41 Tell Me About Hannah

Martin fastened his seat belt and grasped it like a drowning man grabs a razor.

"Take it easy, I'll drive slowly," assured Steve, who saw the gesture as a fear of going fast. "I can see you are not well."

"That's not it," Martin confessed. "This ... I ... Let's just go."

Martin didn't mind driving fast, that is, he didn't like driving fast on normal roads, but this time his problem wasn't that he felt nauseous or that he was sick. The scent of leather upholstery and Steve's expensive cologne made him feel a little different. So he lowered his head as if he didn't want to see anything or anyone.

It was so weird sitting next to this man! Steve led him on the path of carnal pleasures with a man, but took away the chance for a relationship. Yesterday, Martin said he accepts that the relationship between them is purely physical, but that was not entirely true. Yes, he accepted what he had, but only because he had no chance of anything else.

"You felt good in the morning," Steve remarked. "After my race with Jacek, too. Have you eaten anything in the meantime? "

"It's not poisoning," he replied softly, still unable to look up at Paxton or even the road ahead.

"Don't say it's because of yesterday. Maybe I was too harsh ... "

"No, no, that's not it," Martin quickly assured him, blushing.

"That's good. Yesterday…"

Steve didn't finish, but Martin felt as if his heart was about to explode with emotion. He opened the window on his side.

Paxton slowed down, even though he was driving below the maximum permitted speed.

In such an awkward silence, they drove into the city and into the neighborhood where Martin lived. The boy was surprised to find Steve parked in front of the building where the mechanic lived.

"Why are you parked right here?" Martin asked, surprised. "How did you know where I live? "

"One day I came to apologize to you," the driver confessed, "but when I saw you playing with the kids, I chickened out."

"I was having fun ..." Martin tried to remember. "Ah, that was then! I met Don that day…" He broke off suddenly with disgust in his mouth. He shivered involuntarily with disgust.

"Don? Was he the one who made you ...? "

"Don't ask," said Martin, resigned. He couldn't meet Steve's eyes.

"Is he…?"

"Thanks for the lift!" Martin almost ran out of the car and quickly headed for his home. He heard Paxton running after him.

"Martin, if he did something to you ..." he grabbed the mechanic's hand.

"Then what? Why are you even asking? What do you care? "

"Martin ..."

"Alright, I'll tell you. I'll tell you about everything, but only if you tell me about Hannah. "

"How do you know about Hannah?" Steve teased.

"I got that name from Karl. But I know almost nothing. I don't know anything about you, even though we were so close," he added sadly.

"Why do you want to know about me?"

"Because ... because ... I don't know," he admitted. "I just want. Is it that bad? "

"No," Steve admitted after a moment's thought. "Okay, I'll tell you anything you want to know about me, but then you'll tell me what happened today? Okay?"

"Okay! While we're here, why don't you come to my place? "

Paxton thought again, then nodded.

Martin was surprised by this compliance. He wondered if he had done the right thing to invite Steve over? There was nothing compromising about his apartment, but he was not used to receiving guests, especially as special ones as Paxton.

There was also another problem. Martin definitely didn't want to tell Steve about Don's behavior, but he really, really wanted to know about Hannah and the driver in general. The rule, however, was simple - if you want to take something, you have to give something back. Martin was lucky that Steve agreed to give in first.

On the way to Martin's apartment, the men passed Mr. Robson and Mr. Tyson, who smiled at the young man and spoke to him cheerfully.

"You're very popular with old ladies," Paxton noted.

"Is there a problem?"

"No, none. I just think it's very nice. "

"I'm a nice guy," Martin announced and turned the key in the door. "What's wrong with that?"

"No, absolutely nothing!" Paxton said quickly. "I like nice people."

They entered a tiny apartment of Martin. The mechanic immediately offered something to drink. To his surprise, Steve didn't want a beer. Usually the alcohol relaxed the atmosphere and loosened the tongue, so Martin expected the beer to be good for the occasion, but Steve explained that he was quitting alcohol.

"Okay, what do you want to know first?" Paxton asked unceremoniously sitting down on the bed. There was nothing erotic, nothing provocative about it, just the bed was the most comfortable piece of furniture in Martin's modestly furnished apartment, and Steve had a choice of either a bed or a hard, uncomfortable kitchen chair.

There was so much he wanted to know, that Martin couldn't make up his mind.

"Will you tell me everything?" he made sure. "Why?"

Steve sighed.

"Maybe because you are a nice man," he referred to a conversation from a moment ago. "Maybe because you are the first to ask. Maybe because I'm ready to talk about it. "

"So ... tell me about Hannah," Martin asked.

"Hannah is the girl next door. We grew up together. She was three years younger than me, so I always saw her as a younger sister. She was joyful and full of life. I liked her very much. Hannah… I think I was her first love. I didn't see it then. Hannah really was deeply in love with me. But I had my own life. I was dating girls and started dating a certain boy. It was actually an experiment for me. We were friends, but we started having sex. We had been dating for a few weeks, you know, intimate, when Hannah found us one night ... "

"Oh!" Martin exclaimed in surprise.

"Hannah was shocked as if she had seen the devil. She ran out screaming and crying. I hastily pulled on my pants and ran after her barefoot. I called but she wasn't listening. She ran straight under the oncoming car. "

"Oh my God!"

"My memories of what happened next are strange. As if they didn't belong to me, but as if I was watching a movie. Apparently I got into a deep shock. " Steve shook his head. "I don't know what of those events was reality and what was a nightmare. I regained consciousness in the hospital. I lost three days. Hannah underwent major surgery at that time. She never regained consciousness. Five days ago ... she died. "

Paxton told the story in a calm, almost unemotional voice, but Martin could feel his great sadness.

"How long was she in a coma?"

"Three years, two months and eleven days."

"For three years, two months, and eleven days, at least one day, were you happy?"

"Why are you asking me such a strange question?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "Just…"

Martin didn't know how to put words to his thoughts? He just had the feeling that Steve, whether he was a laughing playboy or a triumphant driver, had a certain darkness within him that kept him from being happy.

"You're right," Paxton admitted. "I haven't been happy for a day since the accident. How can I be happy when I have taken Hannah's happiness? "

"I don't understand." Martin frowned, as if he was really trying to process some information in his mind. "Why shouldn't you be happy? I don't understand, how did you take happiness from Hannah? After all, it was a road accident. "

"If I hadn't shocked Hannah so much ..."

"You mean, if you hadn't slept with a man?"

"Yes. If I hadn't slept with a man ... "

"Did you do it on purpose to show her you weren't interested in her?"

"No. I just liked him and he liked me. "

"Did you laugh at her, mock that you prefer a man to her?"

"Of course not!" Steve was indignant. "Where did this idea come from?"

"Were you making love in Hannah's room or in her house?"

"No. We made love in my room. Martin, I don't understand what you're getting at. What strange questions! "

"You were in your own room with a man you liked," Martin began to conclude. "You had a nice time when your younger friend, whom you had no idea she was in love with, entered your room, made a noise that you broke her heart and ran under the car. Steve, I'm not smart, but if you blame yourself for Hannah's accident, you're a bigger idiot than me! "

There was a heavy silence in the apartment. Paxton seemed to be trying to understand Martin's thinking. Martin, on the other hand, frowned again.