CH. 2
Unremarkable.
If there was a word that succinctly summed me up, it would be that one, singular word.
The eldest child of three. My brother at twenty-eight years of age was the standout of the family for all the right reasons. Excellent school grades, an even better sports player, good looking and popular to boot.
Within a couple of years of leaving school, he had already built his own business from the ground up with a vast number of employees under its umbrella.
Success in life seemed to naturally flow to him, without the hint of any serious effort.
My sister was nipping at his heels with her own achievements of success. Her own side business which had started out as a hobby initially was beginning to take off. During a promotional event she had met someone who was a VIP of another company, the two had connected through mutual interests and were now engaged.
My parents did the best they could for us. Expensive private schools and tutoring for our education, provided the best of everything they possibly could for us and supported us in any venture we chose to undertake. You know, the usual thing from parents who are high flying achievers themselves.
Yet even so, there's always a black sheep of the family. An eyesore amongst a field of flowers. Some people, for some reason or another, just struggle through life.
Not because of a particularly bad hand that's been dealt to them. No. Some of us just aren't able, or are unwilling to, adapt and mesh with the society that surrounds us.
Go to school and achieve good grades. Find success in a professional, respectable occupation. Create a family and provide them with a source of happiness and success in their own right.
I wasn't the greatest nor the worst at school, I think it would be fair to say I was average. You know, straight down the middle. I never achieved the highest scores in exams, but neither did I score the lowest.
Even so, I applied myself as best as I thought I could and managed to snare a placement at a public university.
Pinpointing exactly where everything went wrong is difficult. If I had to place a finger roughly along the timeline that lead to the beginning of my downward spiral into loneliness and separation from society, I would say towards the final year of high school.
There was one kid in my year who could had been called a friend. My only friend. But after an awkward incident with a girl, he began distancing himself from me.
It wasn't as if I had done anything bad either, the entire thing had been completely accidental.
It kind of felt like my so-called friend had been distancing himself from me anyway. So it came as no surprise when the incident was used as an excuse to further the already expanding distance between us.
Bullying from other classmates only intensified, like a pack of hyenas harassing a wounded gazelle, I was defenseless. Hiding in the library, classroom and toilets could only offer small moments of bereavement. Soon, I was taking days of absences from classes all together.
Even so, I still managed to scrape by and gain entrance into a public university. Compared to my siblings and parents, when I say it was a disappointment, that's an understatement.
For myself I was glad for the fresh start, hopeful to turn over a new leaf and restart from zero. You know, new year new me kinda thing.
Ignorance can be wonderful.
Making my debut at the university, I found that members of my school were also studying there. Weekly torment became daily, social media outside of the school community fueled the harassment, leading to me eventually resigning from studies and secluding myself from society.
I pointed the finger of blame squarely at society. It had to be their fault for the feelings of deprecation and loathing I felt for myself.
When you can't physically look at your reflection in a mirror, it's easier to not look at all.
Or is that just something I told myself to feel better?
The only solace I found was in the small pleasures of life. Light novels, web novels, manga and games. The four great staples of a shut-in's lifestyle. The bedroom was my castle and hell would freeze over before I abandoned it to the realities of the real world.
Safe.
As safe as I imagined a caterpillar would feel, wrapped up warmly within its cocoon.
Which is important when the outside world is suffocating, its strong grip like a plastic bag covering your head. No matter how you tear at it, no matter how deep or slow your breaths are, relief doesn't come.
In my case there was no eventual freedom moment from the confines of my room. As with all castles there is a king or queen, and my reign was supreme.
Online gaming was my release. Friends I had never met, and never would meet, accepted me for who I was for my gaming prowess.
In the online world you be anyone and anything, if I wasn't me then… I was happy.
Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. Eventually those months became years and before I knew it, I was a thirty-six-year-old man, still living within the confines of my room. The cocoon which had seemed so protective earlier, now felt as if I was serving a term of imprisonment within a jail cell.
Still… I refused to change.
My parents had given up many years ago. Their words of anger when realising what I was doing, had given way to concern, then begging, to eventually receding into cold resignation. I was treated merely as a presence. Nothing more, nothing less.
During those rare moments I ventured from my room, there were times my presence was acknowledged with a glance of eyes my eye, which then glanced elsewhere. Not that it affected me.
I was simply indifferent.
Then the day came for the much-hyped release of a new game I had been amped up for. Most people this generation downloaded their games when released. But not me, I was old school, my preference is for the hard copy.
Having pre-ordered it prior to the release date, it was time for one of those rare moments where I emerged from the house and entered the real world.
"It's time I guess… Ugh."
The tossing and turning of my stomach almost made me crumble to my knees as I grasped the door handle.
Going out into the world was always the most difficult, confronting thing I could ever do to myself.
"Haa… Haa…"
I hate these moments. The split second between being vulnerable and exposed, to safe and secure. But…
"I need this damn gam- ack!"
Why does the sun burn me so! My eyes, my sensitive pasty white skin! Curse you!
The lack of sleep, aching eyes and burning sunlight were a trial I had to surmount if I wanted this game. I resolved myself and continued on with my quest, the prize of which awaited me.
Avoiding standing near others we waited to cross the road at the pedestrian crossing near my home, dodging and weaving my way around people, I slowly but surely arrived at the store.
"Why does it have to be so busy?"
Whining loud enough only for myself to hear. No problems, I had expected this. Just need to grit the teeth and push on. Quickly seize the item of my desire and return to the chamber of solitude.
That was the mission objective. I could almost see it displayed as a HUD above me with the indicating icon.
Secondary objective, survive.
"Pick up, uh, for uh… Adam Bellart…"
My voice barely more than a whisper, I struggled to speak out the words to the store attendant. Interacting personally with others these days was almost impossible.
"…Sure guy."
Please don't look at me like that. I know I haven't washed in days and probably stink of stale sweat and food.
No matter. Finally, the precious was in my hands. Now only to make the journey back. As I scurried out onto the street I inadvertently caught my reflection in the glass window of a nearby store.
Brown, messy hair that hadn't seen a comb in who knows how long. Pale white skin, untouched by rays of sunlight for just as long. Clothing full of creases, having been worn for days on end. Average in height, the inactive lifestyle I lead now left my once lean frame overweight.
"..."
What a disgusting creature.
The only thing I viewed as remotely good about myself were my once piercing green eyes, now dull and lifeless, that were flecked with gold. My only redeeming feature.
My mood, which had risen slightly only moments ago, slowly sank bank into the murky depths of my negative emotions. Not much really rose my spirits these days.
"Well… No point wasting time here."
The zigzag I'd made to the store was made on the return. Just one pedestrian crossing to go and-
SCREECHHH BWWAAAANNNNNNNN!
"!"
"What the hell are you doing kid! Can't you wait for the green walking man? I almost killed you!"
I instinctively flinched at the front grill of a large truck that reared up in front of me. Damn, I shouldn't have been staring at the front cover of this game case. Stupidly, I'd stepped out against the red walking man.
If this were an isekai and that truck had run me down, would I have been summoned to another world? I shook my head. Please, real life and fantasy are two very different things, that would never happen.
"Get off the road you idiot!"
Ah yeah, he's right, this is embarrassing everyone's staring. I'll just wave a hand in apology and step bac-
…