Longing

I slid down my room door, bringing my knees up to my chest. Stayed there for what felt like hours. My heart was throbbing in my ears, loud and irregular, but I barely heard it, for my mind was not there but in the woods.

I was not frightened nor was I afraid. What I felt was beyond such mere nouns.

I stood up, steadied my breath, and tried to calm the panic.

As I lied on my bed, my thoughts washed away and I fell asleep the moment I closed my eyes. I hadn't slept so sound in a while it was as if I was running away from reality.

Slowly and reluctantly, I uncovered my face as streaks of sunlight penetrated the window and spread across the room. Sight still in the clutches of the night's glue, I hesitantly rubbed the dreams away. Thoughts of the visions in sleep came and went in waves, clinging on to the very last memory of the night.

"I am not going to think about it anymore. I need to erase last night from my memory." I hushed away my thoughts.

I freshened up and went down to have breakfast with dad.

"Claire, you don't look so good today. Is everything okay?" Dad asked, watching me barely eat.

"No, it's nothing." I tried to smile.

"Well, I have good news for you. You can go back to school now."

"Really?"

"Yes, but be aware of our surroundings when you go back and don't trust anyone easily."

"Sure, Dad. I'll go, tell Emily. She would be happy to hear this." I picked up my phone and went back to my room.

"Emily, I'll be coming to school tomorrow," I called Emily and informed her.

"That's great, have you told Ed?"

"No, you tell him."

"Alright, I'll see you at school tomorrow."

"Sure, bye." I hung up.

"Should I really go tomorrow? What will I do if I see Shaun? How will I face him?" The questions arose in my mind.

"Claire, you can't avoid encountering him forever. Avoid him at first and if he bothers you tackle it head. There's nothing to be afraid of. He is the same Shaun, he would never hurt you. You just need to stay away from him." I briefed myself.

I went to school the next day and since what everyone knew was that I'm taking the days off school because of my health, they welcomed me warmly inquiring about my well being after the incident.

I was pleased to meet Emily and Ed but there was one person my eyes kept searching for.

After not seeing him all day long, I asked Emily about him.

"Shaun? He hasn't come to school after your incident neither Patricia. I heard that they won't be coming anymore, they left the school."

"Left the school?" I was left astounded hearing it.

I couldn't sleep that night, my heart was unsettled because of Shaun leaving the school all of a sudden.

"Did he do it because of me?" I kept blaming myself.

"Where would he be now? What would he be doing?" The thoughts of him messed up my mind.

For the next few days, with every spare moment, my mind would rehearse a new letter to him. My eyes kept searching for his face, my hands for his touch. Hearing his name made my heart beat faster.

I tried keeping myself busy but the gap he left behind couldn't be filled by another, by work or distractions.

With each passing day, it was getting difficult, sitting beside his empty seat or walking down the stairs he always saved me from falling on, everything was a torment I was unprepared for.

Even the moon didn't seem as bright. Parts of me wonder if it will ever be the same, without him here calling my name.

Staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I told myself. "I look okay, normal even." I pulled my lips into a smile. "I can smile too. What I wanted has happened, he left. I have nothing to fear now. He has left and he won't be back again." As I uttered the words the ache for him gnawed at my heart. I let out a frightened sob when I realized that I can't do it anymore. I can't go around finding him nowhere in my sight.

"I need to find him and bring him back." I made up my mind.

That day, all I did was to read all the books on werewolves I could get my hands on and go around the school asking about Shaun and Patricia's whereabouts. Shaun's phone was turned off and so was Patricia's so I sneaked in the administration department to find any kind of information on Shaun and his parents. When I finally found Shaun's address, I borrowed Ed's car and without much thinking went straight to the place.

It was half an hour's drive from the school near the outskirts of the city. When my car's GPS indicated that I was there, I got out of the car and found myself standing in a pasture area outside of the forest. I looked around and saw a cabin near the woods. I ran to it. I knocked on the doors and the windows, I called out Shaun but there was no one in there to respond to my cries.

I stood there, staring at the empty house, amid the endless winds that screamed, I made no move. My face wet with tears. My chest ached as I thought I have lost him forever.