CHAPTER SEVEN: ELICIA

Journal entry 201

Dear Treadway

I have started calling you Way. You do not seem very fond of it because you correct me every time l say Way saying it's Treadway.

I do not listen though because I want to be someone you think about.

Every time you hear Way anywhere else you think of me.

Selfish aren't l?

I try talking to you on certain occasions but you keep the conversations professional, most of the times l do the talking.

Not that you have a habit of ignoring people but I think you just don't talk a lot, you are reserved

You are also kind; I saw you buying a little girl who was short of money to buy a chocolate dipped éclair.

You bought her three eclairs and I was pleased.

I thought back to when I bought the energy drinks for you, I wonder if you thought of that incident too.

I know you are kind, damaged people are not kind so, you are not damaged.

There is still hope.

I have asked you to have lunch with me a couple of times at work which in turn you decline politely.

I don't see you eating at work is it because you do not want to waste money since you have to give it to your stepdad?

I think you are facing problems with your stepdad, you always don't look so well rested.

I want to be a friend; someone you tell your problems to.

I could help you, if you need help.

You don't always have to carry the weight alone.

I wish you could see that.

I wish l could invite you home, but l don't think you would want to.

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After writing my journal l go to bed.

"You are still investing in this person Elicia." Lydia tells me.

"I know that as well, hell l can see it. I don't know how to stop. It's like it has become natural to write about him. I can't seem to write anything else." I tell Lydia lying on the sofa trying to understand myself too.

"l want to help him, his dad seems to be abusive." I tell Lydia.

"You can't because you don't have proof. And if he wanted to get out of it don't you think he would have. Sometimes things aren't as they seem." Lydia says.

"What if he can't, you don't see when you are being abused Lydia and you of all people know it. He really needs help. I want to help him. We should inform the police."

"I don't want to burst your bubble but if he was going through that, as smart as you claim he is wouldn't he have approached the police already or tried to find help but failed? I don't want you to rush into something you are not sure of for starters you might even make it worse." Lydia says and as much as I want to deny it she is saying the truth.

He doesn't even open up about anything, he is always doom and gloom l don't even know how to approach him.

"Back to you El."

"How do you want everything to play out? Let's say he found out that you like him how do you want him to react to that?" She continues.

Now that I think about it I don't know how l want everything to play out, do l want him to date me? I don't know, all l know is that I want to help him.

"Honestly l haven't thought about it. Right now I want to know what is happening in his life, I want to be a part of his life. I want him to trust me enough to let me help him. I want him to be happy all the time, me being part of the reason he will be happy." I say and Lydia nods her head.

"That's just as good as wanting to be with him."

"Really?" I furrow my brows in surprise.

"Yes and that means you are beginning to move on from Jason."

"That's good right? Why do you sound like it's not good news?" I ask her.

"Moving on is not about jumping from one relationship to another. There is need for mirror and reflection. Knowing your worth, value and working on improving areas that need improving. That means after a failed relationship you need time, a break for reflection. Time to yourself and I can safely say you haven't given yourself time."

"I have given myself time, Jason and I broke up in June and its now December; six months." I say defending myself.

"Of those six months how long have you been writing about Treadway?" she asks.

"Five." I answer her looking down.

"So you are saying the one month that you had nightmares, stayed in hospital that was you giving yourself time?" Lydia asks and I realize the truth behind everything she is saying.

I might have fought the nightmares, the anxiety attacks, the loss of my best friend, my dad, boyfriend and am on the road to success on all these battles but I was heading into a battle that was going to wreck me. Treadway, he was consuming me from the inside out. My desire to help him, be in his life was getting too much and I could no longer control it.

"Remember we are just days from the new year. You should start the new chapter on a new page. Refreshed, have new resolutions. I don't want you to spend the rest of your college life in my office."

Those were the last statements she said before our time was up.

I woke up really early the next day and went to work.

As I got in the café l heard movements in the changing room and l took a cupcake stand and went for the predator.

As soon as l got in, the stand in my hand fell to the ground. I could not believe my eyes.

Treadway was packing his blankets into the cupboards that became out of bounce the moment he started working here.

The blankets that I gave him.

Was he now staying here?

No wonder the food I had been leaving at the roof was untouched, because he was no longer stay there.

That is why Melchior gave him the job, he wanted to help.

I stood there with a lot of questions to ask him but as soon as he heard the stand fall to the ground he jerked his head in my direction to see who it was and his eyes doubled in size at my sight.

"Sorry," I say as l back away and he held my hand to stop me from fleeing.

Before he could say anything Isa walks in with James and Andre our co-workers.

"You were making eyes at that girl, Andre." Isa says laughing.

"No l was not." Andre down rights denies it even though everyone picks up on his lie.

They all look at me and Treadway. Isa wiggling her brow discretely at me.

"What do we have here?" Andre asks trying to control his tone even though I could hear he was pissed.

"Nothing." I answer and as l see Andre attempting to go past me to the changing room, l opened my mouth and the words that came out were unexpected.

"I left my sanitary wear inside so please don't enter!" I was freaking out and panicking at the same time that my words came out rushed.

Andre stops in his tracks and l quickly get in and close the door behind me. I finishing packing Treadway's blankets and clear every other belonging of his' that would give him up. After the coast was clear I walked out of the changing room with an apologetic smile.

The day went very well, the morning incident was long forgotten except for the fact that I was getting eyes from Treadway.

As much as I enjoyed him looking at me l felt very small under his gaze. I was afraid he would act the way he acted when I helped him with the energy drinks the other day.

Soon our shift was over and I took my things and went to my car.

As I was about to reach my car I saw a figure standing in front of my car.