Woodsy Adventure

It's been one month into school and missions are already wearing me down. I honestly cannot understand how Kim can do this, schoolwork, and cheerleading practice. She has to run on two hours of sleep like a bad ass!

Or she has some really really good caffeine.

Alas, I would ask, but were here to save a family of three that went missing in the woods. 'Supposedly' the tracking team could not find them and needed us to find them. I mean seriously? Do none of y'all have any fear of being fired due to negligence? Y'all are making two teens look for a missing family!

"Focus Ron. We have a math test tomorrow that I still need to finish quizzing myself on. I refuse to give that teacher a reason to keep being a dick to us for leaving for missions." Kim was grilling me.

"Sorry there K.P." I had apologised quickly, "Just peeved that the guys, whose job is to find people, are having us do it. I'd rather sleep than this."

Or maybe use studying with you three... with incentives to help learn more.

"I hear ya, Ron."

The woods were quite the spooky place. Even if I know my mind is tricking me, it sure doesn't help when I see eyes staring at me! Stupid owl. At least I hope it's an owl.

We kept traveling together to reduce the chances of either of us getting lost out here. Or at least getting lost alone.. That would be even worse. At least Kim is leaving noticeable marks on trees while we moved along.

Fudging three hours out here and I'm getting cold. You'd think the hard cardio we were doing would help fight off the cold but it did little.

"Friend! I hear pounding on the ground! Like many feet coming!" Crap. I think Rufus hears wolves.

"K.P! We gotta get high off ground now. Rufus hears something coming our way."

Seriously, some days I wonder if they actually believe me that I can understand Rufus, or I just use him as an excuse because the look she gave me told me she didn't believe me.

For crying out loud.

I grab her hand and dash up a tree. Thankfully she at least trusts me and followed me up to hide in the branches.

"Seriously Ron, do you really think we have something following us?"

"Not me, Rufus, now shush. I think I can hear it too."

I'm lucky she loves me because she would have knocked me out for telling her to shush. Such is the way of a complicated life.

It didn't take long until we saw three busy bodies run past us. I would love to say they were the ones we were looking for, but...

"Where the hell are they? The signs they left on the trees showed they were heading this way! Little brother John, did you see any other signs on the trees?" The guy dressed as a wolf was, quite literally, barking at his group.

"I'm sorry elder brother John. I have not seen anything. And it's too dark out here without the moon to light our way." This hulking behemoth of a man was dressed like a bear. Are we really going for a Robin Hood cliche scenario? I swear if the other guy is also a John, imma flip my shit and call this like it is. A cult.

"We must find them. Our leader John will be upset if we cannot produce heroic virgins for the sacrifice. Split up little brothers and howl when you find them." This one... Well he uhh.. Well we only wore a loincloth. And not to be a bit phobic, but he was dainty sounding... "Yes eldest brother John!" Was their response.

Sigh.. So yep. A group of Johns were on the search for us. These missions are getting ridiculous. I hope we find Wade eventually or he find us. I have a feeling he can filter out these missions that risk our lives.

I hope.

So I turned to my side to see Kim looking at me incredulously. Heh, makes me feel smug. Even Rufus was striking a pose on my shoulder.

"Never doubt the Rufus." Was my only response.

"I don't doubt Rufus! He's my cute little guy! I, uh, just didn't think he could hear that well." Uh huh, sure thing Kim. She jumped down and ran in the direction of the wolf looking guy, so I had to follow after her.

Didn't stop me and Rufus from having a high finger / high five moment.

Times like these that Kim's athletic abilities really come in handy. I can be silent thanks to year of practice but that she can flip from a tree, swing from a branch, and glide like a freaking bat in the air. Honestly. It was awesome.

Wolf costumed guy was sniffing around some trees...

This is ridiculous. I'm glad that Kim kicked him in the back of the head and knocked him out. Otherwise I would have and I'd be less gentle.

"Soooo, what do we do with him K.P? Can't exactly question a knocked out guy. Unless you have mind powers that you never mentioned."

"Oh shut it, Ron. I didn't want him alerting his friends." Kim seemed a little moody. Guess me making fun of her didn't help. That and the fact we are being hunted.

"We must be careful friend. This does not feel safe." Great, Rufus already thinks this place sucks too. Even if he isn't wrong.

I grab some rope from my handy dandy deep pockets and it over to Kim. Tieing him up came naturally to her, so I guess that saying that 'anything is possible for a possible' does have some merit to it.

I just wished I was paying more attention to my surroundings. Because Mr. Big and Tall is also Mr. Sneaky Sneaky. I turned when I heard a branch snap and found 'Little John' looking down at me and I was looking at a big meaty fist coming at me.

I will need to thank the twins later for the dodging training. I, almost, smoothly evaded his attack and "K.P!" made darn sure to alert Kim to my peril.

Only to notice she was evading the dainty guy of the group. Freaking bastard was flipping and twirling around. At least Kim can match against him. Doesn't help that my match up seems significantly worse!

"Can't we just get along?!" I said as little John kept throwing punch after punch at me.

"You will fall little man." Why me?!?! Ugh. I went full karate punch at his mid section after getting on the inside of his bubble.

I regret everything. I mean everything. My fist went in his gut and got stuck! What kind of fat guy cliche is this?! "Heh, heh, heh, now you have no where to go." Seriously?!?!?

Before he can squeeze me I flipped around and kicked off his face to launch myself free. It only took me two kicks to get out.

At least Kim was having an easier time.

The big guy was now charging at me, and while I would love to say me and Kim were in sync, it was merely luck that I dodged and watched him charge into the dainty guy.

I think... I think he crushed the leader of their group. Of course Kim had to be merciless and went straight for another kick to the back of the head. Ouchies.

"You okay Ron! He didn't hurt you did he?!" Well at least she was concerned for me.

"Had it in the bag K.P.. So what do we do now?" She shrugged back at me. Well then.

We heard wolfie guy was stirring and looked right back at him. Looked back each other. Then grinned and looked back at him. I guess tonight we can be a little less heroic-y.

I do have to say Kim's ferocity.. ahem.. kind words helped to convince him that he should share where their base was. But that he even willingly shared everything was a bit of a downer.

I mean that as in we already found out the family we came to save was already dead... and subtly implied that they were eaten.

Ducking cults man... Just duck them.

She might have kicked him in the groin multiple times until he fainted. And even if it might have felt bad to watch, I also had no feelings against it. He deserved it.

Good news is I always have more rope on hand. So we were able to tie the other two up. I had a noose set up on the big guys hand so, that if he tried to get free, he would wind up choking the leader of their group. The fact that Kim mentioned that I should do that worried me. She's supposed to be a heroine.

Well, I could ignore it in lieu of our situation. Some people just don't deserve to be treated nicely.

.

.

.

I called in to the twins to see if they could locate us via the phone they gave me. Because we were in need of some Global Justice assistance.

Now you may ask why I would be scared of being lost if I could do that. Well the answer would be that I forgot. And that Kim doesn't have her communicator yet either, so keeping close was more beneficial. But mainly because I forgot.

And so we traveled to their base where we found a dozen more John's all walking about the perimeter. One even went into a nearby john.. heh heh.

I followed Kim's lead as we went after one John after another. Trying to be careful not to alert them. Which is dang hard when they know each others patrol point! We only got four down when their leader showed up.

"My little John's! Our brothers have not arrived yet, nor sent word to us. I fear they may be lost to us. We must find our prey and our brothers so we can commence with the ritual!" ...He was naked. Their leader was fully naked except for his skull mask.

Just what the fuck man.

Even Kim had her jaw dropped! "How is he so small?" That's what you notice?! You don't just say that about a man's junk, it's sensitive!

"We can't let them leave Ron. We have to keep them here until the twins can get here to arrest everyone." I really wished she didn't say that.

"Hey creeps! You wanted us? Well here we are!" She had shouted out before leaving the bushes we hid behind... Sigh.. Welp, time to join her.

"I shall go around the back, Friend! I will assist you when they least expect me!" Rufus is a true bro. He ran off as I walked beside Kim.. and what? What did he say again?

They wanted to do what to my butt?

They wanted to consume Kim's flesh while she lived. Just to watch me be de-virginized as she slowly dies...

Okay, where the hell are the twins!? I want out. I need the comfort of my bed and pillows now!

"Ron... Any suggestions?" Really Kim? Really? I want out, what do you think?!

"We run and never speak of this again. Works for me." Is the only response I got.

They were backing up as they started to approach us. Thankfully they would not be able to surround us since we had full view of the area. And then their leader was screaming and that got their attention.

Rufus.. The bestest bud Rufus. He took one for the team.

He bit the tip of their leader's penis.

And did not let go even when pulled... Well.. Until he bit deeper to draw blood. At least the guy got a free piercing, I hear penis piercings are expensive lately.

Rufus got loose and fled to us while the other John's went to their leader John to care for his well being. Poor Rufus was spitting out blood the entire run back.

"Freeze! This is GJ! You are all arrested!" Oh thank god. About time. But why does that voice sound familiar?

"Well well well. I shouldn't be surprised you are part of this. Agents, arrest the blonde and his partner! I always knew you were trouble, Don."

Okay, hold up. The fudge? ME?! Are you serious right now? You even got my name wrong! Oh.. They are serious. Two agents had cuffed me and Kim and were, rather forcefully, putting us together with the Johns...

"What the hell are you doing?!" Ooohhhh. Every agent froze on the spot. And I know why.🎵

Because Connie came to town! And Lonnie already had blood shot eyes glaring them down. Wow. Everyone was terrified but me, Kim, and Rufus.

I think I heard Kim and Rufus chuckling.

Lonnie was the next to shout, "What are you all doing?! Du! Who the hell are you to arrest our little ones! Release Ron and Kimberly now, agents! Or you'll all get the extra training duty with us later!" She addressed everyone after Du... But her eyes never left him.. Welp, it was nice to not really know him.

Connie was hugging us and dragged us to the nearest chopper, basically fretting over us. "I'm so sorry Ron Ron, Kimberly, let's get you two home. We'll take care of everything here while you get your rest. Oh you two! I'm so sorry we didn't get here in time!"

It was nice to be smothered in hugs. Just wish I could breathe.

So we were on our way home at last...

"So... Still going to study some more?" I had asked Kim.

"Shut it, Ron. I'm cuddling with Pandaroo first thing."

So cheeky.