day of anticipation

and so like that, a whole month passed, and so did my reserves of noodles sadly, i thought they would last for a while longer

huh how coinvent that these three planets take the same amount of time to circle the sun, i didn't make it like that, yet still nice that all have the same amount of month durations as well

well.. due to my reserves of food ending i had to switch the way i kept myself going a bit different, i used my jikans to heal my body, albeit it heals me slightly less than 3% per 10 secounds, barely making me feel full, it was still better than nothing, and i even calcuated the amount of jikan i have during this time, gold jikans have generally 300 points of jikan, with 20 points extra or less, silver ones 200, and red ones 100, i seem to have a very rare 20 extra jikan, which is pretty rare if i say so myself, 

how did i calculate it? well when you consider that it takes 5 jikan points per second to heal yourself slightly for 3%(10s) as a gold jikan its simple really, as it took me 64 seconds before i couldn't use my jikan any longer i concluded i have 320 jikan points, of course the way im calculating the amount of my jikan is not the norm, and its just the way i liked to balance things in my book of fake history

and i decided to use my jikan less and less to heal my body, i started to look like a bunch of zealous bones praying to god of famine to save me

and im going pretty strong with not breaking my praye-

"breaking news, a few people that seem to be a part of organization named seekers of knowledge have sprouted around and are spreading.." 

"YEAH ITS REALL LETS GO"  i couldn't help but shout in excitement

"SHUT THE FUCK UP IM TRYING TO SLEEP HERE" of course my friendly neighbors had knocked my excitement down

i had to only endure for about 2 more weeks, putting a timer of two weeks on my phone and throwing it on the bed i continued with my practice

over the course of the next 2 weeks i simply kept my prayer posture, and even started praying to the goddess the posture was meant for, which is a bit concerning but wont matter right?

and so my phone alarm came off, yet... i felt uncomfortable to just stopping yet i had to fight the slight zeal i had built and opened my eyes, what lay Infront of me was the goddess(body pillow)

oh come on

after showering a bit and staring at the my image in the mirror i couldn't help but sigh in at my pitiful state, just skin and bones, with sunken eye sockets, no signs of the beautiful fallen noble here anymore, just another child in urnos, yet i couldn't help but think there is a slight... weird look in my eyes

nah probably just my imaginations, staring at the last of my inheritance i couldn't help but sigh in pity, i can probably last for three more years if i lived like i had before remembering my memories, but i rather save my money for when the time comes, in 1 week i can join the church of light, i guess i would need to feed myself before it

so i went back to the convince store again, and picked some synthetic meat and other stuff, and avoiding any contact with the synthpaste

i bought them while avoiding eye contact with the owner, im not sure if it was from shame or embarrassment, or simply my pride as a noble, but i didn't want to meet his gaze for some reason

i just ate and used jikan to heal my aching body every time i could, and i slept on the bed, yet all i could dream of was me praying, and i would wake up only to realize i was in a praying posture, with the damned body pillow Infront of me

i had to sell it off, so turning on my phone i realized something that i subconsciously wasn't paying attention to

my phone wallpaper was the same as the character as the one on the body pillow, and out of sheer anger i watched all the related media to the character, and goddamn i get it

i shouldn't, CURSES UPON YOU MILETHIA WHY SHOULD I BE ATTRACTED TO YOU

and so easily a week passed, and the concept of faith fully took root in this world, i barely managed to change my wallpaper, of course it felt weird but i had to cope... 

addiction is a strong thing... and getting off of it is an endeavor  which is unbelievably hard, yet i will manage, i should manage... eh i will brainstorm it later

and so i with my slightly recovered physique walked towards the place i marked in my phone

the church of light, today was the day that the old cultists were accepting members, with their warm smiles, so i went towards one of the members that was wearing a long white coat and summoned all of my noble(fallen) pride to talk to him

"uhhm... uh.. uhm... uh"

"oh little kid, are you looking for food? the holy mother always wishes to help the poor" the man said with a warm look and smile

"no.. i..." why am i so embraced... is this shame im feeling? oh what a lofty noble am i

yet the old man didn't mind it at all and waited for me to finish what i wanted to say...

"i... want to join..." i finally said it, that took ten years out of my life

"oh?" the old man sounded... amused? wait are they not taking in members yet?

"im sorry little guy but, this old ears of mine couldn't hear you propelly can you say that again?" 

i stared at him with disbelief, your ears work than me, dont try to trick someone older than you with such shamelessness

"i... want... I WANT TO JOIN THE FAITH" i shouted, and my eyes started to tear up, was that fun you old fart? to trample on the pride of a poor 12 year old?

"ohh little guy why didnt you say so sooner? you are the first one today come in come in"

forcing my tears down my poor throat i walked behind the old priest whom led me to a room a told me to sit down on a chair before sitting Infront of me

"so..." "its morzek" "so morzek, you want to join our faith? can i know why?" the old guy asked with a gentle smile on his face, yet i couldn't help but feel insignificant Infront of him, as if my mom is questioning me about who ate the cookies last night 

yeah same vibe... never thought i would feel this way again in both of my two lives, so i answered truthfully

"im... a fallen noble of the house erznerk... both my mother and father fell sick to an illness, i had to move to begas..." i stole a look at the priests face which was looking at me with a solemn expression

"in begas..." while talking i slowly unconsciously started to tear up... and in retrospect the old priest gave me a hug

"i think i understand your situation, many members are similar to you, and many of them found power in faith, and the goddess" the old priest whispered into my ears to consul me

"but remember the trial to join the faith is very harsh, are you sure you wish to partake in it?"

i nodded

and the priest without saying another single word took my hand and brought me to a room that was covered in marble and gold

he started explaining the procedure and while doing had a pitying look in his eyes

"are you sure you wish to partake in the trial after hearing it?"

"yes, yes i am sure"

"remember morzerk, even if you fail, you can still find strength from the goddess of light, as her light shines on everyone equally, even if you fail, you can try again, so don't push yourself too hard, okay?"

"no i wont" i said to the old man knowing if i fail once, i cant truly gain the leisure life i wish for

as i entered the room i heard the old mans voice again

"remember, if you fail we will know and come to help you morzark, so just stay put if you fail okay?"

"okay" huh i feel like he is more and more like my mom

as i entered the room i looked around, there were at least a hundered of these in this church alone, and there are alot of these churchs in a single city district of urnos, and creating even oone takes great expenses, and creating so many would make even my deceased parents faint

with a low sigh i kneeled i a praying gesture, knowing this is will be one of the hardest things i have to do, and my life will be way more stable after this, allowing me to enjoy this new world properly, yet wiping away the unnecessary thoughts i started praying 

one week passed, i only now start to feel the signals that i should eat

two weeks passed : i ignored the urge to move and silently prayed

three weeks passed : i can feel a pain in my stomach, but i don't want to move

and a full month passed, i couldn't think, it was as if i went to a factory reset, my being felt separate from my body, my body was screaming for me to give up, aching everywhere, and it felt painful to even breathe, yet i felt distant from it, seeing it only as mere signals, just something that i can ignore

and so i continued to pray fearing i might not be able to pull it off, i wasn't too sure that a month had passed, so i stood still, unmoving and just praying to the goddess of light geniuely

is this how clergy felt? i feared what would happen, or if i would get the powers of the light i wished for so much, so i prayed to goddess of light for her to give me power, and help me

not like i had anything better than to do

so i prayed until i collapsed