Chapter 45

An annoyed groan escaped Ari as he threw his head back against the unfamiliar couch.

It came so suddenly, so intensely, and he knew it was only the start. Memories of himself when he was younger and dealing with irregular heats rushed back into his mind as he let out a huff. He was so clueless back then, but they were just as painful as he remembers them to be.

And just as quickly as his heat hit him, it went away leaving cold tingles all over his body.

Not entirely clueless, he knew why this was happening to him, and knew that it'll repeat itself for a while until his body finally decides to adjust to the changes. Ari knew exactly when his heats would come, and he was always prepared with his meds within reach whenever they were close.

They were not close at all.

"Ugh." He flinched when another wave of pain hit him. "I should have killed him."

The source of his ire wasn't there to hear those words, but if he were he might be endlessly amused by them instead of threatened. Those words were alien to Ari before Constantine's influence, and despite him uttering them he, wasn't built for killing. He neither has the strength nor the resolve to take another life, and the mere thought of doing it himself left him sick.

He was sure that if he had what it takes, he wouldn't be in this predicament.

It was too late to do anything about it now.

But when a scent wafted towards his nose, he found himself changing his mind about wanting Constantine dead. It was funny how the scent of his partner alone could affect him like this, relaxing him into sinking further into the couch just to bask in it. His senses loved it, and the smell pleasantly filled the place making him breathe in for more.

It felt nice to be so relaxed, he rarely gets to feel it.

Ari was aware of his book that was placed on the table across from him, taunting him.

He couldn't even finish two pages before he felt that burning need his body forces him to feel, reminding him that this is a part of himself he couldn't escape despite leaving everything behind for a little while. Ari knew it was temporary, that it would get much better once his body accepts that it is tied to one person now. There would be no need for him to attract any more attention, the heats would eventually stop and only occur around Constantine if he's around.

This mark on his neck was almost like a remedy, but it sure was taking its time.

Although Ari was fully aware of that, of his need to wait, he still felt his eyes bitterly sting wishing he was born as nothing but a regular beta.

Things would have been so different.

"Okay," He breathed out when the recent heat wave lasted longer than the others. "You can do this."

Ari slowly forced himself to stand, his steps wavering a bit, but he carefully made his way back to bed where he could comfortably be in pain, as depressing as it may sound. He threw himself there with no reservations and just breathed in and out as he gradually felt himself succumb to his heat.

It felt strange whenever it happened.

His head would feel like it was submerged in water, and everything would be swaying as his body grew more sensitive. Time went on with varying speeds, sometimes it was agonizingly slow, and other times it was so fast that he'd not notice that a whole day went by.

But Ari was also used to the abuse that would follow, expecting it even.

Shrill yells from his mother that hurt his ears, jabs to his sides from her knees, and sometimes – when she's in a particularly hateful mood – the pillow that would press on his face to suffocate him. In that state, he would find himself unable to defend himself or push her away, she always knew how to render him helpless.

It was normal for him to feel helpless even when she wasn't nearby.

When Ari stared up at the white ceiling, he felt himself shake in fear and anticipation. Any time now he would have the dreaded pillow looming over him before blocking his view and his airways. Fear gripped him every time as he found himself wondering if he'll finally suffocate to death whenever it happened.

It was normal for him to have tears well up in his eye at the thought of it, swallowing his shuddering breaths nervously. That wasn't an unreasonable reaction. It was normal.

What wasn't normal, however, was the gentle touch that caressed his forehead moving his hair away as it did so.

"You know," A pondering voice said as the caresses continued. "I've seen people frozen in fear before, but never like this."

Ari blinked confusedly and a tear slid down his cheek. "Huh?"

"I am saying that this is an unusual symptom of your heat – that is, unless you think I'd suddenly kill you."

So laid-back and easygoing as he easily pulled Ari up so he could look at anything else but the bland white ceiling. Sitting there not knowing what to think, Ari shook his head in response.

"I don't think you'd kill me." He told Constantine honestly, and funnily enough, he could smell the fresh scent of blood that was probably coating his knives or soaking his clothes as he said that.

"Hm," Constantine scrutinized him a bit with a tilted head before surprising Ari with his words. The perceptiveness he displays is often terrifying. "Are you scared because you're usually hiding it, or did someone hurt you?"

It was as if Ari cannot keep secrets around him. In a way, it was freeing.

"How did you know?"

Constantine raised an eyebrow at him almost looking offended.

"Do I seem as brainless as your dear alpha?"

Ari almost pointed out that Alec wasn't his alpha anymore.

Constantine already deduced everything the moment Alec's assumptions of his words went to Eli as if he was the only omega – that, and the Hawthornes announcing that Eli was their first omega in their pack. It was clear they didn't know about Ari. "Besides, you somehow seem more messed up than I am."

"I'm not- It's-" Ari fumbled with his words dropping his head forward feeling faint from his heat. "It's nothing."

"And I am blind." Constantine told him wryly not pressing the matter further, instead, he decided to experiment on his own as he cupped Ari's face in his hand and gently wiped away what remained of his tears.

His hands then trailed down to Ari's neck garnering no reaction other than willingness. Ari leaned into his touch rather than pulling away.

Even when Constantine pushed him down, there was nothing new. They were already used to this roughness, and drawing blood sometimes became a regular thing for them, so it wasn't that either.

He was honestly confounded.

It was a surprise to him when hands a lot more delicate and innocent than his own reached for his collar and pulled him down for a kiss. "Just help me." Ari ordered not really concerned by the fact that he was telling that to someone who had a bloody knife on their person. "It hurts, so just help me."

Constantine heaved him upwards still maintaining their proximity. "Someone's forceful."

"Someone's slow."

The frustration in his voice was palpable, and it only made Constantine's lip twitch up in amusement at how uncharacteristically bossy and pushy the usually timid Ari was. This comfort with Constantine that he was showing was very welcome.

And comfort was all what Constantine wanted Ari to feel when he dragged a pillow towards his head so he could avoid brain damage from hitting the headboard of the bed. But then he paused and looked down feeling a little bit murderous and a little bit triumphant at his find.

The tautness that suddenly coursed through Ari's body was unmistakable. After all, Constantine had witnessed many forms of fear.

He also inflicted many forms of abuse.

"I do suffocate people, but never with pillows." He told Ari cheerily as he placed it behind his head, and the look of shock that befell Ari's face was as expected as it was unwanted. It meant that Constantine's guess was right. "Was it a regular thing?"

This time, Ari didn't bother to ask how he knew as he bit his lip and looked away.

"That's fucked up, actually."

And that's how it all made sense.

There was a reason for someone like Ari to choose to be with someone like Constantine. Seems like whatever his life is like back at the Hawthornes is so messed up that he found safety here with Constantine.

Safety and Constantine.

Baffling.

But actions spoke louder than words, and his actions spoke to Ari.