The Afterlife is BS

Hey, my name is Adam nice to meet you, me? I'm doing great, though that doesn't really matter right now considering the fact that I'm dead.

Really when I thought of the afterlife I half expected it might just be like an endless void where I stop thinking or something else like that reincarnation bs that novels spew. But I guess I was actually half right with my expectations of it because I've just been in this void fully conscious for God knows how long.

Honestly could be hours, centuries or just a couple of days. Thankfully, or unfortunately I can remember every single part of my life with 100% clarity in this place so I don't have to worry about getting bored and going crazy.

But honestly after you rewatch your life for what feels like the thousandth time you begin to reflect and think 'man I could have been doing things so much better' but again, I'm dead now, so can't really change much. Honestly, I don't really regret how I lived in my past life. The only real thing I would change about it is me being less apathetic

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This place is SO, FUCKING, BORING, like, at least let me have my body in this place if you're just gonna leave me here to rot but apparently either I don't have a body and I'm just a soul glob or this place is too dark for me to see it and I'm just a limbless nub floating in the void.

Really I don't know what God I offended to get a punishment like this but if the god in question is this petty to do shit like this to one guy,

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that God whoever it is deserved whatever I did to piss them off plus 10 times that.

Actually that might explain why I died.

I mean the average person doesn't usually get you know, gut checked by a meteor. I tried to remember that moment exactly, I was walking down the street until I had a notification from my phone and noticed that my brother texted me.

He sent me a video of some stupid thing I can't remember now, and while I was trying to keep my shit together and not bust out laughing in the middle of the sidewalk I didn't notice the meteor barreling towards me from above. I can still recall the pain of it, it was like I was a kid with stage four cancer finally being able to walk for the first time in forever but then suddenly John Cena comes from out of nowhere and power knees me through the next 4 walls of the building.

And to add more fuel to the fire of ever growing god hate.

Once I died, I did actually see a light, but something tugged me and now I'm here , now if that doesn't sound like divine bullshitery I don't know what does.

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I don't know how long it's been between the mental log I made then and now, but I can see? feel? Doesn't matter the specifics.

To stop myself from rambling i'll just say "see"

I can "see" a tear in the void but I can't really describe much else since I can only feel that it's there. God I wish I had eyes

Returning to the weird spatial anomaly, it caught me off guard when I was just floating aimlessly and started to suck me in. Thankfully I was too big for it to swallow and I got out, but now I'm just floating around it trying to decide what to do.

The way I see it I have three options

One, I wedge myself inside it and see what happens from there.

Two, try and split a piece off of myself and throw it in since I learned I'm more of a soul blob than an actual physical being.

Or three, ignore the tear completely and keep floating around to find something else interesting.

I'm gonna be honest after floating around here for who knows how long? Option three isn't looking that appealing.

So I'm going to air on the side of caution here and pick option two since I can still feel the small parts of me when they're split off,damn it this feels so weird.

After successfully splitting off a small part of myself, I slowly moved it towards the tear and without any resistance it was sucked in and right after the tear disappeared.

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Well on the bright side I can still feel that part of me, I can feel it moving faster and farther away. Luckily the connection between me and it isn't fading either so I guess it's back to floating around until it finally stops.

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Update to the mental log here, that piece of me is still going but I felt it start to slow down a bit. Aside from that I found two more tears, I did the same thing I did with the first one and I can feel them moving leagues slower than the first one but unfortunately I couldn't find any more

And before I go on another mental tirade about how it was a calculated risk and the most logical decision to make in the moment, it wasn't, I'm bored and tired of only seeing this stupid inky blackness all the god damned time. So wherever those fragments of me end up, wether that be in a literal hellish cesspool or the cold and wide expanse of space all I know, and not to sound like a whiny bitch here, is that it'll be a hundred times more entertaining than this bull shit I've been having to put up with.

. . . Let's hope those words don't come back to bite me

After a while, I felt an interference coming from the first fragment of me, it hit something a while ago while traveling in whatever weird portal tube it's going through. I'm still blind but now I can feel again, the problem with that being that this sense of touch feels off, like someone tried to copy it but only ended up with a shittier version of it that feels more simulated and robotic.

Speaking of robots. When I went to feel my new hands and body all I felt was cold and smooth metal. Now at this point a part of my mind wanted to scream in frustration about being stuck with a robot body but a bigger part of it reminded it that this is still a vast improvement from the main "body" stuck in the void.

After another session of waiting whatever force was moving me finally stopped, and then I crashed into what I think was a wall. Thankfully when I did I regained something thanks to my sudden introduction to that wall, that I've been hoping for, for a long while, my sight

When I when to get up though I noticed something extremely concerning, my new body wasn't listening. I then watched in surprise and curiosity as the body got up and started to feel itself and moving around what looked to be a cobbled together shack with a bunch of trash on the floor. But then out of seemingly I heard a voice,my voice, and it said something 'Where the fuck am I ?'

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WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING!?