Everybody Loves Good Neighbors!
Senior POV
As I silently cry about Jeff's unfortunate passing... out of the window, I remember how much of a war zone that that [I'm sorry for using 'that that'] bull and Kylie made.
"Why couldn't you just smash him in one solid blow..." I grunt.
"Then you wouldn't be impressed! Also, I wanted to make him pay..." She mutters with a murderous flare around her once more, maybe deep down she's a sadist?
"Errr... I think being a Once Punch Woman is cooler than being your average Female Slugger, or whatever you call 'em, in my opinion, of course," I say, staring at the heap of trash this hall is in.
There were a few holes in the wall where Jeff did some swings, and there was wet marks which I assume is sweat, and then even darker marks, which I assume are blood marks.
"Well, it was MY opinion, not yours!" Nevertheless, she looks a little disappointed.
"Now how will I explain this to my neighbors..." I mutter.
"Wait you have neighbors!!?!? How do they not attracted to the sound?! And how do you keep them around after a police raid?" She fires off the questions. And damn, she sounds like a professional reporter when she asks, it sends shivers up my spine~
Focus man! Focus on the task on hand!
"Yeah, well to answer your questions, this is pretty common, so we just buy Caulk and Sheetrock in huge quantities. And police raids are pretty common around here as well. Sometimes, they come here even without warrants if they are below their quotas, cause they know they'll find some fucking junkie or a undesirable of some kind. Or somebody pays em to set you up for prison if someone doesn't like you," I explain.
I guess I should probably host an emergency meeting to apologize. Then I realize that we'll be having our weekly meeting, known as 'The Gathering' later today, and that means drinks, booze, and good moods. This means I might get off easy and not pay for all of the sheet rock, instead I pay for the drinks and food...
Wait, how am I gonna make my food?!
I then do what every sensible married man does when they realize it's already their anniversary: I panic.
"What am I gonna do!??!?!" I scream, making a horrified face. If I don't make anything, I'll probably have to pay more! Just to spite me and to make sure I make food next time...
I quickly make my way to the kitchen, there must be something that I can make! Even leftovers would be enough!
Opening the fridge's door I find it empty empty, maybe there's something in the cabinet?
When I open the creaky old door I find two things I could make a meal out of, and they were both the worse picks, they was Spam, that's probably 100 year old and canned Tuna, fake of course, since the real ones are considered the top of luxury.
"Hey Kylie! Since this is kinda your mess I need you to help me fix it!" I call.
She comes in, still rubbing her right fist and stretching her neck, "What is it?"
"Can you help me make something decent out of spam, canned syn-tuna, and various herbs and condiments?"
"Errr... sure..." She says, not entirely enthusiastic.
"It's OK to pull up a recipe, but you're not allowed to use Gordom_Damsel.BOT to aid you in cooking, also all those enhancement programs make nasty emotions to everyone," I explain.
She nods and closes her eyes, probably brainstorming ideas on what the hell she could cook with Tuna and Spam.
"How about I make a..." She starts
... (Sorry, Author-San doesn't know what kind of delicacy you could make with fuckin Tuna or Spam, so make up the process [Editor's note: Author is dumb, do Hawaiian Spam])
When Kylie pulls out the finished product out of my air oven, I only need to take a whiff to notice it was perfect, I subconsciously start searching for a fork and a knife.
However, it seems like she wasn't done yet, I never was good with knowing the names of the spices that I kept in my pantry, so when she starts sprinkling some random one, I have absolutely no clue which one it was, so I could burn this into my memory.
"By the way, the gathering is in an hour and a half, just if you needed to know," I say.
She doesn't look up from the dish she was making, just nods in affirmation, "By the way, would you like to try a little? Need to make sure it tastes good after all," She offers.
I practically slobber before politely saying, "It would be best, after all, it does loo-" I say, trying to not sound desperate.
"Yada yada, try some little boy, don't make mommy feed you~" She says in a teasing tone.
The thought of Kylie dressed as a mother comes flashing across my mind before I blot it out, like Totalitarian Censorship would censor dissidents.
I grab a spoon and quickly take a bite, "Other than needing a little salt, it's kinda perfect, but I could do better if I wanted to!" I half bragging, half crying. But I was never good with fractions, so probably more like 75% crying.
"Sureee," She mutters, adding a little something that certainly wasn't salt, and then we both sit down, waiting for the time of The Gathering.