Zero Sense of Humour

Now then, how exactly should I deal with this Dragon? Since it's still an infant (technically speaking, that is), killing him would be easy.

Hmm, but all it is doing is answering the nature's call; a Dragon goes in heat because its body is made to do so to ensure the survival of their race. So, killing it would be a bit over the top…

[The girl is 8 years old, isn't she?]

Oh, right.

⟦Well, to the guillotine he goes.⟧

Those who predate on children must be killed.

And so, I jumped from the cliff, my kick aiming for his neck. The Dragon turned its head after sensing my presence, but it was already too late for that.

The moment it started turning its neck, time slowed down to crawl. Well, not exactly; I was just too fast.

Before the Dragon could erect any defence or counterattack me in any way, my foot was touching his long, scaly neck. The next moment, its throat exploded from the sheer force my foot exerted, and its head separated from its body, thus ending its pitiful life.

[You remain as overpowered as ever. At least give it a chance to defend or something; this is practically bullying.] Viben furrowed his brows.

⟦Not my fault that it was so weak. And I feel I've become much stronger than before.⟧

[Hoh? How strong, exactly?]

⟦I feel that I could've killed it with a flick of my finger.⟧

[…]

⟦…⟧

…

[Try restraining your strength.]

⟦I think I should.⟧

It would be beyond troublesome if I accidentally killed some people. Think about it- the Hero ended up killing a shopkeeper because she threw the coin too hard at him.

My life would be over.

"U-uh…"

"Hmm?"

Oh right, the girl is still here.

"Eek!" She shrieked.

I looked down, and there she was, trembling with tears streaming down her face. Behind me, the corpse of the Dragon fell down with a boom, finally allowing the sun behind it to grant us its sunshine, yet the girl was deprived of it due to the shadow cast by my figure.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to eat you."

Cannibalism is not one of my hobbies, fortunately.

"#&t?" She tilted her head.

What is she saying?

[847 years have passed. It's only natural for their language to evolve.]

Makes sense.

What am I supposed to do now? Interpersonal communication was never one of my strong suits.

⟦Make me a translator. Quick.⟧

[No.]

⟦Tch, aren't you useless.⟧

Well, I would have been surprised if he actually made me a translator so quickly. The last time we constructed one, we had to study the basic structure of the opposite party's language, which took us a significant amount of time.

I crossed my arms and looked down at the girl, giving her my signature smile. If anything, it would at least tell her that I have no intention of harming her.

Now then, what should I do?

I need to form a good relationship with this girl in order to extract information.

[Looks like we have some guests.]

…Good grief.

Just as I complained to soothe my complicated maiden heart, the ground below us began to shake. The air around us trembled, while chaos descended upon the forest. Birds flew out from tress, trying their best to leave this area, while wild beasts and monsters ran about to hide.

Something big was coming, and if my guess was correct, it was coming for me.

"Uuuu…" The little girl whimpered and squatted down with her hands covering her head.

Excuse me, if squatting with your hands over your head was all it took to brave through calamities, the elves wouldn't have been wiped out from the face of this Earth.

Having no other choice, I bent down, picked up the girl, and jumped back to cliff from before.

Sure enough, something troublesome was coming.

The sky in front of me was filled with growling, furious beasts.

Why, they were Wyverns.

Although a discount version of Dragons, they still held enough might to flatten villages and small towns. Back then, an entire squadron was required to bring down one of these filthy beasts.

However, as if my luck had packed up its belongings and gone on a long vacation, the sky in front of me was filled with 200 of such creatures.

[They are coming for you.]

⟦Hey, let's be optimistic, okay? I'm sure they are just passing by and have nothing to do with me.⟧

No way they're coming for me, right?

The girl in my arms trembled at the sight of those wyverns, and buried her face in my chest while muttering some incomprehensible things. I had no choice but to pat her head to assure that everything was going to be okay.

Just then, several of those Wyverns opened their maws and magical formations appeared in air in front of each of them. Lightning crackled while flames danced, and soon enough, tens of magic spells rained upon me.

It was followed by a large explosion which produced shockwaves visible to the naked eye. Within moments, the cliff I was standing on was destroyed.

Hmm? What about me?

I'm fine, of course.

I swung my hand to disperse the smoke. The Wyverns growled in exasperation that their combined attacks hadn't even scratched me.

[So much for your optimism.]

⟦Why is this world so cruel?⟧

[Most likely, they were the subordinates of the Dragon you just killed. After the death of their leader, they've come to take vengeance.]

⟦Whaaat? For God's sake, I killed that Dragon as a joke. Now what, do I have to deal with the consequences? Just take it as a joke, have a cheap laugh or two, and go home. These guys have absolutely zero sense of humour.⟧

[…]

Anyway, let's refuse to learn anything from past mistakes. I'm sure it'll… turn out well for me.

In other words, let's slaughter them all.

Since the cliff had been destroyed, I was now floating in air. The girl in my arms was still trembling and refused to open her eyes, which was actually a good thing.

She's too young to witness this ruthless bloodshed, after all.

And so, I raised my hand, my palm facing the 200 Wyverns. I clenched my fist and opened it back. A red sphere was now floating in my palm.

<Mana World: Red Sphere>.

The space itself around my palm trembled from the sheer amount of mana and destruction packed into this ball. Before the Wyverns could put up any defence- just like their pathetic leader- I made my move.

The next moment, a humongous amount of energy was released from my hand. The mass of mana lunged at the Wyverns with an unyielding intent to end their lives. A deafening explosion followed, rending everything in its path; the earth was turned into dust while the clouds blown away into oblivion.

"Hmm… some of them survived." I muttered as the smoke was blown away by the subsequent burst of gales.

Well, I say survived, but they were on the verge of death. My confidence would have taken a huge hit if any of them came out unscathed from this attack.

[Talk about an overkill.]

⟦I won't deny that.⟧

I suppose returning to this world and feeling alive again has dulled my reasoning a bit. Normally, I would have given them a chance to survive.

"Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-waaaaa!" The girl suddenly shrieked.

Her trembling had stopped and she was staring at the scenery of destruction in front of us. There was a faint blush on her cheeks while her eyes shone in awe.

She turned towards me, and I patted her head with my signature smile. If this doesn't tell her that I mean no harm to her, I don't know what will.

Hmm, now that I think about it, it's actually good that she's so distrustful of strangers. She has been taught well by her parents.

The little girl snuggled into my chest and beamed at me, her dark brown eyes staring into mine with reverence.

Ahh, so cute. This is healing my heart.

The girl had black hairs and soft, healthy, white skin. A gentle breeze blew, exposing her deliciously supple nape.

Her plump flesh tantalized my appetite, making me want to chomp her.

Right, a little bite wouldn't hurt, would it? It would be just a small bite, small enough for me to get a lick of her blood.

I mean, I just saved her life- twice at that. I'm sure she can grant me a little bite of her body. I deserve at least that much-

Now wait a fucking minute!

What the hell was I just thinking?! Taking a bite?! Getting a lick of her blood?!

⟦Viben…⟧

[Yeah…]

We need to do something about my body, and we need to do it fast. I'd rather avoid losing to my desires and biting little kids to death.

The invasion of the desire to suck her blood was so subtle that it sent shivers down my spine. Not even an hour has passed since I turned into a vampire and my boy is already playing mind games with me.

"Zzz…" The little girl dozed off, probably as result of all the tension leaving her body.

I wonder how she would feel if she knew that her saviour was about to have her as a snack.

Anyway-

[Above you.]

⟦Hmm?⟧

I turned my head up, and lo and behold, another troublesome thing was coming at me.

The sunny sky had turned dark in an instant. The black clouds swirled around, forming a huge vortex. Lightning crackled and thunder boomed, as if announcing the arrival of the huge crimson eye that was forming in the middle of that vortex.

[Well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of your own actions.]

Fuck.