You cheated me!
It is said that nothing ever lasts, yet, I didn't believe that counted to be Jeremy and I.
"What do you mean you can't be with me anymore? Did...did I do something wrong?" My voice beginning to break as Jeremy's words sink into my realization.
"No you didn't, but that's it Diana. You do everything I ask you to do." My gaze goes wide at Jeremy's words to me.
"And you don't like the fact that I do?" My eyes beginning to feel the tears building in them, such that one can hear the fear in my voice.
"You do everything Diana. Everything. Even when we fight and I'm at fault, you apologize. every single time." Jeremy says, while I stare at him as though he is a foreign body and not my boyfriend whom told me he loves me before he left for his trip.
"I don't understand you Jeremy. Why are you saying all these? I thought we wanted a healthy relationship? And how can you say we don't fight? How..."
"You're not getting me Diana," Jeremy cuts me off as the tears from my eyes begin strolling down. "Now you're crying great!" Jeremy raises his hands up in the air, while i see the visibility of his frustration to me. "Look Diana, you love me too much that everything I ask for you do it. You don't complain if I'm wrong, neither do you know when I'm deliberately pushing you away and what's even worse, is the way you dress." My lips begin to tremble, while I battle to find assurance that this isn't my Jeremy. My boyfriend. The man I gave my all too. The man I see my future with.
"I don't believe you...I don't believe anything you say. You don't mean it Jeremy…"
"For Gods sake Diana wake up!" Jeremy's tone rises, and I take a step back at his actions. "How long do I have to keep acting interested before you know that I am tired of us, of you? You moved in with me and you began paying for the house, for the past two years and never once complaining. You do everything and I don't do a single thing, yet you don't say a word. I pick up a fight, you apologize. We go out and I don't pay for dinner, you do. How long do I have to show you these signs before you know what I'm telling you. Even if I want to take care of you, you don't let me see your value cause you do it all." My gaze in Jeremy remains unfiltered, with his word's stabbing deeply in my heart and I fight, I fight really hard not to believe that he is the Jeremy I know.
My lips remain silent that words fails to register to me, while I go into a state of shock of having the one person whom I thought I found happiness with hurt me to the extent I do not wish it to be a dream or my reality.
"Then I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was too perfect…I promise that I can adjust. I can do better…i can't do anything without you, I…" I move closer to Jeremy, not caring if all his words do sting my heart, for all I care about is him not leaving me.
"Stop it Diana." Jeremy shoves my hand away when I try to reach him. "I didn't go on a work trip," Jeremy adds, whereas my confusion only rises.
"But you…"
"I have someone I'm getting married to and we're having a child together." Jeremy cuts me off, while my heart skips a beat upon hearing his words to me.
"No…no…it's not true. Tell me it's not true Jeremy!" Its now my turn to have my voice raised. "Tell me it's not true Jeremy!" Tears descend more down my eyes, watching him not proving my words false. "How could you? How could you do this to me? We were supposed to start a family together, but you said you weren't ready, and now you tell me someone else is carrying your child." I remind Jeremy.
"I wasn't ready with you." Jeremy says, as I can only stare at him from fear in my eyes to irritation and disgust to what he has done.
"Doesn't mean you get the right to treat me just like you did." My voice coming low with pain. "I gave you my all Jeremy and the worst you could have done is tell me vocationally without having to stab me this much. I did all you asked just so peace could reign between us, just so I wouldn't be like my mother which you knew, yet, it wasn't enough for you." A dry laugh escapes my lungs. "How could I have been such a fool, Cynthia warned me on a daily basis but I didn't listen, I said my Jeremy was different." I run a frustrated hand through my hair.
"Don't make me be the bad guy here Diana," Is all Jeremy can say, as another dry chuckle escape my lips.
"Of course you're not, because in Diana's eyes, you are always her hero. I just have one question Jeremy, just one." I tell Jeremy while he waits for me to speak. "Did you ever love me?" I ask a question which deep down I believe I know the answer, for that, my heart breaks even more.
"I thought I could, but it just didn't happen." Jeremy answers, while my lips begins trembling again.
"So all those times you told me you loved me was a damn lie?" My heart cries out and so does my tone. "I was just one hell of an easy woman to get, one who doesn't care to spend her money on a man." I admit whereas Jeremy doesn't bother to prove me wrong. "When?" My voice turns cold. "When have you two been seeing each other?" I ask Jeremy.
"Two years." Jeremy answers, earning a hard gulp from me.
"Then why did you stay with me the past two years when you could have done it easily like you are now?" I question Jeremy with distaste lacing my voice. Jeremy remains silent, with his gaze averting from mine. "I deserve to know Jeremy." I add, waiting for his response.
"Because I needed money from you." Jeremy answers making me bite my lips painfully at his response.
"So all those times you told me you needed money to start up a project. It was all a lie?" I ask.
"Not all of it. I needed to start up something after I lost my job, which I did." Jeremy answers and I scoff in pain at the audacity he answers with, yet, what can I do?
Nothing.
"I see," I nod my head. "Does she know about me?" I stares vividly at Jeremy.
"Yes." He answers plainly, and I have to take a step back to hold the chair close to me so I don't fall.
I am one to believe that there is a God that exists, which at this time I pray fervently to him to make this all a dream, to make it a very bad dream that never comes to pass, but with each passing second and nothing happens I realize this is indeed my reality.
How do I cope with this? How do I live without someone whom has my whole heart? How do I live the next day knowing that the man whom I saw my future with didn't even for one day love me?
"You cheated me Jeremy." I begin as emerge rolling my eyes. "If loving was a crime then it is for loving you, for I gave you my body and soul. Four good years of my life and this is how it ends." The aching in my chest presents itself through my words. "I guess I did see the red lights, but my love for you clouded my eyes and my judgements." I add.
"Diana…," Jeremy calls my name.
"Don't. You have no right to call my name." I face Jeremy. "To ask more questions of why this didn't work out will only cause more pain to an open wound, so Jeremy, I accept your request. You are a free man. Congratulations." I add. "Like you said it is your apartment even though I paid, I will leave for even if my love for you had clouded my eyes before, not anymore and I do care about myself. After all, you don't give a damn." I tell Jeremy truthfully while he only stares back at me listening.
"Remember one last thing Jeremy, I do not forgive you for what you have done." My gaze now stern with anger on my ex boyfriend, that I don't bother saying another word, before I leave his presence to pack my things and leave, knowing one thing in my head.
This is a pain I'll live to remember.