122 THE 21ST ACCOUNT: MY GOAL! MY LIFE'S DESIRE 3

I knocked out a man to steal his horse and I drove as fast as I could. Jeu's comment continued to ring in my ears. Do I? Do I long for a home?

"HA!" I commanded the horse to run faster. I needed the wind to force my tears back as I remembered the happy family I once had. The family that I lost because of Lady Editha! 

There's a war within me. For four years, I struggled with that war within me! I want justice for my loss. I want ALL of them to perish. That IS my goal! That IS my heart's desire. I want to punish the Beckforth lords who caused me pain. The Francuans who killed the last family I had but most especially I want Lady Editha to feel the same loss that I am feeling.

Still, the reason I could not find her… the reason that I wouldn't … the reason I procrastinated was that in my heart I knew… I knew… Lady Editha was a kind person. I shook my head and clenched my fist as my few moments with her replayed in my reminiscence.