21. Chapter 21

Previously...

Lizzy makes it back to Longbourn after her mortifying public proposal from her cousin and her father assures her he will take care of turning Collins down. However, the following morning, Elizabeth and Collins find themselves as the only two in the breakfast parlour and a heated exchange ensues. Elizabeth struggles to make clear to her cousin her refusal of his proposal, but he wilfully insists she will accept once her parents mandate it. Fed up, Elizabeth goes for a walk with the hopes that Collins will be gone from Longbourn by the time she returns.

.

.

XXI.

London, Darcy House

It was the effort of no more than ten days for Fitzwilliam Darcy to be entirely caught up with all of the pending affairs of his estate, leaving him with only small day-to-day matters to be addressed each morning. In part, this was likely due to his extremely rigorous focus each day from the point of awakening until his eyes were too strained to continue the efforts in the evening. The other element contributing heavily to the timely completion of his various duties was his own desire to be relieved of the need for idleness of thought and action. He worked relentlessly from nearly the time of his return home until the last correspondence was deposited into Stewart's hands to be sent off. Where many men would find relief in such an accomplishment, Darcy experienced quite the opposite sensation; he found himself to still be impatient and anxious. This realisation, combined with the state of his restless body (he noted his right knee would not cease its bouncing!), combined to irritate him all the more. Ever since arriving at his London home, he had been waiting and anticipating a feeling of relief: relief from his frustration, his anxiety, his unrelenting thoughts. It did not come. He found himself unable to sit still, so he paced in his study for several minutes, before deciding upon a book that he had not yet read.

Attempting to rein in his uncooperative emotions, he focused all of his energy and attention into the book in his hands. He sat in his favourite armchair, took several deep breaths, and read the words on the page. And then he re-read the same page. It was three attempts at the same page before he quit the effort entirely, casting the book aside.

No, no! It will not do! This is much too similar to that evening at Netherfield! Reading to distract myself from her is just what I did that evening to try not to pay any special attention to her! It did not work then either, if memory serves. It seems everything leads me to thoughts of her!

The loss of control of his thoughts spiralled into a loss of control over his body and he rose to begin pacing once again. He looked about the room once more, but finding no relief, he quit the study entirely. Wandering down the hallway, he heard voices from the smaller parlour and decided to sit in and observe Georgiana's lessons. Today she was painting. He sat quietly in a corner of the room opposite the direction she was facing, hoping not to cause a disruption in the tutorial. There was a calmness to the activity that lulled him into a less-agitated state. Each stroke of her paintbrush by her graceful hand gave him a point of focus, which allowed some small portion of the tension within his person to dissolve.

Watching his sister at various tasks had been moderately soothing recently. It had always been a calming influence on him to remember those whose lives were affected by his decisions, and no one more so than Georgiana. He could remember all too well his father's many lectures on his responsibilities and duties as a Darcy, a man of means, and an elder brother. He still remembered the day his father allowed him in to the nursery to see Georgiana for the first time; she was so tiny and pale, even for an infant. He remembered how she had shivered slightly when he had touched her small rounded cheek. His father, never one to be overtly sentimental, had stoically informed him that his mother was taken ill during the birth. For a moment, he had thought he would be angry at his baby sister, blame her for their mother's condition, but little Georgiana had opened her eyes and latched onto the finger he still held over her; with that, he was captivated and he knew, even at only twelve years of age, there was nothing in the world he would not do for her.

He would often repeat his father's words of guidance to himself when he felt he needed the reminder, but nothing was quite so capable of reinforcing those lessons as watching his sister. This lesson was further aided by the still fresh pain in his memory of how he had very nearly failed to protect and care for her at Ramsgate. Even now, months after the incident, the knowledge of what may have befallen dear Georgiana caused his entire body to tighten in fear and anger. Some small part of his mind – an immature, greedy, and irresponsible part, no doubt – reasoned that surely his attraction to a lady slightly below his rank would not be so disastrous for his sister's reputation as the near-elopement might have been, but he shoved these thoughts aside time and again. It will not do to torment myself with such temptation! Georgiana deserves the best and it is my responsibility to provide that for her.

And, for a few hours every day during his sister's lessons that week, Fitzwilliam could relax and believe that he had the right of things. He could cocoon himself in the warmth of self-righteousness that he was acting in the interests of his sister, who depended solely upon him to make the best decisions for their family. It lessened the pain and agitation enough to allow him to breathe more easily, if only for a few hours.

At night, though, he could find no such relief! He could not escape her marvellous eyes or her laugh – almost musical, but carefree and light, not at all contrived or forced! Everything about her is natural and graceful, even her teasing and saucy remarks are altogether charming!

He would curse his own body's betrayal of his wishes as it reacted without his permission to his memories of her. At those moments, he was weak and unable to stop himself from recollecting every interaction he had had with her. He re-lived their verbal sparring, feeling invigorated all over in the memory; he re-experienced his feelings of anxiety at revealing clues about himself to her and then his elation when she put the pieces together while still maintaining that he may do better if he took the trouble to improve himself – she challenges me!; he vividly recalled the feel of her near to him – her warmth and softness and that delicate fragrance...

Too often that would lead him to unwittingly make lists in his mind of all of the ways she was everything he desired in a partner, even if the qualities on these lists varied greatly from those he might have included not three months earlier. When he would realise what he was doing, he would quickly become angry and list all of her flaws; however, it never escaped his notice that every flaw he attributed to her was actually one of association, rather than a matter of her own personal failings.

Still, this would have to be enough to momentarily quell his longing because an alliance with her meant making her connections his own and this was certainly not an option. He would fall asleep with thoughts of her, sometimes pleasant and other times strained, but no matter in what state sleep finally found him, he still dreamt only of her.

ooOoo

A fortnight past Fitzwilliam's return to his home on Grosvenor Square, Georgiana began to feel concerned for her brother. He had behaved rather oddly when they had received the invitation to Mr. Bingley's ball at his estate in Hertfordshire and while her brother was steadfast in his refusal to attend, he would give no reasons beyond his recent disagreement with Mr. Bingley. Georgiana found this rather odd considering that Mr. Bingley was clearly not so affected as to refuse them an invitation; so why then is Fitzwilliam maintaining such strong resentment?

Her curiosity and concern were further increased when she observed that her brother had recently taken to sitting in on her afternoon lessons! This was behaviour quite unlike him, as he generally had many responsibilities and engagements given his position, not to mention personal pursuits that kept him occupied. If the truth be told, she also found his constant presence in her sessions rather intimidating to both herself and some of her tutors, who could not comprehend the reason for the master of the house to observe their teaching. His presence was clearly not intended to be officious, but it was distracting nonetheless. At breakfast the morning of the third of December, Georgiana decided that enough was enough and determined to confront Fitzwilliam directly on the matter.

Despite her desire to be confident, her voice was slightly wavering as she spoke, "Brother?" When he looked up from his reading, she continued, "May I discuss a matter that is of concern to me with you?"

Darcy was puzzled by her vagueness, but agreed easily: "Of course, Georgiana, what is troubling you?"

"Well, actually, Fitzwilliam, you are." It was rather more bluntly put than she had intended and she felt her cheeks warming at her boldness, but her brother did not appear angry, so she waited for his response.

Fitzwilliam was confused but not offended, so he requested clarification: "And in what way am I causing you unrest?"

"I do not understand why you have been observing my lessons. And I fear that my tutors are uncomfortable with the master of the house monitoring their teaching. You are distracting them, and me, to be entirely honest. I cannot understand your meaning in watching."

Darcy did not entirely know how to respond to such a statement. Part of himself felt irritation at the notion that he was not entitled to be in any room in his home at whatever time he so desired, but he could see clearly enough that Georgiana was not intending to insult or offend. Her curiosity was also plain enough in her expression and words. Internally he criticised himself for failing to account for her increased monitoring of his actions and moods lately; of course she would notice my sitting in on her lessons as it is not something I have frequently done.

He was frustrated with himself for not anticipating her interest in the matter, particularly after observing her re-reading his letters from Hertfordshire, so he offered the only explanation that seemed, in the moment, plausible: "I do apologise, I had not meant to cause any discomfort to you or your teachers. I had only thought to spend more time with you as I have missed our time together these past months."

Any concern on Georgiana's face quickly seemed erased and Darcy was feeling rather pleased with himself when she replied, "Oh Fitz, I did not realise! Of course you are quite right though. I did not alter my lessons or visiting schedule with Mrs. Annesley at all once you arrived home! Please forgive my oversight, Brother?"

"Consider it forgotten. I will find another pastime."

"Oh no, but Fitzwilliam, I do not want to forget! You are right that we have not had time to enjoy one another's company as we used to. I miss our time together as well."

"Very well, then, let us say that I shall find alternate arrangements for myself during the afternoons, but perhaps we can plan to make calls on some of your friends who are in Town? Is there any other activity for which you would wish me to accompany you?"

"Oh, yes! I have noticed of late several shops have acquired new merchandise, for the holiday or Season, perhaps, and I would so enjoy visiting them! Could we plan to stop in for some additional fabrics and trimmings? And then also perhaps see if any new novels have arrived in at Hatchard's?* Oh! And Mr. Cramer told me about a new piece he would like me to try; would you take me to Mr. Birchall's music shop** to see if they have a sheet for it?"

The look of delight on Georgiana's face was immensely pleasing to Darcy, despite his own lack of interest in such female errands, but it struck him anew how he had neglected his sister of late. Despite being present in body and generally fulfilling his duties, his mind (and though he would not admit as much, his heart) was still firmly elsewhere. He resolved to rectify his error at once.

"Whatever and wherever you like, Gigi, we shall go. I can think of nothing I would want more than to see you happy." It was not a lie, he reasoned, as surely his choices to forgo his own pleasure for her well-being proved his dedication. Her joyful response alleviated some small portion of the pressure he felt upon his chest.

"That would be splendid! You are too kind, Brother!" She smiled and was pleased at her brother's agreement, but she could not help but to see that his pleased expression did not reach his eyes.

Something is the matter with him, I am quite sure; I must find him out!

She did not show her concern and resolution on her face, but she was a Darcy throughout and when she set her mind to something, there would be no stopping her.

ooOoo

Following his conversation with Georgiana, Fitzwilliam arranged to meet with Richard in order to keep his mind and body occupied during the daytime. Although it had been quite a while since they had frequented Angelo's*** together, Darcy felt confident in his plan. I do believe this will be exactly what I need! With the weather, I cannot walk about as I might otherwise do, so this will provide exercise for my body, while engaging my mind. And it will mean spending time with Richard when he cannot possibly interrogate me about the ladies of Hertfordshire!

Richard was rather surprised by his cousin's choice of activities for them, but he was more than willing to oblige. After all, one must stay in good form, even when on leave. I never know when I might be called back and I would not wish to be caught unprepared to see battle. And besides, it may loosen Darcy up a bit so I can find out which lady has him dangling after her!

Sure enough, Darcy quickly learned the error of his ways when Richard prodded for information on the way to the salle and noticing Darcy's discomfort, also tested the effects of such interrogations during their duel. Quite to Richard's delight and Darcy's dismay, several of his attacks – verbal and sabre – hit their mark.

"I have it!" Richard shouted across the floor as they eyed one another warily, "She's an embarrassment to you!"

Richard was amused and intrigued to see his cousin miss a step! Aha! A clue! "Plain, is she?" he guessed, while skilfully moving to an improved offensive position.

Darcy fumbled for a moment, caught between the near accuracy of Richard's assessment of Darcy being embarrassed by his choice of lady, and his simultaneous desire to defend Elizabeth's beauty! But, of course, to do any such thing would admit to an interest in a lady in the first place! Ah, that clever dog!

Lost in his thoughts for only a moment, Darcy was too slow to deflect Richard's riposte. "Point for me!" Richard positively beamed with satisfaction and Darcy stifled a curse, but acknowledged the hit.

Richard only laughed at Darcy's clear mortification. Their practise sessions did not improve Darcy's mood and he was further irritated by Richard's declaration of wishing to see his "dear Cousin Georgiana," as an excuse to invite himself over for dinner! Darcy huffed, but was not able to refuse without a proper excuse, of which he had none.

Dinner was a less aggravating affair as Richard would not dare to speculate so freely as to Darcy's romantic inclinations in front of Georgiana, but this did not prevent Richard from taking every opportunity to gloat over his crushing fencing victory.

And following dinner, an irritable Darcy agreed to join his sister and cousin for music only after Georgiana pleaded that he had promised they would spend more time together. However, he sat in an armchair near the windows facing their garden, rather than close to the pianoforte, clearly not in a mood for socialising.

However, this suited Richard and Georgiana better than either might have realised. Richard offered to turn the pages if Georgiana would play for them, so she agreed. Sitting together at her instrument and with Darcy clearly in his own thoughts across the room, they found they might converse quietly together without his being aware.

"Gigi, has Darcy seemed himself at home with you these days?"

Georgiana was grateful for having chosen a piece she knew well or her hands might have faltered at her cousin's quiet question. However, instead, she played on from memory, her hands knowing what to do, and answered in a whisper, "Actually, Richard, I do not believe he has. I must admit I have been concerned. Since he returned from Hertfordshire, he has seemed distracted and agitated. Do you know what has been bothering him? Is it only the argument with Mr. Bingley?"

Her confirmation was all he needed. "I cannot say for certain, but I believe it is more than his disagreement with Bingley. This kind of distraction and restlessness, well, I believe he may have met a lady who captured his interest."

Georgiana gasped quietly and both looked quickly to see if Darcy noticed; thankfully, he was still intently focused out the window. Looking back to her cousin, Georgiana asked, "Are you quite sure?"

"No, absolutely not. He has not admitted anything of the sort to me," seeing Georgiana's confusion and doubt, he continued, "but you must understand, Little One, I have seen many men before Darcy with similar symptoms."

His too-knowing smile and patronising use of a nickname not used for her since early childhood were grating, but with Richard, one could never stay angry. She gave him a small glare for his cheek and then confirmed, "Perhaps I shall defer to your greater knowledge in this matter."

Richard smiled widely and agreed, "An excellent choice!" But then, becoming slightly more serious, added, "Have you any observations or comments that may support this theory? Has he mentioned any particular lady to you since he returned?"

Georgiana considered the matter, but finally decided, "No, I do not believe so. I have asked him about his visit to Mr. Bingley's estate, but he only told me that he and Mr. Bingley had a falling out and that he did not wish to discuss anything of Hertfordshire. I have not wished to pry." But then, remembering how she had become curious and re-read his letters from that time, she coloured slightly and added, "Although, I did look again at his letters to me from while he was visiting."

Richard let out a small barking laugh, "My, my Cousin! You do surprise me!"

This laugh did, however, draw Darcy's attention. Seeing Georgiana's high colour, Darcy asked in warning, "Richard?"

"No, no, Darce, I promise I am not teasing Little Gigi! She merely surprised me is all." Seeing his cousin was not wholly satisfied, he added, "She quite reprimanded me for failing to do my page-turning duty in a timely fashion."

The lie rolled off his tongue smoothly and Georgiana could not help but to be impressed and a tiny bit afraid at her cousin's clear talent for confabulation. Nonetheless, she was relieved when it was clear her brother believed the excuse and returned to his window gazing.

In a rather bolder move than Richard had ever seen from her, Georgiana turned to him with a raised eyebrow as a silent question. Suppressing yet another laugh but offering a shrug, he replied, "In the military, and with the Earl for that matter, it often pays to guard one's thoughts." Then returning to the previous topic, he inquired, "Tell me, might I see those letters?"

After several more minutes of plotting how and when they might review the letters in question together without Darcy's knowing, and agreeing between themselves that clearly Darcy was not telling them some important aspect of his recent trip, the gentleman in question suggested that the hour was rather late and offered his carriage to return Richard home. Of course, Richard agreed, but silent looks between himself and Georgiana communicated that they would continue their investigations soon.

Indeed, over the next week, Richard joined for dinner several more times, but while he and Georgiana agreed Darcy was not himself, they could not seem to find any compelling evidence as to his reasons.

ooOoo

The following week at supper one evening, Georgiana expressed her desire for Fitzwilliam to accompany her on a shopping trip, as they had discussed. While this was certainly not Darcy's idea of the ideal way to spend his day, he had promised this to her and knew that soon the shops would close for the Christmas holiday. With as much enthusiasm as he could offer, Fitzwilliam smiled and agreed to take Georgiana out the following day.

Much to his surprise and pleasure, the morning was not so cold nor wet as some of the recent days and there was even some sunshine peeking through the clouds briefly several times throughout the day. They started with Mrs. Follick's shop, which was Georgiana's favourite for dress fabrics. In truth, while not his most favourite thing to shop for, Darcy did have a discerning eye for flattering colours and quality fabrics (probably due to the necessity at a young age to assist in these matters for his sister in the stead of a mother, sisters, or any female relations near to their home in Derbyshire). As such, Georgiana preferred only to purchase new fabrics with her brother, despite having ladies in Town available to her for such tasks. Even knowing she could find other female helpers for this task, there was an element to finding fabrics for his sister that Darcy found nostalgic. It actually put him in a rather positive mood, in spite of himself, and it pleased Georgiana immensely.

By the time they had selected three new fabrics and then brought them over to Madame Larue, the only mantua-maker in Town Georgiana and Aunt Sophia trusted, Georgiana and Darcy were both ready for a quick nuncheon. After their light repast, Georgiana announced her desire to visit the milliner for a few items. Darcy could not suppress his groan as lace, ribbon, and the like always bored him terribly, but Georgiana's pleading eyes won him over, as usual, and he followed her into the store, albeit grudgingly.

Despite her best intentions, Georgiana spent much more time than she had intended selecting several ribbons, some new French lace, a new hat, and a pair of gloves. Her poor brother looked as though they had been there for days, rather than an hour or two, but in deference to his feelings, she offered that perhaps he might prefer to cancel their trip to the music shop and instead go on straight to the book shop. She reasoned that Birchall & Goulding's was further out of their way and at least Fitzwilliam might enjoy selecting a few books at Hatchard's, whereas sheet music was really only of interest to her.

However, Fitzwilliam glanced at the sky and seeing that the weather was holding, he declined Georgiana's offer. After all, he still wanted to find that piece by Handel and he had not yet received word on whether or not the new pianoforte he had ordered for Georgiana to use at Pemberley was finished. He hoped Mr. Birchall might have an update for him. So he assured his sister that he was perfectly content to bring her to the music shop and then onto the book store afterwards. Her smile reminded him of their youth playing together at Pemberley and he could not help but return it with one of his own. Truly, this day was turning out to be much more bearable than he had anticipated; he had forgotten how sweet and unassuming his sister was and was pleased to have taken the time to reacquaint himself with quite a few forgotten memories. He was even more pleased to see how much his good temper seemed to bring Georgiana further out of her shell.

They spoke in nearly animated tones as they rode to Birchall & Goulding's about which pieces Georgiana was hoping to find at their next stop and their plans to decorate Darcy House for Christmas. Upon arriving, Georgiana moved toward the table with the new arrivals while Darcy waited at the register for Mr. Birchall to be available after completing another customer's sale.

Once available, he greeted Mr. Darcy warmly as he had known Mr. Darcy many years and he was an excellent customer. "Mr. Darcy, sir, welcome! A pleasure to see you, sir!"

"Thank you, Birchall, likewise," Darcy replied with a casual bow. "I am wondering if you might have an update for me regarding that larger order I placed last month?"

"Oh, you mean the p –" he stopped abruptly at Darcy's fierce look and noticed when the gentleman indicated with his head that his sister had accompanied him to the store today. "Ahh, I see, my apologies, sir! Yes, I do believe I spoke with Wornum just last week. Just let me run back to my office for a moment and I will be happy to get that information for you."

Darcy nodded, with relief, "Very good, thank you." Although Georgiana was not next to him, it was not a large shop and he did not want his surprise ruined.

Darcy went to join Georgiana in looking through various sheets of music and offering a few that looked interesting to him. Some she accepted, while others she declined stating they were not to her skill level. A couple other customers entered the store and the bell chimed, just as Mr. Birchall was returning from his office. Darcy saw the gentleman and turned to meet him at the counter only to find himself too stunned to move. But, how?

Without thinking, his mouth spoke, "Miss Elizabeth?!"

Both the lady in question and his sister raised their heads in complete surprise at his words.

Elizabeth, quite suffering from the same shock as Mr. Darcy, could only echo his greeting, "Mr. Darcy?!"

.

.

* Hatchard's is the oldest bookshop in London, having opened in 1797. It is still in its original location on Picadilly Street.

** The name of the music store owner is no accident. There were a great number of publishers of music in the late 1700's, but there seemed to be high turnover of names, locations, etc. One such retail shop was Birchall & Goulding, who continued the work of John Bland, a well-known publisher of Mozart and Haydn. I did consider using Chappell of Bond Street, which was established in 1811 (then called Chappell & Co.), but I decided Darcy would've had an established relationship with a long-standing shop, as opposed to trying a brand new place. Still, in my head, I like to believe that in upcoming years, the Darcy family would have become regulars at Chappell & Co. because I love the idea of visiting shops today that were around back then as well.

*** This refers to Angelo's L'École des armes (School of Fencing), which was the premier place for learning, competing, and watching fencing.

.

A/N: Yes, a *little* cliffy surprise for you ;) Who was expecting that? Anyone? Hehe, hopefully you all approve – after all, Elizabeth and Darcy in the same place at the same time, that's gotta be a good thing, right? *wink*

And now, I know and I am SORRY for how long this update took – truly! I do hope it was worth the wait. RL (holidays, getting sick, and major work responsibilities) + this chapter not going smoothly made things take longer than I hoped. HOWEVER, the great news is that I ended up revising my original outline so now I am really excited about the progression AND it's likely that the story will be even longer than originally intended, so hopefully you all will like that :) Anyway, all that to say, THANK YOU all for sticking around and being patient!

And once again, I was totally knocked backwards by the response to the last chapter! Holy moly! And it seemed that giving a preview really encouraged you guys to review! I wish I could say that I will do that every time, but I can't. I will do it again in the future if/when I can. Even without extra scenes, I hope you'll take the time to leave reviews because they mean the world to me and inspire me to keep writing, even when chapters are being difficult! Thank you also to all those who added this story or me to alerts and favorites!