6.5.5

Her absolute love, her inviolate trust, chafed upon Subaru like nothing before.

Having berated himself so much, having divulged so much of the ugliness in his heart, having confessed that he was a complete fraud, an unsalvageable piece of garbage—

—Why did she look at Subaru with such affectionate eyes?

"I love it when you stroke my head, Subaru. I feel connected to you when your hand passes through my hair."

With Subaru fallen into silence, Rem began to express something unexpected in a soft, quiet voice.

"I love your voice, Subaru. I feel my heart getting warmer from every single word. I love your eyes, Subaru. They're usually quite sharp, but I like how they become soft when you're being kind to someone."

Subaru said nothing as Rem continued, showering him with her words.

"I love your fingers, Subaru. They're very pretty for a boy's, but when they hold my hand, I always think to myself, 'They really are a boy's fingers.' They are slender and strong. I love how you walk, Subaru. When someone is beside you, you always check once in a while to make sure you really are side by side. I love that you walk that way."

His heart was screaming.

While Rem wove those words, Subaru's chest cried out.

"…Stop it."

"I love your face when you sleep, Subaru. You're as defenseless as a baby. Your eyelashes are just a little bit long. Your cheeks are so gentle when I touch them, and even if I touch your lips to tease you, you don't notice… I love it so much that it makes my chest hurt."

"Why…?"

Why was she still talking?

Why was she still able to toss out such compliments at Subaru, the useless fool that he was?

"You said that you hated yourself, Subaru, so I wanted you to know that you have so much good in you."

"None of that is real…!"

Rem was looking at a convenient illusion.

The real Subaru wasn't that kind of person. The real him was filthier than that. His genuine self was ugly, the exact opposite of the one she viewed so favorably.

"You just don't understand! I know more about myself than anyone else!"

"You only know about you, Subaru! How much do you know about the Subaru I see?!"

Reflexively, Subaru raised his voice, but Rem's shout was even louder than his own.

Subaru was shocked. It was the first time she'd raised her voice since they'd arrived here.

The shock made his breath catch in his throat. At long last, he realized that Rem's eyes, dutifully maintaining their neutral expression, had large teardrops welling in them.

Of course hearing Subaru's confession had hurt her.

Of course listening to his extreme masochism had brought pain to her kind heart.

Yet even so, she believed in Subaru.

Rem knew all the horrible things within him that he had told her about, and she believed in Subaru despite them.

"Why do you…? So much… I'm weak, puny… I'm running away…! Even now, I'm running away just like I did before, so why…?"

Why do you believe in a pathetic, unreliable guy drowning in his weakness like me…? If I can't believe in myself, how can you…?

"—Because you're my hero."

When those words of unconditional, infinite trust hit him, Subaru's heart quietly trembled.

No matter what awful conditions piled atop one another, no matter what flaws he might have, that one sentence was infused with the hope that he would come running and chase evil away.

And far too late, finally Subaru realized it.

He was wrong. He'd thought wrong. He had been so, so wrong.

He'd thought that she, Rem, was the only one who'd allow Subaru to fall as far as he needed to, that no matter how weak, pathetic, and humiliated he was, she'd forgive him—and he'd made a mistake.

It had been an error, a lethal degree of foolishness.

—Rem was the one, the only one, who would never allow Subaru to give in.

Everyone had told Subaru that he didn't have to do anything, that he should just behave himself. They had said that they expected nothing from him and that his actions were futile.

—But it was Rem who would not permit Subaru to be weak.

She was the only one who'd kept saying, Stand up. Don't give up. Save everyone.

No one expected anything from Subaru. But she had refused to abandon him, even when he had abandoned himself; nor would she accept his giving up.

Such was the "spell" that Subaru Natsuki had cast upon her.

"In that gloomy forest, a world where I had lost myself, a world where I could only lash out without thinking, you came and saved me."

"—"

"When I woke and was unable to move, when Sister was exhausted from having used too much magic, you stood up and faced the demon beasts as a decoy so that we could escape."

"—"

"You had no chance of winning, and your life was truly in danger, but even so, you survived…and when you returned to my arms, you were warm."

"—"

"When you woke up, you smiled and said the words I most wanted to hear, at the time I most wanted to hear them, and you were the person I most wanted to hear them from."

One by one, she enumerated the "spell" that Subaru had cast upon her.

Those spells had bound her deeply kind heart with the chains called trust, and these firmly bound her until that very moment.

"On that fiery night when I lost everything except Sister, time stopped for me, never to move again."

Rem gazed squarely at Subaru as she spoke of a fragment of her terrible past.

Her gaze was infused with intimacy that had not wavered to even the slightest degree.

"My heart had stopped, frozen in time, but you softly melted it and gently made it move again. Do you know how much you saved me in that instant, on that morning? You can't possibly know how happy I was, Subaru."

"That's why," said Rem, placing a hand on her chest as she continued.

"—I believe in you. No matter how much you might suffer, no matter how much things seem to be going against you, even if no one else in the whole world believes in you, even if you cannot believe in yourself—I believe in you, Subaru."

As Rem spoke, she took a step forward, closing the distance.

They were close enough to touch. Subaru, hanging his head, did not move as Rem reached out with both arms, wrapping them around his neck.

Even though there was very little strength in the pull, the unresisting Subaru could not avoid her embrace.

Though Subaru was taller, Rem held his head to her chest, and he heard her voice from directly above as she said, "The Subaru who saved me is a real hero."

From the slippery sensation on his forehead, he knew she had brushed it with her lips.

Heat spread from where she'd touched him. Incomprehensible emotions welled up deep inside Subaru's chest.

Blood flowed through his unmoving limbs. The static filling his skull began to clear—

"No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't save anyone."

"I'm here. The Rem you saved is right here, Subaru."

"I'm empty. There's nothing inside me. No one'll listen to me."

"I'm here. If they are Subaru's words, I want to hear whatever they might be."

"No one expects anything from me. No one trusts me… I…hate myself."

"I love you, Subaru."

The hand that touched his cheek was hot. Her eyes, gazing at Subaru from up close, were moist.

That look, everything about her, made him accept that she was truly sincere.

"You're…fine with a guy like me…?"

He'd tried over and over, redone over and over, and he had nothing to show for it.

Everyone died. His hand never reached them. He'd let everyone die. His thoughts were inadequate. He was empty, powerless, dumb, late to act, a blockhead dragged around by his desire to protect someone.

Was he really good enough for her?

"I'm fine with you, Subaru."

"—"

"I don't want it to be anyone else."

If he, who could not believe in himself, had someone who had faith in him…could Subaru Natsuki fight?

—He didn't have to give up on fighting Fate?

"If you really are that empty, if you have nothing, if you cannot forgive yourself—let's start over, here and now."

"Begin wh…?"

"Just like how you made time move again for me, we can make the time that stopped for you move again, right now."

He had taken his regret and shame at his past of achieving nothing, his days of doing nothing, his hours spent in waste and idleness, and tried to give up.

Rem smiled at this Subaru, stating:

"Let us start over from here, from step one… No, from zero!"

"—"

"If you find it difficult to walk alone, I shall support you. Let us divide the load and support each other as we walk. You said that to me on that morning, yes?"

So let's laugh, hug each other, and talk about tomorrow, he had said.

Leaning on each other, supporting each other as they walked, he had said.

"Please show me the best in you, Subaru."

He'd shown her nothing but the worst in him for the longest while. After all, it was Subaru himself who had cast the indelible "spell" upon her.

It was his duty to take responsibility and see it through.

"…Rem."

"Yes?"

When he called her name, she quietly responded.

He lifted his face. He looked straight ahead. He gazed into Rem's eyes.

Softly, gently, they awaited the reply from Subaru's lips.

So he wanted to be the Subaru Natsuki she loved so much.

"—I…like Emilia."

"—Yes."

Seemingly knowing all along, Rem smiled and nodded at Subaru's confession.

He knew full well how cruel he was being to that smile, that gentleness, as he continued, "I want to see Emilia's smile. I want to be in her future as a help to her. Even if she told me I'm in the way, not to come back… I want to be by her side."

Now that he'd accepted Rem's feelings, he again voiced the feeling that remained unchanged inside him. But the way he felt it was different from before.

"The idea that she'd put up with anything from me just because I liked her…was pretty arrogant, huh?"

"—"

"Even if she doesn't get it right now, that's fine. Right now, I want to save Emilia. If there's a future of pain and suffering coming for her, I want to bring her to a future where everyone can smile."

So he offered his hand to Rem, right at his side, and asked, "Will you…help me?"

He knew it was an underhanded way to respond to the feelings she had offered to him. He knew he was using her emotions. But it was that Subaru, the Subaru who would not give up on the future of those precious to him, whom she loved.

"I can't do anything by myself. I come up short in everything. I don't have the confidence to just walk straight ahead. I'm so weak, fragile, and puny, so… Will you lend me a hand? Help keep me on the straight and narrow when I take a wrong turn?"

"You are a terrible person, Subaru. Right after you dump a girl, you ask such a thing?"

"Hey, it's pretty tough for me to ask someone who turned down a once-in-a-lifetime proposal of mine, you know?"

Rem was unable to hold back a little sigh at Subaru's weak chuckle.

They smiled at each other for a while. Then Rem straightened up, elegantly grasped the hem of her skirt, and in a display of perfect courtesy, she said, "If this will bring a future where Subaru, my hero, can smile, then I humbly accept."

"Yeah, you just watch. You'll have a front-row seat."

Rem took the hand Subaru had offered as they exchanged their vows. She let out a small "Ah" as Subaru drew her close, burying her petite body in his chest. He was grateful that there existed a girl so soft, so warm, and who liked him so much.

"—The man you fell in love with is gonna be the coolest hero there ever was!"

It was hot within her breast.

As Subaru embraced Rem, she buried her face in his chest, hiding her expression.

Her breathing was hot. Her forehead and cheeks were hot as she rubbed them against him.

But the tears flowing from her eyes were probably the hottest of all.

—Even then, Subaru could not like himself. He still hated himself.

But a girl had told Subaru she liked him.

If there was a girl who could like him, just as he was…

—Emilia was watching. Rem was watching. He could not yield.

"—"

The tale of Subaru Natsuki would begin anew.

His life in another world would start over.

—From zero.