Felix Was Crying

Felix shifted on his bed and slowly opened his eyes. His memory from last was vague.

He washed up and went down for breakfast.

Felix saw Samia making breakfast in the kitchen. She was chopping onions and then capsicum. She would make something out of it later. He can't delve into that right now.

The main point was that she was cooking early in the morning, which means she was really here last night.

He couldn't help but feel warm at that thought.

Felix didn't think anything, he went near her and hugged her from behind. He snaked his arms around her waist and rested his head in the crook of her neck.

Felix felt the body in his arms stiffen but relaxed a second later.

"You're awake," Samia said.

"Sorry, I might have scared you," Felix said. He was unable to look into her eyes at this moment. He was afraid it might contain something which he doesn't want to see. Fear, disgust, and even more indifference.

Samia turned around in his embrace and said while looking into his eyes "I am not afraid of you, and I will never be, you got that."

She said sternly but her eyes had a loving expression.

"And out of everyone, you don't have to be afraid of what I will think. You can always confide in me. I promise I will never judge you." Samia added.

Felix nodded and rested his forehead against hers.

He was relieved and happy. He felt he was really lucky to have her.

"Now Can I resume making breakfast or you are going to let me be hungry?" Samia pouted.

Felix kissed the top of her nose and let her go.

"How about I make something"? He offered.

"You already make me something every day. So today you are going to taste my cooking. It should be edible I think." Samia said as she pushed him back to the kitchen door.

Instead of waiting near the dining table Felix leaned over the kitchen door frame and watched her cook.

"It's more than just edible," Felix said.

"Thanks for the compliment." Samia gave him a sweet smile.

Felix looked at her silently as she did everything.

He knew the matter wasn't over yet.

He should tell her about everything.

He was confused as to where he should start, whether he should tell her everything or not.

There was a chance that she might not see him in the same light as she did now.

Maybe she would hate him or think that he was a bad person, which he was and he never claimed to be a saint.

But that's how we function. We want to look out best in front of the person we like. Not having any flaws.

"Let's eat. I already set up the table." Samia nudged him slightly, bringing him back from his thoughts.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he did not notice when she set up the table.

Samia made upma for breakfast. She didn't make any more dishes as Felix was looking upset. Though he tried his best to look normal she saw through him at once.

He was still not being himself.

Samia understood that he must have been under some pressure after she came last night. She thought he could tell her whenever he felt ready.

Samia saw his conflicted state as he sat on the chair and couldn't help but say" Would you relax, please? I know you feel obliged to tell me but you don't have to force yourself. Just tell me whenever you're ready. I will be there for you."

"It's not like I don't trust you, I just don't know what to say," Felix whispered. If Samia was not sitting beside him she might have not heard him at all.

"Felix." Samia forced him to look her in the eye and continued "I know that you trust me, ok. You would never disappoint me. Now stop overthinking and eat." Samia said sternly.

They both are in silence. Like before the silence this time wasn't peaceful but it was rather stifling. One was occupied with the guilt of not telling the truth while the other was worrying.

They still went to work as usual.

The next day Felix told Samia that he won't be going to work today.

He apologized over and over as he would not be able to pick her up. While Samia said it was okay.

Samia felt something was wrong with Felix.

She called Eric before leaving work.

"Umm," Eric hesitated for a minute but still told her "it's his mother's death anniversary today and.." He was thinking about whether he should continue or not.

"And what," Samia raised her voice a little.

"He was young and that time and everyone said he caused her mother's death which affected him a lot. He doesn't say it but he believes it somewhere."

Samia sucked a breath. She was shocked. For a young child to hear all that. It must have been affected him a lot.

"Ok, I see." Samia didn't know what else she should say.

Samia was about to hang up when Eric stopped her.

"There's one more thing if you help him."

"What?" Samia was losing her patience. All she wanted to do was find Felix and comfort him. She tried to calm herself to listen to what Eric was saying.

"He hasn't visited her grave once after that."

"Okay, I understand." With that, she hung up. She couldn't have said anything else.

Samia rushed to Felix's apartment.

She opened the door after entering the passcode. Felix also added her fingerprint, so that she can come whenever she wants.

Samia entered the living room but did not see anyone, so she walked to Felix's room without a second thought.

Samia opened his bedroom door without knocking and was stunned by what she saw.

Felix was sitting beside his bed. His head was buried in his knees and he was quivering.

Without anyone telling her, she knew he was crying.