Who Am I? [Part 1]

I woke up in a dim hospital room. Very little light came into the stark white room from the hall. Even less came in the window behind the closed blinds. A soft beeping came from the monitors overhead. Several machines were nearby, but only the one tracking the beat of my heart was on and making noise. I tried to shift. My body was stiff and it hurt to move. I couldn't feel my right arm below the elbow. I shifted again, hoping to get a better look at the things around me, still wondering how I ended up here. Then a nurse came in to check on me.

"I see you're finally awake. How are you feeling?"

"Everything hurts."

"What's your pain level?"

"A six?"

"Okay. I'll be back shortly."

I nodded then watched her leave.

What had happened to bring me here? What had I been doing? Why couldn't I feel my right hand? I lifted my right arm, but only a bandaged stub came up. My arm was missing; everything from the elbow down—gone. Laying my arm back down, I closed my eyes.

'Okay,…,' I thought. I stopped.

What was my name? The name bracelet was on my left wrist. Shanna. That was my name, but why couldn't I remember that?

It was a little while before the nurse came back with some pain killers and a bowl of fruit—just in case the meds made me feel sick. She raised the bed so I could sit up. I took the pain killers then used my left hand to eat. It felt awkward holding the fork in my non-dominant hand. I was left alone again, the call button placed by me if I needed anything else.

Mid-morning a handsome young man came in. "How's my fiancé feeling?" he asked, bending down to kiss me.

I turned my head and he kissed my cheek. "Who are you?" I asked.

The man laughed. "That's a good one, Shey?"

"No. Who are you?"

He stopped laughing. "You're serious."

I nodded.

"I'm Matteo, your fiancé. You don't remember me?"

"I don't remember anything. I don't even know who I am."

"Your name is Shanna. You work at the local health food store as a wellness counselor and are a great Energy Kinesiologist. You like to read, write, and embroider. Does any of that sound familiar?"

I shook my head. "None of it."

"You currently live with my parents—Fred and Grace. You haven't spoken with your family in four months."

"I'm sorry, Matteo. Nothing is coming to mind."

"Okay." Matteo looked at the floor and shifted his feet. His hands rested on his hips. "Do you need anything?"

"I don't think so. I don't know how long they plan to keep me here."

"I'll go check."

"Thank you."

He nodded then left the room.

The doctor came back with him and I was able to leave the hospital. Matteo drove me to his parent's home. We went down into the basement apartment. There were a couple bookshelves of books, a couch, and a loveseat. Matteo sat on the couch while I explored the rest of the apartment. Everything was simple, not a whole lot of decorations, but enough that I was amazed that everything belonged to me. I sat on the bed. Why couldn't I remember anything? What about my supposed job at the herb shop? I wandered back to the front room where Matteo still sat.

"Does anything look familiar?" he asked.

"Nothing. How long have I been out of it?"

"Three days."

"Okay."

"You work tomorrow, if you feel up to getting back to work."

I nodded then turned to the books on the bookshelves. There were herbal texts, fantasy books, and spiral bound books with energetic structures and formatting. My brow furrowed in confusion as I flipped through one of them.

"I learned this?" I asked.

"You did," Matteo said. "All of those spiral bound books represents a class you've taken. Many of them were before you met me."

I glanced at Matteo. He had a thoughtful expression on his face. Then I turned back to the book.

I didn't know what to do with the information. It was as if someone had handed a college text to a preschool child and told her to comprehend what she read. But if I had taken these classes then I knew how to use the information. Didn't I? I flipped through some of the pages before putting it back on the shelf. A stand with tuning forks sat on the top of one of the bookcases. Next to it was a wooden stick that was starting to splinter on one end.

There was so much here, but nothing at the same time. A figurine caught my attention. It was a ceramic figure of a girl in a dress. She was holding a flower in one hand, but the other hand was missing—just like me.

"How did I end up at the hospital?" I asked.

Matteo shifted on the couch, locking his fingers together. "A car accident. Your right arm was mangled so they had to amputate it."

"Was there anyone else in the car?" I felt like I had not been alone.

"No, there wasn't," he replied.

"Okay."

"Are you remembering something?" he asked, sounding hopeful.

"No."

"Oh." Matteo took a deep breath. "Would you like to talk to your boss at the herb shop?"

"Does he know what happened?"

"She knows."

I nodded. "Sure."

"Alright." Matteo took my left hand in his then drove me out to the herb shop.

There were only a few cars in the parking lot. Matteo helped me out of the car and walked inside with me. The small store was essentially void of customers, but several shouts of "Shey's back!" came from all the employees before I was overwhelmed by a lot of hugs. I knew no one who hugged me, but they certainly seemed to know me.

"How are you feeling?" they asked. "Your arm is gone, what happened?"

"I'm okay," I answered. "My arm needed to be amputated after my accident."

"We're glad you're alright. Are you coming back to work?"

"Soon. I just need to talk with…."

"Krista," Matteo prompted.

"Krista, right."

"Well, it's good to see you." Again I was given several hugs before Matteo walked with me to a back office where Krista sat behind the desk.

"Krista," Matteo said.

She looked up at me. "Shey! You're back. How are you doing?"

"I'm doing alright."

"Come in and close the door."

Matteo had me enter the office first then closed the door behind us. I sat in the chair across from Krista.

"How are you feeling?" she asked. "Are you going to need a few more days off to recover?"

"I'm feeling alright. I should be fine to come in tomorrow."

"Good. We've missed you."

I nodded.

"And when is the big day again? The 28th?"

"About that," Matteo said. "We've decided to postpone the wedding."

"Whatever for?" Krista asked.

"I don't…," I started, but Matteo set a hand on my shoulder.

"We've decided we need a little more time getting to really know each other."

"I completely understand. Whatever is for your highest good."

Matteo nodded.

Krista stood and gave me a hug. "We'll see you tomorrow, Sweetheart."

"Thanks, Krista."

Then Matteo and I left the office.

I was then pulled into a smothering, tight hug by an older man. A man maybe 12-13 years older than me. "It's good to see you're okay, Little Sister."

"Thank you," was all I could think to say. Little Sister? I thought Matteo had said I hadn't talked with my family for several months.

"What time do you work tomorrow?" he asked, letting go.

"Ten," I replied, glad to have seen the work schedule on my kitchen fridge.

"Do you want to meet at nine to trade?"

"Trade?"

"Yes."

"Sure," I said, not quite sure what this man meant by trade.

"Okay. I'll work on your tomorrow since you're still recovering from your accident."

"Alright."

"Okay. See you tomorrow at 9am."

"Tomorrow at 9am."

He gave me one more tight hug then shook Matteo's hand before entering the corner office where he greeted a client before closing the door.

If this was my life then who was I?

"I'll explain in the car," Matteo said softly to me.

I nodded then walked with him back to the car, waving to all my nameless co-workers as we left. Matteo helped me into the car before getting in and driving away from the herb shop.