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Random Dark Souls Bullshittery

Dark Souls is a relatively dark game, but the community is fantasizing about licking Priscilla's feet. Random guy with absolutely nothing to do with his life woke up in Dark Souls and does things.

Hyooon · Video Games
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8 Chs

First Bell

I instinctively took a step back, surprised by the sudden appearance of the Soul Arrow. Even so, it has no use. The sorcery is already at my face.

A small explosion, the signature effect of Great Heavy Soul Arrow. My dumb arse actually forgot the existence of the annoying Channeler.

Still, it doesn't matter. My barrier blocked the spell. I never removed it since I invented the spell, and it did bore fruit in this situation. God knows what'll happen if I don't have it on.

"Fucking cunt!" A cuss followed by a Soul Lance.

The Channeler got fucked, the magic lance piercing through its body, creating a gaping hole at where its chest is at. Then, several tentacles stabbed its body repeatedly, turning the undead into quite literally a swiss cheese.

Withdrawing the tentacles, I let the corpse of the Channeler fall down from the second floor. It crashed, face first. Suck it, fucktard.

"Well, that's done." I clapped my hands.

The trio came over, Aristia stepping on the corpse of the Channeler. Disrespect, damn. Oscar was curiously looking at the corpse while Solaire came over.

"Your barrier will be a vital spell." She spoke, a hand running over my still up barrier.

"It certainly will." Thank god I made this spell. This is now my favorite. Just below the nuke.

I removed my barrier and Solaire proceeded to give me my headpats. God I'm addicted. Meanwhile, Oscar inquired about the Channeler.

"A bizarre undead. What are they?" He asked, a sword poking the headgear that has six eyes arranged in two rows.

"Channelers. Or Snatchers, as they're often known." Aristia answered, glaring at where me and Solaire are.

Fuck off, I just want headpats.

"They serve Seath the Scaleless, travelling the lands to abduct humans to be Seath's experiments. The eyes in the headgear serves as Seath's eyes, monitoring the Channelers." Aristia continued.

"Human experiments?" Oscar stood up.

"Yes. Seath has created a lot of, well, 'mistakes'. The number should not be below a thousand."

"And he's also said to be the grandfather of sorcery." I walked over.

That had Oscar turning towards me, head tilted. I can see a question mark float over his head.

"It's said that sorcery itself originated from Seath. He codified a system of magic utilizing souls, giving birth to sorcery." Aristia followed.

"As much as I hate that dragon, can't deny that he's good." Although I'll still one-shot him with his own creation.

"I've no experience with sorcery, and all of this is new knowledge. That is nice to know." Oscar nodded.

Hoho, wait 'till you learn about Oolacile. It's going to be a glorious mindfuck trying to understand everything.

"You also mentioned that the eyes on the Channeler's headgear serves as Seath's sight. Does that mean he now knows our existence?" Solaire came up beside me and leaned on my shoulder.

God I love mommy Solaire.

"He definitely does now." Aristia shot me a glare. "He will certainly be interested in you."

"Eh, I can just kill him. He probably also witnessed how strong my nuke is. If he still has the slightest of rationality in his lizard brain, he knows not to mess with me." I have the power to level the entirety of Anor Londo in a second. That should be enough to make him wet his pale pants.

Anyways, enough with the lore. We went to the altar where the corpse of a firekeeper lay. A Firekeeper Soul rests atop its chest. It's a fascinating item, to be honest. It resembles a white sun, dried up. Though it glows a bit, it's really faint.

Aristia was the one to take it, for obvious reasons. She was really careful in handling it, using both hands and treating it like the most fragile item in the world.

Which it is. It's the soul of a Firekeeper. A motherfucking Firekeeper. We all know how tragic Firekeepers are. It's just outright sad.

Man... Anastacia. To restore her body, it's essential for her to die to Lautrec. Sounds like an absolute dick move but it's the only way. Even if I get her out of her cage now, she's mute and crippled.

I will absolutely fuck up Lautrec once the time comes.

"Solaire, Oscar, over there is an elevator leading to Firelink Shrine. You can rest there. I have something to talk about with Arthur for a second." Aristia stored the Firekeeper Soul and spoke.

Something to talk about, huh? Is it about Lautrec?

"I will be waiting." Solaire nodded and went on with Oscar. As the two of them boarded the elevator, Aristia turned towards me with a stern face.

"Anastacia. What are we going to do about her?"

"Let Lautrec do it. Then I'll personally take her soul back." I answered.

Yet she clicked her tongue. Which I understand. It's really shitty needing to have someone die just so you can revive them into a better state. But it works, and it's the only way. She's not a child, she definitely understood that.

"You know what, leave Lautrec and the gargoyles to me. Go back to Firelink and rest, you need it." I put my hand on her head.

She went silent, head down. Though only for a few seconds.

"Alright." She smiled and uh... the fuck why are you hugging me?

"Get off, you smell." I crinkled my nose, using a hand to ruffle her hair.

She let go, chuckling. Then, she practically skipped towards the elevator. As she stood there, she waved, which I reciprocated.

And... she's gone.

"Fuck." I sighed.

I might've opened a can of worms that I shouldn't have. Anyways, I still got a lot of things to do.

Whistling, I formed Homing Soul Bolts around me.

- - - -

Aristia had a lost look on her face as she stared at the bonfire. Her eyes seemed to be lost in another dimension, unfocused and dazed.

Solaire, who had enough of it, flicked her forehead.

"Ack!" Aristia snapped out of her daze. "What was that for?" She pouted, glaring at Solaire who had a small smile on her face.

"You seemed lost in thought; I deemed it necessary to bring you back to focus." Solaire playfully answered, using a hand to hide her chuckle.

"Mouu~" Aristia kept pouting, before giving up and falling on her back towards the green grass around the Firelink bonfire.

"It's just that..." Aristia struggled to find the right words. "... I don't know how to continue."

Solaire hummed, a hand on her chin in a thinking pose. She closed her eyes and swayed side to side for a bit before jumping on Aristia.

"E-eh! What are you doing?" Aristia cried out before having her face covered with mommy Solaire's impressive mammary glands. Since wearing the armor for a long time felt uncomfortable on her embonpoint, she had removed it and settled on the simple shirt underneath.

Aristia struggled as she was deprived of oxygen with the vast pap. Solaire hummed as she rubbed Aristia's back, unaware of her asphyxiation. Eventually, Aristia managed to escape, face red.

"W-what are you doing!?" She huffed, trying to not stare at the other person's bossom. It's just so big, and Solaire already covered it with bandage underneath the shirt.

'I'm not flat, decent even, but compared to that...' Aristia shook her head of the unnecessary thoughts.

"Come on, Arthur said it's comforting." Solaire smiled, opening her arms to invite the Chosen Undead.

"Stop already." Aristia lowered her head.

Solaire, sensing the girl being downcast, abandoned her playful persona and gently went to sit beside her. She put an arm around Aristia and used her other hand to make her face her.

"Tell me about it. Sharing your problems with someone is a good way to deal with them." Solaire gently smiled, causing poor Aristia to blush.

"It's just that, this whole Chosen Undead thing is kind of stressing me out lately." Aristia calmed herself and started. "Back at the Undead Asylum, I was still excited for the journey. I even managed to have Arthur tag along. But now..."

"I started to realize that everything is real." Solaire tilted her head at that, confused. But even so, she stayed silent.

"I know that I'm not alone. I have you, Oscar, and Arthur. But just, I know that somewhere down the road, I'll have to be alone. And that worries me."

"You won't be alone." Solaire put her cheek on Aristia's. "We won't leave you, no matter what."

'Once I reached the kiln. What will my choice be?' Aristia smiled.

"What are you two doing?" The sudden appearance of Arthur squatting behind the two of them surprised the two. With a squeal, the two quickly stood up. Arthur's eyes feasted on the jiggle physics of Solaire.

"You're back?" Aristia calmed down first and asked.

"Yep, one-shot the gargoyles." Arthur flicked his bangs, a smug smile on his face. "Oh, and also freed a golden coated dude."

"That happens to be me." Out of nowhere appeared Lautrec, standing behind Arthur.

"Yeah, that guy." Arthur casually put a hand on top of Lautrec's head, causing Aristia to tense. But surprisingly, Lautrec doesn't budge. No, he tensed so bad he was like a rock.

'That's weird. What happened between the two of them?' Aristia wondered.

"I am Solaire, a warrior of sunlight." Solaire introduced herself first, offering the golden knight a handshake.

"Knight Lautrec of Carim." Still tense, Lautrec shook Solaire's extended hand.

"Aristia." She offered her hand, noticing how the knight seemed to pause for a moment before shaking her hand.

"Welp, that's introduction done. Now I'll be off to god knows where." Arthur sent them a smile before heading towards the stairs leading below the shrine. Aristia noticed how Lautrec visibly calmed down after Arthur had left.

After a second of consideration, Aristia went to follow Arthur down the shrine. She passed by the crestfallen warrior who's being harassed by Oscar and saw Arthur sitting in front of Anastacia's cell.

"... it will be hard, but trust me on this one." She heard him talk. Anastacia looked at him from the cell, seemingly not understanding anything.

Arthur sighed and stood up, stretching his back. He saw her standing at the bottom of the stairs gestured for her to come closer.

Nearing him, Aristia can't help but ask.

"What did you tell her?" She shot a glance at Anastacia.

"Ah, just some encouragement. She needs it." Arthur replied, smiling casually.

Despite wanting to know more, Aristia let it be for now. Instead, she dragged Arthur away from Anastacia's earshot and whispered to him.

"What's wrong with Lautrec?"

Arthur raised an eyebrow and started chuckling. "I freed him from his cell and had him help me with the gargoyles. Just a show of using tentacles to stab them hundreds of times, tearing them apart. Lautrec seemed to be scared of me now."

Aristia can imagine it. Gargoyles being teared apart with bladed tentacles, slicing through each limb like hot knife through butter.

"Anyways, Lautrec won't do anything until we rung the second bell. And since we're on the topic already, which way do you wanna go?" Arthur continued.

"On one hand, we can skip straight to Blighttown but lose a lot of content, on the other hand, more hassle but perfect completion." Aristia hummed in thought.

Which way shall they go? Aristia thought about it, scrunching her brows in the process. Seeing her appearance, Arthur ruffled her hair.

"Don't decide right now. We will take a break here first. Even if our body can continue, our mind can't." With that, Arthur flicked her forehead before leaving towards the bonfire.

Aristia glared at his back, but a shadow of a smile eventually found its way into her lips.

'Well, a little break wouldn't hurt.'

Aristia went back to the bonfire, finding Arthur and Oscar harassing the crestfallen warrior, Solaire watching at the side while giggling from time to time. Seeing the scene, her heart warmed.

'Besides, we earned it.'

Blighttown, Quelaag, her firekeeper sister, Quelaana, Kirk, invasions. I am absolutely fucked.

Anyways, 12k words now. I'll be writing a filler chapter next, hoping to write 2.2k words so we can reach 15k at last.

I dont think I will update this anytime soon after the filler chapter. I have to research a lot into the lore first. Ill probably start a new fic instead.

Not dropping tho, hiatus, probably. Depends on how well I can pull shits out of my arse and somehow make it relate to the lore.

PS: if you have any idea DM me that shit. Im desperate. (Shige#8471)

review and ill kiss your balls.

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