Therapy

AUTHOR'S NOTES;

TRIGGER WARNING FOR SOME UNEXPLICIT TALK ABOUT SEXUAL ASSAULT, TRAUMA REVOLVING IT, AND SOME SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. I don't think it's too terrible, but just be mentally prepared.

Also, y'all, it's been like 3 months 😭 I'm sorry!

But! In my defense, I took a little vacation for almost a month and the newest installment of this series took way longer to write and post because it's very technical! Like, it took me a month and a half to do the first 2 chapters of A Survivor's Will! But I think it will be easier now that I have a good start on how I want to handle the mechanics of it. And now there are 8 parts to this series and I wrote over 45k since you guys last saw me!

Still… I am sorry 💙 you guys are my dear readers so I feel bad for the wait.

Anyway! I officially posted my walking dead gamer fic, so check that out if you're interested. I know gamer fics aren't for everyone, but it's not a traditional one, so you might enjoy it anyway.

Y'all know how this series works by now, but if you're new, hi! Welcome! Each part of this series can be read independently or in order as part of a soul's journey through the cycle of reincarnation.

Side note, I'm starting school again, so expect a slow down in updates again. So sorry.

As always, thank you guys for showing your love for my work. I hope yall enjoy!

Discord!

https://discord.gg/XhqUDAnbsH

XXXXXXXXXX

The tomb vampires, Tombers for short, settle in quite well, actually. The Salvatore's gave them a modern day crash course and helped them find work and forge documents. Most decided to stay in town, and several even joined my cafe as staff, such as Pearl and Anna who were quickly wrapped around Thea and Nico's sticky fingers. 

Meanwhile, Alaric and Jenna had a lil' somethin' somethin' going on, and both were developing a weird kinda friendship with Damon as they all worked to find info about Elena's birth mom before trying to figure out who her biological father is. Somehow, they're little camaraderie is like watching a cat walk on two legs: cute but a little disturbing.

Lexi laughs, hugging me so tight she lifts me off the floor. I peak up at her, pouting and she coos, squishing my cheeks together. "I'll be back."

Lexi and her boyfriend Lee were leaving town for a bit, off to do whatever it is they usually did when not hanging out with Stefan, but I strongly believe they'd be back soon, or at least, Lexi since I don't actually know Lee. I got the feeling that they'd be moving to town once they tied up all the loose ends, though. Still, it is sad to see Lexi go. Having another woman around had been nice. As much as I love Jenna, she is already swamped with the Gilbert kids and grad school, and she can't just sit at my counter and hang out all day like Lexi.

I grumble, burying my face in the taller girl's shoulder. "But how will I suffer the presence of these miscreants without you?"

Her bright laughter makes me happy and I squeeze her until Stefan pries me off, much to my displeasure. Lexi leaves, and yet, the cafe is fuller than ever. Pearl, frosting some cakes, smirks at me. "Are you collecting vampires for an army or something, my lady?"

I snort. "Not intentionally, but I imagine it's easier for you vampires to be around those in the know just as it's easier for me. You can rest assured though, I have no plan of forcing you to fight for me. And gods, can you not just call me by name?"

Pearl smirks. "One does not call a being such as yourself so carelessly."

I give her a flat look. "I've not done anything so awe inspiring as to earn such a level of deference." The resulting silence of all the vampires around me turning to stare with sheer incredulity has me frowning. "What?"

I really hadn't done anything in front of them. I mean, I don't think I had. They don't even know most of my magic is sealed, so what the hell is this reaction? Stefan sighs, "Nyx, you have no idea what you look and feel like when your eyes go all glowy and your hair starts floating, huh?" I blink, confused. "You can kill with a snap of your fingers, something that few witches have the power to do, and that's intimidating enough, but…"

"But, there is more to it," Damon picks up where his brother trails off, shifting to press his hip to mine, blue eyes uncharacteristically sincere. "You just feel like something far beyond a witch. It's like- Nyx, it's like you're utterly untouchable, some goddess that's judging the contents of our very souls."

I give him a skeptical look, something uncomfortable curling in my gut at those particular words. Maybe they were sensing even my sealed magic or the gods' blessings on me. Sure, I'm powerful, but it is still an odd level of reverence to show me when they were entirely ignorant of my full powers and status as a champion of the gods. More so, it could end up being extremely problematic to draw so much attention while my magic is sealed.

"Eh, you guys are thinking too hard. Nyx is Nyx. Who cares if she's a human, a witch or the grim reaper himself. If you've survived this long, she probably won't kill you later, but if she did decide to off you, no point worrying about it because there isn't shit you could do to stop her," Jeremy suddenly butts in snickering. "So, stop shitting yourselves."

"Oi, you little brat," Damon snarks. "No one said we were scared of her! Just that she was a badass, stop putting words into our mouths!"

My shoulders relax as Damon drags Jeremy into a headlock, setting off a round of eye rolls and amused laughter, and I let the relief wash over me.

I was admittedly a bit worried for a moment there, but it seems no one is really considering the implications of my existence. For now, that's a good thing.

Caroline chooses this moment to barge in, eyes blazing, and it only takes the first sentence out of her mouth to explain the sudden unexplained dread filling me. "Founder's Day is coming up and Nyx, you will be joining the festivities! You're not slithering out of it like the last few years, especially because this year is an important anniversary and bigger than ever!"

I blanch, but Ro pays me, nor any of my watching supernatural regulars, any heed, grabbing my arm and tossing me into one of my own bean bags. 

The audacity of this human girl, still ignorant that she's surrounded by the supernatural. I shoot the others a pointed look as if to say, 'See? I don't look so impressive now after being manhandled by a real life Barbie.'

Ro huffs, crossing her arms as the others stare in shocked astonishment as she jabs a finger at my face. "You are required to attend the kickoff party and then the ball. I'll lend you a dress if I must."

I snort at my young friend and Damon outright cackles. "I mean this with all due respect, Caroline, but there is no way in hell Nyx is fitting into one of your dresses."

It was a fair point considering I am significantly shorter and curvier than the blonde teen, not at all model thin or perfect like Caroline, especially not with all the weight I am proudly putting on from being surrounded by sweets all day. it's something I'm happily embracing since I'd been underfed by my bitch guardians this entire lifetime, so I'm not the least bit bothered that Damon rightfully pointed out that Caroline and I have very different body types. Ro herself nods, grinning slightly. "Yeah, I don't have those…. assets."

Damon laughs louder, Anna joining him as Ro makes a groping motion in front of her own chest, eyeing me with a lascivious smirk. Stefan spit takes his coffee while Enzo trips on a table leg, stuttering and scandalized. Surprisingly, even Pearl, despite her age and newness to modern promiscuity, seems rather amused herself. Damon finally gets his shit together, draping himself across me in the beanbag as Remy passes by with a table's order, the young teen merely stepping over the vampire's long legs without a glance, used to the chaos of the cafe by now and utterly unfazed. Damon smirks up at me. "Don't worry, our lovely Lady Nyx will be properly outfitted as befits one of her status, of that, have no fear, Caroline."

Caroline beams, nodding firmly, and I silently remind myself to never let slip to Damon my royal status in previous lives. The fucker would never let me live it down. 

I sigh, deciding to try protesting even when I think it won't make a difference. "Do I get a say in thi-"

"No," they reply in sync. I narrow my eyes, ready to crush their schemes just to be contrary now, but then I notice that this is the most cheerful Damon's been since he found out Katherine left him behind.

"… I hate you both."

XXXXXXXXXX

I wolf whistle, sipping my third glass of wine with false cheerfulness as people begin to bid on dates with Damon, Alaric, Zach, and Enzo, all of them somehow getting roped into the bachelor fundraiser event. The whole idea of auctioning people off reminded me of much darker worlds and eras, and even of the actions of this life's egg donor, and it honestly sickened me quite a bit. Even though I logically know this is all voluntary, my unease continues to grow, the memories making the wine on my tongue taste like blood and ash.

The small town of Mystic Falls had, like every year before Founder's Day, lost their damn minds, but to my bewilderment, somehow, due to the anniversary, things were even more intense this year than usual, the events spanning an entire month rather than the normal week.. Everyone from the children to the elderly and the stoners to politicians are participating.

Even my Midnight Traveler is participating, selling themed desserts from the time of the Founding, because, frankly, it is a damn good chance to make money. Besides this event, I'd actually been having plenty of fun. I give a strained smile to my friends scattered around a few tables and get to my feet. "Alright, I'm tipsy and heading home."

"Aw, Nyxy, noooo," Damon whines, wrapping his arms around my waist and clinging, holding me in place. "Don't leave! We're having so much fun!"

I laugh, patting his head and lying through my teeth. "Nope. I got work."

Stefan snorts. "I'll take her home. I'm meeting Elena soon.You guys have fun."

I nod my thanks and take Stefan's arm in relief, letting him guide me through the maze of tables and then out to his car. He gently presses my head down as he ushers me in, careful to keep me from smacking it on the door frame in my blind and skightly intoxicated state. "Thanks."

Stefan smiles, but his aura is troubled, hesitation dripping off him, making me frown. "Stef? What is it?"

Stefan gives in. "You were uneasy earlier. Your hands were even shaking."

Were they? I hadn't noticed.

I peer out the window with blurry eyes, cold air ruffling my hair. Once more, I find myself unwilling to lie to my friends. "Just… just some bad memories, sweetheart. I'm okay."

"…I don't know if I should be asking while you're drunk."

I snort. "I'm not that drunk. It's okay. Ask."

He's silent for several long moments before he reaches out and gently takes my hand with ample time for me to pull away if I so wish and it warms my heart. "Can you tell me what triggered you?"

I hum, shutting my eyes. "I know it isn't the same, but selling people…"

Stefan's hand twitches, his voice going soft and neutral. "Did someone… hurt you like that?"

I smile ruefully, eyes still shut. "People can be very cruel."

He's silent for a long time, but as we pull into the cafe lot, he speaks again, his roiling angergreifhorrorpwin thunderous even in his silence as he grapples with the information. "I'm sorry I didn't notice. No, actually, I did notice. It was practically spelled out that night we forced Damon to turn his emotions back on and I didn't know how to ask. There were many signs that you were hurting and I ignored them all. I'm a terrible friend."

I sigh, opening the car door only to find the vampire suddenly helping me out of my seat in a move faster than a blink of the eye. "Stefan, no. You have been nothing but an incredible friend-"

"You talked to Damon about it, right? One day you guys were suddenly so close…" Stefan interrupts darkly, his aura filled with self loathing as he takes both of my hands tightly in his, not an ounce of jealousy despite the way his words sound, just guilt. "He sucks with emotions and yet, you trusted him more than me, and rightfully so."

I giggle, swaying and he steadies me. "Yeah, he kinda does, but I didn't tell him. He just walked in on some shit and things got messy. Pure chance. And honestly, I would never have voluntarily told him at the time since I could barely tolerate him back then. But, you? You, I would have trusted with the knowledge, then and now."

He guides me inside my cafe and to my makeshift living room, sitting next to me, hands still cradling mine. "Do you- Is this something you want to share with me? Can I ask?"

I smile, reaching up to pat one of his cheeks briefly, feeling unbearably fond. "You can ask. I might not answer, but you can ask."

He breathes out sharply, steeling himself, but he seems to balk at the last moment and asks yet another indirect question. "Why were you so upset?"

I hum, removing my hands from him and glancing away, not wanting to touch or look at him while I explain despite how much I trusted and adored my friend. "I'm very old. Not physically, but I've reincarnated many times, retaining those memories from past lives, good and bad. So I remember… I remember being degraded to an object for some sick sadistic bastard's pleasure. I remember being used and tortured and sold. I've experienced nearly every horror that humanity has to offer, and truly, there are a few things in this world worse than having your autonomy stripped from you, your ability to consent and choose. After all, to bind someone's free will… it is a way to tear at their very humanity."

It's a woefully inadequate explanation, but how could I even begin to express the rage and hopelessness and disgust and humiliation and fear that comes with such an experience? The way it made me, sometimes even now, want to kill myself just so I could abandon my own tainted skin and return to the embrace of my gods and loved ones. There is no way to describe the overwhelming self hatred I felt over my own weakness and being forced to do the things I did in order to continue my mission.

While I had been through things like this before, this life had, by far, been the worst. Even now, with enough of my power and memories to understand I could rip my abusers to shreds, I still found myself bound by extenuating circumstances, unable to seek neither my justice nor revenge. Unfortunately, not every one of my problems could be solved by blowing them up, so here I am, still biding my time and comforting myself with whispers of soon.

It didn't stop the pain and fear, though.

Stefan is grinding his teeth so loud that I can hear it in the silence of the room as his aura trembles violently in upset, spiking dangerously, and there is a strange kind of darkness beginning to creep into his aura, one that has me fighting internally against the alcoholic buzz in my veins and going on guard. "Someone…"

"Raped me? Yeah," I finish for him, knowing he doesn't know how to say it. Focusing on him, I note with concern how badly he's taking the information.

His breath comes out ragged with fury, but his voice remains gentle to my complete lack of surprise. Stephen is, after all, one of the most genuinely golden hearted people I know in this world. "Are they dead? Do you want me to kill them?'

I snort a surprised laugh at the wild juxtaposition of my previous thoughts and his words. "Damn, the fraternal resemblance has suddenly become clear. Damon offered the same thing."

"Nyx."

I smile, reaching out and curling my arm around his neck, tugging him to lean against my side, hoping to smooth him a bit. "You don't need to get your hands dirty like that, Stef, not for me. I know how much you hate killing."

"You think too highly of me. I hate killing innocents and I hate losing control, but I don't really have a problem with it in general. I'm not a pacifist," he says, and I can feel the truth in that, taking in his rising anger, soft warning bells in my head ringing as the darkness, a feeling like impending threat, spreads and overtakes his tumultuous emotions, alarming me further. "They'd just be some pathetic excuse for people anyway."

There is a sudden spike of what I can only describe as killing intent from my friend before there is a brief moment of terrified panic from him. I turn to him sharply, but it's already too late, and like the ripple of a still pond, Stefan's image changes. The building storm of emotions vanishes. The tenseness eases from his posture. Now, he's casually leaning back into the cushions, almost lazily, perfectly calm despite his aura not ten seconds ago. The darkness, violent and hungry, has consumed the usual feeling of his aura and it has me carefully pulling away to look him in his eyes, never having felt such a thing from Stefan.

It was like staring at a stranger.

"What's a little bloodshed for you, my dear?" Stefan purrs, a distinct change in his tone, one that has wariness lancing through me.

The darkness swallows him whole even as he smiles. 

Initially, I'd been slightly mistaken in my understanding of what 'flipping the switch' really meant to vampires. It's referred to as turning off one's humanity, and their emotions, but it was more accurate to say that it was the ability to empathize that was turned off, so to speak. Most other emotions didn't actually go anywhere, but the vampire could emotionally isolate themselves. Feeling guilt or heart ache or even fear for those around them, we're all emotions made through connecting with others, but even if a vampire didn't feel connected to others, that didn't mean they couldn't still feel lust or rage, depending on the situation. Empathy is one of, if not the primary thing, that made us human in the first place, hence why it was called turning one's humanity off.

I peer at my friend, feeling the simmering bloodlust pooling around him, all coming from the darkness

Is this darkness… the ripper? I furrow my brows in thought. Had Stefan felt himself slipping and flipped the switch in an effort to hold the emotions triggering his ripper side back? If that had been his intention, it clearly hadn't worked because now he seemed to be both humanity-less and a ripper, which might actually be the worst case scenario.

Carefully, I reach over and cradle his hand between my palms. "Stefan?"

"What?" His smile is all wrong.

"Stefan, I'm okay. So please come back."

Stefan smiles wider. "You say that like I'm not Stefan right now."

I hum. "You are. You have a slightly fractured personality, but it's not like you're different, I suppose. Are you hungry, Stefan?"

"No," he says, smile fading. "I'm not going to hurt you, Nyx."

I pause. I didn't think he intentionally would, but the only thing that kept his addiction at bay in the first place was his empathy. "You're getting dangerously close to going ripper, though. And turning your humanity off is only going to make it worse."

He blinks big green eyes at me. "Because your pain hurts me. I really, really want to rip those sons of bitches apart."

"Huh. Didn't know anger could cause this reaction from you," I mutter, wincing. I begin to move away, standing and turning to grab him a blood bag only to find him suddenly chest to chest with me.

"Nyx, I will never hurt you," he reiterates, dropping his head to look me in the eye as his own turn dark, veins appearing beneath them.

I'm a little drunk, my magic unstable. I'm not sure I could actually react quick enough to stop him. He feels sincere, but I shouldn't rely on that. Should I just snap his neck and call for reinforcements? I consider the thought, but it doesn't sit well with me. I want to trust him just a little more.

"I know, Stefan."

"Don't run away from me. Please." He sounds sad even with his switch flipped off.

I smile. "I'm not."

I brush past him, skin tingling from the heat of his body and the danger still subtly coming off him, and head to the mini fridge I kept stocked for the vamps, feeling him shadow my steps, breath hot on my neck the whole way. He lurks so closely that I brush against him as I move, even as he remains deadly silent. I bend, grabbing a bag before standing, suddenly finding my back pressed to his chest and his face in my neck. "Stefan?"

"I'm not hungry. You just smell nice."

I push him away gently and he goes without protest. "Uh huh. Thanks."

"I'm serious. Like vanilla and cinnamon."

"Sure, I am a baker after all," I say dubiously. "Drink."

He does, and it's not even messy. Turns out all that rehab really had worked and the hunger I am feeling from him really is just a hunger for violence. Does that mean the ripper isn't actually his thirst alone? Is it actually a fracture in his personality created from suppressing his violent urges?

"Can I kill them all?" He asks almost sweetly.

"You don't like killing," I remind him, allowing him to plop his head into my lap, next to my vulnerable belly and ignoring the threat he's unintentionally imposing on me. 

Still, drunk me is making dumb decisions tonight.

"I'd like killing these people, though," he says, making me snicker. "And besides, you're one of mine."

For a second, I wonder if Stefan, since he isn't trying to eat me, is actually hitting on me. If the way he's pressing against me and hovering and smiling are all a result of his normal morality being distorted with his humanity off. But that doesn't seem right to me. The impression I am getting is just a general blood lust and… possessiveness? Protectiveness?

Reasonably, the emotions were not safe ones, especially not in his current state, but I still couldn't feel any of the danger he is emanating actually aimed at me. He said I am one of his… are vampires possessive creatures? Does he see me as one of his people?

My instincts tell me that the line of reasoning is more sound then my previous ones.

For a while, we just talk. He asks me questions and I answer honestly, telling him a bit more about my past lives, my gods, and even a bit about this live's childhood. I figure I might as well take advantage of the situation and tell him more now while he doesn't have to feel upset over my trauma. Still, I'm very careful not to confirm if my abusers are still alive, or details he can track.

Surprisingly, even with a bit of guilt over Stefan flipping the switch just to cope, I also feel a bit better after having talked a while, getting things off my chest without having to worry about anyone else's emotions or reaction while I'm sharing painful things. I know the info will sadden him later, but for once, I don't have to curb my words or sugar coat things too much in fear of hurting my friend with the truth. An aspect of trauma no one really talks about is how it doesn't only hurt the individual, but everyone who cares for them, and how their reactions can make it so much harder for that person to work through the things they've experienced, let alone share them.

In the end, I find myself refreshed, oddly enough.

"Stef," I say softly, petting his fluffy hair. "It's time to flip the switch back on. You know how bad it is for you to stay like this."

Stefan huffs. "But this is easier."

I nod sadly. "I know. But I only want what's best for you, you know that, right? Flip it back on for me? Please?"

With some more cajoling, he eventually gives in, likely only because I, the reason he flipped it off in the first place, was asking. With it, the darkness of the ripper also seems to recede.

I pull him tight, rocking us both as he begins to tear up, overwhelmed. "Please don't cry, Stefan, I hate when you're hurting."

He chokes out a watery laugh. "Idiot. I'm crying for the sane reason."

I make a face at him, making him laugh between sobs. It is my new theory that Stefan had been deeply traumatized by the violence of his early human and vampiric lives. His hatred and disgust with himself ultimately caused his personality to fracture, creating the ripper who was essentially the monster he thought himself to be, with all the violent tendencies and intrusive thoughts that he never accepted as part of himself. And now, even though he's mostly beaten his blood addiction, a psychological issue at its heart, his anger and pain on my behalf had overwhelmed him, leading him to turn off his emotions and the ripper tendencies to come out as a sort of defense mechanism.

Stefan Salvatore was really too kind for this life.

I pat his head softly. "You should hurry and head home, Stefan."

He curses. "Fuck, I was supposed to meet Elena!"

I wince. "Yeah, maybe don't do that. You're not too stable right now. Sorry."

He grunts. "You're right."

I pause and pull him into a crushing hug. "Thanks."

"What for?"

I kiss his cheek. 'For caring about me. For listening. You know, you're one of the first to do so in this whole world. It means more than you can imagine."

His hug is warm and tight.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Hey, Mattie boy," I call softly, plopping next to the blonde boy with a gooey chocolate monstrosity in hand.

He looks just like a confused golden retriever puppy. "Did I order that?"

"On the house, kid," I deny, nudging the plate over. "So tell me what's got you so down."

Back when I was doing odd jobs all over town to scrape together enough cash to buy my cafe and just to stay out of that hellhole house really, I'd spent a lot of time babysitting. Mostly for Sheriff Forbes, but I also ended up babysitting for some of the other prominent families, like the Lockwoods and Fells. I'd never babysat Matt, but I'd been asked to watch over their crowd of rugrats plenty of times. Hell, I'd actually vaguely known Jeremy when I'd first dragged him into my cafe after finding him passed out in an alley for the same reason. And now that Matt's friends seemed to have invaded my business and made it their own personal hang out, I'd gotten to know the kid a lot better recently.

I found myself having a bit of a soft spot for him, actually. He just felt kind of innocent in a way, completely untouched by the darkness of the supernatural world, unlike literally everyone else I knew. Not to say he didn't have his own struggles, his sister and mother being a great source of town gossip, but still. The lack of life and death madness surrounding him was kind of nice. 

Matt hesitates, but takes the plate. "My mom is back in town."

I hum. "And how do you feel about that?"

"…I should be happy-"

I wave him off. "I didn't ask how you should feel, though."

Matt slumps. "I feel… like there is no point in expecting anything from her. Guess that makes me a bad person, huh?"

I tilt my head. "No, I don't think it does. I don't really know your situation, and frankly, I'm praying it is nothing like mine, but let me ask you something. Did your mother disappoint you with her actions in the past?"

Matt pauses. "Yeah. She was never there when Vicky and I needed her. She's always been flighty and reckless and unreliable."

I nod. "And have you ever expressed your issues and concerns to her? How did she react?"

Matt stabs into his cake with slight aggression. "She always said she would do better, if she didn't brush it off entirely."

I rest my head on my hand. "And did she do better? Did her behavior change?"

Matt grips his fork tightly. "…No. She would try for a while, but then she was running off with her newest guy or getting sloppy drunk in public and forgetting all our important events and dates."

I hum. "So, why are you in the wrong for expecting her to act in the way she has always acted? Why should you offer her trust when she's proven over and over again that she will break it?"

Matt gazes down at his plate. "I'm not a bad son or person for not believing her? For keeping my guard up?"

I ruffle his hair. "Nah, kid. Maybe this time will be different, but until she proves it, that doesn't mean you owe her anything. Your relationship with her,… it's not on you to fix it anymore. Don't take the weight of this upon yourself, Matt. Absolve yourself of that responsibility because it isn't your fault."

Matt places his head in his hands, shoulders trembling as I wait patiently for him to regain his composure. Soon enough, he wipes discreetly at his eyes, letting out a slightly wet chuckle. "You're pretty wise, ya know?"

I shrug. "I know a thing or two about shitty parents. I had to learn this the hard way, but god, do I wish someone had told me early on. It would have saved me so much heart ache."

"Yeah? What is your situation like?"

And well, it was a fair question since I'd just barged into his own private life myself. I tilt my head, wondering what to say. "I guess I spent a long time trying to be enough for my parents, good enough for them to love me and treat me well, good enough for them to stay," Matt flinches and I reach to cradle his hands in mine with knowing eyes. "But I realized something."

"What?" He whispers.

I give him a pained smile. "We can't make people love us or cherish us more. We can try all we want, but sometimes it just doesn't work." Matt bows his head. "But I realized something else as well. Children shouldn't have to earn the love of their parents. It's not our fault when they can't love their innocent children, it's theirs. And while we can't make people love us, we can always surround ourselves with those that do, the ones that chose us because they could without any sort of obligation. Those people can also be family."

Matt inhales sharply, squeezing my hands. "… Yeah. You're right."

I nod, and stand, patting the boy's shoulder. "I'm not saying you shouldn't love or forgive her. Just that you don't owe it to her. Let her earn it, but don't let it hurt you if she can't."

"It's not on me…" he repeats, looking oddly free by the words.

I smile. "It's not."

I head back to the kitchen only to get scooped into a tight hug by Stefan and Damon, startling a laugh out of me. "Eavesdroppers."

"I have no idea what you mean. Come eat lunch with us. The others are waiting," Damon says, dragging me away, Stefan pushing me forward by my shoulders.

I missed having a family, I think wryly.

XXXXXXXXXX

We finally get some good Stefan and Nyx time! No, it isn't currently romantic! Not yet, anyway, until we get the ships sorted lol. 

As for the ripper stuff, well the writers fucked that shit up, so I'm going with my own take on it. I'm thinking the blood addiction and the ripping are related , but not always together. in the show, we see Stefan being ripper like without being hungry, and it seems more to do with violence then hunger in my opinion, especially since his addiction just seemed to vanish, lol. The fact that his blood addiction and his ripper personality are two different problems is particularly clear when we see him the 20's with Rebekah and Klaus. I think his addiction developed way after his ripper persona did, but both were the result of him suppressing and rejecting himself.

Same for the humanity switch thing, because no one, (but Elena who acted fucking dead), actually seemed emotionless with the switch flipped. They just seemed unempathetic. Does that make sense? I think Nyx explains it better, loll. so I hope you like this take on it. 

Basically, this is my attempt to patch as many plot holes in the show as possible lmao.

AN;