Chapter 234: Wizards of Waverly Place (1)

[Edward POV]

With my head resting heavily on the table, I heard the sound of approaching footsteps. My cheeks were a bit flushed.

I turned my gaze towards the source and saw Max striding in, a bottle of Yoo-Hoo chocolate drink in her hand. I couldn't help but be surprised. "You drink Yoo-Hoo? Isn't that for kids?" I asked in surprise, raising an eyebrow.

A mischievous smile played on Max's face as she handed me the drink. "That's why I'm bringing it to you," she replied. I scowled and scolded,"Get that watery sludge! Out of my face."

Max raised her hands in a placating manner, trying to disarm the tension. "Sorry, I was just messing with you," she said, her tone lightening. 

Rolling my eyes, I raised my head and turned towards her, opening a new bottle of wine and taking a long swig straight from the bottle.

"I thought you were crashing at Maggie's place?" I asked casually.

"I was, until she started snoring. Wait, should I stop this?" Max questioned, her eyes flitting to the drinks in my hand. Understandable reactions since I was just a teenager, but since she also had similar experiences doing this at my age, she was unsure how to react. 

"It's already my third bottle," I replied honestly. She seemed taken aback for a moment before chuckling, knowing that it was already too late for her to interject.

"Do you want to look for an apartment of your own?" I asked, changing the subject. "Or you can just get one of the beds here in my house. I have a lot of rooms."

Max's eyes sparkled, but she was also hesitating. "You know what, that's what I wanted to talk to you about tonight." She said, avoiding my eyes. "And since it's useless for me to stop you now, let me have some so that I can catch the buzz too and reduce your crime," she teased, snatching the bottle from my hand and taking a swig.

"Please don't tell me you're going back to New York," I asked irritatedly, a hint of exasperation creeping into my voice. I could already sense where the conversation was heading.

"Hey, see! I thought I needed to start the conversation awkwardly, but you already did that for me," Max laughed mischievously. 

"Why? Don't you like it here?" I asked with some frustration.

"Oh no! California is so nice. The sun, the people. I love it here. But it's not where I belong. I belong in New York City, where everyone is mean to each other and the streets smell like piss," she replied sarcastically, although I sensed a hint of sadness hidden beneath her words.

"What about your job?" I asked, trying to understand her perspective.

"What job? I haven't worked at all while I'm here! It feels like a vacation... and taking advantage of you guys. Well, usually I don't have a conscience to tell me that, but... hmm... you guys are really warm and kind... It started working again after over a decade." She masked her feelings by speaking playfully, but it was the truth of how she felt.

" I thought I had killed it, but it turns out it was just hiding in the dark corner of my mind," Max snarked sarcastically. 

She proceeded to drain the wine bottle until only a third was left. I quickly snatched it from her hand and took a swig myself. "Nah, Max. You were always nice. You may seem mean, but you're really kind," I praised, my voice sincere. "Alcoholic, but kind." I said as I twirled the bottle with dissatisfaction.

"Stop it," she playfully urged, a hint of a blush colouring her cheeks.

I looked at her intently and asked, "Can you not go?"

Max hesitated, her expression conflicted. After some thinking, she said, "I have people in New York who are important to me. I need to go back."

"Well, I can arrange for them to move to LA too," I suggested, aware of Max's concern for Earl, the elderly African American cashier who had become a father figure to her. It was understandable that she felt the need to return.

"Why are you so afraid of me going back there? Do you think I'm going to abandon you and not contact you or anything? I'll still send you memes about unlikely animal friendships," Max asked playfully, trying to reassure me. 

"I'm sorry. I just don't have a great track record of people saying that and meaning it. Especially right now, when I realise that there is something seriously wrong with me," I confessed, my words slurred by intoxication.

"What's wrong with you?" Max questioned, her confusion evident.

Maybe it was because I knew that Max would protect my secret with her life, or maybe it was the drinks, I felt it was easy to talk to her about this.

"I don't even know how to explain this. Basically, I won't find anyone in this life. And even if I did, I wouldn't be able to keep them with me for more than three months," I vented, my frustrations pouring out. I pulled out the Euphoria drips from my pocket, and started dripping it into the bottle of wine. 

"Big fucking deal. You know what's the longest relationship I've had? It was one month in junior high, and the guy didn't even know we were dating for most of it. Trust me, if he knew, we would've gone beyond second base," Max shared, her voice laced with a touch of humour.

"Wasn't that a certainty with every guy you've dated?" I playfully teased.

"The point is, people like me, we're the ones who won't find anyone. You're an awesome kid, you know that? So what if those past few relationships didn't work out? I'm sure you'll find someone who gets you soon," Max encouraged, her words filled with support. "And one day when you become an adult, I will surely remember this and use this conversation today to make fun of you." She cackled.

"Max, I think you misunderstood. I mean, I can't date someone for longer than three months. It's like a… A gypsy curse. When it hits the three-month mark, we're over," I explained, revealing the source of my pessimism.

"That's ridiculous, you know that?" Max responded, her disbelief apparent. "Or are you just too drunk?" She asked while looking at me up and down.

"But it's true," I insisted, feeling trapped by my supposed curse.

"I'm not saying I believe in this, but if you really are, as you say, 'cursed,' then what's wrong with having only three months together?" Max reasoned.

"If I get involved with someone knowing that I'll break up with them in three months, wouldn't that be cruel?" I questioned, my moral dilemma weighing heavily on me, especially after the conversation with Mitch and Cam.

"Will you treat them badly? Will you be abusive?" Max countered, her voice firm.

"No," I replied, realising that I had no intention of causing harm.

"Then, I don't think there's a problem at all. Let's say... the curse, or whatever you want to call it, strikes after three months, right?" Max proposed, trying to find a solution.

"I think so," I confirmed, intrigued by her line of thinking.

"So, here's what you do. You date them, and you date them hard! You give them the best memories they'll ever have. Then, just before the three-month mark, you break up with them," Max suggested, her tone filled with determination.

"That's what I'm trying to avoid," I protested.

"No, I'm not finished yet," Max interrupted. "After the breakup, the countdown will reset. Then you can date them again, or ask them to take you back, and do the same thing when you're nearing the three-month mark. Well, it's not like you're trying to settle down right now, right? You can deal with the curse when you're a bit older."

"Hmm?" I was taken aback when I heard Max's suggestion, my drunken state possibly contributing to its sudden logic. However as I was mulling the suggestion, her eyes sparkled as she noticed the Euphoria bottle in my hand.

"Wait, is that...?" She slowly moved closer to me with excitement. 

"You can't taste it. This is only for the people who want to stay here," I teased, a mischievous grin on my face as I hid the bottle on my grip.

"Oh, come on!" Max exclaimed in frustration.

I laughed and took a swig of the wine mixed with Euphoria solution, feeling the intoxicating, otherworldly pleasure coursing through my body. The enhancement in my digestive system dampened the intensity of the reaction, but it still surpassed any liquor I had consumed before. It was so enjoyable that I accidentally put down the bottle on the desk.

While I was drinking, Max lunged for the Euphoria bottle on the table. "Wait! Not straight from it!" I tried to stop her by grabbing her hand, but it only resulted in her falling on top of me. Defiantly, Max managed to take a sip of the highly concentrated drink before I could retrieve it, swallowing a gulp.

"Max..." I began, concerned for her well-being. However, she turned and sat facing me on the chair, overpowering me with her entire body. Flabbergasted, I tried to get her off, but I was late. The sensory overload caused her to moan loudly, her breath tickling my neck.

"Ah~ AHHH~ ED~~ IT WON'T STOP COMING~~!" she moaned, her body trembling against mine, her soft parts pressing against me. Her actions aroused me, and her legs quivered as she collapsed onto me.

"AHhhh~" she continued to moan, biting down on my collar. Thankfully, the effects of the Euphoria didn't last long. Max snapped back to reality, but she was still breathing heavily and hadn't fully regained her senses.

"Oh my god. That's the best thing I've ever had," she said with an unconscious seductive tone, gripping my shirt at the chest. Suddenly, she felt a hardness rising against her thigh, and our eyes locked in a moment of shared surprise. 

Both of us hastily jumped out of the chair, but I had to sit back down…you already know why.

"Um, Max, I think it's a good idea for you to go back to New York... tonight," I said flatly as I tried to brush off what just happened.

"Yeah, I will go back to New York. And I won't be speaking with you for the next two to three business weeks," Max muttered apologetically as she couldn't meet my eyes. 

"Understandable," I replied, acknowledging her decision as the most logical one. 

As she prepared to leave, Max accidentally glanced in my direction and mouthed the word 'WOW.'

"Go now," I urged with irritation, hoping to maintain some semblance of composure.

"GOING~~~" she exclaimed as she rushed towards the door. But in all the craziness, she managed to swipe that bottle and placed it in between her shirt. I only knew about that when I came to a decision to lock up the solution, only to find out that it was no longer there.

"That…Wench." 

…

The next morning, I had breakfast with my dad and spent the morning discussing DOD contracts with Harvey. Around noon, I headed to the film set at Hollywood Center Studios. As my Audi sped along the freeway, I noticed three black SUVs trailing behind me.

Once I arrived, the director discreetly ushered me onto the film set while the cast members were shooting the ending of the episode, "Doll House." Men in black suits also infiltrated the set, positioning themselves around the perimeter.

Agent Smith, a short man with male pattern baldness and sunglasses, whispered into his intercom, "Scan the surrounding areas. Make sure the 'PlayBoy' is safe."

Curious, the scriptwriter, a woman with raggedy ginger hair and oversized circular glasses, asked me, "Who's the suit?" We had been in contact before, as she sought my input on acceptable acting choices and storylines. She claimed to be an obsessed fan, wanting the best for me—or so she said.

"Just my guards," I replied casually, giving a slight nod to the agent. Due to my perceived value to the country, the DOD had assigned me a security detail to ensure my safety.

In the episode, Selena's character, Alex Russo, used magic to shrink herself and enter her childhood dollhouse, which she had transformed into an art studio. Her best friend had moved in with her family, necessitating the use of the basement as her studio.

As I watched the show, Selena let out a childlike, endearing laugh that surprised me with how much I enjoyed hearing it. It was her trademark laugh for the character Alex Russo in the kids' show.

"Cut! It's a wrap! Thank you, everyone!" the director announced, signalling the completion of the scene. Selena high-fived her on-screen parents, David DeLuise as Jerry Russo and Maria Canals-Barrera as Theresa Russo. Jake T. Austin, who portrayed her younger brother Max Russo, was also part of the celebratory gesture. Suddenly, Selena froze in the midst of high-fiving Jennifer Stone, who played Harper Finkle—both her best friend in the show and in real life.

"What are you doing here?" Selena asked, her face filled with surprise as she pointed directly at me. The rest of the cast turned to follow her gaze, their eyes landing on me.

Before I could utter a word, Selena covered her face, which had red splotches on her cheeks, her short hair tied up in pigtails, and her oversized blue dress that resembled an enlarged version of a doll's dress, in a successive manner as if she didn't know which one to cover up first.

"Ah! Cover your eyes, Ed! Someone, please cover his eyes! You shouldn't see me like this!" Selena exclaimed with agitation and nervousness, her red cheek almost matching the colour of the makeup she had applied earlier.

"Hello, everyone!" I greeted the cast members politely as I entered the set. Jennifer Stone squealed with excitement, "Oh my God! It's Edward! KYAAA!! Edward is coming to see us perform!"

"Oh my God! We have such a big star among us!" Maria said, covering her face before squealing and rushing forward to hug me abruptly.

"Oh, you're a hugger–" I remarked, taken aback by her sudden action, especially as she started swaying me around. She let go, and David Deluise greeted me with an excited handshake. "I didn't quite believe them when they said you were coming today! Still, I'm so surprised to actually see you here!"

"Don't be, because I actually planned to surprise you guys," I said, playing along with their energy. He burst into laughter and said, "Wait. We're so insensitive. Of course, you're here to surprise Selena. We can't impose on you any longer—"

"IMPOSE!... BLOCK HIM! Stall him until I get all this makeup off me!" Selena yelled from behind the set, while her friend struggled to remove the makeup from her cheeks.

I laughed and ran toward her cheekily, saying, "Wait, don't take it off! I still want a picture!"

"No! You stay there!" she urgently commanded, but it only made me burst out laughing. Despite her orders, I was already standing next to her. "Ed, don't!" she whined meekly.

"Why are you so anxious?" I asked, trying to stifle my laughter.

She rolled her eyes and replied, "I have whore's makeup! I look hideous!"

"Not really. You look like the Raggedy-Ann doll. It's kinda cute," I said as I took a close-up picture of her without turning off the flash.

"Also, you have cut your hair short since we last met. Is that for a new look, or just a solidarity move?" I asked teasingly.

"Solidarity move. What are you going to do about it?" She said haughtily.

"Post this pic on my social media." 

"You bastard!" she gritted her teeth in anger, but her eyes were already softened. "What the hell are you doing here? Did you come here just to make fun of me!? What are you going to do next? Make fun of Henrie's funny face?" she complained with dissatisfaction.

David Henrie, who played Justin Russo, the older brother, was dumbfounded when he heard his name being mentioned.

"Henrie?" I turned to look at him, and we finally met. He extended his hand and greeted me with a polite smile, saying, "Hi. I'm David. David Henrie. But you should call me Henrie while on set, to avoid getting the name mixed up."

"Hi, Henrie. Don't worry about Selena's words. You don't really have a funny face. In fact, you have some good looks," I complimented him in a positive manner, which made him grin widely.

"That means a lot coming from you," he said, basking in the feeling before asking, "Why are you here exactly?"

"Oh, didn't the director tell you either? I thought only Selena didn't know," I replied in confusion before adding, "I'm the guest star for the Three Monster episode. (S3 E4)"

"You're WHAT?!" Selena exclaimed in shock. "We already have a couple of guest stars in that."

She stomped over to the director, Lev L. Spiro, and confronted him, "Why didn't you tell us? Is that why we've been postponing finishing the episode?" Despite her anger, her tone remained respectful when addressing the director.

"Yeah," the director calmly nodded and smirked. "Hey, don't blame me! It was all his idea to surprise you!" He shifted the blame onto me.

"You!" Selena turned towards me once again, gritting her teeth. However, I ignored her and instead examined the props on the set. Then, Selena suddenly realised something.

She walked up to me and started laughing, mocking me with a sing-songy tone, "Ha ha~! You're going to be on a kids' show~"

"I know that… I signed up for it" I replied with confusion. Then, I picked up a large plastic muscular arm from the prop table and attempted to put it on.

"Yeah, but you're going to look so dumb," Selena continued, laughing loudly with the same laugh she used on the show.

"I'm already prepared for that. Also, what's this for?" I asked, showing her the arm.

"That's a dumb monster arm. You're going on a dumb kids' show. Ahahahaha," Selena laughed again, which made me burst into laughter too. 

Jennifer scolded her in a whisper, "You better stop that before the director hears it."

"Is there another one of these?" I asked, looking around for the other part of the costume.

Selena covered her mouth slightly and laughed slowly this time. "No, the monster only has one arm."

"Oh, what's the monster's name? Single for 30 years?" I cracked a joke, making Selena laugh once more.

Then, I looked at her and said, "Well, before we start filming, we need to establish some ground rules."

"Oh, what are they?" Selena asked, trying to hold back her giggles.

"That laugh. You can't use it, other than during filming," I replied as I placed the muscular arm on her shoulder.

"Why?" She asked, confused. "Is it an annoying laugh?" She fluttered her eyes. 

"On the contrary, I kind of like it. That's why it's dangerous," I teased with a slight smile. "Hear that, Raggedy Ann?" I used the monster arm to ruffle her hair.

"Stop that! Ugh, I need to get out of this costume," Selena said, rushing off to her dressing room with her best friend, giggling all the way and stealing glances at me as they talked about me.

"Alright, everyone. We're going to take a short lunch break and then hand out the new script for the special guest star episode," the set director announced, but as he was too close to the agent in the suit, he received glares and flinched under their gaze. His voice broke as he continued, "Um... Make sure to be back here in 20 minutes."

While the people were taking a break, I suddenly thought of something and amused myself.

'Basically, Justin Russo, the studious one, is Alex Dunphy. The sarcastic airhead Alex Russo who complained a lot and loves cute guys is Haley. And Max Russo, the weird one, is basically Luke. The sibling trope of hot, nerd, and weird, is also being used here huh.'

"Edward, do you want some sandwiches?" Henrie asked.

"Yes. Definitely." I said before joining the boys to chat while eating lunch together. 

…

A short explanation on the episode, by Edward Newgate; 

The 3 Monster episode began with Justin, who was studying Monster Hunting independently after completing his basic wizard courses. He unintentionally caused chaos in Waverly Place by scanning three level 6 monsters in the area.

Unfortunately, he forgot that his girlfriend, Juliet, and her parents were vampires. In the midst of fear and confusion, he reported her to the monster hunter department, and could potentially take her to monster jail.

Juliet, played by Bridgit Mendler, got scared of the monster hunters and ran away in the middle of the story. To cover up the incident, they improvised by presenting three "monsters": a Frankenstein monster created by Justin in the earlier episode, a trash robot also made by Justin, and a watermelon. 

The watermelon part was just the whim of the monster hunter that was trying to help Justin. They thought Justin concocted the story to impress the monster hunters as he is their intern and pretended that the watermelon was the last monster to save face.

"Ready! Action!" the director called out once the actors were prepared.

After the monster hunters left, Alex and Justin argued about who should inform Juliet that the incident was over. Alex, being friends with Juliet, annoyed Justin.

In the final scene, where they hurriedly left the restaurant to find Juliet, I entered the picture as the new character, Jeremy Van Helsing.

(A/N: There are laugh tracks in the show, so I will mark them by using *LOL*)

-Scene Start -

"Justin, our fake monsters just disappeared," Alex said as she entered the storage room where Justin was talking alone with the monster hunters. 

She wore a bright yellow blouse, while Justin had a tie wrapped around his head like a headband, an intern monster hunter vest, and a long-sleeve shirt.

"The monster hunters took them to monster jail," Justin replied casually.

"Great. I'll tell Juliet," Alex said, sliding past Justin with excitement.

Startled, Justin hurriedly said, "No, I'll tell Juliet. She's my girlfriend."

*LOL*

"She's my friend," Alex said seriously, causing Justin to shudder in disgust. "Blerghh... You're friends with my girlfriend."

*LOL*

"I know. I'm just as freaked out as you are," Alex said, shuddering as well. "Let's not talk about it."

*LOL*

"Okay."

Justin and Alex agreed to pretend it wasn't true. "We'll tell her together," Justin suggested.

"Okay," Alex replied with annoyance.

"Okay!"

"Fine!"

"FINE!"

*LOL*

Both of them approached the door slowly, turning it into a race as neither wanted to back down. However, as Alex opened the door, she was met with the sight of a dashing black-haired boy. He had a slight scar on his left eye and was dressed in a long black trench coat and a fedora. This new arrival immediately caught Alex's attention.

*MASSIVE AUDIENCE CHEERS!*

"Wait, who are you?" Alex asked, trying to assert herself. "Move!" Justin pushed past Alex and hurriedly stood in front of her, only to stop in his tracks when he saw the boy. He stopped only when he was an inch away from the boy, and yelped like a girl before flinching back. 

*LOL*

"You guys must be the Russo family. I'm Jeremy Van Helsing, a Veteran Monster Hunter," the boy introduced himself while scanning the area with a comical device. 

"Um... You must be confused. The other monster hunters have already left with the monsters," Justin stammered, while Alex smiled excitedly at Jeremy.

"Oh, what's the point of rushing him to go back? He should stay awhile," Alex said, twirling her short hair and looking at Jeremy in an infatuated manner. 

*LOL*

Jeremy tipped his hat and smiled politely at her, while Justin turned to Alex and gave her a disapproving look. "No. We must not waste his time here. Don't you remember we need to tell… Juliet, the good news?"

*LOL*

Alex was taken aback and finally remembered that Juliet would still be in danger if the monster hunter stayed. "Oh right. Juliet."

However, at that moment, Jeremy finally spoke up. "You guys don't have to worry about me. I'm not here about the recent level 6 monster alert."

"Oh, what are you here for?" Alex was relieved and slid past Justin to get closer to Jeremy, asking in a cute manner.

*LOL*

Justin rolled his eyes and threw his hands up in exasperation at his sister's behaviour.

Jeremy looked at Alex seriously and said, "There's been a high level of monster activity in this area for the last few weeks. My father sent me to investigate the cause and, if possible, put a stop to it. In the meantime, I'll be staying at Waverly Place until I finish my investigation."

"Haha. Investigation. You sound so serious and so mature." She said as she was basically melting in his presence. 

*LOL*

"Y-y-you're staying?" Justin asked, his voice cracking with a stammer.

"Yeah, is that a problem?" Jeremy asked, his smouldering gaze meeting Justin's.

Justin avoided Jeremy's gaze and replied, "No. No problem at all."

"If you see a monster, make sure to call me," Jeremy said before handing his magical business card to Alex.

"Can I call you even if I don't see any monsters?" Alex flirted.

*LOL*

Jeremy smirked and said, "I wouldn't mind if it was you."

*Cheers*

-Scene ends-

"Cut! Wonderful!" The director shouted through his plastic megaphone. "The shooting for the episode 3 monster is now done, and we're going to start filming the next official episode, 'Monster Hunter and Vampire!"