A mediocre life

I've heard someone say that most men live lifes of quiet desperation. And it's true, so many of us go through life doing jobs we hate and putting up with people we can't stand because we feel we don't have a choice. I was living a mediocre life having graduated high school and without money or connection I was forced to get all sorts of jobs that paid poorly and were likely designed to break your body and spirit. My latest job was carpet cleaner and while not unbearable, it paid poorly and was very physical. I often asked myself if this is what life was supposed to be like.I had a roof over my head and food in my belly and I knew I was luckier than billions of other people that were starving or had no clean water and electricity but still...Is this what life is supposed to be? Working menial jobs until you either die or retire with a body so worn out you can barely call it living. I knew in theory that I should be pursuing happiness and human connection but after my marriage ended I just couldn't go through that pain again. I felt like I was better off alone than giving someone else the chance to break my heart again. I had a few friends that I could spend time with, but over the years our lives diverged and seeing each other became harder and harder. I felt jealous at people that have everything handed out to them and could pursue their dreams and travel the world but at the same time I knew most of them weren't happy either because they were so consumed with greed and vanity that they couldn't even enjoy what they had. I could never afford to take holidays in exotic locations and spent my free time reading fantasy novels while imagining what life could be like. But no amount of wishing could change reality and I had to just accept it. My life kept going on the same with days and years becoming a blur of work and sleep until I found myself too old and decrepit to even work and had too retire. Thankfully I lived a frugal life and managed to save some money so I wouldn't starve because I was still years away from qualifying for retirement benefits. I found myself reading fantasy novels to pass the time because it was my favourite thing to do. Then one day while cleaning the house I felt like a gorilla was sitting on my chest and I couldn't breathe. I tried to call the ambulance but couldn't reach the phone in time and everything went dark. I remember being half scared and half excited for the unknown and all the possibilities of what lies after death if anything at all.