5. Reflections

Dean is fixing the door. When he kicked it open earlier, he had snapped off the metal piece over the door frame. Dean says it’s another kind of lock. Like the one that keeps the bars closed. Castiel watches him. He has a box full of thin things like Bobby did. Dean said they are tools and it is called a toolbox.(What’s that?)(A screwdriver.)(What’s it used for?)(Screwin’ things.)(Dean.)(Seriously, Cas, you can see from there exactly what I’m using it for.) Dean glares at him over his shoulder and Castiel blinks back at him. (Why do you want me to explain it?)Castiel twitches his tail and it thumps lightly against the floor. (I’m bored. This paralytic is not wearing off nearly as quickly as Sam said it would.) He pauses, drumming his fingers against his side. (What are they going to do with my scales, my blood and the pictures of my insides?)Dean shrugs and starts packing his tools. He provides Castiel with images of his scales and blood under a microscope – one of the human’s machines for looking at things close up. There are images of Alistair and Gordon looking at black and white photos of his bones and his insides. Dean explains that they’re going to run tests to see what is in Castiel’s blood.(Why?)He shrugs again, running his hands through his hair before making room for the toolbox under his bed by the guitar. (To see how close it is to ours? I dunno. Cas, I’m really not built for these questions. I just fix machines. Sammy’s the smart one.)Castiel frowns and it takes him a long time to wiggle until he can prop himself up on his elbows. They wobble, threatening to give out on him at any moment. He narrows his eyes at Dean. (You’ve shown me many machines in your memories. They are complicated and built of many parts, but you understand them. You can take them apart and put them back together. You can fix them when they are broken. You are smart too, Dean. You’re just a different kind of smart.)The back of Dean’s neck flushes red and he ducks his head. His gratitude and delight are bright bursts along the kin-connection, even though he doesn’t turn around so Castiel can see his face. Knowing that Dean is pleased with the compliment sets a warmth blooming in Castiel’s chest. He feels the corner of his mouth twitch up in a small smile. It is an odd combination and Castiel folds his arms, dropping to his chest and resting his chin on the back of his hands. He can feel his brow pinch together as he thinks on it.Castiel finds it confusing. He tries to figure out why he would feel good that Dean is pleased with his compliment. Dean gets the two-coloured box from under the ledge where Sam put it the day before. He removes the white top half and carries the blue part to the platform. Castiel lifts his head to watch as Dean tips it over the edge of the glass wall and dumps several gray fish into the water. Along with them are clear little pieces of glass that float on the top of the water.(Careful. They’ll be cold. Sorry they’re not fresh. I’ll get you some fresh ones for dinner tonight.)He doesn’t care about the fish that flutter to the floor. Castiel’s eyes are on the floating glass. (Dean, what’s that?)(The ice?)(What’s ‘ice’?)Dean replaces the lid on the box and places it by the door. (You’ve never seen ice before? It’s frozen water.) He shares with Castiel all the information he has on the different states of matter that water can take.Castiel listens intently. By the time he’s catalogued all that Dean knows about liquids, solids and gases, Sam and Jess have arrived. Sam explains to Dean – and Dean shares with Castiel – that Jess had been locked in her ‘bunk’ – which is where she and Sam sleep – by Azazel, the same man who locked Dean in the room where he cleans himself. Between them, they are carrying something twice as wide as Sam’s shoulders and nearly as tall as he is. It is wrapped in a very thin blanket.He perks up when he sees it, rising to his elbows again. Castiel gently touches Sam’s mind. (Is that the mirror?)Sam smiles and nods. Dean takes Jess’s place holding the mirror. He helps Sam maneuver it to the platform and prop it up against the glass. Castiel still shakes as he drags himself around to face them. The trembling is much less than earlier and he has more mobility with his tail now. He is rhythmically spreading the spines of his side and back-fans while flaring the fans along the length of his tail. It is helping regain the feeling throughout his body.Together, Sam and Dean maneuver the mirror to press flat against the glass, pinned in place by the platform. They work the thin-blanket off of it and Castiel gasps, all of his fans spread wide in surprise. The fin-kin staring back at him is doing the same. When he moves his arm and tilts his head, the action is copied and Castiel stares and the fin-kin stares back. He reaches out and touches the glass and the fin-kin does the same.(Well aren’t you a handsome fella?) Dean’s thoughts are wrapped in amusement. He’s leaning against the front-wall, watching as Castiel twists and the fin-kin twists too.He frowns in confusion and watches the fin-kin make the same expression before he glances at Dean. (What does ‘handsome’ mean?)Dean’s eyes go very wide and his face loses some of it’s colour. Shock and panic mingle with embarrassment and rip through their connection moments before Dean cuts it off, leaving only his presence and none of his thoughts. Castiel jerks his head back in surprise and looks at Dean questioningly. Dean hasn’t forced the link closed before. Not like this. He didn’t know Dean was even capable of doing so.Dean turns away from Castiel quickly and says something to Sam before hastily leaving the room. Dean’s neck is red again. He nearly knocks Meg over as she comes through the door. She glares after him and then turns to wave at Castiel. He does not wave back. The dull aches of the bruises on his shoulders and where the dart hit his tail are returning. Meg doesn’t seem to care either way if Castiel greets her. She sits at one of the computers and ignores him. Castiel ignores her just the same and turns back to the fin-kin in the mirror. He knows that the fin-kin is him.Sam’s curiosity flickers through his connection with Castiel. He raises his eyebrows in question and Castiel pushes the memory of Dean’s words to him. He had noticed earlier that though he can speak to both Dean and Sam at the same time, neither of them can hear the other’s thoughts. Castiel thinks it might be because their brains aren’t like his. They can’t project their thoughts on their own and are only able to speak to him when he speaks to them. It reminds him of the night before, when Dean couldn’t create the kin-connection on his own and he needed Castiel to reach out to him first.Sam is momentarily surprised by what Dean had said. And then he starts to laugh. Through his mirth, Sam explains and Castiel is only further confused by it. According to Sam, handsome means good-looking. It means that a person is a pleasure to look at. Castiel turns back to the mirror and closely scrutinizes his face. He supposes that, by fin-kin standards, he might be considered attractive. But why would Dean, a human, think the same?Castiel decides to ask Dean when he returns and puts the thoughts aside. He carefully does not think about whether or not he would consider any of the humans attractive.(Where did Dean go?)Sam shrugs, not looking up from the papers on a clipboard that Jess just handed to him. (To finish his shower and get some food.)Satisfied, Castiel directs his attention to his reflection again.He can see the black of his spines and the blue of the webbing between them. The purple-blue-yellow of the bruises spreading over his shoulders and upper arms. The mess of his dark hair, the blue of his eyes, and the stubble on his cheeks. He rubs his fingers over it, watching himself touch his own face, and frowns at the rough feel. It’s worse than when Sam had shown him the pictures the other day. Castiel’s displeasure ripples through the connection with Sam.(Is something wrong?) Sam asks, his worry a quick thrum under his thoughts.He sends images of shaving with the blade of his dagger, but he doesn’t take his eyes off the mirror. Castiel presses closer to the glass and tilts his head to watch the flutter of his gills. Seeing how they work is nothing new to him. Castiel has lived amongst fin-kin his whole life. He knows all the parts of a fin-kin and he can usually see most of his body from the shoulders down when he cranes his neck. But it’s a different experience entirely to see himself like others would see him.Sam’s apprehension streaks along the link and he shakes his head slowly. Castiel doesn’t bother pressing further or asking why not. He knows the humans won’t let him have his dagger or his sword. Now that he knows he can breathe air as well as he can the water, Castiel is more of a danger to them than he was before. Especially considering how he’s already managed to hurt Alistair and Dean from within the small-sea. He’s fairly certain they won’t be leaving the bars of his cage open any time soon.Castiel flexes his arms and his tail. He watches closely in the mirror and compares it to his memories of the movements of his brothers. Sam is thinking in flashes of images of items that Castiel doesn’t recognize. He takes his phone from his pocket and taps at it with his thumbs. Castiel ignores the images and the phone and turns sideways as he bends backward, watching the stretch of skin over his stomach and chest. He turns his back to the mirror and looks over his shoulder, examining the slope of his back and slight swell of his backside and hips, and the flare of his back-fans.Jess and Meg are sitting at the computers and Sam is watching Castiel and taking notes. Occasionally, thoughts stray through the connection, but it is nothing worth either of them commenting on. Castiel moves away long enough to gather the grey fish. He takes them back to the mirror and watches himself as he eats. After the third fish, he remembers Sam’s question from before Alistair and Gordon’s arrival earlier.Sam is writing when Castiel touches his mind. His first brush is gentle, a precursor to the images he pushes through the connection. Sam stills and lifts eyes wide with surprise. Castiel is watching him steadily. He shares memories of stone ledges lined with woven kelp to cushion nests of amber eggs. He frowns when Sam compares them to fish eggs, despite it being an accurate observation.(How big are they?) Sam inquires, imagining the eggs in correlation to aspects of the human body.Castiel tilts his head and shields his thoughts while he thinks about it. He was the last egg to hatch of his nest and he’s never had one of his own. The hatchery was located further down in the trench, closer to the warmth of the volcanic vent. Only the nest maids who tended the eggs, and the parents who were called during the hatching, were allowed down there. His memories of seeing the eggs are some of his first, from his ascent to join the colony.He holds up a hand and places the tip of his middle finger to the tip of his thumb. The resulting circle is roughly the size of an egg when the female expels them into the nest. Castiel stares hard at his hands, trying to remember the size of an egg when it hatches. He uses both hands, touching corresponding fingertips and creating a hoop between his fingers to indicate the approximate size. Sam writes the information down.Embarrassment slithers into the link, overlaying his excitement and awe at learning new information. Sam shifts on his chair and has trouble meeting Castiel’s eyes.  He doesn’t know what Sam plans to ask next and can only wait until Sam steels himself to ask.(How do… How do fin-kin…Um.) Sam ruffles his hair with both hands before slumping back in his chair.Jess glances over her shoulder and Sam turns to speak with her for a few moments. Through his thoughts, Castiel  determines that she is asking if Sam is okay and Sam is telling her that he is talking with him. She brightens and looks a little envious when Sam mentions that Castiel has the kin-connection with him now.When Sam turns back, Castiel is watching him expectantly. Sam presses his lips together in a thin line before dumping several images of mating fish into the connection. Castiel sorts through them and the moment he understands Sam’s question, he can feel his face grow warm.  He looks away from Sam and fidgets with the bones of his meal.(Castiel?) Sam prods gently. (I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.)He shakes his head and chews on his lip lightly. Castiel doesn’t know how to tell Sam that he’s never been mated; that he never had the occasion, that he never found a female that held his attention, that he’s never even been kissed before. It’s not that he doesn’t know how it’s done, because he does. Gabriel and Balthazar both explained it, in increasingly graphic detail, after their first times. Which still confuses Castiel because neither of them were bonded or ended up being nest parents.Sam is watching him with interest and Castiel doesn’t want to disappoint him. He fiddles with the bones, breaking them from the skeletons and arranging them into nonsense designs as he summons the courage to explain. He starts by describing the sheath and immediately Sam is confused by his choice of wording and imagery.Castiel knows he’s blushing as he twists his tail under him and rises up to bare the front of it. A hand span below the fusion of skin to scale, there is a group of muscles that swell the scales into a slight bulge. It is roughly the length of Castiel’s hand. And at the top of it there is a small slit in the scales.The rest Castiel describes in images. He shows Sam how a male’s genitals remain inside until they are needed during the mating process. At that point, the muscles of the sheath contract until the penis extends through the slit. A female has a similar opening in the same location on the front of her tail. During the breeding process, the male would insert his penis into the female’s slit.Castiel can see the red of his cheeks in the mirror and he turns his back to it. Sam is writing avidly. His hair is tucked back behind his ears and his tongue is peeking out between his lips. He is absorbing all the information Castiel is providing and comparing it to how humans reproduce. As he takes the imaginings Castiel provides, he is returning images of how humans mate.To Castiel’s surprise, the method is really not that different. The male inserts his penis into the female and they move together until they achieve orgasm. The male’s sperm fertilizes the eggs within the female. But with humans, as Sam explains, there is generally only one – sometimes 2 and rarely 3 or more – eggs released within the female’s body to be fertilized.Castiel can’t hide his horror when Sam describes that human females carry the egg inside them until it develops far enough to survive the birthing process. With fin-kin, the female carries the eggs until they are a certain size and then she releases them into the nest. They leave  her body through her frontal slit, one at a time, and finish developing in the nest. They grow until the egg can no longer contain them and then they hatch.When Castiel asks if Jess and Sam have mated, their conversation turns toward mating rituals. Sam first has to explain the difference between love and sex. According to Sam, humans generally have sex with more than one partner over their lifetime. But when a human falls in love together, they tend to stay exclusive with that person and often get married to show that they are devoted to each other. Castiel finds the exchange of rings odd, but the exchange of vows isn’t too different from fin-kin bonding rituals.Within fin-kin society, a bonded pair would pledge loyalty to one another before the entire colony. That is the extent of their ‘marriage ceremony’. Castiel is embarrassed when he tells Sam that, up until Sam explained about multiple partners, he had always thought that you don’t kiss or have sex with a partner unless they were to be your bond-mate. He blushes harder when Sam actually laughs and explains how some humans think like that too, but it is not considered realistic anymore.Castiel looks between Sam and Jess. (Are you two bonded?)He glances over his shoulder and smiles softly. (Not yet. We’re ‘engaged’. It means we’re going to get married eventually.)(What about Dean?)Again, Sam laughs. (No. Dean isn’t in any permanent relationship at the moment. He just… sleeps around. A lot.)Castiel feels a sharp pang behind his sternum at the memories Sam starts showing him of Dean kissing many different women. He doesn’t recognize any of the women and he doesn’t’ understand the pain that makes the fish in his belly settle heavily in his stomach. He’s about to push the images away and tell Sam that was more than enough, but a memory of Dean kissing a male filters through amongst the rest. Castiel’s fans flare with surprise and he stops Sam short with his shock and curiosity. Sam is smiling like he is pleased with himself.He seizes the memory and pulls it to the forefront of their connection. (Why is Dean kissing a male? This serves no reproductive purpose.) He pauses and thinks about what he knows about humans. (… Does it?) For one brief moment, Castiel is horrified by the thought that human males could bear a child too. An image of Dean, belly swollen with child and heavy under his shirt, rises unbidden in his mind and passes through their connection.Sam stares at Castiel for a few brief moments before he starts shaking with laughter and he doesn’t stop. He doubles over in his chair, wraps his arm around his waist and he’s laughing loud enough for Castiel to hear it through the walls and water. Castiel is confused. He doesn’t understand what Sam is finding so funny. He flares his fans indignantly, frowning through the glass.Jess and Meg have stopped their work and are looking at Sam oddly. Castiel thinks they don’t understand his amusement either. Sam turns and he must explain to them around his laughter because they both start up too. Castiel can hear their laughter too. He crosses his arms and scowls at them.They haven’t stopped by the time Dean returns. Dean steps into the room and pauses in the doorway, staring at the others. His expression is just as confused as Castiel’s. When they see Dean, the other three start howling louder.Frowning, Castiel prods at the closed connection between his mind and Dean’s. He knows Dean can feel the touch, but he still has his mind guarded from him. Dean crosses the room and he puts down the items in his arms. There is a towel, a tall cylinder covered in different colours, a bowl of water, and a small stick with a horizontal cross section – the way it is connected reminds Castiel of a breed of shark with oddly shaped, wide, flat faces.Dean is trying to talk to Sam. When that has no effect, he turns to Jess and Meg. They keep bubbling up with more laughter every time they look at him. His lips are twitching further and further into a frown. Castiel’s side-fans flicker wide in anticipation when Dean looks at him and he can feel when Dean tentatively opens the link.(Cas, why are they laughing and why do I feel like it has something to do with me?)He shrugs and offers up the memories of his discussion with Sam. Dean goes pale again, like he did before, when Castiel gives him his own musings on human reproduction. He pushes his curiosity and confusion about kissing a male at Dean. Almost immediately, he flushes bright red. Dean’s mouth drops open and his throat works as if he is speaking. Castiel thinks he might be making sounds, but he can’t hear them and he doesn’t particularly want to swim up to tilt his side-fans out of the water. In any case, Dean’s reaction only serves to make the others laugh harder.Dean reaches out and smacks Sam in the back of the head before he starts yelling loudly at him. His mind is teeming with upset and embarrassment when he addresses Castiel.(Christ, Cas, don’t listen to him. He makes it sound like I’m a man-whore or something!)(I don’t know what that is. But Dean, can human males really have children like females do?)His throat does that thing again and there is no small amount of horror tingeing his thoughts. (Jesus fuckin’ Christ, no!)(Then why were you kissing a male if you weren’t going to mate with him?)Dean smacks Sam again and bares his teeth at his brother. Their connection is trembling with discomfort and Dean glares heatedly at Sam. (He shouldn’t have told you anything about me and what I do in my own time. It’s none of your business and I’m not talking about it.)Castiel floods their connection with his confusion. (But Dean –)(You ask me another question about it and I’m leaving and you won’t know when I’ll come back.)His fans flare at the abrupt threat. Castiel hisses and beats his tail unhappily on the floor. It scatters the bones. He presses his lips together, jaw pushing forward and he flicks Dean’s mind with his irritation. Dean winces before Castiel closes their link completely and turns away to glare at his reflection. It’s only a few moments before he’s sick of looking at himself and he turns from that to present the humans with his back. Castiel refuses to look at them or acknowledge Sam’s amused touches to his mind.(I’m sorry, Castiel. Dean’s mad at me, not you.)Castiel spares him a scornful glance over his shoulder. Sam is bent over his clipboard with his pen to the paper, but he is looking at Castiel. He realizes that Sam is trying to look like he isn’t speaking with him. Dean has moved to his bed and is putting a sheet of paper on the wall. It is covered in lines that form squares and each square has a different combination of the same symbols from the clock. For a moment he watches Dean take a pen and write in some of the squares, then he turns his attention back to Sam.(Why is Dean angry?)Sam shrugs and glances briefly at Dean.  (He’s not very open about liking guys too. It’s sometimes a difficult topic with people. Not everyone is as accepting about men who like other men. But there are a lot of humans who like members of the same gender.) He pauses and looks thoughtful, chewing on his lip. Castiel is almost sent reeling by the sudden storm of images and terms that Sam dumps through the link. He explains in pictures and words all the different types of relationships humans could have.(You don’t have anything like that in fin-kin society?)(Not that I know of.) Castiel tilts his head and thinks over this new information, comparing it to his memories. He can’t recall a single occurrence where any male mated with another male or a female with a female. A same-sex coupling simply doesn’t make sense in the scheme of things. They would not be able to reproduce and that would be of no benefit to the colony. That was the whole point of mating, wasn’t it? He poses the same question to Sam and he’s answered with a warm smile.(Not always. Sometimes it’s about love. Humans get married for love. But there is a difference between love and sex. Humans usually have sex because it feels good. I’d say most of the time people have sex, it’s for fun and not for procreation. Haven’t you ever done it with someone just because you wanted to feel good?)Castiel flushes darkly and quickly looks away, almost missing when Sam raises an eyebrow in surprise. His embarrassment washes over Sam’s curiosity and he rubs at his neck. He doesn’t say anything, but the curiosity quickly turns to understanding and Castiel hunches his shoulders against it. There is amusement filtering through the link, but it’s not directed at Castiel’s lack of experience. It’s focused on how Castiel is reacting.(Don’t be embarrassed, Castiel. There are lots of humans who are virgins too.)He flicks at the bones scattered around and doesn’t answer. His embarrassment eases slightly, mollified by Sam’s words. But he doesn’t turn around and he doesn’t know what to talk about now. Humans are more complicated in their relationships than fin-kin and Castiel thinks he might be trying to figure them out up until the day he dies. He wonders if Sam realizes that he is teaching Castiel more about humans than Castiel is teaching him about fin-kin.Sam doesn’t push or ask any more. He draws back a bit from the connection and Castiel hears the start-stop rumble of voices. When he looks, Sam is talking with Jess and handing her his clipboard. Meg is gone and Dean is lying face down on his bed. Castiel doesn’t fully sever his connection with Sam, but he does block it off to ensure that Sam isn’t privy to his thoughts or emotions for the time being.Castiel fiddles with the bones for several long minutes while he thinks over recent revelations. He now knows that Gabriel and Balthazar were mating with females for pleasure. After a moment, he realizes that when they would brag, it was never during or around the actual mating season when females were heavy with unfertilized eggs. It’s taken so long for him to realize this that Castiel actually feels quite a bit stupid and he buries his face in his hands as he chastises himself for his naivety.It doesn’t take his thoughts long to switch currents and start thinking about the new terms that Sam taught him. Particularly, he is… well, he doesn’t want to think that he is ‘entranced’ by it, but it is true that his mind keeps spinning back to Sam’s explanation about homosexual relationships. Castiel digs up every memory he has of everyone in the colony and he picks through their interactions, looking for signs that any of his nest-brothers or other males in the colony might have been attracted to members of the same sex.He can’t think of a single one where there is any concrete evidence. There are certainly plenty of older fin-kin males, seasoned warrior who devoted their lives to serving and defending the colony, that never mated or fathered a nest. Castiel wonders if the reason they never took a mate was because they weren’t sexually attracted to a female.Castiel stretches out on his belly and props his chin up on the palm of one hand. He makes random shapes and designs with the bones again as he turns his thoughts inwards and looks at himself as he is the members of the colony.It doesn’t come as a surprise to him when he realizes he’s never actually thought of any of the females of the colony as potential mates. Certainly there are many who are strong, intelligent or beautiful and would make very good bond-mates. And they all have many males after them. There are a few, like Hester or Rachel, that he thinks of with fondness. They are – were – members of his garrison and he once – and still does – thought of them as friends. But when he tries to think of kissing or touching them in any sort of sexual manner, he feels no reaction.He doesn’t feel anything like what Gabriel or Balthazar often described as preludes to their trysts. There is no speed-up to the beat of his heart, or a shortening of breath. His chest doesn’t feel tight and there is no heat pooling in his gut. His fingers don’t tingle and his body doesn’t get any warmer. And his penis definitely doesn’t grow hard in its sheath.Castiel doesn’t feel disappointed. If it was that easy to feel aroused by a female, he’s positive he would have felt it long before now.He rolls one of the bones between his fingertips and thinks. Castiel doesn’t pick a specific male from the colony. He knows them all personally and some of them are his nest-brothers and most of them are his friends. Instead, he closes his eyes and imagines the lines of a body; of a tail and frilled-fans, the curve of a back and the roll of muscles on either side of the sharp spines of a fan. Castiel imagines running his hands over the muscled planes of a stomach and chest and the press of kiss-swollen lips, the kisses roughened with the hint of a day’s stubble.Castiel doesn’t imagine further than that. He’s already marked an increase in saliva production, and his fingers are jittering over the bones. He presses his hand over his heart and counts the beats. Those have definitely increased too. His chest doesn’t feel particularly tight, but there is a warmth spreading low in his stomach. It’s pleasing and frustrating all at once.He wants it to go away. If he is to experience sexual arousal for the first time, Castiel does not want it to happen in a small-sea where he won’t find any privacy from the studious eyes of the humans. He draws himself away from those thoughts, discarding them as quickly as he imagined them, and looks toward Dean. The feeling subsides slightly, but it doesn’t go away. It’s like an itch thrumming beneath his skin.Dean has barely moved on his bed. His arms are no longer at his sides and are now folded under the pillow. His eyes are closed and his head is turned toward the small-sea. Castiel thinks he might be sleeping. For confirmation, he reaches out and skims the touch of his mind against Dean’s. He’s shut out so quickly, at first Castiel doesn’t even know what happened. Dean opens his eyes and frowns at Castiel before lifting his head and turning it toward the wall.Castiel frowns and gathers the loose bones and skeletons of the fish in his arms. Sam and Jess have their heads together and are speaking in hushed tones Castiel can barely hear. He uncurls and swims to the right-wall. Dean stirs but he doesn’t lift his head again when he knocks on the glass. Castiel frowns and prods at the walls surrounding Dean’s mind. He rolls onto his side, back to him.Scowling, Castiel pushes harder until Dean turns back over to glare at him. Castiel wipes the frown from his face and tries to look as apologetic as he can, eyes wide and eyebrows up. He glances down at the bones in his arms and looks up questioningly, hoping Dean will understand that he wants to get rid of them. Dean’s glare softens and he rolls his eyes before sliding off his bed.He gets the bucket from beside the door but pauses before he brings it to the small-sea. Castiel twists up to skim along the surface, his fans rippling to keep him floating in place. Dean isn’t looking at him, he’s staring at the items he placed on the small ledge against the wall earlier. He knocks pointedly on the glass to get Dean’s attention again.Dean holds up his hand in a gesture to wait. He speaks quickly to Sam and Castiel is surprised when he hands over the necklace-key.  Dean holds the string between his teeth and hooks the bucket over one arm. Castiel watches closely as Dean grabs the edge of the ledge and, to his surprise, starts dragging it away from the wall – Castiel realizes it’s a not a ledge but a ‘table’ – and toward the platform. Castiel winces at the scrapping screech that tears the water. Sam and Jess both flinch too.Castiel reaches for Dean’s mind again, pulling at the walls Dean is using to keep him out. They crumble quickly and Castiel is surprised to find that Dean is amused and brimming with anticipation. He doesn’t know why. Any reason is hidden from him. Dean is getting very good at using the connection and Castiel finds himself oddly proud.(Dean, what are you doing?)(You’ll see.)He’s being vague on purpose and he’s grinning at Castiel. Any displeasure he might have been harboring from earlier is gone. A warmth settles in Castiel’s chest and he’s pleased that Dean isn’t angry with him and everything is okay between them. He lets Dean feel these thoughts and his teasing grin falls into a softer smile. He gets a reassuring brush to the edges of his thoughts as Dean climbs onto the platform.Dean unlocks the bars and pushes them up. Castiel flicks his tail with more force than necessary and rises up until he can rest his elbows on the lip of the glass wall. He dumps the bones into the waiting bucket and drops back to let the water run over his gills while Dean puts the bucket down.When he stands, he holds out his hand and flashes the image of Castiel’s wrapped wrist through the connection. Castiel immediately holds out his left arm. Dean undoes the knot with quick fingers before taking hold of Castiel’s hand. He brushes his thumb over the back of it, pausing to dip it into the space between his fingers and gently rub the webbing. His touch is almost ticklish and his thoughts are curious and impressed.With his other hand, Dean unwinds the bandage and drops it into the bucket at his feet. He leans over the edge, looking closely at the scabbed band around his wrist. It is almost healed. Castiel touches it gently with his other hand, dragging his fingers over the roughened edges. Dean makes a little clicking noise and moves Castiel’s hand out of the way so he can feel the scabs himself.(Wow. It’s only been, like, three days. You guys heal quick, huh?)(You don’t?)(Something like this would take a week, maybe two? Depends on how well we take care of it. Is that why you don’t have any scars or anything?) Dean eyes drop to Castiel’s chest momentarily, but he looks away quickly and lets go of his wrist. The tips of his ears are going pink.He slips underwater to watch Dean as he kneels down to the items on the table. (I have never been wounded badly enough in battle to leave any scars.)Dean looks up in surprise, eyes wide. (You’ve been in battle?)(Of course. I’m a warrior of the colony.) Castiel shares his memories of what few fights he’s been a part of. He’s careful not to give Dean any of the sensory thoughts that go with it. He doesn’t want Dean to feel the sharp pain of a fin-kin blade slicing through one of his fans, or the stinging burn of claws raking through skin or scale.(Whoa.) Dean’s surprise gives way to awe and he keeps looking at Castiel with wide eyes. Castiel doesn’t look away. He likes Dean’s eyes. He likes the unique green of them. They are expressive and if he couldn’t read Dean’s emotions through the kin-connection, he’s certain he would be able to see them in Dean’s eyes.Dean’s nose scrunches up, but there are crinkles beside his eyes. (Dude. You’re waxing poetic about my eyes. Cut it out.)Castiel tilts his head and frowns. He hadn’t meant to share those thoughts. He should have better control of the kin-connection than this. (Fin-kin don’t have green eyes, Dean. Is it wrong that I like yours?)(Naw, it’s fine. Think what you want as long as I don’t hear it. If I hear anything about ‘limpid pools of jade’ or something, I’m blocking you out for the rest of the day.) Dean is grinning as he  shrugs and looks away. He picks up the tall-cylinder and pulls the top of it off, revealing a peaked top.(Why would I say something like that?) Castiel watches closely as Dean holds the cylinder in one hand and pushes against the peaked top with his finger. He blinks in surprise when a thick white foam oozes out into the palm of Dean’s waiting hand.(Not saying you’re gonna. I’m just saying that it kinda creeps me out, so don’t do it.) Dean stands up while he spreads the foam on his fingers. (Now get your face up here and start sucking air. I’m gonna help you with something.)Castiel pauses. Dean wants him to breathe air again. Yesterday it had felt like he was suffocating before his body had figured out how to use his lungs for air instead of water. He is not particularly enthusiastic about doing it again anytime soon. But Dean is waiting and their connection is practically vibrating with amused anticipation.He pushes away from the wall and swims in a slow circle along the perimeter of the small-sea. A flicker of disappointment sours Dean’s amusement when he sees Castiel swimming away. Castiel can hear the rumble of his voice over the water as Dean speaks. He knows it’s Sam he’s talking to when Sam stands from the chair in front of the second computer and walks over to the table.Sam’s eyebrows go up and Castiel opens their connection wider, feeling his surprise. With a soft brush of his thoughts, he questions what Dean and Sam are talking about. Sam responds with curiosity and images of Castiel’s wrist. He wants to see the healing scabs too.Castiel completes his circle around the small-sea and skims under the surface a few times, his back-fans breaking through the waves his passes create. With one final deep breath, he exhales and seals his gills flat against his neck before kicking up. He rises his head, shoulders, and part of his chest out of the water. He’s high enough that he can cross his arms over the edge of the glass-wall and hang against it, his tail dangling along the glass and down in front of the mirror.He is hesitant to try for a breath of air, but Dean and Sam are watching him expectantly. Castiel inhales slightly through his nose. It makes his throat feel dry and immediately he starts coughing. Sam puts a hand on his shoulder and Dean reaches out too, only to stop and glare at the white foam still on his hands. Castiel coughs for a few minutes before he can breathe without his throat itching.He looks pointedly at Sam and Dean, frowning as he pricks their minds with his irritation and discomfort. “No like air.” His frown deepens into a scowl when he’s answered with amusement through both their connections, and the amusement is directed at his stilted use of their language.Dean actually laughs. “Sorry, Cas. I promise I’ll try not to take too long.”Castiel raises his eyebrows. He gropes in his meager dictionary for the English words he would need to ask about what Dean plans to do. He wants to ask what the white foam is, and the strange looking shark-stick. His search only comes up with one word.“What?” He tilts his head and pushes confusion at Dean.Dean’s words come with images of what he wants Castiel to do. “Show Sammy your wrist and tilt your head back a bit.”He even demonstrates how he wants Castiel to hold his head. It requires baring his throat and Castiel’s fans flare at the thought, even as he holds his wrist out to Sam. He doesn’t look away from Dean and he narrows his eyes at him. Dean raises a questioning eyebrow and ghosts confusion and concern along the edges of his mind. Castiel responds with apprehension. As much as he likes Dean, it would be a great show of trust to bare his throat to someone who is technically one of his captors and therefore his enemy.Dean presses his lips into a thin line and he shifts on his feet. Castiel shakes his head and tucks his chin to his chest. He’s left with nothing but staring down at Dean’s legs and the jeans covering them. They look like a different texture than Sam’s shirt and coat, which are the only fabrics he’s felt so far.He reaches out with his other hand. “Jeans.”“What about ‘em?”“Jeans.” He repeats. “Touch.” An image of Castiel touching the jeans is pushed through the connections. He underlines it with curiosity.“Sammy, give him your leg.”Sam looks up from examining the fading scabs on Castiel’s wrist. His face is pinched into a confused frown. “Why?”“I’ve got all this shaving cream on my hands. If I lose my balance, I’m gonna get it all over everything. Just give Cas your leg for a second, he only wants to see what jeans feel like.”“You mean you got that image too?”Castiel is looking between them as they speak. He’s understanding them better and better the more they talk with their own language, understanding trickling through in thoughts and emotions via the kin-connections  he shares with them.“Of course I did. Cas and I got that whole connection thing going. He’s got it with you too right now?”Sam nods and looks confused for a moment. Then he frowns in concentration. Castiel flinches, pulling his wrist from Sam’s hold, when the link between them is nearly overwhelmed with loud thoughts centering around calling Dean’s name.Castiel hisses. “Sam, stop. Hear Castiel, not Dean.” To make sure he’s understood, he smothers Sam’s shouting with his irritation and explains in quick bursts of images and emotions about the humans inability to reach out with their own thoughts between one another.“Oh.” Sam’s disappointment is evident in the link and on his face. “Sorry, Castiel. I didn’t mean to… uh… shout at you.”He waves his hand in a dismissive gesture before pointing down at their legs again. “Touch jeans.” As an afterthought, he remembers his manners. “Please.”Sam doesn’t move and Dean glares at him before rolling his eyes. “Christ, fine. Just make sure I don’t fall over or anything.”“Of course, your highness.” Sam smirks and steps out of the way to give Dean more room on the platform.Dean shuffles awkwardly before he leans heavily against the glass-wall. He rests his forearms against the edge and he rocks to one side, raising one leg. He’s mumbling dark words and he’s pointedly looking away. The link is alive with embarrassment. Dean thinks he looks ridiculous standing like he is, and his ears are going pink around the edges again. Castiel likes it better when Dean’s cheeks blush and make his freckles stand out more.He lifts himself further out of the tank and leans over the wall, ignoring how the edge of it digs into his stomach. Castiel drags his fingers over the blue fabric covering the upper half of Dean’s thigh, closer to his hip. It is more coarse than the shirt or the coat and it is not entirely unpleasant. He tries to pinch the fabric between his fingers like he did with the white coat, but it is more stiff and doesn’t move as easily.Abruptly, Dean puts his leg down and steps away from the wall. When Castiel looks up in confusion, he is oddly pleased that Dean is blushing beyond his ears. He makes sure to keep that feeling away from the kin-connection. It’s unlikely that Dean will enjoy the sentiment, especially if Castiel takes into account his reaction about his eyes.“Yeah, okay, that’s enough. Remember what I said about the ‘personal space’?”“Yes, Dean. Ask first.”“And he did ask first.” Sam points out. His amusement is obvious even without the link.“Ha-ha, fuck you both.” Dean glares over his shoulder. “Don’t you have tests to run or data to look at or something?”Jess’s voice rises up from the computer area. “Yes, he does.”“Whipped and you aren’t even married yet.” Dean grins and sticks out his foot to nudge at Sam’s leg, pushing him toward the edge of the platform, “Go on, get. I can handle shaving Cas.”“Shaving?” Castiel tilts his head. The word is familiar. He knows he’s heard it recently and he’s trying to think of when and in what context. Sam answers it for him, returning his own memories of shaving with the blade of his dagger.Castiel rubs at his jaw and the thick stubble pulls at his fingers. Dean lifts his hands and shows him the white foam again. This time, he gives Castiel his memories of a small room with a thick white chair, a mirror on the wall, and a small shelf with a bowl imbedded in it. In the memory, Dean is watching himself in the mirror as he spreads the white foam on his cheeks, around his mouth, under his chin, and even down his neck.He is still wary and not entirely sure how much he trusts him. Dean sighs heavily through his nose and his emotions are oscillating between irritation and determination. He presses at Castiel’s mind with memories they both share, memories of Dean climbing into the small-sea when Castiel was injured and trusting him not to hurt him. The second memory, of Dean trusting Castiel not to let him drown from the other day, makes Castiel wince. He knew he had Dean’s trust, he just hadn’t quite realized it yet.To show he understands, Castiel tilt his head back and narrows his side-fans. They flatten against his head in a placid form of submission. Dean may not immediately understand the action, but he still smiles softly and his fingers are gentle. The foam is warm on his skin and Dean smears it over his cheeks and jaw.“Cas, do this.” Dean rolls his lips between his teeth to smooth out the skin around his mouth.Castiel copies the action and snorts in surprise when Dean spreads the foam under his bottom lip with one thumb and above his top lip with the other.  He takes hold of his chin and turns his face from side to side. Castiel thinks Dean might be checking to make sure that all his stubble is covered. There’s still foam on his fingers and Dean grins brightly before daubing a bit on Castiel’s nose.“Dean!” He jerks away and looks cross-eyed at his nose and the white rubbed over it.“Sorry, couldn’t resist.” Dean is all smiles and eye crinkles and Castiel can’t find it in him to complain. He rubs the white off his nose and squeezes the foam between his fingertips.Dean crouches down and stands back up with the bowl of water, the towel, and the shark-stick. He balances the bowl in one hand and cleans Castiel’s fingers with the towel before laying it over one shoulder. With a pleading image, he asks Castiel to hold the bowl so Dean can use his hands. He shows Castiel what he’s going to do with the shark-stick – (It’s called a ‘razor’.) – and how he will drag it against the foam.“You shave with a dagger. We shave with a razor.” Dean hands him the bowl and shows him the razor. There are small, metal blades imbedded in the flat part.“I won’t hurt you, Cas.” He smothers any form of anxiety Castiel feels bubbling up at the thought of allowing Dean to put the miniature blades to his face and neck. His honesty vibrates over everything and his eyes are earnest. He’s practically begging Castiel to trust him.“Okay, Dean. Please.” Castiel tilts his head back again and enjoys the pulse of pleased exhilaration through the connection as Dean smiles again.Dean’s fingers are gentle as they turn his face from one side to the other. The scrape of the razor over his stubble is an odd sensation at first. It soon becomes soothing and Castiel’s eyes droop halfway closed. He can feel a rumble start in his chest. Dean stops and pulls back slightly, raising an eyebrow at him. It’s not the same as a growl. It’s low, soft, and rolling deep in his chest.“Dude, are you purring?”“No stop.” Castiel twitches his tail and rises up a bit. He tilts his head to the side, exposing the side of his neck where he can feel plenty more foam. “Please, Dean.”The connection is alive with Dean’s amusement and he laughs softly as he moves back in to start shaving again. He pauses often to shake the razor clean in the bowl of water Castiel is holding before twitching it free of water and starting again. His movements are slow, careful and calculated. Castiel watches Dean, studying his face. He tries counting Dean’s freckles, but he keeps losing count whenever Dean turns away or makes Castiel turn his head.It’s while Dean is pulling the razor in sharp, small drags above his upper lip that Castiel turns his attention to Dean’s lips. He makes sure his thoughts are shielded because he doesn’t think Dean will like hearing him thinking about them. Castiel can’t help comparing them to Sam’s. Sam has thinner lips where Dean’s lips are more plush and full. He realizes, off handedly, that they are more like Jess’s than they are Sam’s.A small voice supplies the observation that Dean’s lips are more like a female’s. Castiel tries imagining Dean’s face with a different mouth and nothing he can think of looks right. They suit him. That small voice sounds suspiciously like Balthazar’s and Castiel can’t help but think about his nest-brother and closest friend.What would Balthazar think of Dean? What would he think of Castiel forming the kin-connection with two humans and submitting himself to Dean enough for him to place blades to his throat? How would Balthazar react to the idea of same-sex relationships? How would he react to Castiel’s revelation that he doesn’t feel anything for females but apparently can feel arousal if he thinks about males?He hopes Balthazar wouldn’t  care and he really probably wouldn’t. Balthazar would probably say that Dean has very kissable lips. He said that about Anna’s lips once. He’d woken up covered in snails for that comment.Castiel wonders if Dean’s lips are as soft as they look.Dean takes the bowl and puts it down on the table. He stands up and pulls the towel from his shoulder. When Dean turns back to Castiel, the kin-connection bursts with startled surprise. Castiel’s hand is out and he presses his fingertips to Dean’s lips. Dean goes very, very still and his eyes are very wide. The connection goes quiet. There is nothing but silence from Dean. Castiel is curious and surprised. Dean’s lips are more firm than he expected and they part slightly when he pushes lightly against his bottom lip.Dean’s fingers close around his wrist and he slowly pulls Castiel’s hand away. His eyes have hardened, but there is no animosity behind them. He lets go and Castiel lowers his hand and his eyes. It had been an impulsive decision and although it satisfied his curiosity, Castiel pushes his remorse through the connection.“Sorry, Dean.” He murmurs. His expression is wide-eyed and apologetic when he looks up  again. He tries not to notice when Dean licks his lips. “Ask first.”“You’re, like, six different kinds of weird. Y’know that?” Dean sounds amused, but he isn’t smiling and there is no amusement in the connection. It is eerily flat and empty and Castiel is confused and worried. He expects a flood of annoyance and for Dean to be displeased.Dean uses the towel to rub Castiel’s face clean of any remaining foam. “I’m done. Go on and take a look at yourself, see if you like it.”He jumps down from the platform and Castiel tries not to be disappointed. He’s still very confused about Dean’s reaction and he sinks below the waves. He does a neat little summersault to twist down to the mirror. Castiel is surprised by how clean shaven he is. He touches his jaw and tries to remember the last time his face was this smooth.(Thank you, Dean.)Dean pauses in returning the table to its place against the wall. (You’re welcome.) He gathers up the items scattered on the table and glances at Castiel. (You hungry? I could get you some live ones for your next meal.)Castiel thinks on it. He is hungry, but he is also very tired. He didn’t sleep the night before and this morning was very eventful. He yawns and he knows Dean sees it because there is a brief, strangely fond, flash of amusement before the connection goes quiet again. Castiel doesn’t sense any walls around Dean’s mind. He thinks, maybe, Dean has learned how to completely shield his thoughts and emotions without fully blocking the link.It is surprising and Castiel is impressed. He didn’t think Dean or Sam would learn how to do that so quickly. He lets that feed into the connection and he is rewarded with a small smile and a pulse of pride.(Go on and get some sleep. I’m just gonna put this stuff away.) Dean stops at the door and pushes an image of the bearded man with the hat at him. (Bobby’s the one who catches the live fish for you. I’ll ask him to bring some by while you’re sleeping. You might wanna say ‘thank you’ the next time you see him.)(Okay, Dean.) Castiel covers his mouth and yawns again. Before he closes the connection with Sam, he tells him he is going to sleep. Sam tells him to have sweet dreams, which is an interesting sentiment. He leaves the link with Dean open. It’s comforting.He curls his tail up and fits the end under his neck. He pillows his cheek on the soft webbing of his fans and stifles another yawn. When he sleeps, he dreams of green eyes, green scales, and soft kisses.