Apology Accepted

Athena’s P.O.V.

I was surprised when this time, he held my other hand. It was not as painful compared to what he did on my left. It became gentler now as if he was making sure not to hurt me again. But I guessed, I was even more astonished by what he said next…

“H-Helena… can you stay with me? Even just for a while.”

An unknown feeling suddenly embraced me but I did not turn around. Why does it feel like the wall I built between the two of us… suddenly collapsed?

Would it be much better if he called me Athena? Would the feeling be much better if he uttered my real name?

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It was a good thing that he could not see my expression. That way, he wouldn’t be able to know that his touch had something to do with the way I felt.

Wait! What was wrong with me? What was I thinking and why was I even affected? Remember, Athena… you are Helena and you are here because of her! No other things should matter. I reminded myself.

Speaking of what happened, if not for the sake of Helena’s name, I would have killed him the moment he dragged me out of the school’s garden! I would have even crushed his skull with his bawd ex-girlfriend’s head. They both suited themselves anyway. That Vanessa was a flirt and this Rivera was stupid!

He should be thankful enough that I was still able to control my temper. If not? I didn’t know what would happen next, that he might end up… cursing me to the fullest. The moment he yelled at me to shut up, I only suppressed myself not to punch him. He should be grateful that I did not do that or else, instead of the other guy’s face, Rivera’s jaw would be bloody as hell in the end.

I turned around and raised my left eyebrow at him. “And what makes you think that I’ll stay here with you, Rivera? After what you’ve done to me? For your information, no one had ever laid their fingers on me and dragged me out like the way you did! And now, you still have the guts to ask me a favor? You’ve got to be kidding me! For the second time, I’ll tell you this… you’ll never worth my time!” I barked at him as I pulled my hand away.

I lied. How many times did my own father laid his hands on my face and dragged me out before? I already lost count.

I even experienced being dragged at public places and if not because of Helena, he would even hurt me in front of other people.

I thought that Rivera would be affected by what I said but I got even more annoyed when he suddenly laughed at me. That made me dismiss my thoughts about my father.

“What’s funny?” I glared at him.

“Hmm, nothing. I just realized that your name does not suit your personality. You’re so brusque and grumpy! The name Helena sounds more of an affectionate and thoughtful person, but you’re the complete opposite.” He chuckled.

I was caught off guard. I wanted to kick him so hard to the point that he would not be able to stand up.

So you want to know a secret, huh? Yes, you’re right! Helena doesn’t suit me because that wasn’t even a part of my name. My real name is Athena! Did you hear me? It’s Athena Cari! my mind screamed.

I wanted to shout those words straight at his face but I stopped myself. “And you think you knew everything, huh? You know nothing. I’ll go now, I’m just wasting my precious time here!” I said as I walked towards the exit.

“Hey, wait… Ms. Walkout Queen! Didn’t you like it? You haven’t yet accepted my offer to join me here, but I was able to smile because of you. Hmm, can’t you just ride on my jokes without being offended? I think you have the habit of easily getting pissed off! But kidding aside, I’m really sorry for what happened a while ago. If I hurt you, Helena. I didn’t intend to grasp your wrist that way. I also didn’t mean to shout at you… I’m sorry.” He slightly bowed at me when I looked at him.

Well, it seemed like he was sincere enough in delivering his apology but I faced the door again and just heedlessly stepped away from him.

“Apology accepted but next time, you have to do these three things. First, do not let someone stab you in the back. Second, do not trust people so easily. And lastly, do not ever let love win over you. Did you know why the brain’s placement was higher than the heart? It is because you should use your brain more. You have to listen to your brain, more than your heart.” Those were my last words before I left him all alone in the Music Room.

I went straight to the library. I wanted to be alone and enjoy my ‘me’ time completely. That was the reason why I was in the garden because it was tranquil and relaxing to stay there, but little did I know that some disgusting people would treat the place like a motel!

Pretending to look out for books across different shelves, thoughts kept on running around my head and that made me blankly stare at something.

Why is there a lot of people who used to be blinded and miserable just because of that stupid love?

Like my Dad—he had been blinded by his love for Helena to the point that he still wanted her to live like forever… as if there was actually forever? For me, forever doesn’t even exist. It already ceased even before it exists.

Even for once, even for a little bit, did my father… ever try to love me?

And that Rivera—what I knew so far about him was that he was an intelligent student. A smart one… and there was no question to that. But for Christ’s sake! In terms of love, he was nothing but a fool! We always had choices in life and he undoubtedly chose to be… imprudent!

He didn’t even know that his girlfriend already had another boyfriend? And it was even earlier than him so he was, unfortunately, the third party. And what did that Vanessa do to him? She treated him like a piece of crap… a rug… a slave!

Too frustrating for a smart guy, tsk!

That was the reason why I would never, ever, succumb to that stupid thing called love. Being alone would have been much better. For me, it was more than exciting and fun. You would get to know more about yourself and definitely, you had more time to love yourself. After all, it was indeed better to be alone than being with the wrong person.

After looking around for any psychological books, nothing had piqued my interest so I just sat at the corner of the library.

I wanted to become a Psychologist someday. I wanted to study each and everyone’s personality. I wanted to master how a person thinks and behaves. I wanted to understand why some people had this so-called dissociative or multiple personality disorder—how did they get that aside from their tormented past, what would trigger that and what would be the cure for that.

I set aside my thoughts. I unzipped my bag and searched for my tablet, then I opened my Famebook account. Last year, I made new ‘Helena Mari Delgado’ social media accounts—Famebook, Tweeter, and Chinstagram. Although my twin and I were truly close to each other, we respected each other’s privacy so I didn’t know her passwords and it was simply, vice versa.

And certainly, I could no longer open and use my real accounts because I already died as Athena. Too sad! It would only cause an online craze and people would assume that I was haunting over the social media. But I just realized, it could be so much fun! Hmm, should I try it once?

Using the new Helena’s account, I searched for my old Famebook and read the posts from my real timeline. All public posts came from my original schoolmates and I just couldn’t help but roll my eyes.

Oh, come on, people! It has been a year and yet, your recent posts still consist of ‘rest in peace’ messages? Can’t you just move on? You, guys, only pretend that you were concerned about me when you were really not. Plastics!

Aside from Helena, I had no other friends. Dad had decided to separate us in school because people would only be confused to think who was who. And what would I even expect for a father who already had a favored daughter? He would sometimes cut his work just to personally fetch Helena after class… and what about me? I had no other choice but to wait for Ricardo to pick me up from school.

Well, Daddy didn’t care at all if I went home past curfew hours. Of course, for him, I did not exist. But even though they had already finished dinner, Helena would still join me at the long table because she does not want to make me feel alone. My twin was truly affectionate and caring, why would she have to die of all people?

So in my school, I doubted if they ever knew that I had a twin sister. I chose not to talk to anyone, except teachers. Most of the time, I preferred to be alone.

Oh, let me rephrase that—I always wanted to be alone. At least, alone but not lonely. I loved just being with myself and that was ‘self-love’ as they say.

What would you do to so many friends when you didn’t know who would bite you like a real snake? Well, it was true when people say that snakes in the forest were now living in the city.

And what would you gain from friends who would only betray you in the end? Nothing, only hurt and heartaches. I had more than that because of my father, I did not want them to add to the pain I was suffering. I always had trust issues and I was proud of it.

I was still the same Athena when it comes to my thinking. I did improve a little in terms of academics but overall, I was still me. I didn’t even know how I was able to perfect the Physics exam earlier! I just pretended to be reviewing in the house last night because Dad was watching me in the study room. But then, I believed that only my name died and that… nothing had really changed because I was still a bitch.

Pretending to be Helena was not easy… and what made it even harder was the fact that I had to feign to be the complete opposite of what I was! It looked like I was a nightmare dressed like a daydream all along.

“Helena…”

I jolted when someone suddenly spoke from my back. It frightened me to the point that I almost dropped my tablet. Not knowing what to do next, I immediately placed it back inside my bag.

Shit! My tablet’s screen currently displays my real Famebook account. Did he see it?

“And it’s you again, Rivera! You know what? You’re too annoying! Why do you keep on following me?” I lowered my voice so as not to disturb the other students studying and researching in the library. “And w-when did you get here?” I asked him while silently scanning his reaction if he would tell me the truth or not.

“I just arrived. Hmm, why?” he replied in confusion.

“Are you s-sure? Y-You didn’t see anything?” I asked him again.

“Should I see something?” he asked back with furrowed eyebrows.

“Hmm, nothing.” I faked my smile. “Okay, I’ll leave you here.” I immediately created a gap between the two of us.

“Wait, Helena!” he called me out again.