Without passion, we'd be truly dead

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments; the joy of love, the clarity of hatred, and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank... without passion, we'd be truly dead."

-Joss Whedon

Mishti stared at herself in the full-size Victorian mirror of the hotel room, where she was getting ready; her eyes looked big and frightened, the makeup artist told her she had the bridal glow but Mishti knew she was lying. Nothing was glowing about her.

She saw her mother approach in the reflection of the mirror, "The car is already waiting," Mauli said and Mishti turned her frightened eyes towards her. "It's going to be okay baby," the elder woman tried to reassure her daughter.

Mishti nodded, knowing it was a lie but not caring anymore because there was nothing she could do to stop what was coming. She took a deep breath and bowed her head so her mother could place the veil on her, the final touch, the only thing that was missing until now. Her hair was curled slightly in what they now call beach waves and was styled in a half-updo; Mishti had chosen to wear a small blusher veil that ended at the tip of her nose. She looked like a vision – a princess coming out of a fairytale; she thought every woman should look like this on her wedding day but marry the man they love, not the man who bought them.

Mishti held her breath the entire ride to the church; they were marrying in St. Thomas Cathedral because Ronobir wouldn't accept anything less than that. Mishti's mouth twisted in a sardonic smirk at the absurdity of her soon-to-be husband; insisting on holding their vows on holy grounds, a man who was a criminal like her father, and yet both claimed devotion to God, thinking he would turn a blind eye to the crimes they committed.

The minute the car stopped in front of the massive and imposing historical building, Mishti's hands started shaking. Ananya who was also in the car with her held her hand on top of her lap, "I'll always be here for you Mishti", she said reassuringly and Mishti's eyes filled with tears. "If he ever lays a finger on you we'll chop him and feed him to the dogs!"

Mishti laughed throatily and squeezed her friend's hand, "Thanks Anu but I think you've been watching Game of Thrones a little bit too much!"

"It's very educating."

"Girls!" Mauli's voice made them turn, motioning them to exit the car and pointing to the door of the limousine, Mishti hadn't even realized it was open already. "It's the time!" Ananya squeezed her hand one last time and exited the car. "You can do this Mishti!" she said to herself softly, before taking a deep breath.

She was not a weak woman, she knew she often came across as shy and innocent but she wasn't. She was strong and she was going to fight Ronobir Chatterjee every step of the way, she would not submit to him even if it cost her her life. "It's show time Mishti!" she said to herself before stepping out of the limo.

The wedding march began and every step she took, moved her closer to the man at the end of the aisle, a man who, even though it pained her to say it, looked breathtakingly dashing. His tailored, black tux molded to his body magnificently and the white crisp shirt he wore underneath made his eyes look even more vivid... and the bow, that damn bow at his collar, made him look like a movie star.

Mishti felt her legs tremble and she clutched her father's arm even more tightly. His lips twisted into a knowing smirk, a smirk that made her want to punch him and kiss him at the same time. No one in the world unnerved Mishti Khanna more than the man waiting for her a few steps away. When her father placed her hand on top of Ronobir's, an electric current zapped through her whole body. She willed herself to stay calm but her flight-or-flight instinct was telling her to get the hell away from that church as fast as she could.

"You look stunning if it isn't obvious!" he murmured huskily as they turned to stare straight into the priest's eyes.

"Fuck off, Ronobir" Mishti muttered under her breath.

"I'll take that as an invitation," his tone was cocky and Mishti threw the nastiest of glances in his direction.

The rest of the ceremony was a series of mechanical movements on her part, she did what the priest told her, smiled when she was supposed to and played the role of a blushing bride to textbook perfection. The role both Ronobir and her family wanted her to play; she executed it flawlessly, like the perfect little doll she had always been. A part of her wanted to burst out laughing when the priest talked about true love and how kind and selfless it was, she wanted to laugh and cry at the irony and absurdity of this moment in her life.

The worst moment was the kiss! The priest declared them man and wife and Mishti knew that she had signed her life away, that she now belonged to him and she would be his until he decided otherwise. When he leaned down and she felt his breath caressing her face, she hated herself for feeling tingles all over her body, she hated herself for relishing in the delicious feel of his soft lips against her and the electricity that sparked through them. She hated herself because when they broke apart and he smiled at her, she wished that the kiss had gone on longer. More than anything, she hated how her body refused to listen to her mind, and although she loathed him, it yearned desperately for his touch.

As the night carried on, Mishti realized it was going to be filled with one terrible moment after another. She was introduced to Ronobir's friends and family, his mother seemed sweet but Mishti didn't plan on getting too attached; she watched Pari flirt shamelessly with her new husband, and she witnessed a drunk out-of-his-mind Veer being dragged out by Ansh without her father knowing. Although that pathetic scene shattered her heart into a million pieces, the crowning glory of the night went to her first slow dance with Ronobir.

A moment she had imagined all her life, every girl's quintessential dream about her wedding day from the moment they grasp the meaning of it! Mishti had pictured that moment a thousand different times but in every one of those instances, she was in the arms of a man she loved, not someone who had decided he wanted her, without caring about her feelings at all.

"You could at least smile," Ronobir whispered in her ear, as they slow danced. Mishti raised her head to meet his stare and found those striking brown eyes looking coldly at her, "Everyone is looking."

Her eyes darted around the room and she realized that he was right. Her lips curved in the sweetest and fakest of smiles, "Is this okay dear husband?"

He smirked as his eyes shone in a way that scared her, "That is perfect dear Scarlet!" he told her and chuckled when she stared at him clueless. "Isn't that character that you're channeling right now?" he tilted his head and stared at her with a smile. "The poor girl is marrying to save her family! I wonder where the mighty Ashley has disappeared to. He's a bit of a sorry drinker if you ask me!"

Mishti's blood boiled with rage at the contemptuous way he spoke to her, she tried to pull free of his embrace but he stopped her and pressed her body closer to his. "Now don't make a scene babydoll!"

"You're a jerk", she muttered, "life is not a story Ronobir!"

"That is correct! And I am not Rhett Butler my dear, so you should remember that"

His eyes were fierce as he looked at her, "We're all playing a part here babydoll, it's time you started making an effort!" he bit out harshly before leaning down and taking her lips in a searing kiss. Mishti could hear people clapping around them but she didn't care, the only thing on her mind at the moment was how amazing his lips felt against hers and how dirty that made her feel.

As the night approached its miserable end and goodbyes were made, Mishti clutched her mother's frame tightly, not wanting to let go. Ananya whispered sweet words and promises, telling her everything was going to be okay and Ansh held her so strongly she thought she might break.

"If he ever hurts you I will end him!" he whispered in her ear before letting her go. Mishti wanted to believe him but knew that in the end, that would only lead to more blood being spilled.

The last one saying goodbye was her father, he hugged her and kissed her forehead. When he told her she was his princess, she wanted nothing more than to be that gullible girl once again, the one who believed every word that came out of her father's mouth.

She stood impassively in the massive and sinfully luxurious suite where she was going to spend her wedding night. The fabric of her wedding dress felt too tight against her skin as she watched the twinkling nights of Mumbai's nightlife from the window. Her fingers which had been twisting into knots nervously, started to shake when she heard the door open, signaling that her husband had walked in.

The strong masculine smell of his cologne filled her nostrils as she felt him standing behind her, "Beautiful isn't it?" Mishti felt unable to answer.

"But you are even more beautiful babydoll" his voice was thick with desire and it thrilled and scared her at the same time.

Mishti couldn't deny that she was immensely attracted to Ronobir, that from the first time they had met, she had felt a pull towards him, that he made her body light up with just his voice! But she couldn't forget the fact that he had forced this marriage upon her, that she wanted another man, and that she had never been with anyone before. This was not the way she had pictured losing her virginity; that was another thing Ronobir was taking away from her.

She felt his breath caressing her neck as he moved her hair from the side and leaned down to place a burning kiss on her bare shoulders, "You have no idea how long I've waited for this, desired this!" Mishti shut her eyes tightly as he trailed his nose all over the bare expanse of her neck, forcing her to tilt her head to the side. "Three years is a long time Mishti," he retreated slightly before his hand went to work on the back zipper of her dress.

The sound echoed in the whole room and she had to bite her lips to stop her teeth from chattering, she was shaking furiously. "I've dreamed about you many times... of the moment, I will finally make you mine".

The dress pooled at her feet and her eyes filled with tears, as the reality of the situation weighed on her. She heard his ragged exhale and then his hands went to her waist and pulled her flush against his body, the white lace bodysuit she was wearing didn't provide enough coverage and she could feel his rock-hard member digging into her lower back. "I will make you scream tonight babydoll" he rasped out unevenly.

Tears started to fall from her eyes as he started kissing her shoulder again, his hand roaming down her neck and stopping to caress her breast. Then he paused, Mishti felt the moment his entire body went stiff.

He gripped her hips more tightly and forced her to turn around, "You've got to be kidding me" he muttered when he saw her tear-stained cheeks. He took a deep breath and swept his fingers gently under her eyes, his eyes looking warmly at her for the briefest of seconds before he schooled his features back into the mask of hardness he always wore.

"I'm sorry" she whispered and then cringed at how weak and pathetic she sounded.

Ronobir released her and rubbed his hand down his face "Unbelievable", he muttered, "you do know how to ruin the mood" He saw the hurt look in her eyes but decided to ignore it. He was so mad he could kill someone, but not mad at her, mad at himself for putting her in this position. A war of emotions was brewing inside him and he didn't like that one bit.

"You're an asshole!" her bottom lip quivered and he felt like the worst scumbag in the whole world. He put his mask into place and gave her an annoyed look, "That's what they say" he muttered. "Tell me, are you thinking about that man? Is he the reason why you're like this?"

Her eyes went hard and she lifted her chin as she stared at him. "He doesn't have anything to do with this!" She bit out as she crossed her arms in front of her chest trying to cover herself but succeeded only in bringing more attention to those beautiful mounds Ronobir had been expecting to have his mouth on tonight.

He leaned closer to her, "Then why? I know you want me Mishti; I can see it in your eyes!"

"You're forcing me into this marriage, doesn't that seem like a reason enough?"

He chuckled and gave her an arrogant look, "Did I put a gun to your head?"

"Don't insult my intelligence Ronobir Chatterjee!" she fired back.

He rolled his eyes at her, "Well I'm sorry princess; I just thought this is what husbands and wives did on their wedding nights and their honeymoons. Forgive me if I'm a little distressed at the thought of mine being the exception!"

Mishti was getting angrier at the tone he used with her, he was so condescending and full of himself. "Maybe if you had married someone that loved you, it could have been different!" she threw at him and immediately regretted her choice of words when she saw the way his eyes frosted over.

"I've never done this before Ronobir," she whispered looking down.

His eyes widened at her confession, "What?"

"I've never-"

"How is that possible? You're twenty-five!" he said as he looked at her. Mishti was stunning, any man would turn himself into knots trying to please her and win her affection. How was it possible that she had remained untouched?

"So what?" she lifted her chin defiantly once again and he almost laughed at her. "Is there an expiration date or something?"

He shook his head, still too astonished to form any coherent thought, "But that man... I saw the way he looked at you!"

A blush covered her cheeks as she answered, "Nothing ever happened between us. I'm a virgin Ronobir"

He looked at her unable to believe what she was saying, "Well I'll be damned!" he muttered before turning around. He could feel himself getting painfully hard just thinking about her being a virgin. She would be his, completely his and no one else's and that thought filled him with a predatory thrill and a throbbing arousal. At this rate, he was going to end the night with a severe case of blue balls.

Mishti eyed him warily as he took his coat that had been resting on the bed and headed to the door, "What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm leaving!" he answered without even turning around.

She frowned and moved a few steps closer to him, "Just like that. You're going to let this one go?" her voice was filled with doubt. He had come fully prepared to take her and now he was walking away so easily.

He faced her once again, "Despite what you may think of me Mishti, I am no rapist. If I take a woman to bed she must be willing," he gritted out.

"Where are you going?" she asked once he turned around and opened the door.

"To find some warm and willing body", he smirked at her, knowing fully well how much of an asshole he was being, "it's my wedding night after all and I don't intend to spend it alone."

She gasped at his cruelty and hurt clouded her eyes, he almost regretted his words, but the truth was that he was too wired right now, and it would be better for both of them if he backed away.

"Maybe your sister would like to keep me company".

He knew he hit a nerve with the mention of her sister and as he saw the rage take over her face he felt a sick thrill run through his body because of it.

"You disgust me!" she spat out as she tried to cover her body as much as she could with her hands.

Ronobir chuckled and walked out of the door, "See you tomorrow!"

"I hate you!" she yelled and walked to the door as he was closing it. He shut it and Mishti could hear him locking it from the outside. "Sleep well Scarlet!" his arrogant voice said. She rattled the doorknob angrily, but to no avail because the bastard had trapped her inside the room.

She pounded the door with her fist, not caring if he was still out there or if he had left. "I hate you!" she yelled, "I hate you!"

She let herself fall to the floor and sob uncontrollably. Her body was too exposed, her heart too ragged, her mind too fuzzy. The world was closing in on her; everything she ever dreamed of, had been crushed tonight and she had no idea how to deal with the splinters of her broken hopes and desires. Her body was lying on the cold floor while her husband was probably lying in another woman's warm bed.

"I hate him" was her last thought before the blissful darkness of sleep overtook her.