Friendship is the Path to Evil

I had never felt such rank betrayal before this day. As I sat halfway on the journey across the harbor to the cliff top fantasy castle that is Beacon Academy, my body fought me over every foot of the flight. Not even the sheer size of the enormous air ferry helped against the riotous forces of my motion sick tummy.

But I did not puke.

Clenching my newly buffed out neck muscles, I forced the bile and gorge coming up back down where all the other pretenders and contenders belong. In my belly.

Thinking about that made me sad. I'd gone over my memories of the source material of this world and discovered that the badass monsters Blake and I were going to school to learn to fight magically turned to smoke upon death. The Grimm were the worst kind of enemy for me, one that didn't leave behind a good meal after I got through showing them how laughable their attempt to fight me was.

They would be getting an extra side of genocide with their ass whooping for being so fucking stingy.

Blake sat nearby rubbing small circles on my back like a good waifu, making me incredibly grateful to have run into her so swiftly into my possession of Jaune Arc. I'd find a way to up her game sometime soon after I figured out how the laws of physics and structural properties of the local materials worked. I doubt everything fucky was down to Aura, Dust, and Semblances, but was ready to be pleasantly surprised.

I was especially interested in testing how the power of cuteness allows a person to swing around a weapon like Crescent Rose without the damn thing snapping. Seriously, that scythe blade is the length of its wielder, wider than her torso and thicker than her thigh. The blade alone has to weigh at least a hundred kilos and attaches to the barrel of a rifle. Just a minimalist round tube of rifled barrel.

And how does anyone ever survive getting thwacked with that damn thing? Does anyone survive getting thwacked with that thing? I can't remember.

I put the thoughts of Ruby Rose being the hardest hitting person in the world (so long as physics operates on similar principles here) out of my mind in favor of meeting the girl myself. I took it slow coming out of the aircraft with Blake while I carried around our duffle bags. Unlike the various characters scene in the TV show, we actually had to carry our gear and ammo in places other than hammer space and even with both of us just packing pistol ammo, Blake was quite a bit more trigger happy than I am at this point, making boxes of bullets a substantial amount of the weight and volume I am carrying.

Of course I would also be more interested in the use of dust ammunition if I had figured out how to use it to augment my Semblance like she can. For now it is just some pellet rounds with neat special effects like shock damage or building up ice on a target.

Speaking of my semblance, I cast a quick pair of Stasis fields on the two idiots putting a big explosion together. A black and silver mass effect field locked the pair down and wrapped them in a protective layer that completely absorbed the elemental blast.

It goes to show where my heart is, that my Semblance - the power that comes from my very soul - is Jack's power, Biotics. I'd never had the stuff in the past, but I'd seen Jack lay every kind of beat down on people with it for decades. I knew her every move by heart and we'd discussed the ins and outs of the power at great length. We'd dissected every different type of field she could generate, every little niche use of it. Despite the fact that I'd never see her again, I'd always have her right there with me every time I tear someone in half with my mind or creatively employ mass effect fields in the bedroom.

Thanks Mordin. You're the homie that keeps giving.

The fact that neither Ruby nor Wiess were hurt in the show is further proof to me that Dust is completely fucking worthless for anything other than keeping the lights on or heating water. The supposed wonder material is said to be big medicine against the Grimm, but I honestly can't see how it has even surpassed the use of bows and arrows. Just a primitive recurve bow throws its arrows twice as fast as the dust rounds in the show travel, and a modern compound bow would nearly triple it.

Basically the Dust rounds in RWBY are as slow as Star Wars blaster rounds and either hit like a truck or can get stopped by a dinner tray. Maybe there is just a specific type of ammunition that outperforms all the others, but we know for sure that Crescent Rose doesn't use it, because for the terrifying recoil generated by the weapon system it hits like someone throwing a beer can.

Thank God biology and chemistry isn't too wonky in this verse because physics is enough to give me conniptions.

Canceling the Stasis effect, the pair fell over as their attempts to struggle against the field were suddenly met without resistance.

"You're both welcome for the save." I smiled and waived at them, "Be sure to not waive all that Dust around in unsecure containers. I might not be around next time to throw up a shield for you."

"Unsecure containers?" Weiss Schnee - the petite heiress of the Schnee Dust Company - growled, "Do you even know who I am?"

"Someone that just threw enough dust up into the air to spark up an explosion with a sneeze." I answered and squeezed Blake's hand before she could go on an evil corporation tirade.

Jacques Schnee ain't got shit on me when it comes to casual cruelty.

Seriously, the guy is an evil toddler and with me here in this world: Daddy's home, bitch.

Oh God, I can't wait to go bad guy Georges St-Pierre on Salem.

'I am not impressed with your performance.'

I doubt anyone has ever told her that.

Oh hey. The littlest Snow White is still going on about how great she thinks she is.

"How about you just stop right there while you are behind, pick up what's left of your dignity and self respect, and get to stepping?" I asked her, causing her to literally choke on her words as her face turned an unhealthy shade of purple that made me worried that another version of me had just unsuccessfully tried to possess her.

She caught another breath just before I began praying for their souls.

"You've made an enemy today!" She cried out before leaving.

"Good." I grinned as I watched her go, "A guy with no enemies is someone who isn't doing anything worth doing. And besides, I think I made a new friend so things cancel out on the scoreboard. Isn't that right, Little Red?" I smiled at the other girl involved in this confrontation.

Ruby Rose, the protagonist of our tale, pointed at herself like she thought I might be talking about Blake.

"Yeah you." I chuckled at the plucky fifteen year old.

That attitude didn't survive into the later seasons, that's for sure. I guess failing to save the world over and over again does that to a body.

Despite everyone's insistence that she is a kid, Ruby was already as tall as your average woman and packing a mean pair of sweater puppies hidden in that dark ensemble. I grabbed her red hooded cloak and tugged near the cross shaped silver pins that attached it to her black high collared blouse.

"Switch these out to break away pins pronto." I told her as she blushed heavily at my unexpected contact, "Right now this cloak is a liability, anyone that grabs it controls you until the pins rip free, and with the materials you are using for everything in your outfit that could take awhile. Switch it up to break away pins and anyone or anything that tries to pin you with it just wasted their time and provided you an opportunity for a sick counter attack."

As adorable as the 'NO CAPES!' scene in The Incredibles is, capes and cloaks have lots of uses and there are many ways to make sure enemies can't trap you with them. Just having a cape that easily separates is a great trap.

"Ahhh awwee." Ruby struggled to be socially competent, "Uhum."

"Glad you see it too, Little Red." I smiled as I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and led us to the Beacon Auditorium, "Stick with us, my dear! We are going straight to the top and out into the vanguard, fighting Grimm and everything else stupid enough to be our enemies."

"Yeah!" Ruby agreed, happy to see someone else with her dream of spending their days battling monsters and bad guys.

"This is Blake." I introduced my kitty lover who had hidden her adorable ears under a big black bow and the power of people being thicker than pig shit, "Since my friends are her friends, you two are friends now too."

"Nice!" Ruby shouted, "My friends are multiplying. Are her friends your friends too?"

"No way!" I denied while laughing, "Don't hold this against her, but Blake didn't have any friends at all before I met her."

"Ooooooo. That's sad." Ruby acted like she wasn't in that boat just a few minutes ago.

"Hey!" Blake barked, "I have friends!"

"No, Blake." I denied, "You had a lot of people that acted like they were your friends but turned out to be really bad people, but it happens to everyone. We move on to new and better friends, stronger and more socially skilled than ever before! Isn't that right, Little Red?"

"My name is Ruby!" she shouted a little too loud and looked embarrassed for it.

"That's a great name!" I shouted back a little too loud too, "I'm Jaune!"

Ruby broke out from under my arm and ran ahead of us before twirling around and revealing her sniper rifle giant scythe unholy union of a weapon.

"I've got this!" she yelled in her excitement to be handling her custom battle tool, "What do you guys have?"

"I have a sword!" I yanked out the family sword with its new Roman hilt.

"Nice, what else is it?" Ruby asked as she chambered a sniper round into her rifle scythe.

"It pairs with this!" I pulled out the long dagger and held them in a sword fighter stance, "And together they are a totally normal sword and dagger!"

"Sweet. Love the classics." Ruby stowed her disappointment at my uninteresting weapons.

Ruby and I looked at Blake expectantly who sighed and pulled her weapon system off its magnet holster.

"It's a cleaver!" Blake tried to fake excitement and then pulled the cleaver sheath off, "It's a katana!" She folded the blade down and twirled the long ribbon attached on the pommel, "It's a kusari gama!"

"And it's a handgun!" I added helpfully.

"Glorious." Ruby looked at the unique weapon with stars in her eyes.

"What about that gun at your hip, Jaune? Does it turn into anything else?" Ruby asked full of hope.

"Nah." I deflated her hope, "It's a gun gun like my sword is sword sword. No neat tricks."

"You're so retro, Jaune." Ruby grinned, thinking I was some kind of themed huntsman.

"No school like the old school." I smiled.

"I seem to remember you saying you'd build some kind of 'super awesome ultra mecha weapon of doom' once you finish growing." Blake took the wind from my sails like a good woman.

"Are you really going to stop being retro Jaune?" Ruby looked like I had betrayed her trust in me.

"Yeah." I sighed, "I hit my growth spurt and drink lots of milk, so I don't want to make a weapon system that will fit my hands poorly when I am all done growing."

"I've been telling Yang that all the milk I drink will fuel my growth spurt soon!" Ruby complained, "She never believes me."

Looking at her glorious chest, I know what all the milk has been developing and I approve whole heartedly.

"Never give up, Ruby!" I took her hands in my own as a fire burned in my eyes, "We'll be big soon! Nothing will stop us!"

"That's right!" Ruby agreed, "Keep up that attitude Jaune and soon we will be looking down on all the short people and laughing!"

"Muahahahaha!" I maniacally laughed.

"Muahahahaha!" she joined me in evil.

"I can't believe I sleep with you." Blake grumbled as she walked ahead of us hoping people would associate her with our dorkiness.