6 Relief

His lungs breathed liquid fire as his whole body twisted. His eyes were an agony of pain as his swollen skin seemed to crunch them in their sockets, and his nostrils imploded onto themselves in blood and purple.

MAKE IT STOP.

Joffrey felt the liquid inside his eyes pool down his cheeks as his body shuddered in rigor mortis, crouching in on itself as even his teeth were shattered against each other to pieces as the purple squeezed.

STOP.

Joffrey inhaled a lungful of air and vomited all over the floor.

After emptying his stomach of bile, he supported his back on the bed's side, fisting and relaxing his hands repeatedly.

He rocked back and forwards for a bit as he weathered the increasingly violent shivers, each time shaking him harder than the last. I… did it all. Same as before. But yet… I still… Still I failed…

Everything I do…

His motion intensified as he felt tears welling in his eyes. Why do I keep dying?! Why do they keep bringing me back… the pain… oh gods make it stop…

His mind flashed past a burning pyre, a shattering blow, a crushed windpipe, an agony of memories. And after every death, the sour embrace of the Strangler, each time getting possibly worse. He felt silent tears streaking down his cheeks as he grabbed his pillow and gave out a muffled scream. So many people… so much death and for what?! For nothing!

Stay the course or change things, it doesn't matter!

All the scheming and plotting, all the grand stratagems and armies… they all meant nothing. My family means nothing, power means nothing. Anything I do, I'll end up dead, back in the purple.

His sanity threatened to snap as Joffrey contemplated a terrifying, soul crushing thought.

No…

What…

What if….

What if this never stops…. What if I'm actually in the seven hells, and this is my punishment. Joffrey started to shake once more, he was hyperventilating.

What if… I'll be here… forever… and ever…

He breathed in and out every half second, shaking and rocking back and forth in the floor.

The world seemed to shrink to a pinprick of vision.

No rest…Death… purple agony forever… again and again and again and again and again---

He couldn't take it anymore. Joffrey rolled over his back, unconscious.

-.PD.-

In the end, Joffrey managed to hold on to his sanity… barely. He had woken up in the same position he had fainted, and managed to calm himself. It was strange though, his appetite seemed to have been cut in half, and he needed to constantly be touching someone, anyone living to reassure himself he wasn't alone in the seven hells. Even so, the faintest thought of dying or his past lives brought on an existential crisis and a bottomless pit of despair right in his chest, his stomach, his head, everywhere. Any time he found himself thinking about such things he quickly tried to distract himself as fast as he could.

Even so he was slipping. The last one had been, thankfully, alone in the hallways. It had been dark at night, and he had passed too closely to a torch, which had brought on a flashback to Baelors Plaza as the fire licked his face and he contemplated starting again and dying again and that this would never end and he would stay here for ever and die die die die die—

"Joffrey?!" Asked his mother, concerned. Joffrey realized he had been hyperventilating again, this time in his Mothers freaking Wheelhouse. "Ah… Ah… Ah its nothing.. ah… mother" he said as he struggled to get his breathing back under control and crushed his mother's hand with his own. Tommen and Myrcella stared at him both wary and scared as Joffrey put his hands under his armpits in a desperate attempt to avoid the shakes.

Gods… not here, not in front of them.

The shakes arrived slowly, building up from the inside. "Joffrey, what's wrong!? Stop the carriage!" shouted his mother. "Mother… I-I-m o-o-ok-a-ay, j-j-j-j-j-juu-u-u---" I'm dying! Im dying again! Why?! Not the purple again!!! The shakes started rattling him inside the carriage. "G-g-get ooooutt!" he screamed as he opened the door and jumped down. The carriage had been passing a part of the Kingsroad which was raised above the rest of the land, so Joffrey rolled and tumbled down the slope.

Thoughts of being stuck in a void of purple forever, made for him to never escape…suddenly found themselves interrupted by the abrupt pain that was coming from all of Joffrey's body.

As the guards raced down, they found a strange sight… Joffrey hitting himself with all his strength in his thigh, again and again… As they restrained him, Joffrey's quick, hard breathing had passed, and there were tears of joy in his eyes. "It stopped… thank you… thank you…" he babbled incoherently.

-.PD.-

"J-Joffrey… please… could.. you give me back my cat?!" Tommen suddenly blurted. He said the last part all on a blur, and flinched as he waited for Joffrey's response.

Joffrey had been eying him all afternoon as the wheelhouse bumped along the carnnogmen's marshes in the way to the Neck. Tommen had been psyching himself up the whole day, and when mother had fallen asleep he had made his move. His stupid brother didn't understand that if he--- Gods--- Lion was helping him hold off the..—pit--- oh gods.

He shivered lightly as he petted the small cat again and again, clutching his fur close to his belly. The shakes soon passed, and Joffrey breathed lightly again. That's right, only me and you little Lion, you are a brave Lion aren't you? Yes you are, also lazy!" He thought as he petted him again and Lion shifted in his lap, mewling softly in contentment.

A tentative smile graced Joffrey's features. Think of the cat, a beautiful cat. The thoughts of eternity soon passed Joffrey's mind.

"J-Joffrey…?" murmured Tommen.

"No" Said Joffrey, clutching Lion protectively.

"B-but--"

Joffrey shifted a bit, his pulse quickening as his hand slipped to his dagger. Just let it be Tommen, you're not having him. I'll stab you right in the eye! You'll not take him!!! But it will have to be quiet, not to wake mother. Bury him outside.

His grip tightened as he breathing run faster yet again. "Leave it be, Tommen" He whispered, his voice strangled. He must have sensed the danger because Tommen seemed to deflate as he shifted backwards with a terrified "I'm sorry"

Joffrey kept petting Lion.

The cat and, for when he failed, sudden applications of pain towards his person had prevented any more bouts… But it was a close run thing. Joffrey didn't need to be a maester to know his sanity was hanging by a thread now, but, who wouldn't be?! He –was – trapped here to ---

He clutched Lion even tighter as he petted him monomaniacaly. Good cat good cat good cat. Lion gave a mild yawn of discomfort, eying him lazily before rolling in his hands and snoozing again.

What a lazy cat. Indeed.

He didn't notice Tommen gradually hiding under his cloak.

-.PD.-

The Wheelhouse plodded away, and before long they arrived at Winterfell again. He rarely talked to anyone there, preferring to walk through the keeps walls, enjoying the fresh air, it seemed to sooth him… slightly. Little Lion never left his side, and seemed comfortable enough with Joffrey's constant attentions. His bizarre conduct had raised more than a few eyebrows, and rumor had it that the arch traitor had tactfully proposed a betrothal between Bran and Myrcella.

Joffrey snorted, not that he cared. Just as well, anything to keep stupid Sansa away from him. Maybe he could arrange a betrothal with Maergery right away? It would certainly speed things up… But that would change things, that was bad- Crack- it could have—The flames consumed his facial air in a second, reducing them to ash as they burned his skin— But to not change anything meant--- Purple started to occlude his sight, and he knew the end was near, the purple would have a little fun with him, then it would spit him out, only to lie in wait again, laying in anticipation, it wouldn't have to wait for long, it had foreverandeverandeverandever

Oh no, thought Joffrey as the shakes took him.He stopped walking and crouched, petting little Lion again and again and taking deep breaths. Lion's fur is awfully light, but he does have some black spots, huh, I wonder about that… He crouched there for a few minutes.

Taking ahold of himself, he stood up, relieved. He noticed Lord Stark the arch traitor staring at him from a distance, but as soon as Joffrey met his eyes the Lord seemed to hesitate, thinking about something only to finally lower his head and walk on.

He's probably going to the damned Godswood again, I don't understand what the savages find so mesmerizing out of a fucking tree.

-.PD.-

Joffrey would wonder what he'd do this life, but every time he tried… well he knew better than to keep at it. So he spent his days at Winterfell in a somewhat simplified existence, though he made sure to touch his mother's hand a couple of times a day and to hug her every night, the close human contact helped him fight away his bouts of madness.

He was walking through Winterfells courtyard again and petting Lion as usual, thinking about getting some wine--- his heart hammered away, his pulse quickened to unnatural speeds—Gods damnit, some ale. Only some ale. He thought as he petted Lion yet again. Joffrey didn't know how much he could hold on, each time more and more random thoughts seemed to trigger his… condition… and the despair about his madness itself seemed to feed into it, creating some kind of loop. Joffrey quickly moved his attention elsewhere, knowing the madness would come if he continued along that line of thought. …He couldn't even think about what was happening to him without….gods..--

Look somewhere, anywhere. He spotted a somewhat familiar figure, scaling the broken tower. That stupid kid, Bran. Let's check out why he slips on the same godsdamned rock every single time, why not, he thought with monomaniacal intensity, doing everything not to think about…

As the stupid boy kept scaling, Joffrey used the stairs as any sane person would. He scratched Lion's head as he walked up the stairs. Poor idiot's been falling from this tower since my first life… That slippery rock must be cursed by the gods themselves.

He finally arrived to the decrepit oak door that lay half burned. Opening it up, he saw his mother and uncle fucking each other.

Bran seemed to arrive a few moments later, they spoke a bit between themselves but Joffrey couldn't hear the words. There was a dull roar inside his head.

His uncle got up and pushed Bran off the ledge. Hmm, so that's why he keeps falling, he thought.

Hmmm

Even in his state, Joffrey could connect the dots easily enough.

It seems I was doing Stannis an injustice. It was I who was the real traitor! That thought manifested itself with unusual clarity in Joffrey's mind, which had lately been a bit sluggish.

I'm not Fath—Roberts true born son. Black of hair… indeed… black of hair… black of hair… black of hair…

The rumors where true… A bastard born out of incest… even the smallfolk's can sometimes get it right.

He hadn't moved at all since opening the door. He saw his mother's pristine nude body robing herself again, and uncl-- ….Father… putting on… his armor.

The dull roar inside Joffrey's head grew very quiet, almost imperceptible to his hearing. He snorted a quick laugh, finally getting the whole thing.

His Father and Mother snapped back to him, faces suddenly filled with sheer horror. "J-Joffrey?" asked his Father, dumbly. "How long have you been standing there, sweetie?" asked his Mother, her eyes looking franticly between her son and her lover. She had always been the more quick witted of the two, now that Joffrey thought about it.

Joffrey laughed out loud. "Oh Mother… Father! Thank you! This! This was the purpose! I understand now!" He said. He was suddenly filled with relief.

They stared, shocked into stillness by it all.

"This is why they kept bringing me back! I'm free now!" Joffrey struggled to say as he grabbed his belly, laughing like he'd just heard the best joke to have ever been told… though, thinking about it, he kind of had. He laughed so hard tears fell down his cheeks, and his belly hurt a bit because of the constant giggle that had overtaken him.

"S-sweetie--" Said his mother, taking a step forward only for Joffrey's laughter to abruptly and instantly stop, as if cut with a knife. "Stay away from me" he said almost conversationally as he took several steps back, lightning quick, bumping against the broken tower's wall.

His mother hesitated, putting her hand on his Father's shoulder as he tried to stand up. "Let me" she whispered quietly but urgently into Jaime's ear. It had been kind of obvious in hindsight, thought Joffrey. Didn't horses that bred with their families produce offspring that was… wrong somehow?

There's something deeply wrong with you Joffrey, whispered Lord Starks deformed head in his ear.

Oh Stark, if only you kne…

…

He… had known, hadn't he?

He laughed out loud at that, startling his mother, who had been taking slow steps towards him. The arch traitor was actually not a traitor! Who would have thought about that! I should certainly apologies to Lord Stark the next time I see him! He thought ruefully-

"My son, I can explain--" started the sweet voice of his mother as she took another step, starting to stretch her hand out.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Screeched Joffrey with all his strength as he scrambled sideways. Wow, where did that came from? He thought as his heart seemed to beat a thousand times faster than it normally had, Yikes… I really should calm down a bit!

Well, it was over at least, he had that going on for him. "I think I've never wanted to lay down more than now!" he said with a snort as he popped his head out from a nearby window. "This whole multiple lives thing was even fun for a while, I have to admit, but still, I'm glad its over now. And to think!" he said as he stared back at them with a look of surprised bewilderment "It had been so simple!"

He left brave little Lion in the floor. "Take care of that cat, even if he's a bit lazy!" he said good naturedly. "Joffrey, Wha--" he Father started, but her mother as usual had figured it out first. She leapt into a sprint, barely meters away from Joffrey as she screamed "JOFFREY! DON'T!!!".

Pff, what a spectacle. He didn't understand why she was so distraught, he was ending the cycle!

With that thought in mind, he leapt off the window, only a handspan away from his mother's reaching form. He sailed through the air head first towards the ground.

Don't want to end up like poor Bran now, would we?

He could see a large crowd had already converged surrounding Bran's crumbled form. Those lucky bastards, now they get to see a live reenactment!

He shattered against the ground head first. He died instantly, and was greeted instantly.

The purple consumed him, twisting his neck and spine, crushing his internal organs and blocking his airways.

So.. its not over then, strange. Thought Joffrey in midst of the pain.

The purple swirled around him as his face crunched in on itself, shattering his eyes and grinding his teeth to nothing.

I can't believe I was so stressed out because of this! He thought, utterly bewildered. The pain wasn't that bad! It hurt a little, sure, but it was, in a way, even cleansing…

Yes… now that he thought about it, he was being purged… cleansed.

The shocking realization was so strong it was like a sledgehammer to the face for Joffrey.

The purple was helping me! All this time! He thought as his throat collapsed into itself, and his hands twisted towards his body, way past the limits of his ligaments

It was so obvious! You'd need to be blind not to see it!

Joffrey laughed. In the midst of the purple agony, Joffrey laughed.

-.PD.-

Joffrey woke up with a quiet sight, and got off his bed calmly enough. Huh, I didn't even vomit this time, he thought.

It's really strange, I was sure it should have ended… maybe a fall isn't enough to end the whole process.

"Now where did I leave that damned dagger…" He muttered as he searched his wardrobe, and then his bedchest.

"Aha! Found it!" he proclaimed loudly. "Now, lets see…" he muttered as he took it out of its sheath and stabbed himself in the heart. He collapsed on his knees, blood pooling all around him. It didn't even hurt that much.

He crumbled on top of the floor as the Purple greeted him again, almost like an old friend.

I can't believe I feared you! Thought Joffrey as he greeted the enveloping agony again.

-.PD.-

The Hound was laying his back on the wall, taking in a bit of the morning sunlight filtering through the window. He could hear the servants below rushing about their duties for the day, and the king bellowing and laughing, making ready for his next hunt, he guessed.

He had heard a bit of noise from the little shit's room for a while now, so he guessed he was already awake. Though why he hadn't called his servants to dress him was a mystery. Perhaps he forgot… I better remind him, I won't have the Queen haggling me because the little shit didn't arrive to his bloody meal in time…

He shifted his weight off the wall and knocked on Joffrey's door.

He could hear a faint squishing sound from the other side of the door, but it stopped as soon as he knocked. "Yes? Who is it?" asked the prince, amiably enough. Glad he's having a good day, thought the Hound.

"It's Clegane, my prince." He said, shifting his weight. Why can't he do this things by himself… sighted the Hound uselessly.

"Oh, come in Hound!" Said the little shit.

My my he's chipper this morning.

The hound opened the door, and had to get a hold of the doors frame as what he saw stole his breath away.

Prince Joffrey was covered in blood… Both his eyes had been pierced by the bloodied dagger in his hand... and his scalp was over the bed, the blood mingling with the blonde hair.

"It still won't end Hound! Very annoying! I figured out maybe I can break the cycle by getting rid of the Lannister parts, make myself a bit more Baratheon so to speak!" He chuckled. "So we'll… well, I'll see how that works out" he seemed to think for a second, tilting his sightless, blood bathed head upwards a bit. "Eyes and hair, that's what Stannis always talked about. Can you think of any other Lannister traits?" he asked him.

Clegane took a deep breath as he felt his breakfast bubbling upwards through his throat. "N…No, my Prince" he said, walking slowly towards Joffrey.

Joffrey seemed to pout for a bit. "Oh, well it was a long shot anyway. I'll see how it goes as it is then" He said as he raised the dagger to his throat.

Clegane burst into a sprint, but Joffrey was already cutting. "See you on the other side Hound! Well, hopefully not, but you get the poinkkkkggggggggghhhh" he gurgled as he collapsed to the floor.

"GRAND MAESTER!" Roared Clegane with all his might as he got a hold of the bloody wreck that was Joffrey.

He shouldn't have bothered.

Joffrey seemed to smile as the blood seeped out of his cut throat.