C20: Evangeline

The flight that I just had felt like the longest day of my life. At first, I thought the only problem was Justin, but then, to my surprise, Giovanni was added to the list. Dad said that he's missing, but most likely to be dead, since it was his blood that was shed on the floor. But, even though the recent events are tormenting, and draining even, I'm at least glad that some people are exerting efforts to cheer me up, and one of those is Lance.

Dad told me a lot about him – most especially about how passionate he is when it comes to his work, how they bond occasionally like father and son, their common interests which are cars, sports, books, politics, and coffee. But for the most part, they play golf and tennis. What's obvious here is this – he spent more time with my dad than I did. After all, they see each other daily, and on the contrary, I'm in the USA, dad's in the Philippines. The idea that dad gained a 'son' sure is intriguing, which gives me the reason to be interested in Lance, and so far, I can't help but be grateful to what he did so far.

"Eve?" Hearing his gentle voice calling my name got me back to my senses.

"Yes?" I replied, clueless about what was happening.

"I've been calling your name for the past minute. Are you okay?"

"Totally. I was just spacing out. It's … an Evangeline trivia. Spacing out, that is."

Lance chuckled, looking away. "I can't believe that I'll hear that from anyone. 'Evangeline trivia?' that's a new term. I know that spacing out happens, but the way you said it was amusing."

"Now that you know an 'Evangeline trivia,' I should know a 'Lance trivia' to be fair. Let's hear it." I teased, hoping that I'm not assuming that we're close.

"If you're thinking that I have an interesting life like yours, well, no."

"Don't be such a killjoy. Just drop one," I suddenly sense energy running along every nerve in my body. I clasp my hands together, shrugging off the heaviness my emotions brought me. "Oh, I know! Let's make a deal. Every time we meet, we're going to drop one Evangeline and Lance trivia. It's a way of getting to know each other, little by little. So there's one each day if we're going to meet."

Lance narrowed his eyes as if trying to sense something fishy. "Like, a 'fun fact' daily?"

"My thoughts exactly!"

He ran his fingers into his hair, squeezing his eyes shut. He breathed out a heavy sigh – a sigh full of disappointment. "Good riddance, I was expecting that you'll need emotional support all along but the idea that sparked in your mind completely changed your entire being. Is this another Evangeline trivia?"

"Yes! Normally I'm a hyper and fun person, but some things happen in life where I get all emotional, like for example, losing somebody. I'm always at my extreme level. Extremely down, or extremely hyper. Lance, I can tell by just looking at you that you're a person filled with secrets. I want us to be friends so, I want you to trust me, and I'll trust you, too."

"Trust … huh?" Lance paused, his spirit down. Just as I thought. He's not the kind who easily trusts people. It's something understandable because after I experienced being betrayed by two men, I end up having the conclusion that … anyone can betray anyone. Maybe he experienced the same thing. Curiosity sparks even more as he shows me this side of him.

"I don't know if this is your definition of fun, but I'll say it anyway. You don't have to tell, just show. I'll verify it by asking if it's a Lance trivia or not, then, the day is completed!"

"Judging on your tone, it seems like I can't say 'no' anymore, can I?" his small, defeated smile says it all – fine, because you're pushing too hard.

"Well, if you don't like it, and you just want us to have the typical employee-employer relationship, then it's fine." but that would be boring. I wish I could add that.

"Fine, let's play your game. I think you already know the 'Lance fact' for today."

"Yes, and that is, you have trust issues on everyone."

Lance's facial expression falls, and I'll take that as a yes.

"You can say that, yes," he avoided my gaze as if starting to reflect on the reasons why he became like that. "To put it simply, I'm raised to be like that. I'm not telling you the reason. Not today, at least."

Using my fork, I pushed the last of the egg and rice into my spoon and put it into my mouth and chew it, savoring the rich taste of the fried rice and the crispiness of the fried egg.

"It's settled, then. But we'll keep this game between us. This game, after all, might involve secrets, and I don't want people to know it." Lance added.

"Of course. You know what, I'm thinking of creating a contract for this," I proposed, and that wiped away the last positive reactions written on his face.

"That would be childish. That's too much. I won't agree." I pouted upon hearing his answer, which I'll accept, anyway. After all, the entire thing that I asked for today was already too much for him, even if he won't confess it.

"Fine. But Lance?" I fixed my eyes on him after I put my mug down, and he did the same. He looked at me sternly, knowing that the next words won't be filled with jokes anymore. "Thank you. The reason why I wanted to befriend you is … I know I can trust you. You're a good person. I truly appreciate everything that you've done. Thank you for taking care of me."

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Lance asked me if he can do anything else for me after our breakfast, but I gave him the assurance that I'll live, and he can do whatever he's up to for the day. He already helped me a lot – from picking up, taking care while I was asleep, and cooking. He certainly needs some decent rest, so even if I'm enjoying his company, I decided to let him go. I still can't get over the idea of our 'game' earlier. It was embarrassing to confess how much I loved the idea and how much I'm looking forward to knowing him, but it would be too much to say. He can't blame me for being curious – dad loved him a lot, and I need to know what made Lance special for him.

Before getting here in the Philippines, I've been thinking of surprising Megan when I arrive here, like, entering her house randomly without notice and say 'I'M HERE!' at the top of my lungs, and she'll be surprised about how or why. I also thought if I should be inside a big box and come out when she opens it or something. However, the idea where Megan is already working in our restaurant and so does Lance, maybe I can just ask Lance to bring Megan to my house. As far as I know, Megan's been busy dealing with Arthur and her work, so I don't think she'll remember that I'm already here not unless I'll say it.

As the word, 'remember' lingers in my head, the word, 'Justin' came up. Hana Evangeline, you left the States. You should've left that name when you left. He's not worth the energy to think about, yet, the thought of him squeezes my heart. It makes me feel like it was squeezed enough to explode.

Explode.

I clenched my fist and held the area where my heart is. I crumpled that area of my shirt tight until it completely wrinkles. My knees weaken as I think about him, and I knelt to the floor, tears started streaming again from my eyes.

The thing I don't understand is why. Justin Spencer, why am I not enough? What am I lacking? I may be the one who ended the relationship, but my guts are telling me that the old us cannot be brought back again. The betrayal was too much. I can forgive him one day for sure, but breaking up is the best decision that I can think of. There is the thought where, if he managed to do it several times, how can he not repeat it again? The trust is completely gone. But, if there's one thing that I should do at the moment, it's only one.

I have to move on.

I can't live like this. Losing Justin and Giovanni is enough. Life goes on, with or without them. This, however, is easier said than done. In fact, I remember some girls in our group who took three years to move on. I don't know how long it will take me because we've been together for around seven years.

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After managing to breathe, the next thing that I knew I need will be fresh air. It's 7 pm, which is early. Perhaps taking a walk to have some fresh air would soothe my troubled soul. It's right on time, because the soup that I prepared for dinner was finally cooked. It won't be a long walk, so I should return before it gets cold.

I stepped out of the gate and began walking, without any direction having in mind. I'll go where my feet take me. The truth is, since I only visit this country once a year, and we're always using our car to go to different places, I really have no idea about the places here, not even how to go to our restaurant. That means, I'll be needing Lance's help again for this matter, hoping that it won't burden him.

After 15 minutes of walking around our village, I found an empty playground. Maybe this is a fair place to reflect. In fact, the fresh air alone is great, and seeing that nobody's around made things even better. As I explore the playground, I found a swing, and I didn't hesitate to sit on it. I moved the swing slightly back and forth, my eyes closed.

Justin, we may not be together now, but I doubt that I'm still angry, but hurt. I've grown tired of keeping anger in my heart, because with each day that passes, keeping anger kills me mentally and emotionally. It still feels like a waste, because that strong relationship that we used to have for seven years was ruined only because of one woman. You may not have chosen her in the end, but I simply can't accept you again with open arms after betraying my trust.

I closed my eyes and heaved a breath, slowly letting it out. Justin, wherever you are right now, the only thing that I can hope for is for you to find the right person who can accept you completely regardless of your past. Someone who can make you happy, and help you reach your full potential.

Someone you'll grow old with.

Tears started falling from my eyes once again, just like it always does ever since the day he admitted the truth. Unexpectedly, raindrops started falling from above, which hardly bothered me. Even the sky weeps for my loss. It's not only Justin now, but Giovanni. It was like yesterday; we were having a movie marathon of our favorite Mystery/Thriller movies over and over again, even if we watched it for at least 15 times each.

Those moments where we're going to laugh together as we try to speak the dialogues of the characters using our own version, talk about his girlfriend or my boyfriend, go shopping where he's the one who carries everything, and so much more. He was like a big brother to me, then who would've thought that … after not talking for weeks, I'll hear the news that he's gone … probably for good. When dad described how the crime scene looked like, the bloodshed was Giovanni's blood when tested, and he lost too much blood from that place alone, and it would be a miracle if he made it out alive.

Whoever did that must pay. Five times or ten times worse than what he experienced. If he gets captured by the police, it's obvious that he'll face lifetime imprisonment, which is hardly enough from what he's done. Giovanni's body is missing, which can also mean that his body was thrown away somewhere. I want to see him, dead or alive.

As I stay under the rain, I'm no longer aware if I'm still crying, or it's only the rain alone. All I know is, I'm not strong enough to go back home. I should've known. My phone isn't with me, and I have no idea how long I've been staying here. It's not like the time still matters. It's better than pretending that everything's okay, and this is the only way I can think of to express the pain that I have in my heart.

"Evangeline!" a familiar voice from afar called, but I decided not to respond, for I am too tired to move. I opened my eyes as I sense that the rain stopped falling from the sky, and I looked up to see what stopped the rain. It was Lance, covering his red umbrella over me to avoid the rain from soaking me.

"Are you crazy? Why did you let yourself get soaked like this? I've been looking for you everywhere! Did you even know that you left your house's gate open? I thought someone broke in and abducted you!" Lance spoke on the top of his lungs, anger and worry reflected his eyes, as well as relief. "Let's go. You'll get even sicker by staying here. Let's talk when you get home. C'mon,"

I gave no response, and we were looking at each other's eyes, which made me feel like time stopped even if it's raining hard. His facial expression softened as he gets the idea of why I'm here.

"Don't be stubborn now. Please. Let's talk about this later. I'm going to listen to you. Let's go."

He offered his hand, and I reached for it.