2.64

[Warning: Emotional, mention of stillbirth/murder]

Gasping for breath I rolled out of bed, almost falling to the floor. A bright light shone through the cracks in the curtain, showing an empty room.

"Host," System called out in a panic, "Host, I received the memories from a life before Zhiyue. We were wrong, we were so wrong."

"Make it go away," I whimpered between tears.

"I can't Host, you know that," System replied in a gentle tone, "you have Izzy now though."

Izzy.

I glanced around the room noticing the small droplets of Noah's blood still lingered on the cream, cotton bedsheet that seemed soaked in sweat. So were my pyjamas.

My skin crawled with the sensation of fresh sweat dripping down my back.

"What did you do?" I asked System whilst stiffly making my way to the door.

"I created the subspace for your storage and you can now transfer organic materials in and out of your dimension, though I must warn you it'll require a lot of energy and you cannot transfer something with a soul."

"Fine," I grumbled whilst opening the door to the spare room. Both the bed and crib were empty.

"Noah?"

The caravan was cold and empty. Fuck.

In a panic I rushed to the door, opening it to see Lex sipping coffee on the outdoor table, Izzy in a jumperoo bouncing happily in the sunlight.

Collapsing on the floor in front of her, I pulled her out and into my arms to just feel her skin against mine.

"You're awake," Lex placed his coffee down and went to stand. I flinched and found myself scrambling to my feet, Izzy still in my arms.

"Where is Noah?"

The memories of this man as a sunny, charming youth flooded my mind, what had gone wrong? Why was I so mad at him? Why did I kill him? And why, even now, was he still chasing after me? Was he plotting revenge?

"Are you feeling okay?" He asked, stepping towards me, reminding me of how he had cautiously approached me the exact same way in my dream. Was I acting crazy?

Izzy pulled on my hair, snapping me out of my trance.

Unable to process my emotions or thoughts I just moved on autopilot. Lex no longer felt safe.

Though the memories were broken up they were there, imprinted in my mind filled with the life I'd spent with him and Jianyu, no Master, our Master.

My heart felt torn in two just thinking of that name. The name I had tried so hard to put behind me in this life, hoping maybe I'd find him in the next.

For the first time, I realised these were my emotions, not my body's original souls. I didn't love Lex like I thought I did. In fact, I had hated him, I hated him so much that even now I just wanted to stab him in the heart all over again.

"Luna?" Lex approached me, his hands only inches from touching my shoulder.

"Leave, now," I growled, positioning Izzy defensively away from him.

"Not until you tell me what is wrong with you?" Lex frowned.

"Like you told me what was wrong with you when you left for two months," I did not want him to know that I remembered that life.

He did something, something so painful I refused to say it out loud or even internally. If he knew I knew, how would he react?

"I was wrong," Lex took a step back, raising a hand to his neck, "I'm here now aren't I?"

When I didn't respond he looked hopelessly frustrated, "Is there something else Luna? This isn't like you?"

This was like me. This was the most like me I've felt since I woke up as Zhiyue.

"Noah said your System was doing something? What did it do?" He sounded guarded, possibly even defensive, was he catching on to the truth?

"I'm just tired," I tried my best to relax, he wasn't going to hurt me, he wouldn't hurt Izzy after he had made her his…

His words and actions from before now all made sense. His eager desperation to make Izzy share his body's DNA instead of the other man. Even though he couldn't care less about me sharing another man's bed, the fact that I'd had another man's child... That was his bottom line and I knew that now.

Possessive jealous bastard probably couldn't give a toss about Izzy's welfare, just ownership of her, and in turn of me. All these months he'd been playing house with me, what was it for? Why was he so persistent in this  ownership? This wasn't love.

I tried my best not to flinch as his hand raised to touch my forehead, "you're still a bit hot, why not go grab a shower and I'll sort you some food?"

Funny, he offered the same thing as Noah, yet no warm fuzzy feelings invaded my heart at his words. Everything they all did, him and that soul Lixin was all calculated, with hidden meaning.

However, Lixin had said I'd been his wife, but there was no sign of that soul in that life, the only immortal being Lex.

I now knew I'd actually only spent ninety-eight years in this life I'd thought was my original. I'd had many more lives, more that I had no idea about, just which one had I been so unlucky enough to have entangled with him also.

Crazy fucking immortals. Why couldn't they all just fuck off already and let me live a single life in peace?

"Y-you're good with Izzy?" My anxiety was all over the place, and my words not coming out as I intended.

He raised a brow, "I have been looking after her for two days now, I can handle another twenty minutes…"

"Two days?" I frowned, System had said it wouldn't take too long, "how long have I been out of it?"

"Almost a week," Lex took Izzy from my reluctant arms, "now go and bathe instead of stinking up the freshly bathed baby."

If I continued to react, he would know, then what would he do? Right now calming down and placating him was the best thing for her safety. No matter how much it stung to see her in his arms.

In a stupor I entered the shower, every part of me trembling as the cold water hit my skin.

"System, what, just what do I do?" I asked internally as I tried to wash away the tears flooding my face.

"He's a risk, I agree," System replied eventually after a long pause.

"Just what did he do that was so terrible I killed him?" My hands lay flat against the cold tile as I bowed my head under the water, trying to shut out everything else.

"Are your memories not recovered?" System seemed genuinely confused, "I remember our entire time as Katsuki, don't you?"

"Most of it," I replied, "Just each time I-" the sharp pain made me wince.

"Ah, I don't want to say," System replied, sounding like a wounded child, "you'll get mad."

"Just tell me." Better to just rip the bandaid off.

"Well… Lex he… poisoned Katsuki and murdered yours and Master's unborn child…"

My legs collapsed under me forcing me to sit awkwardly on the shower tray, uncaring of the pain or the cold water hitting me on the face. I just stared at a single tile on the wall, following the four lines of grout that surrounded it.

I wanted to speak, move, or do something. Instead motionless I remained, chest constricted in a vice as I tried to find some semblance of life inside of me to get up and carry on.