9. What He Cannot Lose

Kylo jolted from his sleep with a gasp. The dream had come to him, the words sifted towards him from the Force. He caught his breath, and let the news settle over his head.

The light of dawn flooded his face, filling his face with warmth. But he did not pause to revel in the beauty of the morning. He stood, brushing the sand, which was coarse and rough and irritating and got everywhere, off his clothes.

He walked around the Tie Fighter, looking for Rey. Her name brought back the words of the bounty hunter. Kylo swallowed, and told himself it wasn't true.

She was still sleeping, curled inward. He almost didn't wake her. But the weight of the news made him place a hand on her shoulder.

"Rey," he whispered. "Wake up. We need to move. Rey!"

She woke in a start, and, feeling the hands on her shoulders, jumped backwards in fright. "Oh, it's you. What's wrong?"

He pursed his lips and quickly told her what had happened. "We need to find that droid."

Rey was on her feet in an instant. "How could I have missed it?" She turned to him. "We have to disable it."

They searched through the cockpit, checking underneath the seats and beneath the control panels. Finding nothing, even after a good thirty minutes of work, he stepped back and wiped his brow. "I don't understand."

"It has to be here somewhere," Rey protested, turning back around to triple check the right corner of the control panel.

"Rey." It was all he said. He said it slowly, carefully, meaningfully. "Rey," he said again when she ignored him. "Look up."

She followed his gaze to the ceiling, where, tucked into a corner, were two tiny flashes of red light that did not belong. Rey kneeled on the seat and reached up.

Kylo tried his very best not to look at the tendrils of hair that fell out of her buns and draped across her neck and shoulders. He swallowed, forcing such thoughts from his mind. And he had come so close to giving in to his desires the night before.

But he had not.

"Got it!" Rey exclaimed, pulling the small droid from the ceiling with a sharp tug. She turned around, her face lighting up in an excited smile. She was just about to hand in to him when a look of pain flashed across her face. With a clatter, the droid fell to the floor, where it stayed, unmoving.

"Rey?" Kylo leaped forward, arm outstretched and brow furrowed in concern. "What is it?"

"It just got really hot," she responded carefully, looking down to the metal creature.

And then. Kylo saw. Kylo understood. He saw the blinking of the droid's eyes, blinking on and off faster and faster. He saw Rey, brow furrowed in confusion. And time slowed.

Time slowed down for them. Their eyes met. "No," is all she said then. Because she knew too.

He reached out as she spoke, grabbing her arm tightly and not letting go. He can't let her go. Not yet. Not ever, maybe. He tugged. Time slowed down, granting them a split second of a glance before the world in front of him exploded.

Time slowed. And Rey was thrown from the Tie Fighter as the droid self destructed. Kylo lost his grip. She had slipped from his fingertips.

For half a second, he thought he lost her. He thought she was gone forever. But then the smoke cleared. The dust settled. To his left, a good fifteen feet away, struggling to get up from her stomach, was Rey.

Kylo's heart had never swelled so much in relief.

But then she collapsed. Lied on her stomach. She was motionless.

He sprang forward, leaping off the coarse desert sand and sprinting towards her. He couldn't lose her. Not yet. Not yet. Not when they had come so close.

He reached her in four strides. Collapsed by her side. "Rey?" With a shaking hand he reached out to touch her face. "Talk to me, Rey." He clenched his jaw and slowly, carefully, rolled her off her stomach.

He prepared himself for the worst. First, he saw the scratch, the blood on her temple, mingling with her hair. He saw the ash that disguised the true color of her hair. And then he saw her mouth.

Rey was laughing at him.

She threw back her head and laughed, reaching up an ash-covered hand to pound his chest. "You believed me!" She covered her mouth as she snorted, thin fingers covering her lips. "You should have heard yourself! Talk to me, Rey. Talk to me!"

Kylo paused, looking down at the very much alive woman beneath him.

he thought at last with a smirk,

He reached down, eyes alight with a smile. And, with one fluid motion, he had scooped Rey up from the sand and over his shoulder. He was surprised with himself. Never had he acted in such a way. Rey, he decided, had brought out something new inside of him.

"Ben Solo, put me down this instant!" She cried, beating his back with her fists.

He smiled and stopped mid-stride. "Whatever you command."

"No! No I take it back!" Rey started to scramble, somehow managing to get her body higher up on him. "I like it up here. I can see everything clearer."

Kylo raised his eyebrows at that, unable to stop the grin from spreading across his face. "The view is nice? And what, might I ask, are you viewing?"

He could feel her blush then (they were connected through the Force after all). Because, inches away from her face was his . . . rear.

"I've always had a thing for the morning sun," Rey responded as he let her down at last, setting her carefully on the sand.

He cocked his head to the side and brushed a stray tendril out of her face. "I'm glad you're okay, Rey."

Rey chuckled softly. "I'm glad I'm okay too. Thanks for pulling me out."

He found himself smiling then too, for the millionth time that morning. "Thanks for not dying."

And he meant it, with all his being. He could not lose the light.