2014...?

Eyes wide, and thinking she must have hurt herself as well, I inquire, "What are you doing here?" How and why had she kept the same hairstyle after all these years when she changed it so often in the past? Long tiny braids that hung to her wide hips. 

"Every day is the same with you," she said, rolling her eyes playfully. "Can't you wake up like normal people, Meg? You scared the hell out of me, again!" 

Again? Lol, Zulu used to say this to me all the time back in our dorm. We used to be roomies but that was years ago. And way too long ago for her to be so casual- especially since the way we parted. 

Maybe Zulu was letting bygones be bygones. 

Where is Dr. Singh? I looked around, realizing I was in a dorm room and not in the wing of our private ward at the hospital, after a few seconds. A hand on my stomach while I got to my feet and my brain seemed to go into shock for a bit while Zulu, who seemed to not have aged at all, frowned. Bewildered I asked, "What? How did I get here?" 

"Yeah, and then you went down like a sack of potatoes. You gave me a near heart attack, you know that?" she said, her tone lightening slightly. "You need to take better care of yourself." 

"Where's my phone?" I asked, panic rising, searching the semi-familiar room as I thought of Gabe and the chaos of yesterday. My stomach pain- the baby! Bending forward, I scrutinize between my legs. No blood? What am I even wearing? Fishnet? I haven't worn this since... I can't even remember when. 

"Chill, it's right here." She used her chin to signal towards a tiny table next to my bed where a cell phone- not mine lay next to a half bottle of peanut punch- my eyes widened. How did I know this when the cup was unlabeled. Plain brown with a straw protruding out from the covered lid. I pin her with a hard stare, picking up the phone. This was not mine. This was ancient and- 

"Your mum was calling too. Better call her back." 

Mum? My heart skipped a beat. Zulu was harsh after all. Intentionally being cruel. She knew what happened- she was with me in the hospital- the gray thing vibrated in my hand and I stared at the screen of the S5 and frowned. 

For a split second I thought Zulu was being a monster. To put a phone next to me and store someone as 'Mom' then prank call me. 

It said 'Mom' was calling with a heart and my chest walls nearly burst as my heart banged against it. 

Disbelief as the familiarity hits me- I stored my mother this way a million years ago. Panicking, I stare wondering if this was a dream I had to wake up from- then no, I don't want to wake up. 

Heart pounding in my chest, my mouth went dry and I stared at the name. I couldn't breathe. She was gone. She had been gone for so long. My fingers trembled as I reached for it, every rational part of me screaming that this couldn't be real. 

The sound of her voice- so warm, so alive sent a jolt through me when I finally answered. 

'Don't wake up, please don't wake up.' Whatever dream this is, don't wake me up. 

 "Meg, are you awake?" she said casually, unaware that her words shattered the careful wall I had built around my grief. "Mom?" I whispered, choking on the word, half-expecting her to vanish with my breath. "Are you okay?" she asked, her voice laced with concern, so familiar, so heartbreakingly real. Tears welled in my eyes as I struggled to respond, torn between the joy of hearing her again and the terror that this moment couldn't last. 

'Am I okay?' 

Zulu shakes her head and wide-eyed I stare at her. She mouths, "I told her you were sick and took Tylenol and went to sleep." 

Frowning, I turn away and sat on the springless bed. "I'm okay Mom. I miss you." 

"Oh dear, your voice sounds terrible. Did you have a fever?" 

Fever? Oh, right, Zulu said I was sick last night, in this dream. "No, I'm good, A sore throat. Mom, I love you so much." 

"Darling," my mother laughs from the other end and my eyes tear up. Zulu gives me a weird look- much like she used to when we were younger and she saw me with Dan. Not bitter about it now, I turned away from her and rested my hand on my forehead rubbing it. "I love you. What's the matter?" 

The pounding of my heart still slamming against my chest, I grip the phone tighter as if holding on to her voice could anchor me in this impossible moment. My throat tightened, and I could barely force the words out. "Mom, I... I thought you..." I couldn't finish. What was I supposed to say? That she and my twin were dead? That I had mourned them, broken down at their funeral, and spent years trying to accept the void they'd left behind? 

That Avrielle is the casket was like looking at myself? That I could never recover from that? That I couldn't finish my last year because I was a mess? That if it had not been for Gabe I would have been- God knows where. 

Her soft laughter echoed through the line, oblivious to the storm raging inside me. "Megara, what's wrong with you this morning? You sound strange, but let me leave you alone now. Your sister is bringing Matt over for us to meet him. I will call you later tonight, okay?" she teased, a smile in her voice. 

Matt is Liz's boyfriend from university. 

"Mom, no, don't hang-" she had already hung up. "-the call." I closed my eyes, holding the phone by my ear still, trying to steady my breathing, overwhelmed by the sound of her voice- so vibrant- so alive. It was everything I had longed for, and yet I was terrified of what this meant- terrified that I would lose her all over again. 

To lose Avrielle again. My chest hurts and my tears drop heavily. I take in a loud anguished sounding breath. I could see Zulu from my peripheral view getting up from her bed to come over to me. 

"Meggie, you okay?" 

Wait- what? Matt's coming over? To meet our parents? 

Frowning deeper, I stare at the phone as if it would give me answers. My heart raced- differently and my mind was scrambling to make sense of what was happening. This couldn't be real. My mother's voice, the smell of fresh coffee- Zulu's bedside had a cup of the fresh brew, the way everything felt... younger. And then it hit me, like a cold wave crashing over me. 

Dr. Singh had me on some serious drugs for me to me this out of it. 

Unconsciously, I open a book that was on the desk next to a bag- my bag. My brain begins to cloud and my head starts to spin. The dates above my note read May, 2014. I turn the page and the same month and year but different date. I go to the beginning of the book- a different month and date but same year. 

'What the hell.' 

Nausea hits me. And I feel the blood drain from my entire body- I wasn't Gabe's wife anymore. I wasn't pregnant. There was no baby. I wasn't even married, yet. In fact, I would not meet my husband until a few years from now. I 

Slowly, almost robot-like, I turn and froze, my gaze landing on Zulu, who stood midway between me and her bed, a furrow between her eyebrows. She was in one of the two extra-large t-shirts she used as a nightgown, her bare tan legs exposed. 

How was back in my college dorm room in the past? 

I remember when Mom and Dad met Matt. They did not like him because he supported a different team to them, in basketball, football, and in politics. Dad especially hated him because he said he would corrupt his daughter. Dad had been right- Liz now supports all of Matt's teams. 

"What's with the look?" My roomie asked, raising an eyebrow, her long blue nails, waving in front of me because Zulu was a hands talker. I stared at her, wide-eyed, trying to speak, but no words came. This was impossible. 

"No way," I whisper as I stare at her 'YOLO' imprinted wear, then behind her at the Nicki Minaj poster. A Kim and Kanye one was next to it. 

Ten years, gone. I had somehow been thrown back to my junior year in college, before everything with Gabe, before my life fell apart. 

How could this be happening? How was I thrown back to being a twenty-year-old?