Chapter 30 : Fake Xin Jian’s prank adventure in Backlund

Xin Jian's secret puppet in Backlund, aka fake Xin Jian's point of view :

As I was walking through the streets of Backlund, I had already found a new harmless prank (?).

You know, the police is too naive these days, they believe everything a criminal says and imprisons innocents… And I did not just try to find a random reason to justify my actions.

So, tonight I planned to scam- educate the police just because I want to emotionally manipulate people-, I mean, extort a second apartment from them for no reason.

That's why I also changed my appearance, because, no matter how much I'd like to because an internationally known criminal (in case all my pranks were found out), or at least regionally (let me dream, please ! But being known only regionally would mean that I only have to move out to escape so I guess I'll have to make pranks in different regions… which would also increase the chance that my pranks will work, but in that case in wouldn't be fun, right ? So what should I do…), or citinally… Or is it citynally ?

(Author : Neither.)

…So, as much as I would like to become a wanted criminal, I am still an angel of the goddess (which actually doesn't matter but let's say that it does), so I'll just put the blame on a harmless maid I saw in the palace last time.

I hope she doesn't get fired.

Well, in case her face is unexpectedly recognized by the police, I did a double disguise by putting on makeup (and in a better way than Danitz), which was, of course, pulled from the historical pores.

Now, you may be wondering why I am walking through the streets of Backlund ?

Well, did you really think that I would know where the police station is ?

…

Damn, I am pitiful.

But I'm sure that I should end up finding one on the way… Yeah, right, let's be optimistic. No, I am optimism itself because why I'm hoping for is obviously not possible. Right, let's be optimism.

Many minutes later, I came upon a police officer.

« What are doing here ? »

Now, let's begin the show.

I made a tearful face, a worried expression, and prepared to use a trembling voice because someone on the verge of crying obviously won't be calm.

Now, what backstory should I use ?

Am I lost ? Did I run away from home ?

Hmm… They seem to be the most useless options I could think of. How am I supposed to extort an apartment from them if they just bring me back to my non-existent home ? Also, why would I be lost in the middle of the night ? But using a suspicious-sounding backstory could be fun too…

Except that I am really lost. It would just be the most truthful backstory ever.

Or I could say that I don't have a home ? I am an orphan ?

…Did you see all these homeless people out there ? I'm starting to think that this plan isn't feasible.

Fine, let's find a temporary apartment then, I can't back out now. (Like a prison cell, I never experienced a prison cell…)

Of course, I never meant the whole building, only a room, okay ?

Or at least a studio.

Should I say I have amnesia ? I was kidnapped ? Don't ask what being kidnapped has to do with amnesia, I don't know either. Except if I was hit on the head while I was kidnapped…

Or maybe I am the daughter of a noble family, my parents died in an accident, then my aunt took over the house and kicked me out because she was scared that I would claim back my inheritance rights if I stayed or she just didn't like me, so I'm asking for a place to live while I sue them, bring them to court and solve this matter with the help of my cousin aka close friend who is a skilled and influential lawyer, and I will greatly compensate the police in exchange when I have gained back the land that is rightfully mine ?

Wow, I have a lot of imagination.

As expected of me.

« M-Mister officer… »

Hey, at least I didn't add "A" at the end.

Now, let's check my behavior.

According to the backstories I have just created something awful has happened to me, but let's just assume that I'm lost.

If I was lost, I'm supposed to be scared, being on the verge of crying (supposedly tears of relief) while seeing a ray of hope aka Mr. Officer A is reasonable, I'm also worried which explains the worried expression and someone who's crying will definitely have a trembling voice.

Changing my monotone-sounding voice is actually the hardest part to do but, hey, I have the clown's Beyonder abilities~.

To conclude, my behavior right now is not overreacting and the officer won't freak out.

Nice.

Wait, no, someone who sees a girl suddenly start crying in front of them WILL freak out.

But that's just a detail, let's not think about it.

Actually, if he really freaks out then he won't be able to think clearly and it'll be advantageous for me.

I also chose a cute face to make my puppy eyes have 300 % (random number) more effect on people.

« I-I was so worried. I-I suddenly woke up inside of a dark alley and my head hurt and I didn't remember anything so I don't know where I live, and, and… »

Meanwhile, my thoughts : Now that I think of it, I'm wearing correct clothes so he won't take me for someone poor. Thankfully I sat on the floor earlier so my clothes are dirty and my words are still plausible.

I talked without taking any time to breathe until Mr. Officer A cut me off.

« Okay, okay. Calm down. Breathe in, breathe out. Can you explain in more detail ? »

Then I began my story which contained obvious clues that I had been kidnapped and hit on the head beforehand. But hey, I am a weak, stupid, naive, cute and pitiful girl, not some manipulative person who tried to have fun because she had nothing better to do (not at all), so I am not supposed to know that.

A story which was of course made up on the spot and strangely logical coming from me, but if we take into account that I am a master at bullshiting then it isn't that surprising.

« Fine, we will take you to the police station for the time being. You can stay there until we find your family. If you suddenly disappeared, they should soon report that you are missing, right ?

(Or obviously kidnapped.) Maybe they have already done it. »

So I'll get to experience a prison cell. Nice.

« Thank you. » *said tearfully*

Don't count on me to tremble, okay ? Seriously, I should really get an award for my wonderfully flawless acting.

If I had drunk the Faceless potion, acting to digest it would sure have been enjoyable.

As for whether emotionally manipulating a policeman for my own enjoyment is morally wrong ? I don't care.

Hey, it's for their own good (says the stepmother before while chores to Cinderella), I am teaching the police that there are scammers who will abuse their kindness out there.

The only thing missing is that I should let out one or many prisoners while I am in my cell before suddenly disappearing which would make them understand that I am the culprit.

Hmm… Good idea.

After all, I am the person who made their classmate break his colored pencils himself.

Yes, he did it by himself and yes, it was fun.

That classmate just disliked me so much that he broke his colored pencils each time I spoke to him (with an obviously annoyed face).

So, I tried to talk to him on every occasion I had.

And each time, he would look at me and say that it was my fault.

Like, man, I clearly saw you break that colored pencil with your own hands but sure, it's my fault. I talked to you on purpose after all. Then I would answer him and he would continue breaking his pencils just because I'm talking.

I just hope that he bought these colored pencils with his pocket money, or else he will have to explain to these parents because he was to annoyed because his classmate was talking.

Haha. It was refreshing. That guy was mean anyway. (But for other reasons.)

Like, can you believe it ? This guy went out of his way to modify a song and add my name to it just to say that I was not wanted there, then sang it with his friends right next to me to laugh at my face, do you like me or something ?

Of course, that is unforgivable. How dare he ruin that song for life ?

That is more brain-damaging than being pushed by the same person everyday at the canteen while holding a tray full of food in my hands. Person who has a reason to dislike me and is obviously doing on purpose.

Of course, I didn't report her because I found that behavior fun, it was the first time someone tried to physically harass me instead of giving me a mental scar that I would remember for life so of course I found it funny, but it was still annoying because there was the risk to let the tray fall from my hands while I was being pushed. I also felt the strength put into the push grow every day but, thankfully, the person gave up before I could actually make my tray fall one day. All is well that ends well.

All in all, I learnt that holding hands with someone is socially frowned upon no matter the circumstances, but I still did it afterwards.

I mean, I'm too slow to catch up with the train that will leave soon without being pulled by someone, okay ?

Same someone who I had also held hands with to (be pulled) run faster (it was his idea) before which ruined an entire year of school because he had a girlfriend who misunderstood things, who was also one of the people I was the closest to at the time and who began to dislike me (along with her friends aka the rest of the people who were close to me at the time) from that day on.

I mean, it wasn't really ruined, it's just my non-existing reputation who went through the window.

Which means that I got a reputation that day but for a bad thing.

Don't worry, it was the time where I still had the willpower (motivation to harass people) to stick to others like glue because I wanted to-, no, WAS their friend (and since it made them even more annoying, it made me even more motivated to stick to them).

Conclusion : I was suddenly alone when I stopped being such an annoying person when I entered an high school where no one knew me, I don't understand.

Maybe people are masochists ?

Or maybe I have a lot of more realistic answers but I realized instead that sleeping at the police station makes me uselessly think about unrelated things instead of actually sleeping ?

You know what, let's make it seem like I'm wandering around only to free prisoners and make it seem like my reason for being here ?

*Psychological invisibility*

I went out and broke some doors (the prisoners' doors, obviously).

It's not like some high sequence Beyonder was brought to the police station by the law of aggregation of Beyonder characteristics and will sense that I'm special.

Then, I went towards the exit while lowering me head to not be recognized

Of course, I accidentally bumped into someone on the way.

Oh, a saint of the Seer Pathway~. Do I have future-seeing skills or something ?

No, I'm serious. I bumped into a Scholar of Yore in a police station. At this rate, the law of aggregation of Beyonder characteristics (of adjacent pathways) will put an end to prank-kun.

(Law of aggregation of Beyonder characteristics : *shoots*

Prank-kun : *drops dead*

Author : Did you really hire extras just to do this meme ?

Mr. Fool, sipping tea : Yes.

Author : Why are you always sipping tea ??

Mr. Fool : It's to be into character. I have a cup of tea ready for each time you speak to me.

Author : …

Mr. Fool : *sips tea*)

He is also wearing the uniform of the police…

« Sorry. »

I apologized then made my way towards the exit.

« Wait. »

Mr. Officer B aka potential spy of the Secret Order so the man who will be my subordinate in the future sensed something because of his spiritual intuition and stopped me.

I turned back.

« Who are you ? » He asked in a deep voice.

Who would have thought that emotionally manipulating a police officer and freeing some prisoners would come with consequences ?

Okay, let's bluff.

I raised my head slowly and made a mysterious smile.

« I am the omniscient and omnipotent god- »

At that moment, I received an oracle from Mr. Fool.

« Wait, what are you doing ? »

With telepathy, I mouthed :

"Why ?"

Sorry, your omniscient and omnipotent god can't use telepathy.

Mr. Fool answered :

« Who are you pretending to be ? I need to know that to be able to give you the corresponding knowledge. »

And that's why I should really write down everything I need to know in a notebook.

I mouthed :

"God."

Isn't that obvious ?

« But you have the power of The Lord of Mysteries. »

That's just a detail.

Why can't the Lord of Mysteries be his worst enemy's subordinate, huh ?

Why can't I mess up the pillars' hierarchy just to make a joke ?

« …'s subordinate, the Lord of Mysteries' secret puppet Himself. »

Wait, it should be "Herself" here.

Right, me and Master are married. (Random bullshit)

"Now all's fine, are you happy ?"

Mr. Fool didn't answer.

Mr. Fool : *deadpans*

(Author : …I should have named this story "prank adventure".

Xin Jian : Xin Jian's prank adventure in LOTM.

Author : Let's put it in the resume.)

Of course, I mouthed things at an angle where Mr. Scholar of Yore couldn't see it.

« Who is the Lord of Mysteries ? »

Right, you're only Sequence 3 right now. If you knew, you'd be dead.

So I was not trying to make him lose control by saying this earlier, not at all~.

« He's the corresponding great old one, above the Sequence 0 true god for the Apprentice, Seer and Thief Pathway. »

He didn't lose control.

It seems like I underestimated him, he's a Sequence 2 angel.

But don't worry, I am just the Lord of Mysteries' secret puppet, I am only Sequence 1.

« Now, since you know of my existence, let's kill you. »

Oops, did I say that out loud ?

Hey, don't be so serious, it was just a joke.

Maybe.

I don't think the police station is the best place to have this type of conversation.

What should I do now ?

Hmm…

…Violence is always the answer.

Let's control each other's spiritual lines like all civilized people do.

That's how I gained a new friend (secret puppet) !

While my secret puppet was in charge of the non-serious things in Backlund (even if it was originally supposed to be the contrary), my ontology was preparing to meet Miss Messenger.

Whatever, why would we need serious things in life ? Let's just do only non-serious things !

Non-serious serious which involve starting a war and creating a pyramid scheme-, I mean, a cult (aka the Tarot Club).

My only problem right now is that I forgot why I wanted to see Miss Messenger.

Like, I remembered to write all the information on Her to manipulate Her into doing what I want, but I forgot to write what I wanted Her to do.

Nice.

No, that can't be to enter the Tarot Club since there aren't enough seats left.

Hmm…

Ah, I know. I am currently trying to make a war start so that should have been to ask Her for help.

Right, now let's write it down…

After I wrote the reason why I wanted to see Miss Messenger somewhere, I went down to the real world and recited Her honorific name, which was actually created only a few minutes ago (the time to remember why I wanted to see Her) by Klein.

Which also makes the act of writing why I wanted to see Her totally useless.

But it's too late to think about this now anyway.

« The spirit that wanders about the unfounded, the friendly creature that can be subordinated, the messenger that belongs to Gehrman Sparrow. »

But if She created a mysticism link with Klein, since Mr. Fool is the same person, should she also be Mr. Fool's messenger ?

While my thoughts were beginning to drift in a random direction, Miss Messenger wearing a complex, gorgeous, dark, and gloomy black dress, headless and with Her drooping hands hold four identical blonde heads with red eyes, appeared.

Here is the amazing, magnificent, etc, Miss Messenger ! …I mean, Reinette Tinekerr !

At this point I swear She won't even have a name…

She looked at me, surely waiting for the gold coin and the letter that wouldn't come, while I took out my new notebook instead.

Time to put on a show.

« Reinette Tinekerr, daughter of the Highlands ruler in an early part of the Fifth Epoch, you helped your father establish the Highlands Kingdom. Later, you became a Blessed of the Chained God and a Sequence 2 : Ancient Bane Angel of the Chained Pathway. You were one of the leaders of Rose School of Thought advocating temperance, fighting against madness with self-restraint.

922 years ago, because of the birth of Chained God's son, Suah, and the interference of the Mother Tree of Desire, the Rose School of Thought broke out an internal war. When you sheltered members of the Temperance faction and fled, you were attacked by High-Sequence Beyonders. But you were prepared in advance and resurrected in a special state in the Spirit World. Your greatest desire right now is to recover your body that was split into pieces. Parts of your body were held by high ranking members of the Rose School of Thought. »

And I am only saying this to show Her that I know a lot of things about Her, maybe make Her confused about how could I know so much which would affect Her judgement, or uselessly raise Her vigilance against me but I am a Sequence 1 Uniqueness anyway so I should be good in self-defense.

…It looks like it's the latter.

But my favorite part in Her information was actually Her nicknames :

"Sharon who doesn't like nicknames" ;

"Mushroom King" or "The Real Mutated King of Mushrooms" ;

"Mushroom King's Superior" ;

"Undying Idiot" or "King of Idiots" ;

"That Particular Brainless Servant Of Yours" (Danitz is always respected.) and "The Vessel Of Dirtiness Darkness".

Look, even Trissy has (will have) a nickname !

I want one too !

I continued.

« The Evernight Church is currently raiding the members of the Rose School of Thought Indulgence faction, we could offer you cooperation in retrieving your lost body parts. In exchange, we just need your help with another thing. »

Do you want to join the Tarot Club ?

Okay I'm joking.

But I really managed to make a logical-sounding speech in the end. This isn't even asking for a favor at this point, this is making a deal.

I even managed to convince myself. Nice.

In conclusion : I've just used what She wanted the most to negotiate right after telling Her that I knew what She wanted the most, but this is still manipulation.

Another conclusion : my previous conclusion was actually related to what I was thinking before, this time !

…Or was it ?

Reinette's four heads spoke up one after the other.

« What » « kind » « of » « help ? »

I then explained my plan to Miss Messenger about the bloodless war and made a deal.

After all, fake Xin Jian will have to go to the Church to actually talk about this matter, because they have obviously never agreed to any of this.

Saying that it is the goddess's will should be enough.

(Amanises : …)

—————— I am the dividing line~

Since I (my ontology) had decided to travel around the world with the hope that fate (aka the law of aggregation of Beyonder characteristics) would let me find the kingdom of the night, well, I did just that.

I'm a traveler too now !

At that moment, I was on a random board with other passengers (and I had not paid to get on it).

Wow, I don't really have good memories of boats when the first time I took a boat with Klein, a random guy appeared and declared that he had lost his Beyonder abilities, in the end I fainted and couldn't even experience dying, and last time Edwina refused my offer to join the Tarot Club.

Now, let's do the smartest thing I know.

I will raise a flag by hoping that nothing will happen here.

Of course, that won't be fun if nothing actually happens in the end but jinxing is the only I can do.

Except if I suddenly cause a big incident because I was bored…

I shook my head.

Behind me, I heard a voice.

« Hello, princess. »

My spiritual intention said that that person was talking to me.

Hell, no !

I'd rather be an angel than being a princess, a princess is only a political tool that is sold off with a political marriage.

(Mr. Fool : But you ARE an angel.

Xin Jian : Nope. I am the Lord of Mysteries~.)

Princesses are so useless that tales were made to justify that, if they aren't doing anything and just waiting like beautiful (?) dolls, it's because a Prince Charming will come and save them. As if.

I am NOT a princess. The audacity.

Like, man, there must be a problem with your head.

The stranger who is actually a High Sequence Beyonder of the Spectator Pathway and can read my thoughts : …

While I was doing my drama queen, I turned around and saw that the person who called me was an old man with a familiar face with a polite smile on his face.

Who is this…

« Yes ? » I asked.

I reached out his hand and introduced himself.

(Why ??)

« Hello, my name is Hermes. Nice to meet you. »

Ah, that old fossil living since the Second Epoch ?

The old fossil in question, who could still read my thoughts : … *polite smile*

While thinking about rude things, I imitated Him and also smiled politely.

(Mr. Fool : The audacity.)