Chapter 12- Asterin

Facing Luke’s green eyes was not as easy as she had expected.

Moments after Monika had left, Asterin had called for her again only to declare that she wanted to see the young boy. It had come to her mind that if he was to stay, then they needed to make things clear, that she’d only run from him because she’d acted like a little girl. There was nothing between them anymore and it was to stay that way, she had to make that clear to him.

And perhaps to herself.

Now, he was sitting in front of her, his eyes emotionless and dead. Had they taught him how to hide his feelings in the army? She supposed it was either that, or he no longer cared for her in any sort of way.

Despite his cold stare, Asterin found herself melting under his gaze. There was nothing romantic about him, not anymore, but she was still seeing the young boy who had held her as if she was his world. So much had changed, she had to accept that.

He’d been taken away; she’d been shipped off to live her life as a healer, and they should have never crossed paths again. Strangely enough, they had.

She locked her fingers together, placing them on the table that set Luke and her apart. “I think there are things between us that we need to discuss.” He nodded, as if agreeing with her. “Well, I’m glad you understand…you see I…I’m simply a healer here. I’m no longer the girl you knew and I’m sorry I ran earlier.” She looked at her hands, what was she trying to say, that she was sorry? But sorry would not make clear anything. No, she had to give him something else, something more than just an empty apology.

“What I mean is that I just don’t want any misunderstandings between us.”

He nodded, so easily he had agreed, and without a single word. She felt her heart ache at his reaction, had she meant so little to him? It seemed he had gotten over her easier than she had gotten over him. Pain flashed through her chest.

Regardless of her feelings, she smiled and then stood up. Her books were waiting for her to be read, and surely Monika would give her something worth her time. The healer had declared herself Asterin’s ally the moment she’d waken up from her two-day sleep. While she was leaving, for the first time in so long she heard his deep voice, a voice that was maybe one of the only parts of him that had stayed the same.

He was calling for her, “Asterin” he said.

She turned around in shock, “Yes?”

“I was wondering if you could change my bindings?”

Oh…so he had not called after Asterin as his former lover, but Asterin the healer. It would have been better if she’d declined, but she did not. Although it was obvious that Asterin did not have it in her to move a step, she did go to him; leading him to lay on the bed where she had access to his wound.

“You’ve done this so many times, you can do it again.” She whispered to herself. Her hands worked on their own, trembling while they unbuttoned his shirt. Her eyes focused somewhere, anywhere, other than his face. He on the other hand had his gaze solely on hers.

When he’d first arrived injured and in need of help, she’d been too scared of his death to consider their past. But now? Now it was another story altogether. Because now he was alive, and she’d been better off if she had refused him. Now, her mind remembered exactly how she’d done this same thing two years ago, only then they’d been in her bed as lovers.

She took his shirt off, his upper body utterly naked except for the wound she’d bandaged herself.

A rush of heat hit her face as she got a glimpse of his body. When he’d been injured, she had been too busy saving him from death, but now there was no blood on his abdomens, and he was also no longer a boy. His time in the army had made a man out of him.

She closed her eyes, reminding herself that she was a healer. There was nothing between them just as she’d said. Nothing, nothing other than the fact that she had to bind his wound again and let him go. She had said it herself, that she did not want any misunderstandings between them. Why was the sight of his half naked body giving her ideas that should not have been in her head?

“Will you clean the wound or not?" His tone was stone cold, it washed over Asterin like a wave of cold water. She was just being childish; it was obvious how he felt about…all of this. “Sorry” she said and silently continued to work, her hands brushing against his body and binding the bandage together.

And maybe she did take her time, she kept telling herself that it was only to ensure his wound was properly covered but it was not a convincing answer even to herself.

When she was done staring at his body and covering it as much as she could, she gestured to his clothing. “I’m sure you know how to wear that on your own.” She wanted to leave, to just get out of this room. But in a heartbeat he took her hand, causing her to face him. “Why?” she asked. Because why was he keeping her from getting away from him when he had that cold look in his eyes? She’d been the one who wanted to clear things, but seeing him so unbothered…it had stirred something in her that she did not understand.

It felt like sadness, and maybe even a bit of anger.

He pulled her towards him. This was strange, confusing even. He’d acted like he wanted nothing from her then told her to change his binding. Now, he was embracing her as if the two years they’d spent apart had never happened.

And as much as she told herself that she did not want to be near him, his touch made her think of better times when she’d been only a little girl.

Asterin let his hands hold her, staying where they were for long moments in which she could have freed herself from his grasp but chose not to.

She was in trouble, one so complex and frightening that would probably drown her like a lake full of thick blood.