A THOUGHT THAT ONLY MATTERS - HER DESIRES

In this empire where steam and machinery was the only one who powered people’s daily lives, magic was impossible. The emperor had banned magic and ancient texts. Scholars were even forced to have an oath to the emperor the moment they become one and if they dare to broke their vows, death was the only option left for them.

There had been so many forbidden things that were not allowed to study in this whole empire.

So, Laurence description was so hard to believe, even for herself.

She can clearly remember how she told herself that she won’t believe in god but her thoughts felt like it was controlled and absurd! Was she sane right now? How come she was thinking like this? Furthermore, why is there a cathedral- a small chapel inside this whole mansion? Was there something going on?

“Laurence?” She heard a voice that calls her name sweetly like she was their daughter.

“Ah!”

Laurence almost jumped out of her wheelchair the moment she heard the voice. She blinked several times trying to gather her wits before looking where the sound was coming from.

“Lord Sinclair?” she muttered half surprise and half scared. The lord was looking at her. He seemed to be dressed in his sleeping wear but his cane looked too expensive. It was even shining with only the light from outside.

“I-” Laurence tried to control her breath for she still can’t believe of what she just seen. Was she still high on drugs? Now that she thought about it, she haven’t taken any. Furthermore, she felt like a child caught sneaking outside by her parents. However, this time, she doesn’t know if she would regret the consequences.

“I - uhm, yes!” Laurence tried to so hard not to stutter. “I can’t sleep lord Sinclair.” Laurence immediately found a reason in her brain. She tried to act calm and compose. “I’m sorry for sneaking without asking for your approval.”

“It’s nothing, my dear lady,” his voice sounded solemn and his eyes were calm as ever.

As Laurence stared at him, the longer she felt like the lord had a mysterious and unknown aura over him. Was it because they were inside a chapel? Or was it because he had experiences that were too mysterious and impossible for Laurence to even imagine?

Laurence slowly became curious. As she was preoccupied with her thoughts, she wasn’t able to see the change of expression the lord made.

Lord Sinclair looked at her from her head to toe. He smiled gently. He looked so happy that Laurence was even questioning If he was a distant relative that her parents tried to hide from her.

“It seemed like you have been recovering well.”

Laurence bowed a little ashamed. It was because when the good lord was pouring his wealth for her recovery, she was here, sneaking around.

“It’s all because of your blessings, my Lord.”

‘Is that so?” The lord smiled. He moved his cane. “Then I am glad.”

Lord Sinclair turned and found his way on Laurence back as he started pushing her in the aisle. It made Laurence flinched as her hands trembled lightly. She can feel her heart beating heavily as it was echoing in her ears.

However, despite of being unsure, she let the lord wheeled her closer to the altar.

“Are there things you wanted to tell me, Laurence? Like where you came from? Or is there something you desire.”

Is the lord speaking in riddles? Laurence wondered. Is there something he wanted to know or does he want confirmation?

“How could I-” Laurence tried so hard not to stutter but from the looks of it, she had already failed in her several attempts.

In the back of her mind, her suspiciousness was rising. How could the lord ask something like this? But, this was her chance! This was the only thing that was on her mind right! This was it! The lord had given her the chance to speak up but why is she hesitating like this!?

After a few seconds, they where already near the altar. Laurence was given the chance to see the altar very clearly. The serene atmosphere on the altar reflected on her red eyes.

There were no decorations however, there were only ancient letters that seemed to tell a heavy secret but no once could read or interpret.

“My dear lady, I was just asking for I think I have the right to know? Hmm?”

The lord was right, but how should she start? Should she tell him that she was sentence to death after being falsely accused that she was practicing forbidden magic? Would anyone in the empire tremble and send her away?

Magic was a taboo!

It should never be spoken even in casual conversations!

“I-” from the moment she saw the lord, it seemed that she was really lacking vocabulary. How could she stuttered like this again?

“Go on my sweet little lady. I am sure that you heard from my servant that I am a peculiar lord that won’t meddle my things in the matter of the aristocracy.” The lord seemed to hinting something with how he played his words but Laurence was busy with her emotions and her thoughts. She was weighing her next actions and the benefits she would gain.

“At the same time, I am a person who adheres in secrecy. If you tell me that I cannot tell your words to others then, I would honor the words you have said, my lady.”

Laurence tried to be honest. “I’m just afraid that I won’t believe everything I will say.”

“My lady,” the lord said. This time he pushed her near the pew and on her right, the lord took his seat. They were seating beside each other right now looking at the altar. “How would you know my reactions if you won’t try?”

He was right. He seemed to be always right.

In the process of them talking, Laurence who had all of her guards up soon loosen up. Laurence seemed to have forgotten her nervousness. The solemn atmosphere of the chapel seemed to help her overcome things. Still this wasn’t in her mind when she thought of their second meeting.

“The lord might have an idea,” she started. Eyes suspiciously glancing at his direction from time to time. “You won’t ask me things like this if you don’t know.”

“How smart,” the lord chuckled. His eyes flickered mysteriously. “Perhaps. So, would you continue?”

Laurence swallowed trying to shake off all the things that was weighing her. She heaved her breaths several times trying hard to suppress her anxiousness. Her throat seemed to be block by something. However, regardless if the lord would believe her or not, this was the chance she longed waited.

She won’t waste it.

“I am tortured by the empire after my parents were killed for they suspected me to be in possession of forbidden arts.”

“Forbidden arts?”

“Yes Lord Sinclair. Magic that had been forbidden since one thousand years ago.” Often times she would gaze to her side wanting to see the expression of the lord but then, he was only looking in front of the altar.

“then, are you possessing such forbidden arts, my sweet lady?”

“No! I have not!” Laurence almost choked. “Never in my life I thought about it however, I do pursue researching different herbal plants that can possibly save the future! It wasn’t magic like they said it was science!” her voice contained conviction. Her eyes begun to burn again as she tried hard not to cry.

She stilled her sobs not wanting to appear pathetic but every time she opened the topic, it feels like an opened wound that still refuse to heal no matter what she does.

“If that’s what you thought, then that is the only thing that matters.” As Laurence blinked, a handkerchief appeared in front of her. “Wipe your tears my little lady. They don’t deserve your precious tears.”

Laurence slightly nodded and accepted the handkerchief that was given to her. This time, she did not still her cries and let the whole chapel heard her

“Then, would it be okay for me to ask questions?”

There were silence before she answered. “Yes.”

“What are your desires now that you escape where you came from? Would you like to have a different identity and be considered dead? Would you want to live your remaining life peacefully? You could rest in this island were I am the lord. Or perhaps,” the lord voice drifted. This time, he was looking at her seriously. “you want something more?”

Laurence flinched as it was finally sinking into her. This was the question she wanted to hear from the very start. She felt her blood boiled as everything inside her was screaming silently.

She would take advantage of it.

This was her starting point. Hence, she did not hesitate at all.

“It’s revenge my lord. I want revenge and I want it cold and bloody.”