Spar

"You did WHAT?" Ashley pulled her arm away from Riley, stumbling and almost falling in the process. He caught her by the elbow and she reluctantly resumed using him for balance.

"I... didn't realize. I thought I would be behind everyone who had formal military training. I didn't mean to knock out the Captain." Riley looked abashed.

"We've had barely any training! Why would the captain pit you against us??" Ashley demanded.

Roland eyed the angry woman, "Because we didn't see Riley beat him. Everyone else in the camp is probably terrified of Riley by now, but the three of us were gone. We attacked vehemently because we thought we could win."

Riley's silence served as confirmation that Roland was likely correct. Since that first fight he'd known to not go full-out against anyone, but the others all seemed to avoid being partnered with him.

"Hmph. At least I don't feel as bad about being hurt by this monster," Ashley grumbled, earning a chuckle from Roland and a sigh from Riley.

"I'm not a monster," He insisted, but he was beginning to lose interest in the conversation. The letter Roland had given him was burning a hole in the back of his mind. He hadn't expected to get one back from Finn, and was anxious about the contents. He didn't know whether to dread or look forward to reading it, but he knew that either way he wanted to get to it as quickly as he could to ease the knot in his stomach. Ashley sensed the change in Riley's tone and thought she'd hurt his feelings.

"Of course you're not," She patted his arm gently with her fingers, still using it as her support. "You're just a giant, muscular, crazy man."

"I can't really argue with that," He admitted, grinning.

"You should never try to argue with me," Ashley responded, "It won't ever go well for you."

"Pretty big talk for a girl who is currently relying on a giant crazy man to walk her to the infirmary."

"It's the least you can do after injuring a poor defenseless woman." She shook her head in mock disdain.

"I seem to recall that defenseless woman attacking me first. Twice."

"Under orders!"

"Details."

Roland watched this exchange with some fascination. He hadn't seen this side of Ashley before. Riley really could provoke anyone he wanted. What a peculiar talent.

They arrived at the infirmary, where Roland's wound was cleaned and dressed, and Ashley's ankle was splinted. The medic commented that such an injury was unusual since the military boots were meant to stabilize the ankle, but realized that Ashley's dainty, tiny feet were much too small to be stabilized by the size of boot they had given her.

Riley squinted, feeling genuinely sorry for the girl for the first time. He'd taken the attitude that she'd chosen to join the military, so she should take all the consequences without complaint. He hadn't known she was doing all this in such terribly ill-fitting shoes.

The medic provided the girl with a crutch to use on a temporary basis, renewing Riley's urgency to read Finn's letter. He'd stayed up all night making Finn a crutch to use when she was injured. A bugle blew the brief signal that supper would be served shortly for the recruits, so the medic excused the three to go eat.

Riley wasn't hungry, but after making sure Ashley made it to the food hall, he went to a corner and unsealed the letter.

"Riley,

Thank you for your correspondence. I didn't expect anything from you, so I'm sorry if this letter is brief. Roland leaves soon to go back to camp and I want to make sure I'm able to send this with him to you.

Mayra is well, she's fairly blooming in the city despite the constant worry over you and our families. She finds comfort in being helpful, as do I. I've spent my days researching in the library, and I've also started visiting the orphanage to help there. Did you know they have received a group of orphans whose entire village was apparently destroyed in some sort of tragedy? But no one knows what happened. It's all very mysterious and I can't help but wonder if it's connected to our village's predicament. I worry for the orphans, they act very strange.

I miss your presence. I'm proud of you for trying your best to help our families. Even if you don't succeed in this, you're already a hero for saving me from running into a fire. Be strong, do your best, and come home safely. We need you at the end of this.

Finn"

Riley read it several times. It was a fine letter, but he couldn't help but wonder if her letters to Roland were more personal. She said she missed him. Did she say the same to him? He closed his eyes and pushed away the jealousy. It was speculation, which was useless, but the feeling did no good to anyone even if it was all true. He decided to treasure the letter and be grateful for it rather than try and analyze it.

She misses me, he thought. She's proud of me. That's enough, for now.

____________________

Finn woke groggily as the late afternoon sun streamed through the window. How long had she been asleep? Her eyes and cheeks felt swollen and her throat felt dry from crying. The turmoil she'd uncovered in her heart had abated somewhat, replaced by a fragile peace.

She didn't feel stable by any means, just tentatively balanced. There was more work to be done in her soul to clear out the mess she had built up inside, but the explosive release had given way to a temporary relief. She pledged to herself not to let it get that bad again, but didn't necessarily know how to prevent herself from falling back into the habit that had served her passingly well for so long.

As she stood up, the world spun, and she had to grab the corner of the night stand for support. Her hand touched some paper there from this morning's hurried letter to Riley. Deciding she owed him a better one, she took a pen and quickly began writing.

"Riley,

You were right about me. I was terrified of feeling too much. What a difficult flaw to face in myself. It is both a comfort and a fearsome thing to be seen clearly for what I am. How does one manage that fear? How am I to move forward with this knowledge without falling apart at each thing that happens?

I have long felt, though not expressed, that my ability to ignore grief and problems has served me well and allowed me to live my life without the drain of wallowing and becoming stuck. Now that you have pointed out my folly, I must somehow face those emotions and move through the mire instead of jumping over it. Could this revelation not have waited until the end of dangers? Surely I could have faced this better, in my own home with my father and brother in safety than here in a strange place, on the brink of war, not knowing if almost everyone I've ever known and loved is alive or dead.

You are one of my oldest friends. And your timing is just awful. I love and hate that you have revealed this to me. I will bear it as best I can.

I hope you are doing well, and think of you often.

Finn"

She sealed the letter and wrote his name in her scrawling script on the outside. She wondered passingly if it was TOO honest of a letter, but shrugged. It wasn't going to be delivered tomorrow, and if she changed her mind later she could always just never get it to him. It felt good to have all of that out of her mind and onto paper, regardless of whether anyone else ever knew it.

Mayra knocked on the door softly and came in. "Oh, good! You're awake. It's supper time. You look just awful."

"Thank you," Finn said sarcastically.

"What's wrong? I know that's a silly question since a LOT of things are wrong, but... Well, I guess, how can I help?" Mayra's stream of consciousness method of speaking seemed particularly apt today as Finn had so intensely wrestled with her own difficult thoughts, and she laughed lightly.

"A hug would be nice," Finn answered honestly.

Mayra sat on the bed and wrapped her friend in a tight hug. Finn shuddered a deep, shaky breath, but didn't resume her crying.

"Tell me. If you want." Mayra added the caveat so as to not force a confidence.

"I've just been hit over the head with the fact that I ignore my big emotions instead of feeling them," Finn shrugged.

"Oh, that! I wondered when that would come back to bite you." Mayra said matter-of-factly.

Finn smiled at the teasing and swatted Mayra's shoulder. "You brat. You're supposed to tell me all my flaws up front so I can get rid of them and be perfect."

Mayra's eyes widened, "Really? You want me to tell you all your flaws? Right now?"

Finn leveled an exasperated look at the younger girl. "Maybe not RIGHT now. Maybe one at a time, over the course of days or weeks or years. Gently. Goodness, Mayra, either you're going to be the death of me or I'm going to kill you one day."

Mayra laughed, "Murderousness is not one of your flaws. I think I'm safe."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that if I were you," Countered Finn playfully.

"Because you lack confidence. Oops. I'll put that one away for a future day... or week," She smiled even larger and, giving Finn another hug, flounced out of the room. "Wash your face before you come out for dinner!"

Finn did as instructed to reduce the puffy redness around her eyes. What a day this had been. It seemed like ages ago that she'd woken up in the pre-dawn and gone to the barn with... Oh, that line of thought was not good for reducing the redness in her face.

She switched to plans for tomorrow. Should she stay at the house to help get Victoria more settled? Go back to the orphanage to help however she could? Her gaze strayed to the plant she kept on the windowsill. The stems seemed less droopy than they had before. She pulled off the crinkled leaves, leaving only the green and slightly yellowed ones. She gave it some more water. Maybe if it kept looking better, she could take it back to Jimmy. He hadn't given a definite benchmark for the task, maybe a little improvement was worth a little information.

Deferring that decision until the morning, she moved the plant to catch the rest of the day's sun and went to have dinner with the family.