ON EDGE

I couldn't shake off the weird feeling during the car ride. My mind kept drifting back to what I saw Kevin doing in the bathroom. It was freaking me out. Was he okay? Was he sick or something? Kevin was literally the nicest person ever - always willing to lend a helping hand or listen to you vent. There was no way he'd be into drugs or anything like that. But, lately, he'd been acting so strange. Skipping classes, becoming super introverted, and always bailing after reading some text that made him look all upset. Something was definitely off.

My thoughts were racing with worst-case scenarios. What if Kevin was struggling with some serious issues? What if he was depressed or even suicidal? The thought sent a chill down my spine. What if tomorrow morning, the police found him...you know, in the bathroom? And I'd be left thinking, "I knew something was wrong, but I didn't do anything." My conscience would be all over me.

The silence in the car was getting more and more uncomfortable.

But what could I have done? The way Kevin said "don't tell anyone" still echoed in my mind. It was a warning, a clear "stay away" sign. But as his friend, shouldn't I have pushed past that? Shouldn't I have asked him what was going on, if he was okay, or what was behind the recent changes in his behavior? Instead, I chickened out. I shut the bathroom door and high-tailed it out of there like a total coward. My fear of knowing what was really going on paralyzed me. I was afraid of discovering he was hurting himself, afraid of him becoming like my dad - a shell of a man who put on a happy face to hide his pain. I was afraid of losing him, just like I lost Grandma.

But this wasn't about my family's baggage or my own fears. This was about Kevin, my friend, the guy with the most infectious smile I'd ever seen. And now, he was struggling, and I had abandoned him. The thought made me feel...different.

Fiona's poking finally snapped me out of my trance, her voice piercing through my thoughts like a loudspeaker. "Hey, are you okay? You've been zoning out since you got in! I'm starting to feel like I'm talking to a brick wall." Her words brought me back to reality, and I blinked repeatedly, trying to shake off the fog. When I finally focused on Fiona, she looked concerned, her brow furrowed like a crumpled piece of paper.

"Yeah, I'm fine...just lost in thought," I trailed off, my voice barely above a whisper.

"Just thinking about your wedding night with Kimberly?" Fiona's laughter filled the air, but when I didn't even crack a smile, she realized her joke had fallen flat. "I'm sorry," she said, pouting.

"It's fine, just...bad memories," I said, forcing a subtle smile onto my face. Fiona's eyes softened, and she nodded knowingly. She understood that my "bad memories" code meant I was thinking about Grandma, and she respected my boundaries. Usually, I appreciated her sensitivity, but today, for the first time, I wished "bad memories" meant grandma.

We sat in silence, the only sound was the soft hum of Fiona's car engine. I felt guilty for making Fiona feel bad, but I was powerless to change the situation. When we arrived at my house, I broke the silence, standing up to peck Fiona on the cheek - chill...it's nothing, just our usual thing. No strings attached.

"I'll make it up to you, I promise!" I assured her with a smile, trying to sound convincing.

Fiona gave the usual eyeroll. "Chill, dude, it's fine." I nodded and exited the car.

My mom was already outside, waiting for me with a worried expression she couldn't quite hide. I forced the biggest, most fake smile I could muster, hoping to deflect her concern. "Hey, honey!" she exclaimed, embracing me briefly. "How was the game? And I see you came back with Fiona!"

I shrugged. "Yeah, she offered to drop me off." My mom nodded silently, but I could tell she'd already picked up on the change in my tone. I hoped she wouldn't pry - not yet, at least.

Her eyes narrowed, scrutinizing me like a hawk. "Are you okay?" she asked, her gaze never leaving my face. I nodded with a forced smile, trying to brush it off. "I'm perfectly fine...just, uh, tired. The game was fun overall. I just want my bed," I pouted, trying to sound convincing.

Mom's expression softened, and she held my hands, leading me inside. After dinner, I sank straight into bed, exhausted. I was supposed to be thinking about Kimberly and our sorta game date, but my mind was consumed by Kevin. I sat up, resting my back against the wooden headboard, and let out a deep sigh. I unbuttoned my shirt, feeling the tension build up inside me, overpowering my fear of knowing what was going on with Kevin.

With shaky hands, I grabbed my phone and searched for Kevin's contact. My heart raced as I hesitated, unsure of what to say if he picked up. I stared at my screen, my mind blank, as I rang him. He didn't pick up. I let out a shaky breath and tried to calm myself down, but my anxiety only grew. I rang him again, and again, and again, losing count of how many times I'd tried. My heart throbbed against my chest, and I kept choking on my spit, a lump growing in my throat.

Panic set in as I stared at my phone, my mind racing with worst-case scenarios. There was no way Kevin could have been asleep at just 20 minutes past 8. Where could he be? The thought sent a chill down my spine - could he be lying dead in the bathroom? I shook my head vigorously, trying to clear the dark thoughts. "Calm down, Chester!" I whispered to myself, covering my mouth with my sweaty, shaky hands. "He's fine, he's just probably busy or maybe his phone is on silent somewhere. He's fine." I kept muttering, trying to reassure myself.

I continued calling him, my anxiety growing with each ring, until exhaustion finally took over and I fell asleep, my phone stuck to my face. I woke up startled, my heart racing, and rubbed my sleepy eyes. It was 3:30 am. I turned on my phone, hoping to see several missed calls from Kevin, but there were none. I tried to maintain my composure despite the escalating tension. I decided to call Kevin again, my eyes pleading with him to pick up. "Please, please pick up," I whispered to myself.

After the first beep, I heard a voice - a muffled, husky voice. "H...hello."