11

I met GP online while trying to promote my new book, he gave me tips indeed but he was different, he was more than just a help to me, I didn't get to know his first name till maybe our 10th conversation? ... we chatted frequently, he became the friend I always wanted. All I needed was someone who could listen without judging and give advice that is filled with humour, and my GP was this.

At first, I liked him, I was so happy that I met him, no he didn't give me any jittery feeling in the stomach or make my heart skip a beat, he just heated me up and brought smiles to my face. I might have shared my emotions while chatting and he replied too indirectly. I was okay with this when I found out he was nine years older than me. Don't get me wrong, my immediate sibling is six years older than me so age is not a problem. I just realized why he understood me so much, he just might have experienced a lot in his childhood. I hold nothing against this though.

Initially, when I asked him about his age he told me he was way older than me and I chuckled asking" what are you then, as old as my grandpa?" and that was how the name went. I began calling him my GP and I became his granddaughter.

I went to him when I needed advice in life and he always delivered. He believes I'm chubby which is weird considering the image of chubby online is quite different from what I see in my mirror. But whatever, why not add more colours to our conversation, I thought.

I didn't tell any of my mates about him but I told my sister and she was sceptical, I didn't explain deeper because I didn't want her to think my family is not enough to give advice or that I needed an outsider to help build my life. All I did was happen to find someone willing enough to be my grandpa, which by the way I never met my real ones.

I stopped writing for a while saying it was because I had upcoming exams and I didn't have time. The fact was, my imagination was far beyond the words I put down and I just left them as that 'imagination'.

Two months after staying home and my birthday was soon approaching. Yash chose to promise me a late gift because he wouldn't be able to give me one. In the last class, my birthday was during a weekend and so no one from the school was able to celebrate. My parents aren't a fan of parties. Yash decided to write a letter, which I never saw by the way as his mum saw it in one of my books, I later took the fall for it though even though I knew nothing about it. I just, I don't know, was being generous? To be honest I didn't know what I was thinking. Why would I allow myself to be blamed for something I knew nothing about?. Seemingly, I was beginning to create a sort of streak uhhnn.

My birthday soon came and my family outdid themselves once more, I was bombarded with gifts. Those who couldn't send gifts messaged and it was so amazing, I felt so happy, it made me feel so complete like no piece was missing. Yash and Ahji also sent a message which I was grateful about but did not let anything else linger.

I didn't know anymore, I mean I liked all my mates, but I was just having problems believing in them. I trusted them so much but they never failed in disappointing me, they made it look like emotions didn't matter and we were just passersby who happen to indulge in conversation and soon enough we'll go separate ways.

I knew that was true though, but the question is how many people do you want to be just that to you, 'passerby'. I didn't say you must love everyone but hurting people and telling them life is not fair either isn't the best way of leaving a mark. It just hurts the people you do it to and you never know the future, you might just be lucky enough to come across someone you need but happen to have hurt in the past, maybe then they'll understand.

My mum always told me not to just make friends, but to select them, obviously, the people I call my friends don't wanna be that. They want to remain passersby, the ones that hurt others with their work, but I wasn't going to let that bother me. I was done being used and I was also done allowing people to spell my emotion for me, I decided to take the horse by the reins and decide what I want from these so-called passersby.

Ahji and I sort of drifted apart during this time, we stopped talking much and that didn't bother me. I knew Ahji, she'd always come by, she is the keeper kind of friend and as for Kara, we didn't chat, not even once, I don't know what prompted this, but I just didn't like her, she just constantly irritated me even without being present physically, the person in my thoughts just was enough to trigger it. Then there was Hiam, we always read together as a group and all but we never really spoke until one day.

He messaged me first, he said that was not his idea, it was Fromeo's idea to do so, but that didn't bother me. Whether Fromeo r not you messaged me and we are talking.

Soon as we started chatting, I found Hiam to be a funny guy, he was the one cup of coffee you need in your life every morning. He brightens up anywhere he is and he did that to me too, funny we never really spoke in school. I asked him and he said I just didn't look like someone that had the " hey, can we talk" face, I was more of the "No thanks, don't bother coming, I have nothing to say" kind of person.

Hiam made me happy in times of distress and was always eager to talk about his ambition. Maybe that's what I needed from all this headache. Someone ready to do the talking.

see ya,

Love ya.