The Weakest Link
Abdi: (Gets mobile phone out of pocket- checks his text messages- sends a quick one in reply- dials his wife's number- waits for connection) Mia… It's me… Look, something's come up… We might have to cancel the trip… No, it's nothing like that…! I told you, I'm finished with all that…! No, I'm not at the office either… I'm at the supermarket… No, I'm working… They've got a problem here and they need me to help them sort it out… I don't know… Yes, I know it's the holidays but they've got a serious problem here… I don't know what time I'll be home… Look, you can still get ready to go but you have to find out if you can change the flights… I won't know till later but I'll call you as soon as I do… Okay, love you… Bye… (hangs up- assumes pose of defeat)
Manager's office of a busy supermarket.
Abdi: Okay, love you… Bye… (hangs up the phone- assumes pose of defeat)
Noor: [Enters the room when he hears the conversation end]
How was she…? How... How are you holding up Abdi…?
(Eric takes a drink of water but doesn't answer)
Look mate, the quickest way to get this over with is to put the sick bastard back in the grave… And the best way to do that is to give him the money and then set the dogs on him… We'll get the Boss involved as soon as possible…
Abdi: I can't sleep… I have bad dreams… Nightmares… My marriage has been ruined… We haven't had for months… I can't even face the courtroom anymore… My partner has been filling in for me… (reaches for more pills)
Noor: [Leaning close] Abdi! He's right here in front of you… All you have to do is reach out and grab him… Now are you a lawyer…? Or a boy scout…?
Abdi: I don't know if can do this…
Noor: [Grabs him firmly by the shoulders, looks into his eyes] Abdi… Please… It's holydays and I want to go home and be with my family… I don't want to be talking on the phone to a pathetic little body-snatcher who can't even get it up… (looks alarmed) Sorry… He told me the same thing… About not being able to perform in bed… Actually, he said the same thing about not sleeping…
Abdi: (Only half-listening) He did…?
Noor: Yeah, but… As I was saying, I just want to go home… And so, do you… Don't you…?
Abdi: Yes… But…
Noor: And we can't go home unless our lite friend is out of our life… Am I right…?
Abdi: What do you want me to do…?
Noor: Just get on the phone and make it happen… Say whatever you have to say… Just get the location of any other devices he may have planted…
Abdi: What if there aren't any…?
Noor: Well it doesn't matter does it? It doesn't matter if he put a Kinder Surprise on the shelf and called it a bomb… We are still out of business for at least a week…
Abdi: So, what? Isn't that better than giving him what he wants?
Noor: No Abdi, it's not better… It's much, much worse… Do you know how hard it is to get sales figures like we have? Do you know what happens when a customer changes? Research shows that they don't come back…
Abdi: What…? This is crazy…! There's a bomb in your store and you're not calling the Boss…? You call me instead…? Even if you had called them, I still wouldn't want to do it…
Noor: Abdi! There's no one else! He wants you… He specifically asked for you…! What do you want…? Name your price! There are people who can help with your problem… Good people who understand… We'll make sure you get that help… But first you have to help us…
Abdi: (Slowly) Okay. I'll do it. But it has to be done today. I don't want to have to deal with this shit tomorrow…
Noor: That's good…! Music to my ears…! Can we work out the details later…?
Abdi: I want 50k.
Noor: (Hesitating) Fifty grand…? Look, why don't we sit down and discuss it later… (he jumps as the phone rings- and the longer it goes unanswered, the more panicked he becomes)
Abdi: Fifty thousand dollars. Take it or leave it.
Noor: Look, we can get you help… The best help available…
Abdi: I don't want a fucking quack doctor to tell me my problems… I want to know that I won't have to sell my house… Even if I do have to sell my half of the business… My partner wants me out…
Noor: Why don't we call it twenty-five…? (Abdi gets up to leave) Okay…! Fifty…! (Abdi sits back down as Noor snatches up the phone and presses it to his ear) No, sorry… I don't have time for this right now…! Well you might just have to wait till nest month…! (slams phone down)
Abdi: (Pause) Okay if we do the paperwork now…?
Noor: Now…? But we've got work to do…
Abdi: It will only take a minute… (Opens his laptop case)
Projector screen shows Abdi finding a template on his PC and filling out the relevant details, then sending it to 'print' on Noor's printer. He signs the document then slides it in front of Noor.
Noor: I'll have to get someone to check this before I sign it…
Abdi: No, you don't… You've seen plenty of them before, but if you want to take a minute or two to go through it…?
Noor: If we don't get him then you'll be doing it at your usual rate won't you…? (Abdi thinks about it briefly then nods the affirmative) Well we better get started then hadn't we…?
Abdi: How much have I got to work with…?
Noor: It doesn't matter…
Abdi: Should I stop at a million…?
Noor: Yes.
Abdi: Cash?
Noor: Of course,! How else would we do it…?
Abdi: Well most large transactions are done electronically…
Noor: But it's a ransom…! He's a bloody terrorist…!
Abdi: Can you get the cash? A million dollars isn't what it used to be, Noor… My house is worth is one-point-two… How much is yours worth…? (Noor chooses not to answer) And you're confident that you're going to get the money back…?
Noor: Yes… You're right… It doesn't matter how much we give him… Just make the call… (Abdi picks up the phone and dials)
Caller: (Metallic distortion) Sorry, I can't come to the phone right now, I'm being fucked up the ass by a multi-national A hols…
Abdi: This is Abdi Hussein speaking; I'm calling on behalf of Noor Smith and company…
Caller: Abdi! Mate! It's good to hear from you…!
Abdi: Tom, I'm merely representing Noor Smith and company… If you don't mind, then we'll stick to matters of business…
Caller: No, we fucking won't… We'll talk about whatever I want to talk about…
Abdi: Very good… What exactly would you like to discuss…?
Caller: (Pause) Have you called the Boss?
Abdi: No sir, the Boss have yet to be informed, though I have advised Noor to inform the Boss immediately, as opposed to dealing with yourself personally…
Caller: How have you been Abdi? Still doing a few laps before breakfast…?
Abdi: Actually, no…
Caller: Why not? Such a lovely place you've got… Bit of a waste not to take a dip in the pool occasionally…?
Abdi: Sir, I'm calling on behalf of Noor Smith and company… They believe a sum of money could bring the situation to a favourable conclusion that suits both parties… Would you like to proceed along those lines or are there other matters you'd prefer to discuss?
Caller: (Long pause) You're a fucking lawyer through and through aren't you, Abdi? How much are they paying you for this? Hey?! How much are you getting out of it?
Abdi: I don't believe the details are really relevant to the matter at hand…
Caller: Go on! How much?
Abdi: An agreement has been reached whereby I am to receive the sum of fifty thousand dollars, upon the successful conclusion of the matter at hand…
Caller: Fifty grand?! For what…? Making a phone call…?! You've got to be kidding me…!
Abdi: I believe the matter requires the successful removal of either one or several explosive devices planted by yourself in the stores of Noor Smith and company…
Caller: Still easy money though isn't it…? How much did you get for ripping me off my thirty grand…?
Abdi: I don't have that information to hand… I would have to request it from my accountant and I doubt that he could make the information available before the close of business this afternoon…
Caller: Have a guess…
Abdi: It wouldn't be professional…
Caller: You did a good job on that one didn't you? Made me look like the biggest dickhead in the world…
Abdi: I am good at my job…
Caller: (Pause) Let's see you do your job then… How are you going to make me tell you where the bombs are…?
Abdi: I have been authorised to offer you one million dollars… Half of it in cash…
Caller: And the other half…?
Abdi: …can be electronically transferred to the bank account of your choice…
Caller: (Pause) Isn't that going to be a bit easy to trace…?
Abdi: I'm not one hundred percent sure but given the limited amount of time given to assemble the amount, I don't believe enough serial numbers could be copied down to make the notes traceable… And the electronic transfer depends on your ability to access the account after the Boss have been notified…
Caller: And how would I do that…?
Eric: Well, offshore bank accounts are pretty common these days… I don't suppose you took the precaution of leaving the country before the device was discovered…?
Caller: (Long pause) I don't know if a million is enough… I've gone to a lot of trouble to do this and… Well I'd kind of like to see the bombs go off… I made the news once before… Didn't I Abdi?!
Abdi: I'm not sure what you're referring to…
Caller: But it's been a while… I'd kind of like the Boss and the Cops to see me on the TV again… Bombs going off… Fire engines and ambulances…
Abdi: Why don't you do something useful like find a cure for cancer? That way you can…
Caller: I've got a cure for cancer, you half-smart cunt…! I've got a bullet for every lawyer and every dealer in the whole fucking country!
Abdi: Tom… All I'm suggesting is you take the money being offered to you. The last time I represented Noor in this capacity, it was in my interest to minimise financial losses and trouble … This time I have been instructed that money is no object…
Caller: Oh really…? (Pause) Well how about ten million dollars…?