Wishful Thinking
Ya Ya was the first one to regain her composure, as always. "Why are you apologizing?"
Li Caiyi looked at her sadly. "I don't have any words for that. Even if I didn't mean it, my distant attitude might offend or hurt some people. I want to apologize if I ever make you feel bad."
"What? Normally people won't apologize for something like this," Nian Nian tilted her head in confusion. She looked at Chen Ruolan, but the latter stared back with an expression seemingly screaming, 'don't ask me!'.
"Li Caiyi, don't apologize. It isn't such a bad thing. You are only a bit hard to approach, but we all know you aren't a bad person," Ya Ya said.
"Yes! I saw you in the library sometimes, studying so seriously, and didn't even notice when someone called out to you." Chen Ruolan added.
"You went to the library? What? Since when are you so studious?!" Nian Nian exclaimed in shock.
"Can't you stop nitpicking about details every time?" Chen Ruolan glared at her, looking a bit offended. "Even I visit the library sometimes, too!"
Nian Nian sneered, seemingly unimpressed. "I bet you only went there to take a nap. Our library is pretty cozy, after all."
Chen Ruolan glared at her again but didn't rebut. It must have been true, then.
Ya Ya ignored them and spoke to Li Caiyi again, "Not only Ruolan, but every one of us also knows about it. You are the only one who studies seriously in self-study time, and you silently help change the water in the flower vase every day. Nobody spoke about it, but we have always been grateful for what you did, and we recognized your perseverance and hard work, so don't feel bad about yourself."
"Yeah! So what if you don't talk nicely sometimes? You'd never mistreat others, nor did you talk bad about others behind their back. You are much better than those pretentious girls who act nice outside but poisonous inside!"
"Spoken from true experience. Let me light a candle for you, Lan Lan."
"Nian Nian, can't you see we are in the middle of a serious conversation here?!"
Li Caiyi felt a surge of emotion inside her. She would never have thought that there were people who actually realized her effort. She never did any of those to impress anyone, but she felt like she was being rewarded when they praised her like this.
Li Caiyi had always been labeled as a useless person, so hearing their kind and encouraging words overwhelmed her.
"Th-thank you," Li Caiyi's voice trembled.
"Shoot! Look at what you did, Nian Nian! It's because you kept interrupting she cried!"
"Ah? Why is it my fault?!"
"Can you guys shut up for a moment? You'll only make her more stressed out like this!" Ya Ya scolded both of them before hurriedly pulling out a handkerchief from her pocket and offering it to Li Caiyi. Her gesture was very gentle and caring, and it shook Li Caiyi's heart to the core even more.
Even she felt silly for crying over something like this. However, she couldn't stop her tears even if she wanted to.
Li Caiyi thought she had left those wishful thinking behind when she decided to let everything go. She didn't want to feel disappointed and hurt again, so she stopped trying. Her efforts would amount to nothing in the end. Someone like her would never be good enough.
However, if they said that….
She would foolishly hope for the impossible again.
She might think that everything would turn better if she tried a bit more. Just a little more.
"Li Caiyi, it seems you have endured a lot of things inside. Please don't hold it back. You can talk to us anytime about your problem if you want." Ya Ya had stood beside her before she knew it and gave her back a gentle rub. Even Chen Ruolan and Nian Nian ceased their bickering and only looked at her solemnly.
Li Caiyi squeezed the soft handkerchief in her hands and used it to stifle the sob from coming out louder. The handkerchief had a pleasant fragrance of softener; it smelled very soothing.
Then suddenly, Li Caiyi's phone vibrated in her pocket. She pulled her phone out of habit, then checked on the incoming message. It was from Li Chunhua.
[Xiaoyi, where are you? Do you have a class chore again? We have been waiting for you, but you didn't show up. Did something happen?]
Li Caiyi was so caught up in her thought she forgot to inform Li Chunhua she wouldn't come to the cafeteria today. She quickly typed in the reply.
[I'm sorry, but I won't eat with you today. Don't worry. I have brought my own lunch. Enjoy your meal].
After that, Li Caiyi turned off her phone because she knew Li Chunhua would call her. She wasn't ready to face them just yet. She needed more time before she could talk properly to them like she used to.
Ya Ya, who stood beside Li Caiyi, didn't mean to peek, but she couldn't help but see everything. She has always been the sharp one among the three, so Ya Ya immediately realized that Li Caiyi must have some problem with her usual group, so much that she refused to eat with them. She made a mental note of this and thought that Li Caiyi was indeed very different from her initial impression.
Before today, Li Caiyi has always been the odd one in her group. She didn't shine brightly, like her siblings or Meng Renshu, but she gave off a modest and elegant vibe, befitting her family status. Ya Ya understood that Li Caiyi was more on the reserved side. However, she recalled how Li Caiyi stood timidly, asking to join them for lunch, added how she quickly apologized and cried over a simple expression of gratitude. Ya Ya thought that perhaps no one ever praised her for her effort. All because the people around her shone too brightly, they cast a looming shadow over her.
Ya Ya also grew up with siblings, so she understood that much. That was why she could empathize with this socially awkward girl for a bit.
Ever since the semester started, she never saw Li Caiyi talk to anyone voluntarily, so it was safe to assume that she didn't have any friends besides that group of hers.
Ya Ya bit her lips and promised herself to encourage her classmates to talk more with Li Caiyi. Now that Li Caiyi was 'unguarded', they should take this chance to get to know her better!