing personal…actually, it is pretty personal since you are an Uchiha."

Sasuke nodded while staring at Kurama's face, perfectly content with ignoring the giggling that probably was taking place a little bit below. He was still not old enough to fall for an oversized furry-bait, and if he were to fall for such thing, then there was always the option of committing suicide via Danzo.

"For some unholy reason, I now have these." He…she? It gestured to the bouncy spheres made out of chraka in annoyance. "I am literally a creature made of sentient chakra, I shouldn't have any kind of genital since I am supposed to be completely genderless."

The nine-tails grabbed Sasuke's shoulders with one of its paws/hands with equals part of eagerness and hope written all over its face.

"I want your help with these."

After quickly sniffing his tea and checking that there was no alcohol in it, Sasuke looked at Neji, who nodded grimly, silently confirming that this was indeed happening.

"Please, tell me that you are referring to my sharingan."

"The Izanagi to be precise." At that, Sasuke released a breath that he didn't know he was holding. "I want you to alter reality to make my host somewhat normal and delete any kind of genital from my person."

"Oh, that is easy. I have more than enough eyes to change reality a few times."

He still had like twenty-five pairs occupying space in his fridge.

"Before that, let me confirm something. "Neji spoke up for the first time since they arrived. "The sharingan, a doujutsu that is said to rival the byakugan, can copy any kind of jutsu, see chakra, cast powerful genjutsus, summon giant avatars made of chraka, have access to unique and unnecessarily powerful abilities after the user is traumatized enough, and predict your opponent's movements."

"It can also rewrite reality and create an infinite genjutsu loop."

"How the hell did your clan manage to lose against the Senju?"

"Why does your clan support slavery?" Sasuke replied raising an eyebrow.

"Because they are moronic assholes." Neji answered without missing a beat.

"And there you have your answer."

"*AHEM*" The giant fox that could kill everyone in the village with ease reminded everyone that it was in room.

"Right, time to rewrite reality. Bobby, please bring me an eye from the fridge, they are behind the ice cream."

Funny enough, this was still easier than dealing with Naru*o.

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"And that is why I am late for today class, Iruka. "

"Sasuke, your story took place three days ago, you haven't come to classes since then." Iruka started to massage his temples. "And call me sensei."

"After I realized that not even the Izanagi could give Naru*o a definite gender, I spent the last few days making peace with the fact that the universe seems to hate me, which is fair since I set water on fire." The young Uchiha explained, his eyes staring at the void without any kind of emotion in them.

"I am sure I will probably regret asking this, but is there anything else I should know?"

"Well, Neji had a tsundere moment, cementing his place as my second best friend."

"No fair." Hinata complained from her seat, even if she couldn't hope to compete for the title of best friends as Kiba was the one with free access to practically an endless supply of fluffy puppies, she did her best to get the silver.

"Maybe you should try harder. " Sasuke helpfully advised with a shrug.

The Hyuuga girl nodded resolutely, already thinking on how to utterly defeat her cousin in the friendship contest. Even if she loved Neji, everything was fair in friendship.

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"Next time you decide to bring a living embodiment of hate and destruction to my house…don't. "

"It was a one-time thing, or at least I hope so." Sasuke waved off his worries and smiled at him. "Thanks for helping me with whatever this was."

As the young Uchiha was leaving through the window as any decent ninja would do, something stopped him in his tracks.

"Sasuke." Neji's voice was a strange mix of uncertainness and resoluteness, like a kid that decided to do something to avoid boredom but didn't know what exactly. "If…if you ever need help or to talk with someone, you can come here. "

The previous smile in Sasuke's face disappeared and it was soon replaced with a grin that looked strangenly similar to the Hyuugas' worst nightmares.

"Awww, you care."

"What are you doing?" The Hyuuga shivered as he watched the Uchiha approaching him with open arms. "Don't you dare, DON'T."

"Silly Neji, no one can't escape from hugs. "

And wasn't that an universal truth?