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Story 8 Bonus - Little Spring and the Mysterious Egg

My hand moved the last piece into place. With a loud rumble, the stone wall next to me slid down.

Beside me, the human-form spirit of the space pointed toward the new hallway excitedly. Technically, he was a projection. One only I could see. He appeared to be a teenager with golden eyes and hair that mimicked the movement of his dragon whiskers.

"Master, we're almost at the treasure I sense! Hurry, Hurry!"

I liked him better when he was just a weak voice in the back of my mind. I had a feeling this new projection ability of his was going to get me in trouble one of these days.

When the wall finished sinking, I cautiously walked into a long stone hallway that gradually declined.

"Move faster. We can't let anyone else get it!"

I rolled my eyes. "Why is this treasure so important, anyway?"

He clasped his hands behind his back and floated backward while facing me. "That's because it will allow you to block off individual sections of the space. And a few other minor things."

I stopped. "It's not going to take you several more months to upgrade, right? Because if so, then I may as well head back."

"Oh, come on! We're almost there."

"How long will it take you?"

He hesitated. "About a day."

I turned on my heel, but the spirit flew in front of me and held up his hands. "But I'll only have to deny you access for an incense stick's worth of time." He held up one finger to emphasize his point.

Well, that was short enough. I turned back... and stepped on a stone that sunk into the ground.

Click!

Rumble!

That wasn't a good sound.

I glanced back. The ceiling opened up. A giant boulder covered in sealing script fell to the stone floor. It started rolling towards me at an unnatural speed.

"Master, run!"

"I don't need you to tell me that!" I'd already activated Consistent Step, Impossible Leap. In a fraction of an alchemy breath, I moved ten feet down the ramp.

The boulder kept rolling. The faster I went, the faster it moved.

"Is this a teleporting boulder or something?"

How would I know?!

A well-lit room was at the end of the ramp. I barreled into it and skidded forward, only stopping when I touched the stone wall on the other side.

The boulder crashed into the doorway and stayed there, trapping me inside.

The ceiling suddenly shook and started descending. I immediately ran to the boulder and tried to throw it into space. It didn't budge.

I raised an eyebrow at the spirit.

He shrugged. "It has an enchantment on it that makes it impossible to place in an extra dimension."

I sighed, then glanced around the room. It only had blank walls. Was this just a trap meant to slaughter me?

Then again, my martial sister always told me that places that were put together by people could be taken apart by them. It just required knowledge.

Knowledge and brute force.

Actually, she tested me on taking things apart…

***

She pulled out three steel balls that had subtle lines where the pieces fit together and set them down on the floor of the smithy. Each one she took out was larger than the previous one. This wasn't the first time she'd had me solve puzzles like these, but this time was a little different. Today's goal was to get to the prize in the center as fast as possible.

I cut open the first sphere with a slice of sword Qi. Its pieces scattered and the stone in the middle dropped to the stone floor.

The second was made with a tougher material, so I sliced a chunk out of the piece holding everything together. I pulled it out, then physically tore it into its bits using my body cultivation strength enhanced with spiritual energy. The metal parts scattered onto the floor. I picked up the two spirit stones that had been at its center.

The largest and most complex-looking puzzle ball rolled away from me as I approached it. How had my martial sister managed to make it do that?! She was a master at creating these things. I knew that if I let it, I'd be chasing the ball around for hours, so I created a hand with spiritual energy, grabbed it, and brought it over to me. Then I removed two pieces quickly before tearing the rest apart. It fell to the floor, forming a pile of scrap metal. I collected the mid-tier spirit stone and turned to Lin expectantly.

She stared down at the broken puzzles. Her expression rapidly changed from amusement to pride, then to worry.

What was with that reaction?

"Your destructive talents are greater than I thought they'd be at your age."

I scowled up at her. What did she mean by that?

She grinned wryly and smoothed my hair back. "Keep in mind that if you destroy a secret realm, I'll make you create one before you ascend to immortality."

Was she messing with me? I rolled my eyes. "You can't just destroy a secret realm. They're not that weak."

Her eyes sparkled and her smile turned mischievous. "When you're in Immortal Ascension and have obliterated a dozen secret realms and immortal treasures…" She stared off into the distance and giggled maniacally.

She obviously imagined forcing me to create secret realms. As if that were possible! Those things were usually there naturally. Also, I didn't know what made her think I could just walk into a realm and break it easily. These were things that existed for thousands of years. If they could break, someone before me would have figured it out.

Seriously, if this was how she treated her younger martial brother, I'd hate to be her enemy.

Of course, this caused me to wonder about her past. What if I really had been her opponent in her past life?

Sometimes she treated me like family. Other times I wondered if she had plans to leave me at the sect and go off on adventures by herself. She had too many secrets... and I knew she wasn't telling me the whole truth. But, while annoying, I would wait until she was ready to tell me.

***

The walls and floor of this room were all built with stone. The colors and textures of each brick were exactly the same.

"Master! The treasure is somewhere below this room!"

I nodded, pulled out my sword, then sent a blade of sword Qi at the tiles. It dug into the stone a little and didn't cause it to break. This wouldn't cut it... not fast enough, anyway.

A bit of stone debris landed on my head and I brushed it away while I considered the best way to go about pulling these stones up.

They were too close together and were stuck to each other as if some glue were holding them in place. Since I couldn't break the stone, could I break the glue?

I slashed at the spaces between the tile causing it to separate from its neighbors. The ceiling had reached my head height and awkwardly bending my knees was getting uncomfortable, so I knelt.

I pressed my hand to the separated block and tried to send it into the space. Nothing.

"It's still attached to the stone below it!" The spirit said.

So, I needed to get underneath it somehow and cut it out. There was only one thing I could think of...

I poured water into the cracks between the stone. Part of learning how to cook was warming and freezing ingredients. A spell Fairy Garlic taught me made freezing the water between the tiles and then heating it back up easy. So, that was what I did, rapidly freezing and melting the water I poured into the crack.

"Master! Try something else. This isn't working!"

"Quiet."

Since the ceiling was almost to my head again, I moved to sit cross-legged on top of the stone I was trying to remove.

Just a little more. Lin taught me that ice could create canyons given enough time. This was just a stone!

Pop!

There. I sent the block into my space and fell into the hole just as the ceiling sped up its descent.

The spirit had turned back into its small golden dragon form and hovered over my shoulder. "That was amazing! How did you know that would work? And how were you able to stay so calm?"

I narrowed my eyes at the little dragon. "I didn't."

Its little jaw opened wide.

"But if you freeze water, it expands. It even creates cracks in stone. So, I thought that if I froze and unfroze it enough, it might work."

His tiny claws punched my shoulder repeatedly. Of course, he was just a projection, so they went right through. "You could have died if that didn't work!"

"Don't I have you?"

He cleared his throat and crossed his little dragon arms. "Of course, you do! If you hadn't succeeded, you could have hidden inside my space and teleported to that evil Lin. Aren't I the best?"

"Hey! She's my martial sister. Respect her."

"Oh, come on! Haven't you heard her laugh?"

"It's very unique... and lovable."

"And evil."

"Closer to crazy."

He pointed at me. "Hah!"

"Which isn't evil. Now hush. We need to go down."

***

I pulled the next stone up the same way as the first. Then the next.

I quickly slashed all the sides of my fourth stone. And suddenly plummeted as the stone, which apparently had nothing underneath it, fell.

"Master! Careful!"

I pulled out my flying fan, then failed to activate it. With a grimace, I splashed into an underground lake.

Right. This whole spiritual forest had a flying tool ban. I must have forgotten since I'd almost died recently.

The entire room was disturbingly dark, so I put away my tool, then pulled out a night pearl. It softly illuminated the part of the underground cavern I found myself in. Most of it looked like a natural cave, but to my left, there was a shore and the hint of a structure further back.

The little golden dragon pointed toward it excitedly. "Hurry! We're close!"

I swam over, quickly reaching the shore and leaving the lake. I used a cleaning technique, which was probably the spell I was most proficient with thanks to Sister Lin, to dry myself.

"Hey, there's a light up ahead," an unfamiliar voice whispered. Three people rounded the corner wearing the same clothes as the assassins who had tried to kill me.

"How did these jerks get here?!" The little dragon agitatedly flew in tight figure eights.

It had been several hours since we escaped them. It made sense that they'd send a few people to confirm my death. They must have discovered the maze where I'd landed and entered it. After exploring for a while, they must have ended up here.

I could feel that their cultivation was higher than mine but I couldn't tell by how much. If there had just been one of them, I could risk fighting, but three? I had to run and get to someplace where I could hide for long enough that I could enter my space.

There was only one place nearby where I could do that.

Using Impossible Leap, I headed towards the stone structure.

"How is that brat still alive?!" One of them said as they chased after me.

"It's just him. This will be easy."

Just before I reached the doorway to the building, one of them stepped in front of me. I skidded to a stop. He looked out of breath.

"I had to use my movement technique because of you!"

"How is a brat in Qi Condensation so fast?" One of the other assassins spoke up.

The answer was that the techniques my sister taught me were the best! Unfortunately, they couldn't completely overcome the difference between realms. At least not when facing three people.

The worst part was, if I became injured again, Sister Lin would kill me… with training. There was no way I'd let that happen! If those other two reached me while this guy blocked my path, I was dead… or at least exposed. Because I would have to use my space to escape.

I pulled out my sword and stabbed toward the assassin's kidney. At first, he looked amused and put up a spiritual energy shield. Then, when my blade of sword Qi pierced through his defenses, his eyes grew wide. He dodged to the left. This gave me enough room to use Impossible Leap to enter the building.

"You idiot! You almost had him!"

"Or you could not kill me!" I yelled at them.

I ran down a long hallway as they chased me.

One of them sent a flying leaf attack over. I sidestepped it, but it still sliced my arm. Even though I had been hit, I'd still dodged so fast that my good shoulder slammed into the wall. Then, what was gray stone vanished, and I fell through an illusion.

Why does this keep happening to me? This was the second illusion I'd fallen into!

There was something more important here. They'd come after me soon. I took a second to look around the room to see four doors with the four main ascendant beasts: dragon, turtle, tiger, and phoenix.

"Quick. Choose the dragon!"

I ran toward it, clutching my bleeding arm.

The first assassin entered.

He sent a spiritual palm toward me. I put up a shield technique. Unfortunately, this guy had a higher realm and was augmented by demonic energy, so my shield only held for a second. The palm pushed me into the room, then a door crashed down between me and the assassins' attack, saving my life.

A sourness spread through my chest, and I coughed up four mouthfuls of blood. This room was very small. It was the perfect place to escape into my space.

"Ah, we have a problem, Master."

"What?"

"You won't be able to open the space here."

I stared at the spirit and wiped the blood from my lips. "Then why can I still talk to you?"

He winced. "I'm the spirit of the space. Just because you can't enter doesn't mean I'm not still here."

Great, so I was stuck here until those assassins left. I took out a Lin's Healing Dan, consumed it, then cycled my cultivation base.

My injuries, internal and external, healed completely. Of course, the blood was still there. And my sleeve was torn. If I wanted to hide my injury, I'd have to change my clothes.

Just before I could use the cleaning technique, the room rumbled. The wall opposite the entrance lowered halfway, revealing a space lit by night pearls. Five beautifully colored statues stood as if ready for battle. A green dragon, a red bird, a white tiger, black turtle, and a yellow dragon. Each had the name of an element carved into their base. Wood, Fire, Metal, Water and Earth.

Actually, these were ascendant beast statues!

"What is this?" I heard one of the assassins say.

"Ow! Can any of you go through this opening?"

Just before I could carefully reach my hand out, an illusion of text appeared in front of me.

Who will fight for you?

Then it showed a picture of each statue.

"Master. Pick one of the dragons. We're obviously superior."

I flicked the illusion away from me. Unfortunately, my hands went right through it… which caused me to accidentally press the black turtle image.

The black turtle and the red bird or phoenix moved forward. This couldn't be good. How could a turtle beat a phoenix?!

Could I change my answer?

Of course, I couldn't, since the text vanished as soon as I made my choice.

The two statues fought each other with surprisingly fluid motions. I seriously thought I was going to lose, but the turtle sprayed water all over the phoenix, causing it to fold its wings down and sulk like a half-drowned bird.

A scream came from the room next to me.

"Shadow 35? Are you still alive?"

There was no answer.

"Let's get out of here."

Good idea, random assassin. I pulled out my sword and sent a blade of sword Qi in between the stone tiles like I had in the previous rooms. The creator of this place must have put all his money into this area, though, because my slash did absolutely nothing.

Well, Lin did mention that, although places could be taken apart, I would have to be in a high enough realm to do it.

"Our goal is to find that brat, not risk our lives in a stupid game."

"It's too late." His voice was laced with exhaustion. "We can't leave unless we finish. But don't worry, I'm sure the penalty isn't death."

Was this guy serious? Because that sounded an awful lot like Shadow 35 died.

"Then how do we defeat it?"

Oh… this seemed like a good chance to mess with them.

"I'll let you know if you promise not to kill me."

"Well, if it is not the dead brat?"

"Shadow 30?" I guessed.

"I'm Shadow 13," He said with irritation.

"So, you're not smart enough to be high up there, huh?"

"How about you tell me and I'll make sure to leave you a complete corpse?"

"Deal's off then."

"I'm Shadow 23," the other assassin said. "I'll take you up on that deal."

I sent Shadow 23 a secret sound transmission. "Notice the symbol for the element under the statue. For both of you to survive, you should choose the same element or one that is neutral to it."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I am. Do you think a turtle could actually beat a phoenix?"

"That… You're smart. No wonder my client wants you dead."

"But you should really be wary of your fellow assassin. He didn't reach number thirteen because he's a vegetarian… or maybe it's your partner that should be wary of you."

He chuckled.

***

A while later, I heard Shadow 23 say, "I'm choosing the tiger. Remember to pick it as well."

"Of course!" There was a brief pause, then he continued, "Oops. My hand slipped."

"What did you choose?" Shadow 23's voice sounded stressed. I did warn him.

"The bird. I chose the bird. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Because mine slipped too."

"What?"

The phoenix and the turtle statues moved out.

"You did that on purpose! You've been aiming for my spot for years!"

"Well, if you'd been honest and chosen the tiger, I wouldn't have won. You brought this on yourself."

The turtle once again won and a loud scream came from Shadow 13's room.

New text appeared in front of me. "Who would help you the most?"

If we were dealing with elements here, like I suspected, then that meant I needed to choose the element that would help mine. And since I went into the dragon door…

I glared at the two different dragons on the field.

When I had rushed inside here, I only had a weak night pearl for illumination. I had no clue which one was mine.

I glanced at my gold dragon spirit.

"Go outside and check what my dragon's color is."

"This room is blocking my space somehow. It also cut off that attack. I… don't know if I can. "

"Just try."

"I don't want to risk it." He looked at his dragon claws, took out a metal file similar to the ones Lin forged, and started sharpening.

Oh, this guy! He'd fooled me once with the treasure in the inheritance dimension before — convincing me that his upgrade would only last a couple of weeks when it took a few months! The only reason I was in this situation was because he sensed another precious item. Yet, he expected me to do all the work? Nope! I wasn't going to be fooled a second time.

"Either you go out and look, or every night before bed, I'll tell you all the ways Sister Lin is better than you."

He dropped his illusory nail file and his floating whiskers straightened in shock. "Y-you wouldn't dare!"

"I would. And I'll give you to the count of ten…"

"No need!" He darted out and returned. His body drooped as he floated over to me. The gold scales on his back lost some of their luster. He rested his exhausted-looking head on my shoulder. "I saw it."

I nodded for him to continue.

"Getting this information was difficult. First, reward me by telling me how I'm better than that evi—Fairy Lin."

Was he serious? Whatever, I needed that information. "You can hold more things than she can."

He nodded emphatically. "That's right! I…" He stopped.

Before he could think too hard about it, I said, "Tell me the color!"

"Green."

The green dragon has the wood symbol underneath it. Water nourishes wood.

"The turtle again!"

I selected it.

The dragon, the turtle, and the phoenix moved forward. The turtle opened its mouth and sprayed water on the dragon, causing it to glimmer and quicken its movements.

Then the dragon sprinkled green dust onto the red bird. Both its wings raised into the air and a blast of fire came out of its mouth.

That couldn't be a good thing. Had I just supercharged my enemy? Had I lost?!

I didn't have access to my space. If I died now, I would really die!

As the beasts returned, my hands shook. Fortunately, nothing else happened.

"Who would you choose to fight?"

Since wood parts earth, obviously the yellow dragon.

Once we'd both finished our selections, the dragons, the phoenix, and the tiger moved down.

The two dragons fought each other. I thought this would be like the first time where they'd pretend to win and lose, then go back to their places, but the green dragon sent a blast of azure sparks at the yellow dragon. Vines seemed to grow around the statue's joints, breaking it apart.

What?

The little spirit froze, then looked down at me in shock as if saying, 'How could you?'

I scowled at him. "We're green, remember? Just because you're gold doesn't mean—"

A blast of fire came out of the phoenix's wings and sprayed all over the white tiger. It melted.

All the statues returned.

The text returned. Who will you choose to fight for you?"

This time, the tiger and the yellow dragon weren't options.

So, it was between the turtle, the green dragon, and phoenix. We didn't know what would happen if we both chose the same beast. At this point, I wasn't sure if the turtle could kill the phoenix and the overpowered bird could destroy the dragon. The dragon's attacks would only ever help the phoenix. However, it might be able to damage the turtle.

There had to be a way to win this.

I laughed.

"What's so funny, dead brat?"

"Well, you're obviously going to choose the phoenix."

"What makes you assume that?"

"Because the phoenix is currently overpowered, so if I choose the dragon, you'll win. And you think that if I choose the turtle, we can at least tie."

"Heh."

"But I don't think so. I think that it doesn't matter how beefed up your phoenix is, it will still die when hit with water."

"I can see what you're doing. But it's not going to work. You can't fool an adult like me, kid."

"Well, you could also assume I'll choose the dragon, believing that the phoenix won't attack its ally. Or in the hopes that some of its buff is still there, giving it enough boost to kill the turtle. But I think that last one will just end in a tie."

"Shut up and pick one already."

I guess we'd see who was right. I made my choice.

The phoenix and turtle statues moved forward. This was it. I would either die here or I'd survive. If I didn't make it, Sister Lin would come searching for me. She'd cry when she found out. Probably from both anger and grief. All while pretending that she had something in her eye.

I didn't want that.

Besides, if I died, I'd never find out what she'd been hiding from me. And never finding out would drive me crazy (though not as crazy as her).

Looking back, all the times I'd acted out hadn't just been about poorly expressing my worries that she'd just leave me in the sect. Some of that stemmed from the frustration of not knowing she was hiding something. The only reason I played along and pretended was because things always turned out okay in the end.

Even the crab mission ended with everyone still alive, and that thing was a fiasco.

If I died before I found out her secrets, I would definitely haunt her.

I swallowed as the beasts started fighting each other. My nails dug into my palm.

The turtle snapped at the phoenix, the bird snapped right back. Then a massive fire burst from its wings, causing the turtle to retreat into its shell.

The turtle was about to become burnt soup, wasn't he?

I glanced at the golden dragon.

"Master… If you lose, I can't… I won't be able to save you."

I couldn't die here. "Turtle! Cover yourself in ice. Attack the phoenix with ice! Don't let it win!"

Shadow 23 scoffed. "These aren't real beasts, you know. At most, they're automated puppets. They only have a limited number of things they can do and listening to your stupid instructions isn't one of them. But I guess a child is still a child. And now you're going to be a corpse."

Except that I noticed the turtle had followed my instructions. The ice was just hard to see under all of those flames. Yes! Come on. Fight back.

After being on for so long, the phoenix's flames died down to a normal size. That was when a blast of water burst from the turtle shell, spraying all over the phoenix. This time, the water put out the fire for good and turned the bird into an ice sculpture.

"No! This can't be. I had been winning. I was going to win!"

I covered my ears so I didn't have to hear him scream.

"You've won! Collect your egg and enter the pillar."

A pedestal with an egg rose out of the ground where the beats were fighting and a cylinder of light appeared beside it. While rumbling, the half-wall lowered completely.

"You did it! Master Little Spring! Did it! Woot!" The dragon flew in tight, excited circles.

I grinned at him. "So, where is this treasure you wanted? Is it the egg?"

"That thing? No. I have no idea what that is, but it's something you earned, so make sure to collect it first."

I headed over to the egg. It looked a lot like a chicken's but much larger. I placed my hand on its surface. It felt warm and wet. Wait a second. That was actually my blood. Between cutting my palm with my nails and my earlier injury, I had bled all over the place. And I'd been too focused on not dying to clean myself up.

I quickly used the cleaning technique. It cleared away the dirt, sweat, and blood on my body, then, before it could clean the egg, my blood seeped into the white surface and vanished. I felt something in my mind similar to my connection to my space's spirit, but this was different.

Was this normal with treasures? Back when Sister Lin went through the inheritance my mother left me, she had me wipe some blood on each of the items so it seemed like it was a standard thing to do… but I didn't know I could do that with beast eggs too. Then again, considering my poor martial sister's luck with beasts, if I wished to learn about them, I would have to learn it on my own.

Was it possible that I had just signed a contract with a spirit beast? Or maybe I'd done so with the egg itself. I'd have to look into that later. But I didn't think I should tell Lin. Just the way she looked at beasts, like she wanted to hold one but couldn't, was so sad. I hoped that at least this beast, or whatever it was, would like her.

Now that I was out of the room, I was able to access the space, so I placed the egg in my room temporarily. I also changed into robes that weren't sliced up.

"I found it!" The spirit had returned to human form and hugged the black turtle's shell.

I blinked. "It was the turtle statue the whole time?" Maybe whatever that treasure was, had allowed it to follow my directions. Or, perhaps, making the beast obey instructions was the only way to win.

"Actually, it's something inside. But let's take the entire thing!"

It would make a good souvenir. Or maybe some scrap metal if I ever became desperate. Actually, if I was taking one … I may as well grab them all.

I may need to gift a few to Sister Lin to appease her fury... because there was one thing I realized after having so many near-death situations so close together. I would no longer patiently wait for her to tell me her secrets while doing nothing. Because I would die before she ever told me on her own.

Of course, calling her out on her lies would upset her. Possibly to the point where she might try to kill me. Which was why I needed something good. Hopefully, these statues were made of an excellent material she'd like.

***

While carrying the egg, I walked toward the rendezvous point I made with Clear Eyes Mad Tongue and Sister Lin.

As my martial sister stepped out of a cave, the yellow glow of the sun hit her hair just right, making her look like she had a halo of gold.

She looked more real than anyone else, but also ethereal. Like she'd vanish if I took my eyes off her for a breath.

Which was a silly thought. I'd definitely been thinking way too much lately about how she'd come from a strange world.

"Sister Lin!"

I thought she'd be excited to see me, but she crossed her arms, narrowed her eyes at me and said, "Did you sustain injuries again?"

How did she know?! Oh no. I had to lie. I didn't want to go through hell training. But I had a problem. I could manipulate that assassin into choosing the phoenix to save my life, but for some reason — when facing Sister Lin — the lie that would save me turned into a lame, "What? No."

And I could tell from her expression that, once we returned to the sect, I would suffer through intense hell-training.

Shit.

Story 9 - Nothing Bad Ever Happens at the Alchemy Convention (1)

A pile of jade slips fell off Junior Sect Leader Unyielding Firestorm's small writing desk, half burying him. He ran his hand through his perfect hair, causing it to become messed up. His desperate eyes locked onto me like he was grasping at any lifeline.

"Great Aunt Lin… can't… can't you... not go?"

"I'm leaving as soon as we're done here."

His superhero-looking smile strained to stay in place. "We need you here."

I crossed my arms and glared at him. For the past year, I'd been working my ass off teaching this usually intelligent young man the Dao of Paperwork and making sure the sect ran smoothly. Basically, being hyper-aware all the fucking time. While a healthy work-life balance was only good for kids and mortals, I still wanted to go on a fucking vacation. And what could possibly be a better vacation than an alchemy convention?

Besides... "They asked me to give a lecture and promised me a high-tier spirit stone for every alchemist who sits in on my lecture. A High. Tier. Spirit. Stone." I rested my palms on the only two clear spots on his desk and leaned over him. "With the sect's current finances, you won't be able to compensate me."

The fight against the demonic cultivators hurt some promising disciples and killed others. It was horrible. But what affected the sect the most was the lasting damage those ant-fucking life-stealers did to our infrastructure. Their wanton destruction required a significant portion of our savings to repair, leaving us scrambling to tighten our yearly budgets.

Unyielding slumped over his desk, causing the pile of jade slips to spill around him.

Maybe I'd been too hard on the young man. But, like fuck, would I let that stop me from going.

"Look. The Con only lasts two weeks. You can manage without me for that long."

He grimaced. "Master gave you a lot of resources for someone in your realm. I'd always thought he was respecting you as his Martial Aunt. If only I realized earlier that it was because you handle a quarter of these documents by yourself..."

In reality, I could take on more than that, but I needed time to teach Little Spring every day, work on my alchemy and forge new tools. Recently, I'd even decided to teach the kid more about my original world and created a guitar to play some of my favorite songs.

"Aunt Lin, if you leave for that convention, I'll die from overwork!"

"Don't be dramatic. You got this!" I stood up straight and clasped my hands behind my back. "If you're having trouble, you just need to rely on the Dao of Paperwork. Specifically, the part where you develop a sense of delegation."

"Please don't go!"

"Just give everyone 25% more slips."

"They'll riot."

"30%."

"Are you trying to get me killed?"

I grinned evilly.

He looked towards the room Early Rise Swift Brush worked in. "I can't do that to those sweet-overworked clerks. They will murder me."

"They can't murder you if they don't have time."

His eyes widened with horror.

"30% then rotate them so they'll have two full days off every week."

He opened his mouth as if to protest, then closed it. "That… might do it."

"Tell them that if they're able to finish their work early, they can leave early too."

Finally, he didn't look as desperate. "I think that will work during the two weeks you're gone. But I doubt we'll last longer than that."

"You should have more confidence in yourself! You're well on your way to becoming a master of the Dao of Paperwork."

He glared. "Don't joke with me about that. Senior Early Rise Swift Brush is already developing ways to use his Dao to physically fight others. The other day he accidentally gave me a paper cut! With a jade slip!" He leaned in. "I even heard him muttering about filing with the heavens for a tribulation with decreased difficulty."

I chuckled. "Ah, that one was a joke I told him."

"Well, he's taking it seriously!"

I waved it off. "Let him do what he wants." There was no way that would actually happen.

"Senior Lin!" A voice transmission came from the Peak Master of Alchemy Peak, Enduring Flame. "We're already late for the convention. Will you and the junior sect leader finish soon?"

"I'll be on my way shortly."

::Sister Lin!:: Little Spring sent me a telepathic message. ::The alchemists here are getting desperate. They've started glaring at you through me.::

::Relax. It won't kill them to wait. Besides, we're the Indomitable Will Sect. Nobody would dare ridicule us over being late. Muahahaha!.::

There were perks to being in the best sect on the continent.

I turned to Unyielding Firestorm. "I have to leave right away."

The junior sect leader nodded seriously. "Please come back early if you can. I don't know how long we'll be able to last without you. And stay safe."

I smirked. "Don't worry. The Alchemy Convention is filled with cultivators in higher realms."

"That's what I'm worried about."

I continued as if I hadn't heard him. "Only those seeking death would dare start something over there."

He looked exasperated. "Aunt Lin, you can walk upside down or sideways in the sect, but when you're at the Convention, please only do that with Peak Master Enduring Flame. If you anger enough Immortal Bone Creation level alchemists, they will kill you, starting a war with us!"

Aww. He'd start a war for me. What a good junior.

"Do you really think I'd upset cultivators that powerful? Have more faith in your Great Martial Aunt!"

He looked at me, his expression overwhelmed with exhaustion.

I raised both of my eyebrows back.

He pointed to his face. "How does my skin look?"

"Very healthy. Like you've scrubbed recently."

The tension in his eyes increased.

"And when was the last time you used your cleaning technique?"

Let's see. I came into the room to tell him I was leaving. There were some specs of dust on the table that needed removal... "Not too long agooooooooh." I paused, considered where he was going with this, then waved his concerns away. "I'll be careful while I'm there."

Nothing was going to stop me from taking my paid vacation, damn it!

"Fine. Go. But I'll ask Great Uncle Little Spring to stop you from using that technique in a crowd."

I rolled my eyes. "I'd never use my cleaning technique like that… not unless someone horribly disgusting came near me. And at that point, they'll thank me for helping them."

"This is worse than I thought." His eyes widened in horror as if he were seeing the worst-case scenario of me cleaning an Immortal Bone Creation expert and getting flattened. As if a cultivator that strong didn't have ways to stop my spell from reaching them if they wanted.

Whatever! "I'm going. I'll see you in two weeks. Worry about your own condition first. The sect can't afford you collapsing from overwork."

***

When I arrived at the teleportation platform, a small trio of cultivators dressed in the official blue and white sect uniform secretly glared at me. I ignored them for now.

Little Spring walked over. This ten-year-old brat had grown like a weed in the past year. Well, he was almost 11. If he were a kid in my original world, he'd be starting middle school in some places. "Sister Lin! You're here." He gave me a super bright grin.

ck! His smile was too fucking sparkly this early in the morning. If this universe was the manhua version, he'd be covered in shiny effects… Maybe I should invent sunglasses? This near-blinding gleam had to be part of his protagonist halo or something. Fuck.

It seemed like every year that passed, this kid became more and more adorable. That had started to irritate me recently.

Fortunately, as he went through puberty, that adorableness would turn into general-good-looking-ness. From first-hand experience, I knew his handsome face wouldn't blind me with cute-sparkles. After all, his body was basically the same as his past-life's, so his face wouldn't change much.

That said, this brat's future continued to change. After all, this Little Spring was a completely different soul thanks to my intervention. As long as nothing really terrible happened, I knew I could help him grow into someone with a solid foundation both in cultivation and as a decent person… for a cultivator.

Of course, I didn't trust this world to develop how I wanted it. Which meant that I had to be constantly on my toes. To do that, I had cranked my paranoia up to 11. This had allowed us to avoid several precarious situations; however, as a side effect, my nerves were completely on edge. But I should finally be able to relax once we reached the Alchemy Convention. Because nothing bad ever happened there. It was just fun, business, and alchemy.

"How did your lesson with Chef Garlic go?"

He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "I was too excited, so I ended up not paying attention..."

"She threw you out early, didn't she?"

He chuckled awkwardly. "I went to see Spear that Weaves and Junior Clear Eyes Mad Tongue."

I frowned. "Are they still preparing for that long-term sect mission I warned them not to go on?"

The kid winced. "They've planned to head out in a month with a large group they put together."

I pursed my lips. In my past life, everyone who went on that mission died. They eventually gave it to a group of golden core cultivators who succeeded, but that didn't happen until a decade later.

Those two were basically alive because I changed the timeline. While their lives were their own responsibility, I couldn't let them waste it by doing something stupid. Fortunately, I still had two weeks after I returned to get those two brats to quit the mission. I'd have enough time after this vacation.

Peak Master Enduring Flame wore his strange flames like accessories. He smiled excitedly and walked over. "Martial Aunt Lin, you're finally here!"

I nodded. "Who did you decide to bring with us?"

He gestured to a bald, middle-aged-looking man with a formation compass and a realm in Nascent Soul.

The Bald cultivator hid his irritation and bowed. "Formation Grandmaster Four Directions Eagle, greets Great Martial Aunt Lin."

Oh! I remembered him. This guy made it all the way to Immortal Bone Creation. His skills were excellent.

"While we're on this mission, just call me Senior Lin."

He nodded. "I set up this teleportation array and had a colleague double-check my work so we're all good to go and we can leave at any time."

That may have been a hint to get on with it, but it wasn't like we were off to cure the plague. "Are you also setting up our return formation?"

"As soon as we arrive. They want it up quickly for any emergencies."

And that was the kind of comforting over-preparedness that was the hallmark of the Con.

Peak Master Enduring Flame grimaced. "They keep changing locations so we can never set up a platform."

I remembered that. They did that for security reasons, but it was still fucking annoying. Eventually, the Alchemy convention would change locations to some place where the larger sects could create platforms nearby. But that wouldn't be for another few hundred years.

Then he gestured to the group of girls throwing shade my way.

They politely introduced themselves as Magnificent Moon, Emerald Pine and Radiant Skies. Each of them were promising young alchemists in Golden Core and were going to the Con for the first time. They had to be beyond excited. My delay must have irritated the shit out of them.

I should work to correct their attitude but I would magnanimously let it go for now so we could fucking leave.

Also, it wasn't like they would do anything to me since I was their Great Martial Aunt— even if I was both younger and in a realm below them.

At least I was taller than their short shade-throwing asses.

During the past year, I'd grown a couple of inches thanks to the body cultivation meals Little Spring had prepared. After using all the kiwis we earned from the Demonic Vine Mission, I neared my past life's adult height.

And speaking of that mission, someone familiar was coming along.

Age Comparison - 1 year of growth and body cultivation — or, Elementary to Middle school.

Story 9 - Nothing Bad Ever Happens at the Alchemy Convention (2)

"Peak Elder Grass Sprout greets Senior Lin."

"Good to see you again, Little Grass Sprout."

Her lips twitched. "You as well. You've grown since the Demonic Vine Mission."

I straightened my back to show off my height. Compared to her, I was a few centimeters taller. "It's only natural."

She hesitated then asked, "Is Sword Master Salamander not coming with us?"

I grinned. "He's a Grandmaster now. He reached Nascent Soul equivalent several months ago. But his peak elder threw him into a special forbidden area with other grandmasters for training."

Her smile turned a bit regretful. "It sounds like he'll be away for a decade."

Did… Grass Sprout have a little crush on my past life's mentor? That concerned technique-obsessed, oblivious-in-certain-ways, guy? Well, I wished her luck. He was worse than me in my anti-relationship mindset, in that I'd never seen him even hint at being attracted to anyone or anything.

"I think that's enough for introductions." After straightening my back, I looked everyone in the eye. "We only have two weeks, so let's make the most of our time!"

The three Golden Core alchemists hid their expressions, but they stealthily glanced toward me like they could not believe what I'd just said after being so late.

Whatever. I was in a hurry to enjoy my vacation. And I especially wanted to make some spirit stones.

My current cultivation was only at the beginning third of Foundation Establishment, because I couldn't earn them fast enough. When my Phoenix Constitution partially activated, it lifted some of the constraints that other cultivators experienced. But more than that, the purity and density of my internal Qi shot way the fuck up. More than I initially thought. What all of this meant was that, to increase my realm, I needed more and purer energy than I'd planned for by at least ten times!

No matter what, I had to earn those high tier spirit stones to speed up my cultivation! Well, mine and the brat's since we still cultivated back to back.

Peak Master Enduring Flame faced everyone. "We're going to a special location called the Island of Alchemy. Due to its great distance, even in Immortal Bone Creation expert, like myself, would take two full years to reach it. Even our Indomitable Will Sect had to save for an entire year to send us there and back. Other groups took a whole decade. Of course, the reason we're still able to attend after the demonic cultists attacked us is because the sect already had these funds set aside for us."

"We'd also lose face if we didn't go." I pointed out.

A vicious grin spread across his face. "Very True, Little Senior Lin. We can't allow our sect to lose face or the others will assume we're weak and pounce." His strange flames jerked around as if they were struggling in a sharp wind. "While we'd utterly destroy them, no one wants a senseless war that will only drain our resources and make it easier for the demonic cultivators to increase their strength.

"Now, if you have any questions later, you can ask Peak Elder Grass Sprout since she's a regular at the convention."

He gestured to the circle where the teleportation formation had been set up. "Disciples of the Indomitable Will Sect, let's head out!"

We all gathered near the center of the formation.

Little Spring grabbed my sleeve and smiled sheepishly. "The last time we teleported, I almost blacked out."

I grimaced, then wrapped my arm around his. Even though he'd be in middle school if he were on Earth, a kid was still a kid. "If you think you might need support, then don't be scared and ask for it. While we might be in Foundation Establishment now, that doesn't mean we can't be affected by a long-distance teleportation like this." I glanced back at the three girls behind me. "That goes for you, too. Lean on each other. I'd rather have the other groups think the Indomitable Will Sect is overly friendly than have them believe we almost passed out from our trip."

I stared at the three Golden Core level women until they hooked arms.

"Well said, Little Senior Lin." Enduring Flame's lips twitched like he was holding back a smile. "I'm glad I decided to come this year. I have a feeling it will be interesting."

The teleportation process was similar to the platform version, just more dangerous. If the flags weren't placed exactly right, it was possible that we'd all die. Which was why I double-checked Four Direction Eagle's positioning with my divine sense. Everything checked out.

The ground beneath my feet vanished as if my legs were kicked out from under me. But I had stayed perfectly still while holding the brat.

Since this teleportation was a longer one, we spent a long time in a pulled-under-a-riptide-like state before my feet touched the ground. I made sure Little Spring could stand on his own, then released him.

In the place where we'd landed, a sea breeze blew past while the honking of seagulls surrounded us. Palm fronds rustled. To our left, a dark blue sea stretched out toward the horizon, filled with immortal boats from all over the world.

But the most noticeable thing about our new environment was the woman who wore the blue and orange uniform of the Alchemist Convention attendants. Her perfect professional smile showed straight white teeth. She held her hands in front of her while hiding them inside her sleeves.

She must have been holding that position for hours thanks to our… er, my tardiness.

Oops.

When she saw us, she bowed respectfully.

"Assistant Lina welcomes the Indomitable Will sect to the Island of Alchemy. I'm here to guide and assist you during your stay."

"We look forward to working with you," Grass Sprout said. "We're already late. Let's hurry and set up our building at the convention site."

"For security purposes, we've changed how we do things this decade. You'll have to take your invitations and exchange them for a jade token that will prove your identity while you're here. We will also provide a helpful schedule that lets each of you know what lectures are happening, where to go, and when they're taking place."

Grass Sprout's smile faltered. "Are you kidding?"

Lina nodded, spun and walked toward a group of orange buildings with hip-and-gable roofs clustered together. "This way, please."

It didn't take long before we stood in a long line where various different groups queued. I turned to Lina and raised both brows. "As late as we were, shouldn't this line be empty?"

She still wore her professional smile as she said, "The token creation line appears to be having some… difficulty with their new process."

Ah, the Alchemy Convention. The only place that dares make Immortal Bone Creation experts wait in line for their con badge.

"But don't worry," she said melodically. "They will clear things up soon. After all, Nothing Bad Ever Happens at the Alchemy Convention."

I nodded. What nostalgic words.

Everyone else in our group became very quiet for a moment.

"Excuse me. I'll make sure everything goes well." Lina bowed before quickly rushing off, looking like she had a fire to douse.

Little Spring jerked toward me. ::Sister Lin, isn't what she said a very weird?::

::What? No, that's just what they always say. Don't worry about it. Everything's good.::

He tugged on my sleeve. When I glanced down, he gave me a skeptical look.

I sighed. ::Alright. I used to think it was weird too, but they're right. Nothing bad ever happens. In the thousand years I've been going, I can't think of one single terrible incident.::

::That… that's even more suspicious! How could nothing awful happen for that long?::

I shrugged. ::This is Alchemists' Association we are talking about, not some mysterious cult.:: I noticed that everyone but us had moved up a couple of places. ::Don't worry about it. Now, come on, we're falling behind.::

His jaw hardened. Fuck. I knew that look. This protagonist was about to get into trouble. I had to stop him before he did something stupid, like find a rare material somewhere deep in the island, take it into his space causing the whole piece of land to break up… or whatever. Xianxia protagonists were the most destructive when they were greedy… or curious.

::Okay. Sure. Their little saying sounds like brainwashing::

He gave me a look like he couldn't believe I'd dissented, then just agreed with him.

::But what good company didn't brainwash their customers and employees with cute sayings like that? Huh?::

Milk, It Does a Body Good. What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas. Nothing Bad Ever Happens at the Alchemy Convention.

All the same… except that the first two were lies.

And sure, Lina looked like a bad blue and orange-themed knock-off of Joo Dee from Ba Sing Se, but that didn't mean anything weird would go down at this con!

This was one of the few places my paranoid ass could relax a bit. I was not letting anything ruin this for me.

::I still don't trust this place.:: He pointed to the cultivators in front of us who were grinning or chatting animatedly while in line. ::Everyone here is too happy.::

::Of course they're happy! They're at a convention! They can finally talk with like-minded individuals. If you throw an alchemy question to this crowd, you'll get them shouting back the answer… though some may ask for a price in exchange.::

He shook his head. ::Something isn't right here.::

Fuck. Well, I had to follow my Transmigrated into a Novel Club Rules. Number 4 - Always stay on the main character's side, even if the odds seem bad.

But that sounded like a lot of unnecessary trouble and shenanigans when I just wanted to go on a fucking vacation. ::Tell you what. As long as you don't piss off a high-realm cultivator, this Con is the safest place you'll ever visit. So, why not investigate this once we're inside? But don't go putting random treasures into your space::

He nodded, fist clenched in determination.

::And talk to Peak Master Enduring Flame and Elder Grass Sprout if you need anything, because I'm going to spend my time here relaxing, understood?::

His eyes softened. ::You do need a break. Don't worry. You've trained me perfectly! I can handle this on my own or with our junior's help.::

I grinned. ::Good.:: I paused for a second. This wouldn't come to bite me in the ass later, would it? No. Maybe if I was somewhere else. But this was the Alchemy Con. Nothing bad ever happened here.

Story 9 - Nothing Bad Ever Happens at the Alchemy Convention (3)

After our line hadn't moved an inch for several minutes, the Golden Core alchemists started chatting with the sect members ahead of us. Even Peak Master Enduring Flame and little Grass Sprout started talking with some of the higher realmed attendees. While waiting in line was frustrating, these fellow alchemist nerds weren't going to miss a chance to chat with their peers.

Arriving even later than we had was a group of six boisterous cultivators who strode toward us from a side path wearing a red uniform with gold accents. The strangest thing about these men and women was that they either had extra animal parts — like ears on top of their head — or their eyes and nails were similar to various powerful predators.

Normally, I wouldn't pay any attention to that since some spiritual beasts that transform into humans, keep pieces of their animal form. But I knew, without scanning them with my divine sense, thatthese people weren't beasts...

Because they didn't attack me on sight.

Their glares never even landed on me.

Their strange condition looked familiar. I couldn't place it. The Nascent Soul level alchemist leading the group, had long black hair, yellow highlights, and snake-like gold eyes. He also had the kind of smooth, graceful movements that some women, who were actually into romance, would call seductive. A couple of the girls waiting in line stealthily observed his overly pretty face.

A tall woman with fluffy swiveling lion ears on top of her blonde head walked beside him. Another young man next to him had black and white hair and panda ears.

Fuck, where have I seen cultivators like this before? Was this a sect Bloodsword fought in the Manhua I never read? Did I fight one of them somewhere? Fuck. After living a thousand years, it was easy to forget small things.

Most humans in this universe did not have these odd hair colors. Not unless they were harem members, part of their extended family, or people who appeared in the manhua version, like the Hu brothers and their tiger-colored hair.

Two more groups suddenly showed up.

One was entirely made up of beautiful women who wore matching green and gold robes that appeared to float with their every step. I recognized their uniform as belonging to the mid-sized Harmonious Sound Sect from literally the other side of the globe from Indomitable Will.

A tall woman with an icy countenance led the girls. Her gaze chilled even further when her blueish-black eyes locked onto the cultivators with predator parts.

A sharp bloodlust poured out of her. One of her sisters grabbed her arm. "Senior Ice Lotus Flower! I know you're angry, but you can't!"

"I assure you, I can!"

The third group who arrived last didn't wear a uniform, but they coordinated enough to wear black and crimson. Their group only had one woman who seemed just as vicious as the surrounding men.

Their leader appeared to be a man in his thirties with tawny skin and black hair that grayed at his temples. And when his dark gaze landed on the group with animal parts, he pulled out a sword. Three cultivators next to him had to grab his shoulders and waist to hold him back.

I think I'd heard of these assholes before, too. They were a mid-sized sect called Leashed Claws Sect and specialized in spiritual beast taming.

"Senior Alchemist Iron Fang! Not here!"

He started dragging them forward. "Not here, my ass! Let me go! You know what that bastard from the Irrepressible Beast Blood Sect is like!"

Wow. That sect must have a serious agent of chaos.

Little Spring grabbed my sleeve. He must have been watching. "Sister Lin, should we grab our juniors to come stop these three? I think they're going to fight."

I glanced at Peak Master Enduring Flame and Junior Grass Sprout. They were in an animated discussion with an Immortal Bone Creation expert.

"There's no reason to bother them." I raised my voice so all three groups could hear my next sentence. "They know that if they start shit, they'll get thrown out."

The team leaders that had been expelling bloodlust and readying to fight, stopped and turned toward me.

I grinned.

Little Spring shot me a skeptical look.

::Wait for it.::

They took one look at our Indomitable Will sect uniform, maybe a second glance at Peak Master Enduring Flame, and quietly stood in line.

The sheer respect we received as one of the top sects in the world was one of the reasons I pushed us so hard to join this sect back when we were so young.

I also noticed that none of these teams had an assistant like our group did. That meant they weren't large or important enough to be on the Alchemy Association's VIP list. That said, they must have made enough contributions to the study of alchemy to get an invite.

Of course, not being able to physically attack each other didn't mean they couldn't shit talk.

The Nascent Soul realm from the green and gold Harmonious Sound sect crossed her arms and glared at the group from the Irrepressible Beast Blood Sect. Now that I thought about it, I'd never heard that name. Maybe Bloodsword wiped them out while I was in closed-door cultivation? Whatever. That gross trash rat killed off too many clans and sects. I could never keep track of them.

"Senior Ice Lotus Flower," another of the green and gold girls said to her elder, "that young cultivator from the Indomitable Will sect is right. There is no point in fighting a reprehensible person from an unorthodox sect if it will just lead to us all getting kicked out."

"Especially since he's from a sect rumored to have worked with demonic cultivators," another of Icy Lotus's juniors added.

The beautiful snake-eyed cultivator jerked toward the group in green. His expression turned furious. He pulled out a handful of trick pills. Panda Ears grabbed his arm. "Senior Noxious Fangstrike. You can't," he whispered. Even though he wouldn't be able to stop someone a realm above him, Alchemist Noxious Fangstrike paused.

"Insulting me is one thing, but if those bitches from the Harmonious Sound Sect think they can offend our precious Irrepressible Beast Blood sect here?"

I had been monitoring the situation up front. From the way Lina gestured frustratingly at the Con badge artist, I could tell that the line wouldn't be moving for a while. Since I had nothing better to do, I metaphorically ate melon seeds while watching this drama. The kid stood beside me, his body practically vibrating with tension as if ready to run if something really happened.

"Our sect saved for a decade to send us here," Panda Ears said. "You even put up a portion of the cost from your own funds. We can't allow their insults to get us kicked out."

"Ah, but it was only a decade. The guys from the Leashed Claws Sect had to save for three."

Alchemist Iron Fang looked like he was about to jump on top of Noxious Fangstrike.

"Are you implying that our Leashed Claws sect makes less money than your cursed unorthodox sect?"

"Why not! Huh? You all say that we're working with those demonic cultivator bastards. Why shouldn't we start rumors of our own?"

Oh! These guys were a rare unorthodox sect. Those were people similar to Immortal Flower Thief, that murderous motherfucker I met when I had just time-traveled. He practiced techniques that resembled a demonic cultivator's so closely that they could be mistaken for those assholes.

Both of their methods were creepy as fuck and often strong beyond their level. But, like with all powerful unorthodox things, they came with serious side effects. Like having spiritual beast parts without being one.

I often forgot that there were still unorthodox cultivators in this world. They were rare due to them getting mistaken for demonic cultivators and hunted down. It didn't help that their powerful techniques often left them injured or irreparably changed.

If they chose to cultivate something without side effects and be a little less overpowered, they would all live longer. Then again, if their cultivation didn't have side effects, they'd be orthodox.

Well, I was not impressed with them.

Just when I decided to turn around and ignore this unorthodox sect, a truly terrible stench reached my nose. It was like being bombarded by a hundred stinky socks, getting smacked in the face by a rotten egg, and getting harassed by a skunk... all at the same time. I gagged.

What in the silent, but deadly fart was this?

I used a technique that closed off my sense of smell… But it didn't matter because whatever the fuck this ass smell was, it bypassed my technique as if it were a spiritual stench!

Little Spring's eyes watered as he pressed his hand to his nose.

"It's so bad! Why is this so awful?" Emerald Pine said.

"Who dares?!" Radiant Skies glared at the three arguing sects.

Meanwhile, the Immortal Bone Creation cultivators both continued speaking like they didn't even notice. Peak Master Enduring Flame had probably put up a protection for himself, leaving us young kids to gain some worldly experience. Fucker.

"Oh, No. Fellow Alchemist Icy Lotus," Noxious Fangstrike said while clutching his nose. The other cultivators in his group glared at her exaggeratedly while holding handkerchiefs to their face. "You should see a physician about that. The condition of your bowels has to be rotten."

"Don't hold me back," Icy Lotus said. "I'm going to kill him!"

Suddenly, the stench became worse.

The unorthodox group gasped and suddenly turned their shocked and upset gazes to the Leashed Claws Sect as if the worsened smell came from them.

Alchemist Noxious Fangstrike smirked at their leader. "You as well Fellow Alchemist Iron Fang. Have you both been eating the same meal during your conjugal meetings? Oh wait, you two aren't married, are you?"

Alchemist Iron Fang's face turned red from suppressed rage. Then he coughed up a mouthful of blood.

"Senior Alchemist!" The only girl in the group grabbed his arm and helped him stay standing. But tears ran down her face from how awful the smell was.

"Fellow Alchemist Hawthorn!" Icy Lotus yelled. Then she turned to glare at Noxious's handsome face. "You're not fooling anyone here. Everyone knows your body is the one with the special… condition."

Wait, a guy that pretty produced a stench this awful?! What the fuck?

At this point, I didn't give a shit who made this stink. This was chemical warfare. This stench was worse than Old Smokey's. It beat out chicken that had been microwaved for ten minutes and morphed into black sludge. The filthy fart lingered like an immortal's curse and caused even my eyes to water.

It had to die!

I cast my cleaning technique in a wide area. The surrounding cultivators turned visibly cleaner as the spell extended out.

"Hey!"

"Rude!" someone yelled. "Oh! Wow! That noxious scent is gone!"

"There's no way a simple cleaning technique can get rid of a scented weapon like that… Oh! It worked."

Finally, I could breathe. And so could the surrounding crowd.

My technique even reached the Nascent Soul cultivators from those three arguing sects. Their faces became pink and refreshed like they'd recently scrubbed them.

But the smell was gone! And that was the important part.

My work done, I turned back around to see everyone in my group staring at me in horror. Apparently, I'd even gotten Little Enduring Flame. But that was on him. He could have stopped my technique if he didn't want to be clean.

"You can all thank me now."

"Thank you, Senior Lin!" they all said.

I nodded in satisfaction.

Then I turned, expecting thanks from the three sects, only to see Alchemist Noxious Fangstrike glaring at me. Actually, all the unorthodox cultivators narrowed their eyes at me like I'd just made them my enemy.

The fuck did I do?

I crossed my arms behind my back so I appeared to be the little master I was. "What? Do you have something to say to a Senior of the Indomitable Will sect?"

"How could you use a cleaning technique on us without our permission?"

The gall of these people! Fuck. I'd expect this amount of shamelessness from a Xianxia Protagonist… Little Spring excluded.

"If you want to have your skin peeled off by my cleaning technique, then continue to inflict that smell on my sect's disciples."

"This is bullying!" Lion Ears cried fake tears and rested her hand against Noxious Fangstrike's shoulder. "We're being bullied by the strongest sect on the central continent. As powerful as they are, they must know that our poor beautiful senior here has a condition."

"It's not his fault." Panda Guy said dramatically. "When he feels threatened, his condition acts up. And those two were being too much. You all saw it."

Alchemist Noxious looked away as if he were pretending to be strong when he'd been hurt emotionally. His gold eyes even glittered as if he were holding back tears. With his seductive face added to the mix, their crying was very effective to the women in the surrounding sects...

The three Golden Core girls glared at the guy. They may dislike me, but they were still my juniors. The Indomitable Will Sect always had each other's backs.

"Our senior merely fought back the only way he could!" Lion Ears said dramatically.

Fuck. I couldn't deal with this group.

Their acting was as stinky as that guy's condition.

The worst part was, the other cultivators focused their judgmental gazes on us. Likely using any excuse to think poorly about a sect at the top of the world.

Little Spring looked like he was about to say something and step in, but the line finally moved. Whatever technical issues they'd had up front had been solved.

We quickly scrambled to close the gap between us and the other sects.

::Hey, I guess that saying is wrong, huh? Bad things do happen at the Alchemy Convention.::

This fucking brat. ::First of all, we're not technically in the convention yet. And secondly, nothing bad happened.::

::I'd say, getting attacked with a terrible smell was awful.::

Had I been too soft on this kid? I could have sworn I put him through a couple months of hell training over the past year. ::Do you have all your limbs?::

::Yes?::

::Has your mind been damaged in any way?::

::Does wanting to throw up when I look at that Senior Alchemist count?::

::No.::

He scowled. ::Then, no.::

::Have you lost all your spirit stones and your capacity to make more?::

::Of course not!::

"Then trust me when I say that nothing bad has happened… But it was gross as fuck, so let's avoid those unorthodox motherfuckers."

Story 9 - Nothing Bad Ever Happens at the Alchemy Convention (4)

Once we'd gone through the line and collected our jade Con badges, Lina returned.

"We apologize for the inconvenience earlier. Our Guest of Honor, the Azure Pill Sage, had difficulties and accidentally held everyone up."

Ah… I remember that stuck-up asshole. He invented some decent hand seals. Everyone had fawned all over him in my past life because of them until a group of researchers developed something better. Though they based a significant portion of their research on his seals.

"Although we cannot give you back the time you spent in line, I thought you might like your own personal map of the convention. Every building and shop is listed on it."

Grass Sprout nodded. "This should save us some time."

As soon as I received my map from Lina, I set out to memorize it. An old habit I'd picked up from visiting theme parks in my past-past life.

The egg-shaped island wasn't large. The half to the east was merely noted down as untamed land. It probably had beautiful trees, bushes, and wildlife. Meanwhile, the west side had the convention buildings. The nearest structure to the untamed area was the Grand Lecture Hall, that could fit a few thousand.

Four smaller halls named after famous alchemists flanked it. A few lessons were taking place in them later this week by masters I'd never seen before. I looked forward to hearing them. They might even share concepts that would boost my understanding of alchemy even higher. Or they'd be completely off.

The Grand Lecture Hall was where I'd hold my money-making lesson. I had even spent a few days preparing for it — mostly so I wouldn't sound like the time traveler I was.

According to the schedule they gave me, I would begin later tonight. This left me about five hours to roam around the shop and lodging area. I needed to hurry and trade for some rare spiritual herbs and pick up souvenirs for my juniors. Poor Unyielding and Early Rise Swift Brush deserved a little something for the trouble they'd go through due to my absence.

Whatever mess Little Spring was about to start would hopefully occur after my speech. If it led to us getting kicked out before I earned our cultivation resources, I might murder that brat... with more training.

According to the map, all the shops were located west of the lecture halls. Since our Indomitable Will Sect needed to show off — especially after the demonic infiltrator incident — we'd set one up as well.

Further west was a teleportation formation area. This was a place that allowed groups to set up an exit that could also be used in an emergency. Not that the convention expected one to happen.

With a nod to Enduring Flame and myself, Four Directions Eagle left for that area to set up our array.

After that there was the entrance — our current location — then the teleportation zone where we first arrived, and finally the harbor.

The map of the island was well-made. It was good for those kids who didn't have a Nascent Soul level divine sense. Not that I could use mine at that level just yet, because I needed to keep the seal on my soul intact.

Little Spring looked up from his own map and studied the colorful orange buildings. He practically vibrated with energy… Maybe I should bring him to see the sights before he runs around making a mess of the convention. That way, he could come to appreciate it. Then, if he accidentally destroyed it, he would feel that much worse. That could be a valuable lesson for a main character.

I hoped that teaching this little protagonist to appreciate the beauty of different places would mitigate some of his possible destructive tendencies. While I hadn't noticed anything from Little Spring yet, I'd read too much Xianxia in my past life to not know how everything they touched could get obliterated as long as it benefited them.

Even Bloodsword would go around destroying every secret realm or sect resource that asshole went to. One reason I disliked that reprehensible ass bucket so much was because of the destruction he left on his path toward immortality. He'd consume resources and leave nothing behind for future generations. Okay, that wasn't entirely fair. He left some things when the assets belonged to someone. But then, his reparations were only beneficial to the owners and not the people who needed the tools.

For example, a fellow Daoist had a one-of-a-kind spiritual tool that removed harmful foreign energy from the body. He'd originally purchased it to help cure his sister. Sadly, while it did what it was supposed to, the energy she had in her body wasn't foreign, but part of her special constitution. He started renting it out to save up contribution points to buy her medicine. At one point, I had been injured and needed it. I even paid the man, but before I could get my hands on it, Bloodsword grabbed the tool and accidentally destroyed it.

Now that I thought about it, it probably had something the space could use to upgrade or something that activated his special constitution... The kid should probably try to find it.

But, once that one-of-a-kind spiritual tool broke, Bloodsword compensated the man by having Violet Pill Fairy make his sister a treatment plan for her condition... Which was great. Fantastic, even.

And it left me high and fucking dry!

To take care of my injury, I had to spend months developing a technique to remove foreign energy from the body. It was actually the same one I used to cure Little Spring when he almost died from lingering Ascendant Beast energy.

"Where are we going first?" Little Springs' voice brought me out of my contemplation.

"We should help set up our store."

Enduring Flame frowned. "No need. You're still young. Why don't you take your junior brother to look around?"

I blinked. "Are you sure?" I mean, that was my plan, but...

"Absolutely. With your map, you won't get lost and no one here would dare hurt you."

Lina nodded. "The Alchemy Convention has the best security, so nothing bad will happen." She paused and showed us a brilliant professional smile. "Keep in mind that your lecture will start right after our Guest of Honor's speech. Because the association appreciated your work with the Demonic Vine Plague, they reserved seats for you and your sect for his lecture."

Wait a second... The Azure Pill Sage had been insanely popular for decades around this time. His lecture would be completely full. So if I could keep all those people there… that would mean I would earn a couple thousand high-tier spirit stones!

It was a good thing I knew just what to say to those alchemy nerds to get them to stay. Then all of those cultivation resources would be mine! Muahahaha!

That could last me through Golden Core! I absolutely had to keep everyone there.

"I'll be there if I have time." I'd already heard his lectures in my past life, so I wasn't that interested. "But I'm sure my fellow disciples would love to hear it."

***

Little Spring and I walked around the main street. With its orange buildings and overly excited alchemist attendees, I could almost imagine that I was really still in my past life. That the Con just changed venues.

Most of the crowd headed toward the overflowing lines for the various lecture halls, but there were a few alchemists who gathered in corners to discuss the Dao. I even overheard one snippet of conversation, where a group argued about who invented a specific technique that was now widely used.

Bunch of nerds.

Then again, they wouldn't be here if they weren't.

Little Spring pointed to a small orange building with unusual tools. Kinds that I hadn't seen in a few hundred years. Stepping into the store was like visiting a museum that would let me buy the antiques.

The kid asked questions about each item and I quickly explained. While I was tempted to buy a few to study them, we only had my pills and the Kid's spiritual spring water that we could use to trade, so we had to be picky.

I took him through the crowd to several stores. Each one had insane markups on their unique and useful spiritual herbs. Fortunately, a few of those stores sold seeds that I purchased so we could start growing them in the space. While it would take a few decades or even a hundred years for them to produce anything, filling out my garden now was for the best. I also planned to take this opportunity to teach the brat the original use of the word cultivation.

Because each of these places was set up by different large sects, clans, or academies throughout the world, Little Spring was able to learn more about this massive planet we lived on.

Seriously, I didn't know exactly how big it was, but being the size of Jupiter or larger wasn't out of the question. As much as I loved science, it couldn't fucking explain this shit. Then again, I was in a Xianxia novel and those were all inspired by Chinese myths. Asking for mythology to make sense was a lesson in insanity.

As we neared the center of the shop area, the scent of spiritual tea and cakes spread. The scent of this tea invigorated the mind and eased fatigue. It would be good to drink after a long day of dealing with shitty paperwork. I absolutely had to get some for my poor juniors back at the sect.

Well, what was a convention without con food? Though most cultivators practiced some form of grain liberation, they would make exceptions for things like medicinal meals or spiritual tea, so seeing a shop like this wasn't rare.

There was already a line forming at the teahouse. I grabbed Little Spring and queued up.

The older woman in front of me turned and gave us a smile. "These tea cultivators are invited to every Alchemy Convention. I can't believe I actually managed to get here before they sold out of their tea wheels. They even have a brewmaster here making fresh batches of tea and serving it to special guests. I hear he's almost reached Nascent Soul, just from following the Dao of Tea."

Shit. Someone who knew we were a captive audience.

"But look at me talking your ear off. Are you two here buying tea for your master?"

Little Spring puffed up his chest. "Aside from being an alchemist, I'm an Apprentice Immortal Chef."

"Ah, so you're interested in tea as part of a meal? Very good! The best dishes have proper drinks paired with them."

The kids' eyes sparkled, then they widened. He covered his nose.

Actually, everyone in line put their hands over their nose and mouth. One particularly sensitive woman actually fainted into the arms of the body cultivator accompanying her.

The stench then hit me.

Fuck. Why did I have to smell this twice in one day?! It was worse than old socks, bad eggs, and rotten potatoes mixed together.

"Where is this coming from?!" someone said through their fingers.

Several people in line ran away. The lady in front of us stayed, even though her eyes watered. Her determination to buy tea at this Con was impressive.

I wanted to use my cleaning technique to remove the smell, but it would only be a waste of energy if I didn't sterilize the asshole that farted this stink...

While I searched for the culprits, half the line vanished — probably to go puke somewhere.

The large body cultivator, obviously acting as that little alchemist's bodyguard, flexed his muscles. "Who dares?"

Someone pointed toward an alley. "They escaped that way."

He grabbed the girl and bolted in that direction.

And that was when those assholes from the unorthodox sect stepped in line.

These rude-ass motherfuckers!

I once again used my cleaning technique to remove the scent from the area. Shocked gasps sounded from all around. Some fellow Daoists shot appalled glances my way. I glared at everyone, half-daring them to say shit after I removed that horrible smell. Also, because I was from the Indomitable Will sect.

When I looked behind me, the unorthodox group feigned shock. Alchemist Noxious Fangstrike acted like I'd offended him and turned his blushing, morose face away from me.

The girl with the lion ears put her hands on her hips and yelled, "How could you be so rude? This is twice now you've set out to embarrass our esteemed Senior Alchemist! He has a condition he can't control. Highlighting it like you did is the same as offending him!"

Ooo. These shameless fucking con artists.

Little Spring stepped forward. "How dare you offend my older martial sister with your horrible stench!"

I nodded while feeling like I did not teach this brat in vain.

"She also has a condition!"

What?

I glared at the kid, but he wasn't looking at me.

"My poor martial sister… has a cleanliness obsession."

"Hey! That is not a problem. That's just common sense."

He gestured to me and then pretended to wipe away a tear. "See. She doesn't even realize she has it. I suffer through her powerful cleaning techniques twenty times a day!"

I opened my mouth, trying to find some way to argue with this kid. I mean, we had gone over a few lessons on how to tell lies, but this was too much! He wasn't supposed to tell them about me!

Obviously, it wasn't that many. Maybe ten... or fifteen. But not twenty!

The lady who had been in line with us looked at the brat with sympathy. "You are such a brave young man."

This fucker. He turned a fight between a pretty man with a condition and a healthy, beautiful master, into one between two people with conditions.

Apparently, while we'd been busy arguing, the tea shop employees and a Golden Core Brewmaster came out and glared at both Noxious Fangstrike and me.

"You! You were here last decade! And you pulled this same nonsense back then. I won't let you get away with it this year. Throw this group out! They're not welcome here."

Two Nascent Soul cultivators in black robes with the icon of the Alchemist's Association on it appeared next to the unorthodox disciples. They used their cultivation base to suppress everyone for a second before they released us and looked menacing.

The three unorthodox cultivators straightened their clothes, flicked their sleeves and got out of line. Alchemist Noxious Fangstrike looked particularly cool when he did so. Seriously, how could such a horrible smell come out of someone so pretty? What the hell kind of spiritual snake did he have parts of?

"We didn't even want your tea," the panda-eared guy said from just outside the line. "Our Senior Alchemist here just wanted some spiritual cakes, but from what I can see, they're not worth it."

Another black-robed security person arrived, but this one stopped a teahouse employee from jumping on Panda Ears.

I smirked at their bad luck.

"Don't look so high and mighty," the Brewmaster said while looking at me.

What? What did I do?

"They may have ruined the scent of my tea, making it impossible to get the full effects, but you…" He closed his eyes as if remembering something horrible. "Your cleaning technique made my brewed tea vanish!" His eyes bulged larger than Chancellor Gowron's in those Star Trek memes from my past-past life. "And that had been the most perfect tea I'd ever… And no one had the chance to taste it!"

His eyes blinked like he had stopped himself from tearing up.