System

Our protagonist lost the chance to become a Super Saiyan Stage 300, with the abilities of the Sage of the Six Paths, an Exodia in attack mode, and a harem of magical cat girls who love him unconditionally for no particular reason. Now, thrown into an unknown world, will he be able to rise up and face adversity like a man, or will he die in a fetal position in the middle of the forest while lamenting his decisions?

THIS AND MORE RIGHT NOW~~

 /-/

*In the middle of an unknown forest*

"I DON'T WANT TO DIE!" I screamed, curled up in a fetal position in the forest, as manly tears streamed down my face.

"I'm too young to die, I never had the chance to feel the warm touch of a woman or to know what One Piece was," I sobbed, wiping my nose with my sleeve. "In retrospect, maybe I'd have had the first if I stopped worrying about the second."

"BUAAAAAA!" The heart-wrenching cry echoed through the forest.

[20 minutes later]

"AAAAAAHHHHHH."

[10 minutes later]

"I'm fine, I've calmed down," I said, taking a deep breath. "I needed to get it out of my system."

I need to calm down. "Inhale, exhale. Inhale, EXHALE! THIS ISN'T WORKING!" I lamented, flailing my arms in frustration.

"It's okay, it's nothing," I tried to convince myself. "I took a survival course, so I'll be fine."

But the truth was different.

"Leaving out, of course, the fact that I joined late and didn't learn first aid and forgot how to start a fire or make knots. I'll be fine…" I sighed, trying to convince myself that I wasn't completely lost.

"Alright, all those years of reading fanfics will finally serve a purpose. What's the first thing a reincarnated protagonist would do?" I asked aloud, standing up with determination.

 /-/

Guide for Reincarnated Survival

«Step 1: Understand the system you worked so hard to ignore.»

I turned to face my greatest enemy. "And there it is, the blue screen of death," I murmured, staring at the floating interface in front of me.

[Please enter a name]

Time to get serious. "System, describe what kind of system you are," I ordered.

[Please enter a name]

…

I sighed, feeling frustration rise. "Yeah, sure, let's get this over with. To hell with originality, I want my name."

[**** **** ******** *****]

[Invalid name]

"That's my name! It can't be 'invalid'," I protested, irritated.

[ **** ******** *********]

[Invalid name]

[Starting random name selection]

[Selected name]

[Xuan Qian…]

"Go to hell," I said with a polite tone. "I refuse to name myself after a young master from a Wuxia novel."

[Daniel Hawk]

…

"Great."

"Respond, what kind of system are you?"

[Netoru System: You gain benefits every time you cheat on your partner, strengthening your ability proportional to the frequency and complexity of the deceptions. This system guarantees strategic advantages based on the ability to maintain trust while pushing the boundaries of the relationship.]

"System, can you self-destruct?"

[No]

"Can I self-destruct?"

[No]

"Can I trade you for another system?"

[You may request from the administrator]

"Please, make the request."

[Request sent]

[Waiting for response…]

[Response received]

"What did it say?"

[No]

"Thanks."

 /-/

« Step 2: Check Your Arsenal » 

"System, do I have any abilities?"

[Loading Abilities...]

[Abilities]

[Ability: Siren's Voice]

The bearer of this ability has a melodious voice that soothes, excites, and attracts those who hear it.

[Ability: Aphrodisiac Essence]

The bearer of this ability has bodily fluids that act as powerful aphrodisiacs.

[Ability: Viral Immunity]

The bearer of this ability is immune to sexually transmitted diseases and other viral illnesses.

[Ability: Psychic Immunity]

Protects the user from any attempts of mental control.

I shook my head in disbelief. "Ha ha ha, I'm going to die in this forest."

 /-/

« Step 3: Be a Karen and Demand What You're Entitled to by Divine Right » 

"System, where's my help package?!" I exclaimed, channeling my inner Karen with the determination of someone who wants to speak to the manager.

[Searching for help package...]

This doesn't make sense. "Why are you loading? You're a system made by God; you shouldn't need to load. What were you made with?" I said, annoyed as I waited.

[Help package found]

+3 rations of dried food

+1 Nokia 1100

…

"Continue?"

…

"Is that all?" I put my fingers to my temple, pondering what just happened. "Of course that's all. What more could I expect from a system running on Windows XP?"

Frustrated scream "!!!WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE A NOKIA 1100??!!!"

"System, describe the Nokia."

[Item: Nokia 1100]

Last-minute added item so you can receive calls from all your friends... if you had any. Maybe you'll get messages from someone else.

"I'm going to ignore that." I put my phone in my pocket for later.

"System, what other functions do you have?"

[Gacha System found]

[You have three courtesy spins]

This could be very good or very bad. "With everything that's happened, I'm afraid to try it, but I need something, anything that can help right now. A sword, a spear, a map, water, toilet paper, a lighter, a shovel to dig my grave."

"System, use the three spins." I have nothing to lose.

[Starting gacha...]

Ability acquired: Instinctive Scratch

Ability acquired: Natural Polyglot

Ability acquired: Green Thumb

"FINALLY, THE WORLD IS SMILING ON ME A LITTLE! System, show me my abilities."

[Ability: Instinctive Scratch]

Betrayed in your past life by someone you loved most, you decide to take revenge in this life. The bearer of this ability can cause a mild itch in animals.

[Ability: Natural Polyglot]

The individual with this ability has the innate knowledge and capacity to speak and understand all languages of the world, even if only one language is spoken in their current world.

[Ability: Green Thumb]

Able to grow a dozen and a half vegetables a day, this individual has become the terror of merchants due to their exceptional ability to produce food in astonishing quantities.

I can only feel rage at this moment. "WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE ALL THIS SCORN?! Who made these abilities? Why do these abilities exist? What kind of gacha is this?" I shouted at the damn screen.

[Celestial Contempt Gacha]

The "Celestial Contempt Gacha" is a cruelly capricious system, designed by cosmic entities who enjoy mocking players with useless and disappointing rewards. Each spin is a reminder of their disdain for those who dare to seek their favor, turning every result into an act of divine irony.

"It's the orb, I'm sure it's THE FUCKING ORB. I KNOW YOU'RE WATCHING ME, ORB! DO YOU WANT ME TO APOLOGIZE? TO BEG FOR YOUR MERCY? WELL, NO! I SAID IT BEFORE AND I SAY IT NOW, I WON'T BE A PART OF YOUR GAME. I'LL LIVE MY WAY AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME." My voice resonated with determination in the forest. I won't be God's clown and there's no way to force me.

[Starting automatic punishment function 'Testicular Twisting']

Of course, I forgot about that part.

The world stopped. Everything became completely clear, and my life began to flash before my eyes with background music by [Djo - End Of Beginning]. My oldest memory, the most recent one, the happiest, the saddest; I can't complain, it could have been better, but it wasn't bad. Sigh. Well, the inevitable can't be delayed any longer, and as if it had never happened, the world returned to normal and I felt it.

"AHHHHH!!" I screamed, feeling indescribable pain shooting through my groin.

"AHHHHH GOD, MY GROIN, THE PAIN IS UNBEARABLE!" Which god do I have to pray to for mercy?

"ENOUGH, ENOUGH! I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. I'LL CHEAT FOR YOU, I'LL KILL FOR YOU, I'LL SCAM AND KICK PUPPIES IF THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY, BUT FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY, JUST STOP."

I won't lie, I begged like a little bitch.

[Punishment complete]

With gratitude in my voice, I said, "Ah, thank you, benevolent god in the heavens." I whispered as the pain began to subside.

[Current Mission]

Cheat on your girlfriend.

"I don't have a girlfriend." I said while still lying on the ground.

[Updating...]

[Current Mission]

Get a girlfriend.

I got up from the ground; lying around is becoming a bad habit. "Alright, but first I need to do something more important," I said, looking down at my groin, hoping I hadn't torn anything during the punishment. To my surprise, something had changed.

 /-/

« Final Step: Check Your Body » 

Looking at my reflection in a conveniently located puddle, what I see surprises me. I'm still the same! I see the image of a young and attractive man, with snow-white hair falling in loose strands over his forehead. His tanned skin gives him a healthy and robust look. His deep blue eyes are both serene and determined, reflecting a gaze that seems to see beyond the mortal. A strong tool between my legs completes the image of a Greek god, perfect in its divine beauty.

[Daniel Hawk – 16 years old]

"YES! I was definitely like this in my past life. Nothing has changed." An obvious lie. People say that if you tell a lie enough times, it becomes reality.

"Something good happened, and most importantly, at least I won't starve," I say with the best smile a man who just had his testicle twisted can manage.

Mentally, I order to use 'Green Thumb.'

"I WANT TO SEE A RADISH!"

*Silence*

Of course, nothing happened.

"System, why didn't anything happen?" I asked, tired of this bad system joke.

[Seed not found in the vicinity]

"Where do I get seeds in the middle of the forest?"

Response: can't.

I sighed tiredly. "I need a break." I sit on the ground to observe the sky. There are still a few hours of daylight, but the moon can be seen, and to my surprise, the moon is destroyed.

"Well, that complicates things." I murmured, observing the broken moon. Curiously, I'm not scared, it's just oddly charming, but it raises some questions.

"Now, what fantasy world exactly am I in?" I ponder for a moment. "I could be in the world of 'Oblivion' or the world of 'The Time Machine'. At best, an alien spaceship will kill me; at worst, a Morlock will make me its bitch."

We're one misfortune away from this going from tragic to simply cruel.

*Growling sounds*

I turn to see a completely black werewolf with some kind of mask on its face, ready to give me a quick trip to the sky.

Surprising, but not unexpected.