Vincenzo Devellis

I have always been proud of my cooking skills. Even if I wasn't very smart and quit every single thing i tried, cooking was not one of these things. I got the amazing cooking skills of my Nonna.

I could make the most complicated recipes without even looking at the recipes. Nothing was complicated for me when it was about cooking...nothing except cooking for Danny.

I've cooked for girls before, it was what helped me lose my virginity quickly as well as maintain a steady stream of girls. But now I was cooking food for Danny for the first time, and I wasn't sure what it would lead too. 

Hopefully, like every other time, it lead to the bed.

Now I just have to prepare the best dinner he's ever had, because the way to a man's heart is thru his stomach. Plus I'm sure I had much more to offer than that stupid dog shit Ashton, cooking being my first advantage.

Ashton was indeed a formidable opponent, I had to admit that. He managed to get Danny all freaked out about a first kiss that honestly should've been mine. Sure I kissed him as well, but it wasn't his first! Well at least I could get him hot and bothered with just a kiss.

I almost lost my composure when he showed me that erotic face. My body never reacted to someone's face that quickly, but Dan looked as though he was in an animalistic heat. I mean any guy would get hard after seeing him make that face. It just made me wonder just what exactly he was into.

Never mind that, I was just grateful that he wanted to come an eat with me. Actually, it was a bit of a miracle. Now Dan and I were walking completely different roads, and sure I deserve to suffer, but I wonder if it was painful for him as well.

Many thoughts from the past came to me while I tried to sleep. I thought of the many random moments from when Danny liked me. Like back in middle school in the sixth grade. On my birthday, Danny was over bright and early to help with preparations. When I saw him walk in the door, I immediately scolded him for wearing my scarf without asking me and yanked it off of him. He had bought me a cake, chocolate, because he knew it was my favorite, but I coldly told him to put it away somewhere because Minnie was coming with a bigger and better cake.

He looked a bit hurt but laughed it off and put the cake in the fridge. He tried to play off his embarrassment by calling himself stupid for not thinking I already had plans. Still he presented another bag to me while bragging about spending his entire allowance on it. 

A nice Tommy Hilfiger bomber jacket. I thanked him because it genuinely looked nice on me. I swiftly rushed him out while he had a satisfied smile on his face, so no one would see me hanging out with him. I proceeded to ignore him for the next couple days because it had been a way I could kill the happiness he felt for giving me that gift. 

A few days after my birthday, was Minnie's birthday. When she told me, I had no idea what she was talking about, but just so I didn't look too bad, I gave her the jacket. Minnie showed it off to everyone in school, but made sure to brag about it dramatically to Danny. Dan kept quiet about it, but I saw him looked really pissed off and disappointed for the first time that day.

For some reason, at that moment, I felt like my chest started to burn. It cooled down after a while only to return and switch off and on a few times. I kept feeling my heart sinking and nausea from my chest to my throat. It was jealousy, which confused me because I had no idea why he was jealous of Minnie even though she was being a bitch.

Needless to say, it was the last time I received a present from him first anything.

I saw many people bullying him to no end that I could've stopped, actually I could've put an end to it as soon as it started. Martin hated having him around as much as I did, so he sent people to mess with him at all times of the school day. 

I saw him get tripped down the stairs, get his head stuffed into toilets, and called names. At lunch, it became tradition to throw food at the back of his head. A few times he got stuffed into the staff closet because I let it slip that he was claustrophobic, which led to an increase in him passing out. I put a stop to that after his dad came to my house almost in tears to vent to my dad about something making Danny afraid of the dark. 

I couldn't even believe he wouldn't even tell his dad that he was getting severely bullied.

He never looked relaxed after that day. I watched his bright usual smiley self quickly vanish. I saw the bags under his eyes go darker and darker and his weight drop dramatically. His hair got extremely thin and he seemed to just get sicker and sicker. I had no idea what was going on, so I just got more pissed off.

Another time when I called him gay in front of everyone after he fixed my uniform for me. He turned absolutely red from the embarrassment as everyone stopped what they were doing to turn and laugh at him. Martin then proceeded to tell everyone in school that Danny was super gay, and I didn't stop him.

Contrary to what everyone believed, I wasn't very proud of that moment. By that time, the harassment of Danny was already at an all time high and it bothered me that he was getting bullied. But it bothered me more that he wasn't fighting back or asking me for help. 

I only did that because I was upset that he stopped coming to my house. Not only was I upset back then, I was going crazy because he was making the distance between us so obvious to me. Everything I was feeling just confusing to me back then. I'm not even sure how I had come up with that scheme to be fake nice to him.

I just knew I wanted him back in my life somehow. No matter the memory, each and every one is bitter with the aftertaste of regret.

He's probably getting better because of Ashton.

I knew exactly why I'm jealous. Ever since they met that one time at lunch, I saw the way Ashton looked at him. That fucking giant idiot never took his eyes off Danny since the day they met. What made me even more pissed off is how he got Danny's mood to brighten up, while I could only made him physically sick.

There were a few times I saw him try to make a move but fail due to Danny's general lack of interest in anything. Ashton was horrible romantic who had no experience anyway. He always gets too flustered and can never get very far with his advances from what I saw. But still, I watched for too long as he continuously tried his hand with Danny.

I stupidly confronted him about a month ago actually. I didn't have a speech prepared, back then I didn't even know why I was confronting him, I just let my emotions take over just as i always did. I still couldn't pinpoint what it was that I was jealous about, I just knew that I didn't like the idea of Ashton fawning over Danny and i wouldn't stand by and just let it happen.

"Stay away from him." I demanded.

"Huh?" Ashton looked really confused. Looking back, it made sense sense since we never had any problems with each other, and it was out of my character to care about what he did.

Still, I remember seething. Ashton should've known exactly what i was talking about, yet, it appeared he didn't. Or, he was playing dumb? I still can't tell.

"Stay away from Danny."

A smirk spread across his face as it looked like something registered with him. I had no idea what that dope was thinking. "Why don't you try and make me?"

That remark made me extremely angry. Ashton should know better than to talk to me like that; he should know that Danny is off-limits. I did question myself for the first time, though: Why is Danny off-limits? Is it that i don't want Ashton to be with my childhood friend? Or, what?

Why was I feeling so incredibly jealous? Why was it that i can't stand to see Ashton's pathetic attempts to win over Danny? Was it that I suddenly feel a rivalry with Ashton?

"He doesn't want anything to do with you. Leave him alone."

Who is i to speak for Danny, though? Who am I to say that he has no will to have a relationship with Ashton? No one has ever showed interest in Danny before and my mind couldn't register why it was freaking me out? 

"What are you two doing?" Danny had suddenly appeared next to us without me noticing. Like an idiot, I walked past Ashton making sure to bump his shoulder.

I acted like too much of an arrogant asshole. I had realized my fear of losing Danny long ago, and I acted like a psycho dickhead. The possibility of losing Danny to Ashton was very real now. The asshole confessed first and kissed him first and kept giving him his sweaters and jackets and drove him everywhere!

But Danny said there was still a chance for me, after all I had kissed him too! He told me he would think about it and he accepted the invite to come over and eat some food knowing that I love him.

Realistically....did I even stand a chance?

"Marone! That smells great!" Giacomo walked into the kitchen and lifted the lid of a pot to taste to sauce. "Who're you trying to get into bed this time?"

"Danny," I told him. Giacomo immediately dropped the spoon he was holding. 

"You're gay?"

"No, I love women, but I also love Danny," I said. 

"You're joking right? Why would he go to bed with you even if you love him?" Giacomo laughed when he realized I was serious. "Fratello, ti voglio bene, so I must be honest with you. You should just give up on that idea while you can keep your dignity. Nonna will date him before you do."

"I don't remember asking you," I glared at him. I refuse to think about that right now! Danny said he would think about it and he is! "You have no idea what you're even talking about."

"What kinda stuff does he like?"

"I'm finding out now," I grunted. I'm going to find out, that's why I got up at four a.m. and made seven different complicated dishes for him.

"You really don't know after all this time?"

"It's complicated."

"What's his favorite color?"

"Whatever the school colors are, blue or yellow, I guess." 

"It's black," Giacomo said. I shot him a dirty look. "Why do you like him now? Because you feel guilty for being an asshole? Or is it because you finally realized that little quirk he has?"

"Quirk?"

"He looks really fuckable for a guy."

"Giacomo!"

"What? You never thought that he has a pretty mouth? Or that he's so innocent that he must be compensating for a really filthy hidden side of him? Or that he has foxy bedroom eyes?" 

Giacomo had noticed that as well? "You shouldn't be talking like that yet."

"I didn't say I wanted to do it with him, but I wouldn't turn it down if it was offered. That's how fuckable he looks," Giacomo explained himself. "Plus he reminds me of a girl, especially when he's bent over."

"When the hell did he bend over?"

"You missed him helping out around the house over the years. Sometimes he makes these faces that look insanely slutty, I don't think he knows he's doing it."

"Stop looking at him like that," just who else was keen on Danny being sexy. I thought I had gotten rid of all those people.

"I didn't at first, but I once saw him masturbating, he was putting his fingers in his butt and making sounds, I've never been able to look at him the same since then." Giacomo whispered. "He doesn't know that I saw it."

"Schifoso!" I smacked the back of his head. "What's the matter with you! You watched him?! I should kill you!"

"I was lying anyway! How could I have seen that for real? I've been in Italy for most of that time and I always knock before I enter a room. You should've seen your face!" Giacomo laughed. 

"You..." I took a second to calm myself down before I could rip my younger brothers head off. He still knew how to get under my skin. "Ok, today I'm going to impress Danny with a meal. I'm making an effort to win him over so I'd like it if you'd just get lost."

"To where? I don't have to go back to Rome for a while and I don't have any American friends. I'll be good, I promise." 

"Why would you want to stay?"

"To watch you crash and burn."

"Stay in your room, don't come out. If you do, I'll piss on all the leftovers," I threatened. I wouldn't actually do that as my father would kill me for the waste of money, but Giacomo didn't know that. He nodded and mimed zipping his lip. "Good boy, I'll make sure to bring you a few plates after everything is ready."

"As long as I get some food too, I'll be the perfect wingman." Giacomo was a lot more observant than I was when it came to people despite his young age. If he said I had no chance, it makes me start to lose hope in doing this.

"How's school? You get along with everyone?" I asked him. Giacomo gave me a weird look and rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, I have some good bros from Calabria, some kids are a real pain though. Rich kids from Turin. One of them tries to talk down to me a lot."

"You little wimp! Get him back or something."

"I already am. We're going to jump him pretty soon when school starts and stick it to him real good. We're handling it 'Ndrangheta style...without the killing." Giacomo said. "Tell Nonna if you want to, she'll say it's just boys being boys."

"As long as you don't do anything illegal," I said. I wonder if he picked that up from me. I haven't exactly been a great role model, but it's not like he's here all the time.

Suddenly the doorbell rang. "He's here!"

"Get the door!" I snapped and went back to check on the ziti in the oven. It was the last thing that needed to be finished. It looked like it needed about ten more minutes.

"Hello," Danny's voice filled the kitchen. I closed the oven and looked at him. He looked well rested and like there was some color coming back to his cheeks. It was like he had come back to life before my eyes. He was smiling from ear to ear as he waved at me, and when he smiled, his eyes looked like they were smiling too. "I made sure to skip breakfast and come hungry!"

Is he happy to be here? Did someone else make him happy? He's smiling so brightly I'm actually not sure what to say to him!

"He's a bit choked up from the food," Giacomo quickly covered for me after seeing my obvious dilemma. "Come sit with me in the dining room."

 I'll give him extra food for that. I quickly started to bring out plates and silverware so we could start our meal. "First we have Lasagna Alla Bolognese and Gnocchi di patate." I announced.

"Oh man, this looks delicious!" Danny stared at the food excitedly. "It looks like there's more!"

I ran back to the kitchen and grabbed more food. "Pizza Margherita, risotto, Fiorentina Steak and the baked ziti will be ready really soon."

"Damn this all looks so good!" Danny started to take a spoonful of every dish to try on his plate. Giacomo silently made a plate for himself and sneaked off to his room without alerting Danny. I'll Remember to bring him seconds.

"So, how do you like the food?" I asked once he had stuffed his mouth a few times.

"This is fucking amazing!" He beamed. He served himself more food neatly, keeping each portion separate and nice looking on his plate in great heaping piles. One would think he'd never eaten before.

He took small delicate bites, savoring the flavors, textures, making an effort to enjoy his meal. All my exs tried to eat as little as possible and didn't seem to enjoy it as much as Danny did.

"Progress reports are coming soon," Danny suddenly said. "How do you think you're doing?"

Geez, truthfully I was never down this bad. I remember working hard up to fifth grade. I remember for every report card, mom and Nonna would brush off my grades and told me they wouldn't matter until I got into high school anyway. Eventually I just stopped showing it to them. I didn't really feel bad hearing those words, it just motivated me to work hard when I got to high school. But after I showed them my first report card from high school, I realized that it was a different problem.

Nonna and mom had openly placed all of their hopes on Giacomo, so they didn't care about what I did. In their eyes I was just some waste of space that they had given up on long ago. It was around that time that I lost interest in studying. Or perhaps I didn't feel like it was all that important anymore. 

As soon as I gave up on studying, my mom forced me to play a sport. But I hated that too, so I barely went to that. Even if I played and did a good job, I knew it wouldn't mean anything. 

It was only recently, after Danny had helped clear things up, and I received what I thought I always wanted, I realized that my future was my own responsibility. I couldn't just let everything go because my parents took too long to love me. That being the case, i started studying my ass off.

"I'm not doing so hot, but I'm getting better. These AP classes are a bitch." I sighed cursing myself out for my own self sabotage.

"I can tutor you, although I'm tutoring Ashton as well. I should make this a business. Teaching one more won't hurt my grades." Danny offered.

"No, honestly, I've been in debt to you and your family since I was a kid, and I never properly said thank you. Like an idiot, I didn't think of it until now." I said. "So can I come around on your dads birthday? Should I get him that pool table he keeps talking about?"

"Don't get him expensive things, he'll break it." Danny begged. "If he gets a pool table, he'll never get a girlfriend."

"What did you get him?"

"Nothing, I was just going to cook some food for him and bring him his whiskey."

"Good, so I'll take care of the physical gift then."

"But why so suddenly? I'm surprised that you want to come for dads birthday, I've never even done anything for your dad."

"No reason. I just thought that if I'm thankful, I should do my best to show that so I don't regret it later," I said. Hopefully he would let me do this.

"Get him a fishing pole," Danny said as he tore into some Fiorentina steak. "He'll probably take us out fishing with him, the only downside is having to go with him. If you don't catch anything, you'll have to wait around bored for hours. And he'll make you leave your phone in the car, so you can't distract yourself with anything except my dad telling boring long stories. It's going to be a boring day of torture."

"So what have you been up to?" Besides hanging out with Ashton.

"Just studying really. College is around the corner."

"Same here." I got up when I heard the timer go off and quickly went to go take the ziti from the oven. Luckily it had came out perfectly, and it impressed Danny when I set it down on the table. "Baked ziti."

"Awesome! So you've started studying again on your own?"

"Yes, but I'm seriously behind....but I'm trying as hard as I can to catch up. I left it for kind of late." I shrugged.

"The important thing is, it really seems like you're changing!" Danny beamed his killer smile at me. It was too fucking cute to handle. That compliment makes me feel a whole lot better. I'm glad he acknowledged it!

"I'm really trying too, I stopped hanging out with those guys at school. Now I just hang out with Sam really, he's good at studying too. School feels really different even though nothing had changed. It's like I was seeing the world with brand new eyes."

"That's great! Those guys you used to hang around were going to be losers in their future anyway," Danny said.

"There's other problems they have-"

"That they could deal with differently. If you can change the way you behave and deal with things, why can't they?" While he had a point, I still felt as though things weren't that black and white. I'm not sure if Danny would be able to understand that. "I'm sure some of them have good qualities, but we can't act like we're in elementary school forever. I don't mean to sound harsh about it, but I can't understand their mindset."

"It's an emotional neglect thing."

"Everyone handles things differently, I guess," Danny said with a mouth full of food. "I'm not very motivated to give much of a shit about their problems after being on the receiving end of their antics. I'm also not a fan of people who perpetuate a cycle of abuse."

Of course, Danny would never understand anything from a bullies prospective. To him they were probably just people who only added to his daily struggle of life. I guess Ashton might really be the only one who can understand the way Danny thinks as I knew he was a constant target as well.

I'm trying to understand, that's why I try to stop the bullying when I see it now. Sometimes when some of the guys are extorting weaker school mates, I stop it from happening. But now that I think about it, I'm only doing this now because I can't stop thinking about all the things I couldn't do for Danny.

"That day..." I picked at the food on my plate. "Thank you again for coming here today. I wouldn't have had the courage to face myself if I had too alone. Thanks to you, I found out somethings that I've always wanted to know."

"Like what?"

"My mom and dad weren't in a good place when I was born. Mom used to believe that she would be abandoned because I was born hyperactive, but that's what she wanted to believe. Even Nonna told me that my dad would blame me when they got into big arguments. The truth was that my dad had an affair with someone from his work around the time of my birth. My mom believed that excuse my dad gave and sent me to live with you and your dad for a while.

"Then she had Giacomo, hoping that he would be a replacement for me. My Nonna finally forced them to go to therapy to fix their relationship, but by the time they were good, they had only taken responsibility for Giacomo."

"Vincenzo," Dan reached over with a napkin to wipe my face.

"I'm not telling you this so you'll feel bad for me or something, it's their fault that I can't be very close with Giacomo in the first place. And it's not like there's a right way to respond when your parents basically tell you that they've never even attempted to try to love you." I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks but I tried to keep my composure. "I've always had a complex about my family. That's why I didn't even want to talk to you about it. I couldn't say out loud that my dad hated me so much that he wanted to try and kill me. I think they would've been ok with never seeing me again if I had disappeared back then. They try to love me now, but I'm not sure if I want that anymore. Still, if there's one person on earth I'd tell this too, it'd have to be you."

"Have you told Giacomo?"

"I told him a kid friendly version of what was said, but he seemed to get it. And, well, I still hate my mom and dad, so I thought I'd go start some trouble to piss them off, but I didn't have the heart to. Especially mom, I feel sorry for her because she's not mentally well and I feel bad for hating Giacomo for no reason all this time. It's fucking with me."

"We can't help but love our parents to some degree," Danny told me. "They definitely don't know how to show it to you, but they've always worried about you more than you know. My dad really tore into them in the past when it looked like they were going to abandon you. They definitely feel something."

"Not enough," I scoffed. "You and your dad were the only people who showed me real love. If I had died on the street, only you and your father would care enough to hold a funeral."

"Vincenzo....have you considered starting counseling again?" 

"You think I'm crazy? Something wrong with me?"

"Therapy doesn't mean you're crazy! There is indeed something wrong with you though! You have so much on your shoulders and you should find a healthy way to handle it," Danny said. "The answer to dealing with your internal problems that can't be solved by me or my dad."

What was he saying? Of course being with him would solve my problems. "I do love you, for real."

"Are you sure you don't want a deeper relationship because you feel guilty about the past?" Danny asked me. I looked for any hint on his face that he was joking, and I felt hurt that I couldn't find any.

"I do feel guilty, I won't deny that. Though guilt may be the reason i acknowledged my feelings, they've always been there, since before middle school. Nothing I'm feeling is out of guilt!" I didn't realize that I had raised my voice at this. Danny was the only person who could make me feel like an idiot just for feeling something. "I've just been denying myself what I want because I felt like I didn't deserve it, then I got more pissed off because I thought didn't deserve it. There's one thing I've wanted consistently since elementary school, that's you."

"Oh," Danny's face turned a bit red.

"Ever since you threw that tantrum about sitting next to me in class," I teased.

"You remember that?!"

"Yup, but I won't hold it against you," I crossed my arms. Thankfully the atmosphere had gotten a bit lighter bit by bit. For a second we seemed like we're regular friends again. "Why'd you suggest therapy?" 

"Ashton's been counseling me somewhat, or kinda helping me realize things about myself. I feel like because of that, I've gotten much better with myself. So I suggested it to you." Danny said. "He's been helping me with a lot so....my bad, I shouldn't talk about Ashton with you."

"It ok," I lied. This wasn't ok, but the last thing I wanted to do was force him to filter himself. "You don't owe me anything. So please keep speaking freely. Also whichever way you ultimately decide to go, don't feel guilty about it and just follow your heart. Don't worry about me from now on, I don't expect anything from you really. I'm already grateful for everything you've already done."

"You're such a liar," Danny burst into laughter much to my confusion. Despite my confusion, he used the same expressions he used with Ashton, which made my stomach flutter. "You remind me of when we were kids, and you wanted stuff but lied about wanting it. It surprised me!"

"What was I like?"

"You were....something. If I just use one word, I'd use difficult."

"Is that a compliment?"

"Of course!"

"Ah, that's a relief," I sighed. At least he wouldn't regret ever being friends with me. "I feel good right now, it's like we're back to the old days. Am I just imagining it?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe is still a hopeful answer!" I smiled back him. I know I sounded incredibly desperate wanting everything to be positive while I was talking, but I just wanted to keep sane. I never worked out what exactly I would do if Danny choose to be with Ashton, but I should start considering the possibility seriously.

"Let's talk about something a bit lighter," Danny said suddenly. 

"Im just wondering why you and Ashton get along so well." I scoffed.

"Well, he's kind of like a little puppy," Danny smiled. Who the fuck was he looking at? That Ashton was a fucking giant guy who looked like he would kill someone just for speaking to him. Sure Ashton was a genuinely nice guy, but he sure didn't look it. "He's definitely not scary."

"Get your eyes checked," I rolled my eyes. What a fucking joke this was! "Am I scary?"

"No, you've never been scary," Danny said not picking up on my inflections. "Your more like a cat than anything. But you've always been like that."

How embarrassing could I be?

"So-"

"Vincenzo, you've been hinting at it, so I'll be honest with you. I don't know how I'm going to answer you at all and I don't like the pressure. I'm the kind of person that waits for someone to say something first, so I wasn't able to get close to anyone outside of you and Ashton. I enjoy having friends after such a long time."

"I didn't mean to pressure you," I tried to apologize.

"I know you didn't do it on purpose, which just makes it harder to deal with. Not to mention, now that you told me that you like me, I have no idea how to respond to you." Danny shook his head. "I don't hate you, nor do I hate the idea of you. That's the best I can do for an answer right now because I don't think I know what I want. I know you may not understand but-"

"No! That's good enough for me!" I said immediately after I realized that I wasn't being outright rejected. "For a second there I thought you were going to tell me to get lost. Does that mean I can hang out with you more?"

"I never said you couldn't hang out with Ashton and I," I grimaced when he said that. I get that Danny thinks that's there's no reason for bad blood between Ashton and I, I couldn't stand the sight of his face anymore. I'd make him change schools if it wouldn't hurt my chances with Danny. 

"Yeah, you didn't."

"Fine, you two don't get along, I won't force it."

"I'll get along with him, but I don't like him."

"Why?"

"Because you like him as more than just a friend," I huffed. "Because you're also considering his confession too."

"Aren't I also considering yours? Don't be childish." 

He was indeed. He even showed up to my house to eat food knowing that I only use my cooking skills to bed girls. I got so caught up in competing with Ashton, I failed to realize that he was taking me seriously as well.

"Ok, fine, I'll be cool and just go with the flow."

"Will we still be friends even if...." Danny trailed off but I know what he was going to say. I'm not sure what kind of shit Ashton was putting in his head, but did he think I would drop him if he ended up not choosing me?

Actually, I might do just that. I'm not sure if my ego could handle that. I'd never be able to forget that he didn't pick me, even though I told him that he owed me nothing. Shit, I even told him to date someone else and I'd wait for him to be done with them a while back. 

"I'd be upset, but if you're just following your feelings, I'll just wait until you're done with them. Just know that you can always come back to me." I arrogantly spouted. Why am I acting like such an idiot? Why am I trying to be cool now?

Danny checked his phone suddenly and quickly put his phone away after he typed a quick response. "Ashton's really been on this lately. He's been making sure I haven't missed any meals. Oh, and because of him, I can now do a few push ups and sit ups. This guys really looking after me like he's my guardian or something."

"You must think he's reliable."

"Yeah, I'm super thankful. I'm realizing I can do a lot more than I originally thought, even with my shitty constitution," Danny leaned back in his chair and rubbed his belly. I knew he wasn't trying to make Ashton and I get along, but I wasn't happy about how well their friendship was developing at all. 

Just how much does Ashton know about you? Does he know how thankful you are while you have that happy look on your face? Does he know all about when you laugh or cry or when you get embarrassed?I bet he got to see you be all that before me, right?

What am I even doing? I made all of this very possible. How did I not see this coming after all those years of being a dick to him? After I destroyed any sense of self he had and made him think he couldn't do anything.

I wonder if Danny still thinks of me as just someone who's thankful and guilt ridden so they made the first move. At first, I was ok with that being case, as long as Danny stopped pushing me away. Still, if Danny wasn't going to choose me, why did he come here? Did he not think that I'll start expecting things?

I keep thinking that I stand no chance against Ashton, but it's only natural for me to want him to love me back. I told him that it was good enough that he didn't hate me, that's true, but I'm still dissatisfied as hell. And it's not like I could say that to him after he just told me how conflicted he was.

Could this be the pressure that I was unintentionally putting on him? Did he agree to think about my confession because I was having my own problems? Danny is nice enough to pity someone like me.

Why can't he just turn me down normally? At this rate I'm only going to burden him with my feelings more and he said he didn't want to be pressured! Have I really been that impossible to speak to? 

"Hey! I smell ziti!" Giacomo suddenly rushed out of his room. He must've been eavesdropping, because the only thing that could realistically be smelled thru the house right now was tomatos. I bet even he could tell that it wasn't looking good for me.

"It's really good, Giacomo," Danny moaned while rubbing his belly. "It's so good that I'm about to pass out. Can I bring some for my dad after we finish hanging out?"

"You're staying longer?" I asked.

"I didn't just come here to eat, aren't we supposed to be hanging out? It's barely 3pm," Danny said. "Don't tell me that you were just planning on sending me away after I was full."

"Let me get you some Tupperware," Giacomo nudged me to follow. I got up with the tray of ziti and followed him into the kitchen. When I got there, Giacomo looked a bit apologetic towards me. "I can't listen to you fight a losing battle anymore. You said you had a chance but you're basically out there just begging him to love you."

"I was not." I defended my true goal.

"He's not going to love you out of pity, Vinny. You should just change tactics already! Be more assertive! You'll only regret it if he dates you because you were acting pathetic," Giacomo smacked the back of my head. "What's the matter with you? Stop acting like an idiot! You're Italian! If you're not good at anything else, you should still be good at love! Stop shaming the country."

"Shut the hell up, you have no idea how hard this is to manage! I'm not trying to pressure him into anything, Giacomo."

"He already said he doesn't hate you! Shoot your shot! Flirting isn't applying pressure, it's just easing him into something you want," Giacomo found the Tupperware and dumped the ziti into the bowl without care. 

"You can't have any ziti," I scowled at my younger brother. Although he was just trying to help, he was just making me feel worse.

"I know, it's because I came out of the room. I was just upset hearing my older brother beg and be pathetic like that," Giacomo said. "I just wanted to motivate you even though you obviously don't stand a chance."

"How do you know I have no chance?"

"Someone's already hitting that," Giacomo said. "I saw a big hickey on his shoulder. Looks pretty deep in there."

"You're lying."

"I swear on everything. There's teeth marks on both his shoulders, you'll see them if you get close enough. I know a territorial marker when I see one. He's not hiding them very well." I looked at Giacomo silently vowing to send him back to Italy in a coffin if he was lying again. "It's there, just move his shirt collar a bit and you'll see them. I'm only telling you so you can amp up your advances. From where I stand, it looks like you've already lost."

I quickly returned to the table where Danny sat fading in and out of sleep. I snuck up behind him and moved his shoulder, faking as though I was trying to wake him up, but I quickly stoped when I saw the teeth marks on him. 

They were exactly where Giacomo said they were. That means I did have to change my plan of attack because while I was trying to be gentleman, Ashton was already making moves on Danny.

Danny even allowed a hickey to be put on him. From the kitchen I could see Giacomo watching me as if to confirm what I saw. "Oh, you're out of the kitchen. I'll head to the living room."

Danny silently got up and rubbed his belly all the way to the couch. I wanted to ask him about it, but for some reason, I couldn't get any words out. If I forced myself to speak, all that would possibly come up would be venomous. I'm going to wring Ashton's neck for marking what's mine.

I ran to the living room and plopped myself down on the couch next to Danny. "Let's watch some TV, we got a new cable package anyway."

"Ok," Danny agreed. I could tell that the food was making him tired, unless something else kept him up all night. I scooped Danny's legs up and placed him on my lap. "Wh-what-"

"You're tired," I interrupted. At least I can still make him a bit flustered by being spontaneous at times. "Take a nap or something."

"But we're supposed to hang out!"

"It's fine," I said leaning his head on my shoulder. It took no time at all for Danny to snuggle into my embrace and breathe steadily. Maybe the hickeys didn't mean a thing and I was overthinking it all. After all, Danny wouldn't cuddle up with me if he already had Ashton.

Maybe they weren't getting as far as I thought and I could relax. Still, the bite marks were there, it was obvious that it was put there as a warning to me. Geez, that asshole didn't even have to show me his face to continue pissing me off.

I just needed to come up with something asap.

"Are you always sweet with him?"

"With who?"

"Ashton, duh."

"I'm sweet with the people who are sweet to me," Danny said. Would I be crossing the line if I asked about the hickeys? Would that be so goddamn bad to just ask him? Just ask!

"Can I be sweet to you?"

"Aren't you already being sweet to me?" Danny retorted. "I'm not sure what you mean, but it's not at all what you're thinking. I don't get comfortable with just anyone."

"That's not what I was thinking at all," I was finally clear to relax. Although we weren't talking about the same thing, he was still giving me a chance to love him. Now I understand why Giacomo was calling me pathetic. 

I've been begging Danny for a chance in a really really pathetic way. No girl would ever want to get with such a pathetic guy, so why would Danny? I had to compete with Ashton on his level somehow.

"The best dishes was the pizza and the Fiorentina steak. Your bolognese was incredible! Really everything was five stars. I don't even think your moms sauce is as good as yours," Danny gushed. "When this food digests I'm going for seconds."

My exs had complimented my food in the past, but Danny's praise held a different weight. My chest had never felt so light from a simple compliment before. Now I just felt over the fucking moon.

Danny likes my cooking! "I'll cook whatever you want. As long as you like it."