Chapter 5 : God's Punishment

I don't know when I started to feel this way. I don't know when I began to always want to see her, to touch her, to be with her. I don't know why. Maybe it's because she's the first person I see every day, and I unconsciously always watch the clock waiting for 3 a.m. to arrive. Or maybe it's because of her gentle treatment when she feeds me medicine, different from the previous servants. Could it be because of her eyes, blue like the sea that I haven't seen in the last 10 years? Or maybe it's because of her smile, which reminds me of the little white rabbit I used to have as a pet.

I always push away these feelings, loving someone will only kill me faster. Like my parents. But not seeing her even for just 3 days makes me uneasy. I curse myself multiple times for going too far. And I repeatedly divert my thoughts by thinking that she's just a lowly human.

'How could someone as lowly as you be with someone like me, whose position is much greater?'

But what I'm thinking about now is, am I, this lowly person, worthy of being with her, whom I can't reach? She's a human and I'm a sinful demon, am I even worthy of having feelings like this for her?

Her pouting face looks so cute, like an angry cat. I chuckled, turning my face away, keeping her from seeing my expression. Her surprised expression is like a startled rabbit. Even her angry expression, which I selfishly assume is jealousy, is very amusing.

Lady Lynette only gave one VIP dress because of the tight schedule. I promised myself that I would give her 100 dresses or the entire boutique when I became Count later. I got lost in my own euphoria.

But God or whatever it is hates me.

As a punishment, He took away the woman I once loved so much from my side. As a harsh reprimand, God took my mother.

"No! ANITA!" My father shouted hysterically, holding my mother's hand tightly. Tears flooded his face. I had never seen my father cry in my entire life, this was the first time he cried. Even when I was sick, he was only worried about losing the heir to the Evington family, not afraid of losing me, his son.

"Caspiel, my dear son. My unfortunate son... even though you hate your mother, always remember that your mother loves you very much, my son. Your mother, Anita De Royyan loves you very much," my mother whispered in her final moments. Even though I held back my tears from falling, my feelings couldn't lie. My mother even mentioned her family name instead of the Evington family name. I felt that it affirmed that she loved me as a mother, not as Countess Evington.

"No... no... Mother, I haven't even forgiven you yet, how dare you leave before I forgive you."

"Mother, wake up! Explain to me about that doctor, Mother! Explain to me about that medicine!"

"You haven't even resolved the misunderstanding between us! You promised to visit me 1000 times even though I always refused your visits!"

"Wake up, Mother! Wake up, even as Countess Evington!" I shouted in tears. No one said anything, everyone was busy crying. Even the servants were crying. Arthur rubbed my shoulders with a tear-stained face. I hated my mother who always made all the decisions alone, always kept everything to herself.

"Caspiel, there's a letter that Countess Anita wants you to read when she's gone," Arthur whispered to me as he handed me a folded paper. I hoped this would be the answer to all my misunderstandings, but another part of me was afraid of the truth behind those misunderstandings. I was afraid of being the one at fault.

.

"The funeral will be held in 2 days. Don't forget to take your medicine, I don't want to hear any bad news about the future Count Evington not attending his own mother's funeral," my father instructed after calling me into his office. His eyes were still swollen, and his gaze was empty as if my father was deeply affected.

"Will Mother be buried here?"

"No, Anita wants to be buried in her family's home."

"Okay."

"Now go back to your room and rest, unless you want me to commit suicide for losing you too," my father commanded without even looking at me.

'Of course, now the fate of the Evington family depends solely on me because your wife is no longer here.'

I knew how much my father loved my mother. Even if it would erase the Evington family from history, my father would never remarry to have children. So I'm the only hope for the future of the Evington family.

"In that case, I'll take my leave, Father."

Celine was waiting for me outside the room with swollen eyes. I didn't pay attention to her, it turned out she was crying too. Her movements were stiff, I think she felt awkward and thought I was still grieving.

"Take care of me, as Father commanded."

"Yes, sir."

Celine followed behind me like a chick. She helped me sit on the bed and brought me hot tea. She also lit the fireplace and incense.

"Celine, fetch the small piece of paper on the table."

Promptly, she walked towards the table and searched for the small paper I mentioned. When she showed me the small piece of paper that Arthur had given me, I nodded, and she handed it to me.

To my dearest son, Caspiel Evington

My child, when I first heard the news from the doctor that I was pregnant with you, I couldn't explain how happy I felt at that moment. I always talked to you every day without fail. Every Sunday, I always took you for a walk in the town square and made wishes at the fountain. Since you were in my womb, you were the only one who accompanied me.

When you were born, your beautiful eyes made my pain disappear. When you started walking, I felt like hiring a journalist to announce to all of Craenitus that my son Caspiel could walk on his own. When you were praised by your private tutors, even when your uncle praised your swordsmanship, I couldn't stop thinking that I had given birth to a genius and very special child. But it seems my pride was excessive until you were diagnosed with an incurable rare disease.

At that time, my child, I begged your father to go to the kingdom and borrow the royal physician for you. Your father, with his high pride, outright refused me. But I still knelt and begged, even until my knees were scraped and my tears couldn't flow anymore, only then did your father fulfill my wish.

When you recovered, my child, I was so grateful to God even if He didn't exist. But my heart felt torn when I heard your father say that you would be handed over to the kingdom to become a warrior there. Your father wanted to separate you from me! King Leviathan said that you were special and must be given to the kingdom for some reason, but I knew that man always had wicked and deceitful plans.

My child, forgive me for giving you that bitter medicine. That was the only way to control your mana and prevent the mana explosion that could destroy your body. Even though suppressing your mana meant making your life shorter too.

But my child, which mother would be willing to kill her own child out of her selfishness of not wanting to be separated from her child? Forgive your mother, my dear. A seer told me the secret of the Evington family. Only those with pure Evington blood can steal the lives of other creatures. With that information, how could I stay silent?

Forgive me for giving my life to you without your consent. Forgive me for suddenly falling ill because of my decreasing lifespan every day. Forgive me for leaving without saying goodbye to you. Forgive your careless mother. I always loved you, my child. If God exists, I would ask to be reborn as your mother. Even if I had to give my life again, I would do it a hundred times. Don't hate your father, and continue to be the same Caspiel as before.

With all my love, Anita De Royyan, proudly, the Mother of Caspiel Evington.

My hands were shaking, my chest felt so painful, that I couldn't breathe. Tears were flowing heavily from my eyes, my vision blurred, and I couldn't see anything.

"Aa... aa..." My throat was choked, painful, so painful. Even more painful than when the disease first gnawed at my body.

"Aaa... Aaahh! Mother!! Forgive me, Mother!" my cry broke out. I fell to the floor, sitting while hugging the paper that was already wet with my tears.

"Allow me to meet you just once! I beg you! I beg you! I beg you, God! If you're there, hear me!" I wailed like a madman.

"Aa-aahh! Kheuk! Keuk!" I hit my own chest to alleviate the pain. Everything felt so painful, I hated it.

"Take all my life and give it back to my mother, GOD HEAR ME!" I pulled the letter to my face, taking a deep breath hoping there was still a trace of my mother's scent on the paper she wrote. My mother's scent, when else could I smell it? Now that my mother is gone, where else could I smell it. The warmth I always sought when curling up in pain, where else could I get it?

I felt someone's embrace, her gentle hands stroking my head. Her small body tried to hug my larger body. With a trembling body, she gave me enough peace to make me feel sleepy. Her brown hair strands that touched my face gave off a soothing musk scent. Without realizing it, everything turned dark.

I think I passed out.

.

That evening, the atmosphere in the mansion was very gloomy. There was no activity visible, everyone was immersed in grief. Everyone who lived in the Mansion went to Ruel to the De Royyan residence. Count Evington was crying incessantly in front of his wife's coffin. Even the sky was crying at that moment.

Two men had to bury the women they loved with all their memories. The wails of the mourners became a melodic rhythm accompanying the heavy raindrops.

After the funeral, the mourners went to the main hall at the De Royyan Hotel. The De Royyan family along with the Evington family hosted the mourners as a thank you for accompanying their loved ones to the afterlife.

The atmosphere changed as soon as people entered the hall. Smiles returned to their faces, laughter was heard again, and the grown men were busy discussing kingdom politics. Only a young man remained sad.

A man with a golden strand and ruby eyes was seen moving away from the crowd. His eyes searched every part of the hall as if looking for something. With his hand on his chest, the man walked unsteadily.

"Lord Caspiel?" A woman's voice broke his sobs. With red and swollen eyes, the man looked at the woman in front of him.

"Celine..."

The man walked to his room, supported by the woman he called Celine. Still, with his hand on his chest, the man named Caspiel sat on the sofa in front of the fireplace.

"Do you want to take your medicine now, my lord?" the woman asked worriedly. The master shook his head, rejecting the woman's offer.

"Hug me," he requested.

"Excuse me?"

"Hug me like you hugged me two days ago."

Celine's cheeks turned red. Her actions at that time were spontaneous when she saw her master in so much pain. She didn't expect Caspiel to remember it because he immediately passed out when Celine hugged him.

"Sorry, my lord, I don't think I can do that," Celine refused softly.

"I beg you." It was the second time Caspiel pleaded, the first was pleading to a God he didn't believe in to bring back his mother.

Fortunately, Celine was just an ordinary human who couldn't refuse her master's request. Carefully, Celine stood in front of Caspiel and pulled Caspiel into her embrace. Caspiel returned the hug tightly, his large hands embracing the small waist of the woman in front of him. With a red face, Celine gently stroked her master's golden hair, hoping it could calm Caspiel's troubled mind.

"I just want to stay like this for a while. I beg you, even if it's uncomfortable, endure it." Celine didn't answer and gave a thin smile. Caspiel's embrace tightened and pulled the woman's body to sit beside him. His head, which he initially buried in the woman's stomach, was now on her shoulder. Inhaling the scent of this woman's body made him feel a little calmer, even if it was considered impolite.

The two souls embraced each other and gave each other comfort for a long time, long enough to heal the wounds in Caspiel's heart.