Tayla Story - 013

The two of us made the journey back to my place in silence. I'd made it clear that I wanted the space and time to figure it all out in my head, and Alexander respected that at least. Whatever way all this turns out, I think that following Elis' advice was the right decision.

I would be regretting a lot right now, if I hadn't told Alexander the truth. I'm sure of that much. And we wouldn't have spoken about this issue. And it is an issue. I don't know how I can trust Alexander at the moment. That's why I didn't plan on doing this originally. Can I really be that surprised if he ends up leaving with Kayla? But, then again, I can't stop him. Elis is right. I love him, and that means I can't stop him from leaving if that's what he decides. Maybe I can't trust him right now, but I at least can hope that he decides to stay with me. That he decides not to go with Kayla.

And so, we walked the way back to mine in silence, with Alexander following me a few paces back. That's how we travelled. The entire way.

When we arrived at my place, both my parents were gone so of course it was Kayla that opened the door. She noticed who it was that was behind me without an instant's delay. I tried to ignore the regret and jealousy that I felt when I saw her face, and the smile that spread across her lips. I'm glad I couldn't see Alexander's face from behind me.

"When did you get back?"

"This morning. I didn't know you were here until just now. Tayla came to pick me up. I wanted to sleep, but she told me your leaving again tonight."

Is he covering for me? Or just making excuses to her?

Thinking about that isn't going to make me feel any better, so I should probably just ignore those thoughts.

I still wasn't looking back at Alexander. I didn't want to see what his face looked like at the moment. Whether he was smiling, or was excited. Anything like that, I didn't want to know.

I walked in through the door.

"I'll leave you two to it," I said to Kayla, "I'll be up in my room if you need me."

"Tayla-" Alexander begins from outside, but I ignore him, and make my way through the lounge. As I walk up the stairs, I keep my face turned away from him, so that I don't see his face.

Whatever happens, this is what I have to do. Alexander's going to talk things over with Kayla, and I'm going to have to accept the result of that, whatever it may be. And I'm going to have to try and trust Alexander. Though, I don't really feel great about that at the moment. Even so, that's what I have to do. To try and trust Alexander.

I lie down on my bed, and stare at the ceiling.

Everything would've been so much simpler if I hadn't listened to Elis. Yes, I would've lied to both Alexander and Kayla, and I'd feel bad about that, but… I think eventually I could've forgiven myself that. Perhaps Alexander would've forgiven me in the future. And well… Kayla wouldn't've. But I'll probably never see her again after today.

It's too late to regret that though. It's too late to change my mind.

Not that I do regret it anyway. I can lament about how things might've gone, but I know Elis was probably right. That I needed to do things this way. If I love Alexander, then I have to do this, and accept whatever he decides. Even if that means that he's going to leave me, and go back to Wellington.

I know I have to accept that, but it'll be difficult. It'll be painful.

Please stay with me, Alexander.