14. Show must go on - Part I

Hey, there. It's a pleasure to bring you a new chapter. The last one was pretty intense, judging by your reactions, hahaha. I gotta confess that I read the paragraph where Luna smashes her guitar dozens of times, and I actually felt like it was a perfect way to end the chapter, with a strong, impactful scene like that. But that's probably because I f***ing love guitars. And about Luna's escapade with Matt, I actually didn't see it as bad as some of you said it was, hahaha. But every interpretation is valid.

Just two things before we start:

First, thank you all for making this story reach 500 reviews! I'm positively stunned.

And second, I posted this on Tumblr ('underratedhero'), but this chapter was divided in two. It was going to be incredibly long, even by my standards, so I decided to divide it in two. This first part has almost 8K words, so it's not that it's really short or anything. It's about the same lenght that the first seven chapters of this fic, a little more even. I hope you can still enjoy it.

And now, with the special thanks:

Boris Yeltsin, Omega Ultra (what's your theory about why Luna did that? I'd love to know it), Red the Pokemon Master, Mini-Crushies, FanficFan920, erica-phoenix16, shadowprove97 (that's an interesting idea! *evil laugh*), STR2D3PO, D-Structs, littlealexmartinez61910 (lol, no, this story is about the WHOLE family having to deal with their emotional core being torn apart from them; trust me, I'm the author, I know what my story's focus is), Thunderstrike16, ElectricLoud (sadness is life), SilvahBitta01 (sorry for the delay :c), Teotron, MikeTheHuman113 (I have my personal opinion about that, but I'll discuss it when the time comes), Unknown Russian (answering your question: we'll meet another girl from Dance Dance Resolution, yes), Emma, LoudSin (yeah, the Baby Steps renewed my inspiration for this story), Dead heart 9 (I don't know how the law works in the US, but if Matt is 17 and Luna's 15, at least here in Argentina there's no crime being commited), celrock, Iron-Doughnut (thank you; and believe me, I'm trying to make as little mistakes as possible, but it's never enough), BoukenDutch, Mew Shadowfang, endeavor-NeverEnding (my favorite part was definitely when Luna smashed her guitar; it's not really okay for me to say it, but I liked how I builded up the relationship with her favorite guitar so it would have a bigger impact), Hatoralo (yeah... the flu antidote... hehe), Franklin (:c), Secret life of writing, thehardboiledhit, Samtastic 3-0, ExMarkSpot, BewareTheBear05, HtfLover, Emperor of Performances, sad guy, Grim-XIII, kadienewberg, The Wannabe WriterOriginal, YamiKonamiSalamiNation, haldbloodcamper21 (oooh, I know you from Tumblr!), Codymitchell1, StkAmbln, CarlosBlaster (there will be one ending, and it'll be awesome :v), Hopeful, TheMadHatter, Jazz, Fipe2, TimmyTurnerFan, ImpossibleJedi4 (what Star Wars reference? Hahaha, I don't remember that), brandonthornton458 (I'm glad I've inspired you!), Sethsepticeye and the guests.

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Chapter 14:Show must go on - Part I

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I've seen fire, and I've seen rain.I've seen sunny days I thought would never end.I've seen lonely times where I could not find a friend.But I always thought that I'd see you again...—James Taylor, "Fire and rain"

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Lincoln never set up his alarm clock for the weekends unless he had something really important to do, so it was definitely not the alarm that woke him up. At first, he wasn't really sure about what had actually woke him up. For a beautiful minute, he thought that he was still dreaming, because with his closed eyes, he felt like he was in such a wonderful place that could simply not be real. Like floating in a sea of warmth and tranquility. He ignored which was the average heartbeats per minute ratio, but he was pretty sure that he was well below that line. He was feeling each breath, every single heartbeat, and oddly enough, he somehow felt like he was a little kid once again.

A little while later, in what felt like it was half an hour but that probably wasn't much more than two minutes, Lincoln's senses started to sharpen, and he finally decided to open up his eyes. The first thing he was able to see was that he was indeed in his bedroom, on his own bed. And then he immediately realized that that wonderful warmth he felt was because he wasn't alone under his blankets. Lynn was lying beside him, awake, staring at him.

She had bloodshot eyes, and her cheeks were wet.

"Lynn, are you okay?" He asked her, sitting up without even telling her good morning.

She smiled and wiped her tears with the blanket, sitting up as well.

"Yeah, I'm sorry" she said, trying to calm him down. "I woke up a while ago, and you looked so... so relaxed. I didn't want to wake you."

"You didn't" Lincoln assured her, as he saw her holding her loose, brown hair with a hand, while she looked for her pigtail band. "I slept fantastic, actually."

"Me too" she said, finally getting her usual hairstyle done.

They smiled at each other. Lincoln had really enjoyed a great night of sleep. Just like the previous night with Luan, having slept with one of his sisters had kept him from having nightmares. He felt safe, content, and it helped him to have a placid, uninterrupted night of sleep. Although, now that he thought about it, he had awakened in the middle of the night. It had been when...

His smile suddenly faded away. He unconsciously looked beyond his closed door, across the hall and into the last door to the right, just before reaching the bathroom. He tried to look into his two older sister's room, into Luan and Luna's room. He remembered everything that had happened in the early morning, when Luna came back really late from a concert and she and Lori had what Lincoln considered was the most serious fight he had ever witnessed between any of his siblings. Not even that time when Lori and Leni had bought the same dress things had escalated so bad. It had not been a physically violent fight. They hadn't even touched each other, which was amazing considering they all lived in a house where everything was quickly arranged through a fist fight. But what Luna had done hurt more than any punch or kick.

He didn't know what had happened to push his older sister to act like that. He noticed that she had been... a little dizzy due to the alcohol. And he had heard her say that she'd... That she had done things that a boy never wants to hear from his sisters. Things that broke his heart. But nothing could compare with the image of his sister smashing her favorite guitar on the floor. He remembered the hurt look he'd seen in her red eyes when she looked across her siblings faces. The silent plea she gave him when their eyes met. He tried to tell her that she was wrong, that she shouldn't believe what Lori had said, that he understood her. But either he didn't managed to do it, or it wasn't enough for her. Luna destroyed her favorite guitar. It wasn't the first time she'd smashed a guitar, but they were always old instruments that needed repairs anyway. She would never do that with Chloe, which she always cleaned after every single session. And never in the context of a big fight with Lori.

Lori. What had happened with her? The way she'd tried to lecture Luna... Lincoln knew that his own knowledge about his siblings psychology could only be rivaled by Lori's, who could probably even have more tricks than Lincoln himself to deal with her siblings. There was no way she had said all those things without knowing it would hit a nerve in Luna. Was she trying to provoke her? No. No, Lincoln had heard the regret in her voice when she realized what she had said. He saw her arguing with their parents so they would leave Luna alone in her room. What had happened, then? Actually, what was Lori doing awake at two in the morning in the first place?

"You're gonna talk with her, aren't you?" Asked Lynn, taking him out of his thoughts train.

"Of course I am. I would've gone there last night, but..."

"It was okay to give her some room to herself. She wasn't in the right condition to talk with you" she cautiously said.

Lincoln remembered his older sister's state when she had arrived home, and he felt his stomach stir.

"I just can't believe it. Luna, with... with a stranger? Really?"

"I know. I guess we're all doing stupid things lately" said Lynn, avoiding his eyes.

He looked at her with sympathy. He clearly would've preferred it if Lynn hadn't punch one of her classmates until leaving him almost unconscious, ran away from school, tried to fight with her sensei and cried her eyes out, blaming herself for his terrible destiny. He would've preferred it if none of that had happened. But at the same time, he couldn't avoid feeling a little happy for having had the chance to spend a whole afternoon with her. To know her better. He was also thankful that Lynn had faked having lost a ball to stage a fight with Lucy so she could have an excuse to bunk with him for the night without raising suspicions. The experience had been better than he had expected it to be. She hadn't done anything violent, she hadn't locked him inside any dutch oven, she hadn't even snored. He didn't have to worry about giving explanations about his Operation Farewell. She tried to conceal the looks she gave at his calendar and the bucket list on his wall. She said nothing about it and pretended like there was nothing unusual in his room, and he really appreciated that.

"So..." started Lynn, sounding slightly interested. "You actually know about...?"

He turned around to look at her. Judging by her tone and the hand gesture she was doing, he knew she was talking about what Luna said she'd done. He stared at her with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm eleven years old, not six."

"Yeah, right, of course. Sorry. It's just that... I don't know, I'm always seeing you like my lil' bro, I didn't realize you were already around that age."

Lincoln felt his cheeks blushing and warming up.

"Why yes, I know about 'that' ", he said. He looked away to the wall and said nothing else. This wasn't something he was fond of talking with his sisters.

"Hmm..." mumbled Lynn, in a funny tone. "Now I see why you didn't want me, a girl, to sleep with you."

"Okay, you made it awkward, I'll hit the showers" he said, his whole face red, as he tried to sit up and leave his room.

"No, wait!"

She was faster, and quickly embraced his right arm, stopping him from leaving. She actually didn't need to hold him. The desperation he had heard in her voice was enough to stop him dead on his tracks. The day before, he'd found a new facet of Lynn, one that he was still having troubles getting used to. It wasn't easy to see her so vulnerable. So sensitive. So desperate to be with him, to the point where she had practically jumped at the mere possibility of Lincoln walking away from her. She looked like she was about to cry.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I was just messing with you, lil' bro" she said, tightening her grip on his arm even more. "Don't leave me, please. Not yet."

His young and wounded heart shivered with his sister's plea. Very carefully, he turned around and put his free arm over her shoulders. Feeling him changing positions, she also moved, wrapping her arms around him just below his ribcage, letting her head rest agains his chest. Even though he was two years older, Lincoln was actually a good two inches taller than her. Her long auburn hair helped her dissimulate the difference, but they both knew he was taller. He had teased her about it when he realized it, earning himself a good punch in the shoulder, but he wasn't fully aware of it up until that moment when she hugged him on his own bed. It was right then when he first saw her as small.

He hugged her too, and softly stroked her hair.

"It's okay, Lynn. I'm not leaving you. I will never leave you" he promised her.

He hated with all his heart that he was able to recognize the breathing of a crying person. He was getting too much experience on it for his taste.

"A-are y-you...?" Lynn started, but she had to cough a little and take a couple of deep breaths before she could gather enough strength to talk. "Will we have another moment like this?"

"Lynn, of course we'll—"

"Please" she interrupted him. "I-I know I can't keep you f-for myself. We all l-l-love you. But... But..." She started to energically shake her head, as if the simple movement could take her fears away. "I don't want this to be the last time I wake up with you by my side."

He cursed himself when he recognized his own breathing as that of a crying person.

He assured her that he had no intention of that being the last time they would have a one on one time. He told her that he still had time, and he was determined to make the best of it.

"So don't worry. I still have to teach you my cooking skills and how to polish your nails. And you can come and sleep with me whenever you want" he told her with a smile. "But today... Today I have some things to do."

She nodded.

"You need to talk with Luna."

"That's just one thing" Lincoln sighed, looking exhausted at his calendar. "Luan is helping me with a project, I need to give Lisa a report, I want to keep advancing on some stuff with Mom, I promised I would hang out with Clyde and Ronnie Anne today, and I haven't spend much time with—"

"Ronnie Anne?" She suddenly said, breaking away from his embrace to look him in the eye. "Are you really going to keep seeing that... that...?"

Her fist were clentched tight and her fierce eyes were locked in Lincoln's eye, the one that she had seen a little swollen just the night before. Lincoln couldn't help himself and grinned, which only infuriated Lynn even more.

"I appreciate that you're worried about me" he said, flattering her as quickly as possible to calm her down. It worked. "But it was all a misunderstanding, really. She's deadly worried about me, you know? It's just that... Well, she also finds it easier to express herself through her fist."

The comparision evidently bothered Lynn a little.

"You two could end up being really good friends, you know?" He teased her. She quickly realized his intention, and finally relaxed.

"Fine. I'll allow you to hang out with her. But tell her that if she wants to show you her love, this time she should just settle with a smooch."

She laughed, extremely pleased to see Lincoln's face turn five shades of red in a matter of seconds.

"How bad is it?" Lincoln asked her in a low voice.

Luan shook her head, holding her hands against her breastbone.

"When I woke up she was already finishing her shower. She then went back into our room and started to put away all her instruments. One by one. I tried... I tried to stop her but..."

She closed her eyes, and Lincoln saw her shivering.

"She smiled at me" she finally said. "She smiled and told me not to worry about it. But she looked... I don't know, Lincoln. It scared me."

Lincoln closed her eyes and massaged his temples. Almost the whole family had already went downstairs to have breakfast. He had been left behind because he went into Lisa's room to have his morning dosis of the antidote, and when he came out, he spotted Luan also leaving her room, looking crestfallen. After making sure that there was nobody else upstairs, Lincoln stopped Luan and asked her about Luna, who had apparently decided that she was not going to have breakfast.

Things were getting complicated, definitely. Lincoln didn't want to waste any time.

"Can you cover for me?" He asked his sister. "I'll try to talk with Luna."

Luan nodded and wished him luck, giving him a big hug and a kiss on his forehead. She left him alone, and Lincoln quickly walked to his sister's room. He opened up the door, and even before he spotted Luna sitting in a chair in front of the window, he knew that everything was simply messed up. The silence was painfully revealing. But that wasn't all. She wasn't wearing her boots and her wristbands anymore. She wasn't playing any instrument, and she didn't have her headphones on. She was simply sitting in the chair, with her arms resting on the window's ledge and her gaze lost somewhere far away.

Lincoln took a deep breath and called her.

"Luna."

If it wasn't for the fact that he heard her holding her breath before releasing it in a big sigh that would've made Lucy jealous, he might've believed that she hadn't heard him.

"Luna, look at me" he asked her, putting a hand on her shoulder.

Slowly, Luna turned around and looked at him. Lincoln had never seen anything like it. It was like her eyes had lost the ability to glow. They showed no emotion. Just... Just an immense feeling of abandonment, and desperation. For a moment, Lincoln felt like he would never have enough words to describe what he was seeing, that there was nothing he could say to make it better. But he had to try.

"Why did you do that?" He asked her, sounding slightly reproachful.

"Why did I do what?"

"Everything. Getting... drunk. Coming home so late. And... and what you told Lori about that guy."

Luna closed her eyes and ducked her head.

"You probably hate me right now. You must think I'm... that I'm..."

"Of course not" he firmly said. "Luna, I... I don't judge you. But... you know the risks. If... If you didn't use protection, then you—"

"Despite what Lori might think" she interrupted him, sounding not upset, but dissapointed, dissapointed with herself, "I'm not a reckless idiot. Our family's not getting bigger, Lincoln."

A huge weight was taken off his shoulders. It's not that he didn't trust her, or that he thought she was an idiot. But Lincoln knew very well that people, when feeling desperate, usually makes big mistakes. A part of him was relieved, but there was still so many things worrying him.

"Why did you smash your favorite guitar?"

He saw her shivering, and he knew right away that she was still hurt about that. It hadn't been something easy for her, it clearly wasn't what she wanted to do. But then why did she do it?

"Because I won't need it anymore."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm not playing anymore" she said, sounding determined. "No more music for me."

"What?! Why would you do that?"

"To show you all that there's more in Luna Loud than just music."

"Luna, no one thinks you're just music!"

"Of course you do, Lincoln!" She snapped back, standing up and walking to her closet, looking for nothing in particular. "You can say whatever you want, but deep down you all think music is all that matters to me, that everything I think is rock related, and that I don't care for anything besides my music. Lori said it herself last night."

"She didn't said all those things, and what she did said, she didn't mean it" he replied.

"She totally meant it!" Yelled Luna, looking hurt as she said so. "That's what she really thinks about me. What everyone thinks, but no one dares to say."

"Luna, this... This is all my fault."

Luna's face suddenly relaxed. She stared at him dumbfounded, utterly surprised.

"What do you mean?"

"There's so many things I need to tell you all... So many things I need to clear out with each one of you" said Lincoln, sitting on Luan's bed, "but I just can't be with all of you at the same time. I've just spoken with Luan and Lynn. Lucy, Lana and Lola don't even know what's going on. If I had been paying attention to you, if only I would've spend some time with you... Maybe none of this would've happened."

Luna sat next to him and gently embraced him.

"No, Lincoln, this is not your fault. Don't say that. It's my fault, I'm the one who made you all think I'm just music."

"But Luna, you can't just quit on your music" Lincoln told her, grabbing her hand. "You're a music prodigy, you can't just drop it. Music is what you love the most, what you truly enjoy."

He felt his sister's hand tensing, and the look she gave him had a mixture of pain and a pinch of anger.

"That's exactly what I'm trying to stop you from believing" she said through gritted teeth, with her eyes closed in an attempt to avoid crying. "Music is not what I love the most, Lincoln. I can live without music, but there are some things I can't live without. Things that give my life a meaning. Things without which it makes no sense to go on."

"Like what?" He honestly asked. He really wanted to know what his sister was talking about. He felt like he was about to find out a new facet of Luna. Just like he'd found out Lynn wanted to learn how to cook, he thought he was about to find out a hidden depth about another one of his sisters.

Luna, however, didn't answer him. Not with words, at least. She only stared at his eyes, with her lower lip trembling, as she raised a hand and barely touched his cheek. A slight brush with the tip of her fingers, tickling him. He didn't laugh, though, because he realized what she was talking about.

She was talking about him.

What can an eleven years old boy, whose life is slowly slipping away from him, say when his older sister tells him that he's what she loves the most, and that there's no point in going on without him? How can he reply such a confession? How to tell her that she shouldn't believe that? How to promise her that everything's gonna be alright?

He would've loved to be able to reply something, but he didn't know what to say. In a way, it was a relief when she stood up and turned away from him.

"Go and have breakfast" she said, not looking at him.

"But—"

"Don't stay here with me."

"I want to."

"I promised Lola I would go to her tea party today, too."

"So what? I'll tell her that we can—"

"Lincoln, please" she interrupted him, still facing at the opposite wall. "Don't make me cry. It hurts. It hurts so much."

Had him been a good brother, then he would've stayed there with her. He would've made her come around. He would have not rested until she felt better. He would've offered her a shoulder to cry on, he would've whispered the right words. He would've helped her carry all the pain she was undoubtedly feeling. But he was selfish. He didn't feel like he was ready to do it, to suffer again with her. For five days in a row, all he had been doing was suffering. In the hospital with his siblings and parents, and then with Bobby, Clyde,with Adrien's death, Ronnie Anne, Luan and Lynn. It was all pain. His heart felt numb just by thinking in all that he had suffered this last week, and all the pain that he was yet to experience.

He was weak. He chose the easy path, slowly nodded, and left his older sister grieving in her room all alone, just as he walked downstairs to join the family breakfast.

He hated himself for doing that.

"Any idea for this chapter's title, son?"

Lincoln spend an aweful time trying to come up with a name for the last chapter his mother helped him write. To narrate his experiences and what he'd learned from them was pretty easy. His mother had the hardest part, taking notes and then having to write it all down in a way that ended up being well written while still maintaining Lincoln's particular view of the matter. But chosing each chapter's titles was becoming more and more complicated as they kept writing them. In just a few hours, the two of them had finished another three chapters, and his mind was tired after coming up with "Undie Pressure", "Changing the Baby" and "Cereal Killer".

"I don't know. What about... Toads and Tiaras? Is it too dumb?" He asked, tired of everything.

"I think it's perfect, son" Rita told him with a smile. "It perfectly summarizes those two."

Lincoln smiled too, but then he looked aside.

"Honey, what's wrong?" His mom asked, leaving her notebook aside and sitting next to her son. They were both in her bedroom, where no one would bother them. Knowing very well the fact that everything they said could be heard through the vents, Lincoln had set up a music player, so no one could accidentally or intentionally hear what he and his mother were saying.

"Nothing" he said.

"You're thinking about Luna, aren't you, sweetheart?"

His mom could be deceived every once in a while, but she had a superpower that allowed her to quickly detect and identify any problem in one of her children. Deep down, Lincoln knew that he wouldn't be able to hide his thoughts from her for too long.

"You shouldn't ground her."

Rita sighed.

"It's not her fault" he continued. "She didn't mean to do what she did."

"We're not going to ground her, honey" she said, stroking his white hair. "She's old enough to realize that what she did can't be repeated. She knows it's wrong. Besides, I think she's already punishing herself hard enough."

She couldn't say much more. Someone knocked on the door, and a second later Lucy walked inside the room. Lincoln couldn't help but smile. This must've been the first time he ever saw his little sister casually walking into a room. Usually she simply appeared there, opening portals from another dimension or walking through walls apparently, but even she had to ask for permission before entering her parent's bedroom.

"Yes, Lucy?" Asked Rita, standing up.

"Clyde and Ronnie Anne are ringing the doorbell" she simply said.

Her eyes were hidden behind locks of her hair, but even so Lincoln was perfectly sure that his little sister was scrutinizing the whole room, analizing everything. The way she slightly moved her head was a give away for Lincoln that Lucy had seen the music player against the vents, and she had also probably spotted the open notebook on the bed.

"Thank you, Lucy" he quickly said, wanting to take her out from there as soon as possible. "I'll go hang out with them, mom, see ya later."

He left the room along with his sister and closed the door behind them.

"What were you doing there?" She monotonously asked.

"Oh, she just needed some ideas for her novel and I offered myself to help her, you know."

"And why did you put music so we couldn't hear you from the bathroom vents?"

"So you actually tried to spy on me from the bathroom vents?" Lincoln asked her, with a slightly reproachful look. Lucy realized what she had just slipped her mouth, and after a few shocking seconds where she simply stood there with her mouth wide open, she ran away from him.

Lincoln saw her going up the stairs. Lucy knew something was odd, there were no doubts about it. He couldn't keep her in the dark for too long. But he had just so many things to worry about right then that he couldn't really focus on that particular matter. He opened the door, and found his two best friends waiting for him. They were standing five feet from each other, doing everything they could to keep their eyes from meeting. Lincoln had found out about their little altercation two days ago. Apparently, they hadn't talked about it yet, but they'd decided to let their differences aside so the three of them could enjoy an afternoon together.

His smile returned when he thought about his friends. He wouldn't trade them for the world.

"Hey, guys" he greeted them.

"Hello, Lincoln."

"What's up, lame-o?"

Their words were the same as always, the same they used to greet each other everyday, but Lincoln noticed a different attitute in them. Clyde had barely bumped his fist, and Ronnie Anne was staring at him like he was about to faint. His two friends were actually looking at him like he was a fragile porcelain figure, a delicate model that they needed to keep an eye on to keep it from falling and breaking. He felt a little awkward for being treated like a child, but he knew it was their way of worrying about him. He didn't blame them.

They started to walk, not knowing where to go yet. He was walking between his two friends, and apparently, they weren't the only ones acting a little weird. Before they even reached the sidewalk, Clyde asked him:

"Lincoln, did something happen? You look concerned."

He sighed.

"It wasn't my best night" he resignedly said, looking at the ground and putting his hands in his pockets.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Asked Ronnie Anne, putting a hand slightly above his elbow.

Lincoln looked at her, and then at Clyde. She had asked him, but he knew that they wouldn't simply let him pretend it was no big deal. He sighed again and told them that he would tell them all about it when they reached a more private, quiet place.

That private, quiet place ended up being, as usual, the nearest park. They found this little spot under a tree shadow that had a concrete table and two concrete benches. Lincon sat in one of the benches, Clyde sat right in front of him on the other side of the table, and Ronnie Anne decided to sit right next to the white haired boy, only that she sat on the table with her feet on the bench, unlike the other two who used the public facilities the way they were meant to be used. Now a little more relaxed beneath the shadow and knowing that they were away enough from the main path to not be disturbed, Lincoln told them all that had happened the night before in his house.

Well, he didn't tell them all of it, actually. He decided to skip part of what Luna had said, because he didn't want none of his friends to think less of his sister, fearing that they would judge her. He told them what they needed to know. That Luna, just like the rest of his sisters, was devastated, that she had decided to go and give a concert in a bar, that she had drank more alcohol than she could manage, and that she had arrived home at two in the morning. He told them about the argument with Lori, about how Luna smashed her favorite guitar, and the little conversation they both had had just a few hours ago before breakfast.

"She says that she doesn't want to play her guitar anymore because she's tired of everyone thinking music is all that defines her" he finished. He opened his mouth as if to say something else, but he quickly closed it.

His friends were looking at him with worried looks.

"But you don't think that's true, don't you?" Asked Clyde, carefully measuring his words, fearing that he might be wrong about his assumption.

Lincoln couldn't stop his lips from forming a fleeting grin. His best friend could definitely read him like an open book.

"No. I don't think that's the reason she does it. I'm not saying she's lying, there's probably a bit of what she says in it. But I think the truth is more... complicated than that."

A little umcomfortable, he looked away to his right, seeing the little kids in the playground having fun with their friends, their siblings and parents, laughing and enjoying a nice Saturday afternoon.

"Then what do you think it is?" Asked Clyde once again, after the silence became long enough to be umcomfortable.

Lincoln didn't answered right away. He had this idea in his mind, but it was difficult for him to find the right words to express himself. He was usually a very eloquent kid, but it seemed that it was hard to express himself with clarity when it was about serious problems with his sisters.

"See, Luan told me that lately Luna was having trouble playing her songs. That she would stop in the middle of a jam, unable to continue, and that she seemed like she was always about to start crying. And today, when I tried to talk with her, she told me something that..." He started to move his hand in front of him, trying to gestualize what he was trying to say, but he couldn't come up with the right words. "I don't know. I think like she doesn't want to play anymore because music is not distracting her. Her songs are reminding her... Well, they are reminding her that I'm going to die soon."

Both his friends shivered when they heard those words, but Lincoln decided to ignore them.

"She has always used music like a screen to cover her problems. Like a masquerade. She always hid behind it to stop thinking about her problems, to abstract herself from whatever make her hurt, to run away from her problems, you know? But... I guess this time she can't simply avoid this problem. My theory is that she's trying to stop thinking about the fact that I'm going to die, but she can't do it. That's how she always faced her problems, and now that she can't do it no more, she doesn't know what to do. I think that's what's tearing her apart."

"You can't blame her, Lincoln" Clyde softly said. "We're all... We're all trying to deal with this in our own way."

He started to breath more quickly, trying to stay strong for his friend and avoid crying.

"I know, I know" Lincoln said in a defeated tone. "I get it. I swear I understand her. But I just don't know how can I help her. I don't know what can I do to make her feel better. If I'm right, and I'm pretty sure I am, she's doing all this stuff to keep the pain away. How can I help her to stop running away from the pain?"

Clyde tried to say something, but he had no idea what to say to him. He closed his mouth and looked down. Lincoln looked away too. He wasn't really expecting them to give him any answer to his questions. He was just saying out loud what was bothering him, his most immediate problem. The man with the plan, that's how he'd referred to himself so many times, and yet, now that it really mattered, now that things were in a critical stage, he didn't know what to do. He couldn't simply die and leave his sister like that. He couldn't allow himself to leave this world if there was one of his older sisters giving up her dreams and her passions. He had to help her, but he didn't know what he could do.

He was so focused in his own thoughts, that he was taken by surprise when Ronnie Anne spoke right next to him.

"When my mom died, I didn't cry."

Lincoln and Clyde immediately looked up. Ronnie Anne, still sitting on the table, was looking at the ground, avoiding making eye contact with the boys. Lincoln nervously gulped. It was the first time he heard Ronnie Anne talking about her mother. Through Lori, he knew that both Ronnie Anne and Bobby's mom had died two years ago in a car accident. He had always been careful enough to keep himself from mentioning anything that could trigger Ronnie Anne by reminding her of her mother. He could see how sorrowful his friend seemed to be. He was about to tell her that she didn't have to talk about it if she didn't want to, but she spoke first.

"My dad and Bobby, they did cried a lot. And I felt terrible too, like completely empty, but I just couldn't cry. Not when I got to the hospital, not when they told us the news, not even in the funeral. For weeks, I was sad, but not that much. Sound crazy, right? How could I not be devastated for my mom's death? I should've been crying non stop. But it wasn't like that, for weeks I couldn't cry her. And then..."

Her shoulders started to convulse, and Lincoln acted immediately. He stood up and hugged her. She wrapped her arms around him and dragged him closer, as some tears escaped her eyes. Clyde also stood up, surrounded the table and stopped right next to them. Not knowing what to do, he simply put a hand on Ronnie Anne's shoulder, gently stroking her arm.

"One day I was skating in the park, getting the sickest air" she said, resuming her story. "It was all good, as always, until I suddenly saw this four year old girl falling from her rollers, and her mom came running and helped her stand. As soon... As soon as I saw that... It was like someone broke a dam inside of me. I felt sick. I ran to the loneliest bush I could find, I hid behind it and I cried."

She sank her face in Lincoln's shoulder and her fist clentched his shirt.

"I cried, and I cried. I cried all the tears I had been holding up all those weeks. I felt terrible. I felt like there was no point in living without my mom. I called Bobby and asked him to pick me up, and I cried with him too. Those were hours of crying, Lincoln, hours. Never in my entire life had I cried as much as that day."

After that, she needed a few minutes to catch her breath, to pull herself together. Lincoln and Clyde patiently waited for her to recompose. Lincoln didn't let her go, and he kept softly caressing her back. When she felt like she was alright, she broke away from the hug, and Lincoln sat beside her on the table, holding her hand.

"I can't remember ever feeling worse. Just to think about that day hurts" she made a small pause to take a breath, and Lincoln gently squeezed her hand to assure her that he was there for her. "But from that day on, I finally could accept what had happened. All those weeks I didn't cry, I'd been lying to myself. It's not something I did on purpose, but I was deceiving myself. My psychologist said it was something my mind did to save me the pain. But..."

"But?" Lincoln softly asked, not wanting to rush her.

Ronnie Anne finally looked him in the eye.

"We can't always escape from the pain. There are some things that will always hurt us, and we can't keep them from doing it. And sometimes... sometimes you need to let it hurt."

They stayed in silence, and Lincoln started to process all his friend had just told him. It wasn't exactly a comforting reflection. It looked more like a resignation. To stop trying to avoid the pain, accepting there was nothing they could do, and let it hurt. He didn't want that. He wanted a magic solution that would allow him to fix everything with Luna. That would help him make her feel good, to keep her from crying, to save her from all that pain. He really wanted something like that, but in spite of his innocence and optimism, he knew he was asking too much. He knew that the death of a loved one was a serious issue, and it couldn't be taken upon lightly. It wasn't something one could downplay, or try to not be affected by it. In his worst moments, he had sometimes imagined how would he feel if it was one of his sisters the one going through what he was experiencing, and the idea of living something like that made him cry more than anything.

Maybe Ronnie Anne was right. Maybe what Luna needed was to stop trying to avoid her pain, to stop looking for a way to get distracted and not think about it. By helping her realize that, he may stop her from doing dangerous things to get distracted. If he thought it like that, Lincoln would feel a little less guilty. If by letting her cry he could keep her from doing something stupid that could endanger her, then that was a price he was willing to pay. But that still left him with the music problem. How could he help her with that? Unless...

Lincoln's eyes glowed with realization. An idea crossed his mind, and he catch it before it faded away. The idea started to gain shape, and soon it became a plan. Certainly, Lincoln thought he'd found the answer. It was a practical idea, easy to accomplish, with big chances of leaving an impact in Luna, which is what he wanted in the end. To do this, however, he needed a little logistics. A little preparation or help in an area that wasn't his specialty. He started to mentally go over everyone he knew, looking for someone that could help him, and he suddenly realized whom to call.

It was perfect.

He smiled. He smiled widely, feeling content with himself, and his friends noticed his change of attitude.

"You came up with a plan, didn't you?" Asked Clyde, looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah" he happily said, tightening his grip on Ronnie Anne's hand. "Yes, I came up with something. I think I know what can I do to help Luna. If I try my best, then I can do it this very night. I just need to practice, and I'm going to need help from..."

He suddenly stopped. He had gotten excited, and his enthusiasm had made him speak faster and louder, thinking about starting right away all the preparations for that same night. But right then, he was hanging out with his two best friends. They were supposed to spend the whole day together.

"Lincoln."

He looked at Roonie Anne, who was smiling at him, with somewhat sad eyes, but full of understanding.

"If you need to go, then go" she whispered.

"But... Today was supposed to be our day."

"We can wait, buddy" Clyde assured him, wearing practically the same face as Ronnie Anne. "Your sister needs you more than us."

"Family is always first" completed the girl.

Lincoln stretched both arms and surrounded his friends necks, taking them by surprise when he dragged them closer to hug them. They wasted no time and hugged him back.

"I love you, guys" he said from his very soul.

"We love you too" they both answered back.

He stood up and took up his phone. He needed a ride to the other side of town, and although he didn't want to take advantage of her promise, he needed to ask a favor to one of his sisters. So he opened the chat with his eldest sister and send her a first message.

"Hey Lori..."

He wanted to send her next a "are u busy ? can i ask u a favor ?", but he was in the middle of writing it when the app confirmed him that his sister had seen the message, and a fraction of a second later his phone started vibrating with an incoming call from Lori Loud.

"Lori?" He asked, when he answered the call.

"Lincoln, where are you?! Did something happened?! Are you okay?!"

He had to move away the phone from his ear to prevent any kind of serious damage. Ronnie Anne chuckled seeing that.

"Lori, it's okay, I'm alright."

"Are you sure?!"

"Absolutely."

He heard a big sigh and put the phone close to his ear once again.

"I'm sorry. I saw your message and... Well, it doesn't matter."

"Lori are you doing something? I mean, are you busy right now?"

"No, Lincoln. I'm not busy for you. What do you need?"

"Well... I mean, if you're not busy, do you think you could come pick me up in the park? I need you to give me a ride somewhere, pretty please" he asked, trying to sound as polite as possible.

He heard the sound of dangling keys, some quick steps, what seemed to be the sound of metal hitting another metal, and an engine being turned on.

"I'm literally on my way there."

.

This was the best place to divide the cap. I'm usually more worried about what I want to tell rather than the length of each chapter. That's why the first chapters were shorter (things I wanted to show were easier to tell) and this last chapters so long. But this was ending up being like extremely long, and I thought that if I divided it in two right here, each part would still have a lot of content. I mean, this one had a scene with Lynn, a chat with Luna, a moment with Rita and a scene with Lincoln's best friends that came along with a pretty dark headcanon for Ronnie Anne.

From now on, I'll just update on Fridays. I'm not saying that I'll update EVERY Friday, like once a week, just that I'll update on Fridays. So if next Friday chapter 15 is not up, then wait 'til the next. I'm trying to come up a little more scheduled. With the translations it's hard to know how long it will take me to write each chapter (the spanish version of this chapter was finished in 3 days, but it took me 2 more to translate; TWO DAYS TO TRANSLATE. I fucking hate my life.)

Anyway, follow me on Tumblr to check out sneak peeks from future chapters. Chapter 15's sneak peek was posted last week ('cause that was before I divided the chapter in two).

See ya!