Daydream_Wanderer
The narration was awesome and good but for me, it still can be improved in the near future. I guess the author was not a native speaker so that only made me admire her more. For making it that far even with the language barrier. Nice! also the first person narration was a good choice. Seems enjoyable read to me! hehe. Good luck in the future.
The beginning pulls people in and I can't really find a lot of writing mistakes. Your writing style is different from what I usually read, and I kind of want to try to implement it into my own. Sorry, I don't mean that I'll copy you, I mean that I'll combine it with mine and then make it my own...that didn't sound much better. Ignoring all of that, this was a super interesting beginning and I can't wait to read more!