Oh brave new world

I'm the fucking Joker! And I'm in DC universe...

Not only is the comic book universe itself quite gloomy, but I also got into the main psychopath of this world, who is constantly being hunted by Batman, who is considered the greatest detective in the world. I think this shelter won't be secret for long. And I won't be free for too long, I wonder how I can get out of Arkham Asylum without the genius intelligence of the original?

I was absently running my fingers through Harley's hair, who was telling me something, but I was too preoccupied with my thoughts to pay attention to her chatter. Maybe I should admit to Batman that I'm not the Joker anymore? Although it is unlikely that he will believe it. How many times has a mad clown tried to trick the greatest detective? And the previous owner of the body managed to create too much evil... The Joker himself had a lot of detractors, both among psychopaths and among ordinary people, and if they find out that all that's left of the clown is a body and a set of reflexes, then I won't live long... There is another option that the "kind" Dr. Hugo Strange will try to "cure" me at Arkham Asylum. This cute old man is one of the first supervillains Batman has encountered. In that comic, however, there was an alternative version of earth, where he created various monsters from psychos, and then sold them to other supervillains, but this does not make it easier for me, because in most versions of earth, this psychiatrist conducted some kind of murky experiments instead of treatment, which only aggravated the mental state of people. I strongly doubt that Strange did not notice how the behavior of one of the Joker's attending doctors, namely Harlin Quinzel, now known as Harley Quinn, changed, so he is partly responsible for the creation of one famous, deadly and repulsed duo of supervillains.

[The quest "the Joker is not real" has been generated: to keep the identity substitution secret. Weekly Reward: 1 free ability point. The penalty for failure: death]

"What?! Hey, System, what are you doing??? It's just a thought... I still don't know what kind of world I found myself in, what if Hugo Strange is an old dandelion who is really trying to help all his patients?! ... Ow? After all, where is the choice?"

Damn, this is not good at all, I just won't be able to play the role of a psychopath while coming up with brilliant tooth-crushing plans. And I don't want to kill or maim people, although I haven't decided about maniacs yet.… According to maniacs, Victor Zsasz, the famous supervillain and maniac of the DISNEY universe, the electric chair has been crying for a long time. This serial killer usually commits his crimes with a knife and leaves a mark for counting on his body after each victim is killed, and there are already several hundred of these marks. Zsasz thinks that in this way he saves other "pathetic zombies" by giving them a "gift" – death.

"Maybe on the contrary it will be good if I open up? I'll contact Bruce Wayne or come to his estate, so to speak, for the greater weight of my words and tell him everything I know. Will he get into my problem and provide a new identity, hide me from all ill-wishers? How do you like that? System?" – I have been diligently broadcasting my thoughts, but no new message has appeared...

Bad... Although maybe I can organize the external manifestations of "madness"? One has only to remember that place...

"Ha-Ha-Ha!"

[Smoothing out emotional peak]

"Mr. J, I'm glad you liked my idea..."

"Yes, yes, you're a smart girl."

I continued pat the blonde without distracting myself from my thoughts.

Still, I don't want to become a supervillain playing the role of the Joker, it's better to become a hero... hmm... And what could be crazier than actually becoming a defender of Gotham? Then there will no longer be a need to continue to cause chaos in the city, kill or take ordinary people hostage, organizing incomprehensible games with Batman.

"System, will there be no comments?"

[The quest "Hero or villain?" has been generated: personally defuse the planted bombs in the city: 0/3. Reward: 6 free points]

What? What kind of fucking bombs?!

I returned to the outside world, starting to feel pain again.

"...Bats will regret that he did not play by the rules in your game."

"Why would he regret it?" I asked, getting cold inside.

"Mr. J, weren't you listening to me at all? I told you that I borrowed explosives from a warehouse and booby-trapped a couple of buildings while you were out... You just praised me..."

The girl puffed out her cheeks, becoming like a cute hamster.

"Umm... Could you remind me what happened and what you did with the explosives, because after the injury, my thoughts get confused."

"Poor guy..." Harley looked at me with pity, gently stroking my head. "We had a great game with Batman at the Arkham Cannery. He had a choice to save the police commissioner or the three children taken hostage. According to the rules of the game, he could only save one person, but the cunning Mouse did not act alone, but with the support of some girl, judging by the shape of the costume... Realizing that he was cheating, you activated the self-destruct system, and escaped..." the girl suddenly cringed, as if expecting a blow, but then she opened one eye, looked at me carefully, and relaxed a little." ...adopted a tactical retreat maneuver. We were almost out when one of the beams broke off and hit you on the head, these builders would have torn your hands out!"

A flame of revenge lit up in her eyes, but quickly turned to sadness. Tears welled up in the girl's eyes:

"I thought I'd lost you, there was so much blood... so much blood... You haven't even breathed for a while. We had to hastily reactivate one of the shelters with intensive care equipment... Only yesterday morning you regained consciousness for a short time. And while you were unconscious, I decided to take revenge and booby-trapped the school, the office of the construction company and the supermarket..."

"Why the supermarket?" I asked, a little surprised by the strange choice. The construction company is still clear: they are guilty of figgy design (the vault of the building could not survive a couple of explosions), the school too: most likely, schoolchildren were stolen from there. But then it was necessary to mine the police station…

Harlequin looked away:

"I wanted to mine the city administration or the police station, but they are too well guarded..."

"It's clear... Can you tell me how much time is left before the explosion?"

Harley looked at the clock on one of the medical devices.

"Seven days and four hours," the girl answered lightly, as if she didn't care at all about the deaths of dozens of innocent people. "When you get better, we can watch the fireworks at sunset together..."

Well, where is the intrigue? A game? It was possible to leave a message to the Pretentious Mouse and ask a small difference between the explosions so that... Wait, what am I thinking?! What the hell is the game? We need to defuse the bombs! And even personally, if I want to get points for leveling up. Just try not to betray the substitution of the soul in this carcass.

"Harley," I pulled the girl away from me, holding her by the shoulders. "After that hit, I realized that fighting with Bats is absolutely pointless and much cooler if I become a superhero myself! Can you imagine how fucked up the defender of Gotham will be when I start saving innocent people! Ha-ha-ha-ha!"

"It seems that this blow has affected you much more..." my assistant stammered dumbfounded, and then happily continued." But I don't mind, you know that wherever you go, I go!"

"Ahem..." for a second, it seemed to me that hearts lit up in her eyes. "Since we decided to become heroes, it would be nice to defuse the bombs.… Only I'd like to do it myself…"

"Well, I used your standard scheme, so there shouldn't be any problems in neutralization…"

Yeah, that shouldn't be a problem for a real Joker, but I don't have his knowledge! And what should I do now? ... I will act like all the rebirths…

"Harley, I don't know how to tell you, but it looks like I have amnesia.… Everything gets confused in my head… I only remember you well and the fact that I'm fighting with Bats, it's not clear why…"

"Wee-e-e!"

I was interrupted by a wild squeal from the blonde, who again threw herself on my neck, unpleasantly squeezing my damaged ribs.

"Harley..." I wheezed half–strangled, trying to unhook the overly joyful assistant from me.

"Mr. J, even after losing his memory, remembers me! Our love is so strong! We're going to get married soon, and then we're going to have our wedding night, oh, I'm really looking forward to it," she pressed her palms to my reddened cheeks, allowing me to breathe normally again. "We're having a baby, two... No, ten children! I will definitely have to tell Ivy about this, otherwise she did not believe at all that you would propose to me!"

A suggestion? How could you come to such conclusions after my words about amnesia?! Although I'm not really against a relationship with Harley: beautiful, smart and most importantly: a girl who is head over heels in love with me. Only the big question arises, what will she do if she suspects an alien in the body of her beloved JJ? Maybe that's why I have death in case of failure of the quest?

"Harley, honey…" I turned to her, deciding to remind her about the situation with mined buildings.

"Honey..." she was smiling happily, lost in her rosy dreams.

"...Will I have time to recover before the explosion?"

She focused her shining eyes on me.

"Yes, at this rate of regeneration, recovery will take five days, six at most."

Great! Now we need to resolve the issue of training.

"Could you bring me some books on mine clearance?"

Harlequin thought about it.

"You didn't keep any notes, but when you taught me, I took notes… They seem to be in a hiding place under the cannery... I'll go and check it out right now! The girl jumped up cheerfully."

"Wait a minute," at the last moment, I held her hand, feeling pain shoot through my muscles from such a sharp maneuver. "Are you sure it's safe? What if Mouse is already watching for you? I wouldn't want to get you out of the hospital later…"

She froze for a second, and then, trembling all over, burst into tears like a little girl, sitting down on the floor.

What?!

"Harley, what happened?" I asked worriedly, but the girl did not react in any way, continuing to burst into tears.

Wincing at the unpleasant sensations, I slid to the floor and hugged the sobbing blonde.

"Hush, honey… Can you tell me what's going on?"

"M-m-mr. J," she said, smearing her tears and sobbing constantly, "you never cared about me ~sob~ everyone was thinking about ug-ug-ugly Mouse… And now you want to get me out of the hospital if I get there-uh-uh…"

Her speech was interrupted by crying again.

And? How the hell is this related?

 After a while, she was able to pull herself together.

"I'm afraid that when you remember everything, you'll treat me like a thing again... uh-uh..." the assistant's crying resounded through the room again.

Well, these are rather unexpected conclusions, although not devoid of a certain logic.

"Hush, hush, now I definitely won't leave you, even if I remember everything. "

"Really?"

She tried to wipe away her tears, smearing light makeup.

"Yes," I replied in the most serious tone I was capable of and looked at the quiet girl, this is not good.

"I think a kiss will confirm the seriousness of your statement, – she said suddenly."

Is it like she wants to make sure I don't leave her? Why not?

"OK."

I nodded, not yet imagining what kind of gin I was letting out of the bottle.

Harley pursed her lips in anticipation, closing her eyes.

Somehow too chaste, strange, weren't she and the Joker physically close? Although you never know what's in the minds of psychos…

What am I thinking about? The beauty demands a kiss!

Sweet...

For a moment, the pain faded into the background, replaced by excitement, but the next second my long-suffering ribs felt the girl's steel grip.

"Ouch, Harley, you're going to finish me off!"

"I'm sorry, Mr. J.… It's just so cool!"

The girl, embarrassed, began to wind one of her curls around her index finger.

"If you want, we'll do it again after the bombs are defused," I decided to lure her with a carrot for more interest.

"It's been noticed. Oh…" Harley noticed that we were sitting on the floor all this time. "Let me help you up.… Like that."

They put me back on the couch, checking the IV and the readings of medical devices.

"Everything is fine here. I'll go check the cache then. Don't worry, I'll be like a shadow: no one will be able to notice me."

Harlequin skipped out of the room, humming a cheerful tune under her breath.

Phew, now it will be necessary to study Harley's notes, get better and defuse the bombs and at the same time not get caught ... Elementary…

By the way, and if the blonde minus buildings, and then I defuse the, wall the system give me points for leveling?

[Dangerous events, set up by the host himself, correspond to the dark path. No points will be credited for the rescue]

It's a bummer, but it wasn't a bad idea. But you can have a bomb with a remote face under some stop and set the times a day ahead everyday...

[Dangerous events, set up by the host himself, correspond to the dark path. No points will be credited for the rescue]

Yes, I get it!

Having run through the rough draft of the plan in my head once again, I felt my eyelids droop. Well, sleep is one of the best medicines, so I just stop resisting it, and fall into the realm of morpheus.