1.12 FATED LOVE: Fate is

Liu Lianyu drafts about twenty apology messages on his phone but he sends none of them.

A week goes by and he keeps putting it off, like an idiot. He's just a zombie, a cog in the machine. Wake up, work, go home, sleep. Rinse and repeat.

Mo Yinan watches him in the classroom but he's grown quiet. The quiet grows like the stifling sea that floods Liu Lianyu's heart; silent and oppressive. Liu Lianyu listens to the sound of the chalk scraping the board. The sky is already darkening and they're still in class. The clock ticks and Liu Lianyu finds that he's counting down the minutes. The drawl of his own voice is putting him to sleep and Liu Lianyu might have repeated the same thing at least three times but he does it with confidence and hopes that no one notices.

He's tired.

Even when the bell rings and he reminds his class of their assignments and upcoming tests, he's tired.

He watches his student file out. Mo Yinan doesn't even look back when he leaves. His parting words echo in Liu Lianyu's mind because they sting.

And soon, Liu Lianyu's the only one in his class, aside from whoever might be watching the security footage. Likely no one. He slumps in his teacher's chair because even gathering up his things to go home feels like a chore.

It's dark outside. A chilled breeze slips through the cracks in the windows and reminds him of his loneliness. There are apology messages on his phone waiting to be sent and a few unread messages from Lin Jiaen as well.

They're likely nothing.

Their friendship had survived through worse.

But the knowledge does little to stave off the anxiety that festers in Liu Lianyu's eye sockets.

Finally, he braves his depression and gathers his belongings. He pauses before flicking the lights closed and looks across the empty desks, eyes trailing to the one that Mo Yinan occupies.

It feels like they've parted when Mo Yinan has always been just, right, there.

He purses his lips at the thought and the sadness he feels is marrow-deep. It doesn't make him want to convulse or crumple into a heap but the biting sorrow is there nonetheless.

It's not really sadness that makes Liu Lianyu linger. No. Sadness is something that's surprisingly easy to carry.

Happiness, however, or the lack of, is much worse. Liu Lianyu has no idea at what point in his life he had forsaken happiness to settle with contentment.

He flicks the lights off. The thought lingers and grows into a tumor. It's funny because the cure is right there and he had rejected it, and for what sake?

For his own?

Because it doesn't feel that way.

Liu Lianyu chuckles bitterly to himself as his heels click through the desolate halls. A coworker bids him goodnight. She's a beta woman who teaches maths and Liu Lianyu heard that she got married just the other month. The baby bump she sports is a lot further along than just one month though and Liu Lianyu doesn't know if he feels pity, happiness or jealousy.

He rounds the corner and makes it down the stairs. He's out of the school and considers catching a taxi over taking the bus, despite the costs.

Money is important but so is sleeping. If he takes the bus, it takes an extra forty minutes to get home and those forty minutes are worth more than the extra bit he needs to pay for a taxi.

It means he has to cross the parking lot to get to the north exit for a better chance at hailing a cab. Only a few vehicles are left at this hour, the campus eerie and empty save for the few flickering parking lot lights and workaholic members of staff that stay late after hours. That can't be Liu Lianyu so he walks briskly, trying to conjure the image of home and bed as motivation to walk faster.

There's a car that stands out, a black sedan that looks too fancy for a teacher to afford. The lights are on but the engine is off and Liu Lianyu has that prick in his heart, a sixth sense type of feeling.

He just knows.

Ah, this is fate.

But it isn't fate that makes him walk up to the car. That's a decision that he makes on his own. It's impromptu, and he does it quickly before apprehension might steal him away.

There's a tall figure reclined in the driver's seat, he seems to be taking a nap but the details of his face are obscured by the darkened window. Liu Lianyu isn't bothered. He knocks on the passenger side of the car and waits for the telling click.

When he tries the handle the door opens and he's greeted with the fresh smell of new leather.

He sinks in and closes the door behind him. Mo Yinan adjusts his seat and there's silence between them at first.

"How did you know I'd come this way?" Liu Lianyu asks, he tries to keep his tone natural but he's avoiding eye contact. His gaze is fixed outside, looking at the dull campus parking lot.

Mo Yinan starts the car. "I just had a feeling," he says. "It has to be fate, don't you think?"

Liu Lianyu scoffs at that, yet he's smiling. His chest is tight, anxiety mixes with something else. That something is what forces his lips into a smile. "How do I know that you weren't just waiting here every evening for the perfect chance to catch me off-guard?"

"…" Mo Yinan is quiet for a moment. Liu Lianyu can't tell if he's thinking or just focused on backing out of the parking space. "This is going to sound a bit silly but…I read this in a web novel once…that 'fate comes when it is least expected, passionate, intoxicating and completely unforgiving'."

He takes his eyes off the road and looks over at Liu Lianyu. There's a shit-eating grin on his face and Liu Lianyu makes the mistake of turning his gaze at that precise moment because Mo Yinan steals his breath away.

The line sounds awfully familiar but Liu Lianyu's brain is short-circuiting and he can't think straight. So he only stares like an idiot when he's supposed to be the older one.

Given the chance, Mo Yinan continues, "It sounds pretty smart right?"

Liu Lianyu gulps and looks away. He wonders belatedly if he made the right decision. Mo Yinan pays for the parking fees and drives onto the main road. "Do you even know what that means?"

"Of course," Mo Yinan declares. "It means that I'll accept every aspect of fate without question. Whether the good or the bad, it doesn't matter, I'll be there for sure."

Liu Lianyu thinks Mo Yinan naive. But it's cute. "I see that you're improving in the bullshitting department. If only that had been the case for your last assignment."

Mo Yinan winces audibly, "Hey, that's not fair. I did my best on that assignment."

"Clearly you didn't," Liu Lianyu teases. His voice is light and playful and he's happy that Mo Yinan doesn't ask the hard questions. It's almost like the boy can see through him but that can't be possible right? Or maybe it was just some silly soulmate magic stuff. Liu Lianyu chuckles at his own childish thoughts.

"…Gege," Mo Yinan says eventually, "Can I call you that?"

"I prefer Liu Lianyu." But he's not saying no.

"Gege," Mo Yinan says as he pulls up on a red light. "Do you want to come over to mine?"

"…"

Mo Yinan continues quickly, as though he fears what Liu Lianyu might say, "Actually I live alone. My parents live on the other side of the city and they got me this apartment to make commuting to school easier so…um. They only visit once a month! Um…"

The correct answer in this situation is no. But Liu Lianyu finally decides that contentment isn't worth the sadness.

"Alright," he sighs and leans against the glass window. There's a huge weight that lifts from his shoulders and heart is close to exploding, with how fast it beats per second.

"Okay… Wait. What? Really!?" Mo Yinan exclaims in disbelief, his head flicking over to Liu Lianyu repeatedly and jostles the entire car.

Liu Lianyu hisses as he sits up straight, slapping Mo Yinan hard in the arm. "Stop that and drive properly. At this rate I'll sooner visit a hospital than your place if you crash the car."

"I-I won't!" Mo Yinan practically vibrates in his seat and he looks as though he might spring out of the window from joy alone. His knuckles are white on the steering wheel, contrasting the bright red on his cheeks. It looks silly with the blue and white school uniform.

This can go all sorts of wrong. But Liu Lianyu finds that he's smiling because he doesn't care. Not anymore. Not when happiness is so close he can almost taste it.