Rain and beach

(Norman)

"How did you know this place?" I stared at the horizon as the smell of salt and sea lingered on the windy air.

"My parents used to take us here." She walked and sat down on the log before us. I sat next to her and watched her take off her shoes and socks.

"When was the last time you went here?"

"Christmas, two years ago." She uttered, her eyes looking at a particular distance. I tried to find where she was looking and I imagined. I would have liked to picture her with her family, but instead I only recalled the days when I loved the beach. The picture of my mom flashing before me, her floating torso on the water teaching me how to swim, to paddle and flail, and us eating watermelon inside the safe circle we carved on the sands. This beach didn't need to be the exact place we used to visit to bring a memory that became the reason for why I hesitated coming despite me inviting.

I rummaged in my bag and took out my camera, capturing the picture before us, a tiny effort to replace a bitter memory with something else.

"Do you like going to the beach?"

<i>Should I be honest?</i> "It's so-so."

"Mmm…" She stood up and I turned away immediately upon seeing her zip down her pants. "It's okay, pervert. I'm wearing shorts."

I tried glancing back to make sure and exhaled as I watched her run towards the shore. She kept her shirt on top and her tight shorts on the bottom. She slowed down as she reached the shore and dipped her legs in the water, until it lined on her thighs. I stood up and walked to her direction, my eyes wandered from my left and right side and snapped at anything I found worth capturing. I wanted to take pictures of her but I knew she hated it. So I followed her prints along the sand instead, and took a picture.

"Hey." Her squinted eyes found my face and opened her mouth. "I'm going to snap some of you."

As if her lids could squint any more, she glared and closed her mouth. "Do that and I'll snap your neck."

"Not you you. I meant just a part of you, like your leg or something, while you swim."

Her arms folded as she remained silent. I rolled my eyes, incredulous. "It's for a study."

"Why my leg of all things?"

"I reckon you wouldn't like it if it was your face. Unless you change your mind?"<i> I know you don't.</i>

Her hands went to her hips as she contemplated. "Why not my hand?"

"Your legs' the ones underwater. Look, I won't sell it in a feet fetish website okay? This is really just for practice. Yes or no?"

"But I'll take your picture after." I hid my triumphant smile behind the camera I raised.

I thought for a second. My picture in exchange for her leg? "Not a fair exchange but deal." Unlike her, I didn't mind facing the camera. Though, I also didn't have many decent pictures of myself.

I plunged my feet to the water, no longer bothering to fold the hem of my pants since they'll get wet either way. I adjusted my position and looked at the lens to align the angle properly and find the right spot. When I found it, I clicked the button. And just when I was about to step further, the wind blew on us violently, sweeping me to her.

"Woah—"

I didn't know which to look out and hold myself for; the possibility of me crashing to her and us crushing to the water or of my camera falling to the water and then me. I thought all the while that I would be swept both by the water or taking Rorim with me, only to find myself hanging onto her hand. And I remember my mom, instead of Rorim's hands on my arms, it was hers. It was as if I was a kid again. I blinked the thought out, finding my balance and supporting myself from Rorim's grip.

Until I wasn't. Because I held Rorim instead, keeping her from falling back. My hands pulled her before my brain could think, my fingers gripping on her arm. Between the crashing of waves, I could hear my heartbeat, so loud and fast I wondered which one was it thumping for.

"Your camera!" She gasped as she pulled away, grabbing the gadget between our feet, under water.

"It's okay, don—"

"We might be able to save it." She looked around and turned back, already out of the water while holding it properly.

"Where are you going?"

I was only ignored. Or maybe I couldn't hear her enough, seeing as she was feet away from me now. Following her, she took us to a huge reception area, must be of some resort. I was almost behind her when I heard her talk to the staff.

"I'm afraid none of our employees know how to fix a camera. We do have a blower that you can use to dry it. That's the only help we could give you."

"Can I borrow your blower for a moment then, please?"

"Alright, please wait while we get it for you." And the staff went away, leaving us with the other receptionist and the janitor.

I watched her as she walked to the lounge and allowed herself to be seated, clearly used to hotel hospitality. I wonder how much of her lives in the past has influenced her to be this version of herself now, confident and sure of herself. How much of her is used to things, and otherwise.

And I think about mine, of how I may have been born into an affluent family yet have grown up differently than I should be. I have escaped that life for so long that I could only let myself take me to the comfort I've been currently used to. Still, after leaving that place, nothing much has changed. Instead of being dragged to corners and rooms to serve my brothers and clean, I have allowed people to drag me to places I'm not so comfortable going, to have fun. Instead of seeing my family away on the gate as they leave, I allowed myself to be the last to say goodbye or leave the group and see the people away. And instead of being ordered by my stepmother and my brothers, I allowed everyone to lead me and take me around, wherever they wanted to go, I'd follow. Different scenarios. Same response. And well, different people too. Better people. That's all that mattered.

"Here's your blower, Sir."

I turned around as the staff placed them on the counter. "Sorry, we won't be needing that… That would actually harm the camera. Can I get a bowl instead? Enough to fit the camera?"

"We have bowls from our restaurant. You can check their sizes there, our staff can assist you." She nodded on the staff next to the stairs and the staff went to us. "If there's anything else, we'd be happy to help you." She smiled and took back the blower.

"That would be all, thank you." I returned the smile with a nod and went to Rorim.

"Give me the camera." I held out my hand as I stood next to her.

"Where's the blower?" She looked back to the counter where I left and stood up.

"I returned it. Camera, please?"

"No we need to fix it." She was already stepping away when I grabbed her wrist.

"Give it to me, I know what to do."

"No you dropped it because of me. I'm responsi—"

"It's <i>not</i> your fault." I gently took the camera from her grasp with my other hand. "Let's wash this first."

"Wait w—"

"It's gonna be alright. <i>Trust me.</i>" I gripped her wrist gently and smiled before following the staff to the dining area.

Rorim was patting the camera with dry cloth when I came back, each of our bags and shoes in my hand. The sky turned gray and rumbled in a low thunder a minute ago that made us remember the things we left on the log. Thankfully it was still there and I could salvage it before the sky poured upon us and wash our belongings. The last thing I want Rorim seeing is her soaked notebook from my bag.

I handed her her pants and she wore them infront of me. "What time is it?"

I opened my phone and checked. "Two 'o two."

"No wonder..."

Right. We haven't had lunch yet. It was past lunch time when we got here. How can we forget to eat lunch before leaving?

"Let's grab some lunch." I offered.

"You can go ahead, I'm still not done here." She was still patting the gadget dry, careful not to press the switch button on.

"You can leave that to dry, we'll miss the good lunch food if you stay longer."

"I'll just finish this."

<i>grooooooooooowl</i>

I closed my eyes in embarrassment as she stood up with amusement clear on her face. None of us spoke as we went to the buffet counter and served our plates with food. Our plates were full of our main dish when we went back to our seat, moving the camera to the side and placing down the plates.

"I'll get drinks." She spoke and left.

While she was away, I carefully pulled the lid on my camera open and took the film roll, setting it on the towel next to the camera to dry. Deep down I hoped the films were unaffected than the camera.

"Is it alright?" She returned, giving my glass before my plate.

"It's gonna be fine." I took a sip and started helping myself.

Eating with her like this was no different from the past weeks we've eaten together. But at the same time, there was. This time, I discovered her secret (and finally returned to my normal, sane self), something about how I see her has changed. Has she always loved eating noodles? Who influenced her to eat them? Has her favorites always been the same or do they change in every life? Does the body she possess influence her taste buds, her preferences? Has she developed allergies to her favorite foods as she changed bodies? Has she eaten and explored different kinds of cuisine in every life? I could ask on and on about what it's like to be her. If only I could.

"Do you want some?"

I blinked. <i>"Hmm?"</i>

"You've been staring at my plate for a while now."

I didn't notice that I was. I shook my head and went back to my food. And while I munched, it was her turn to be occupied this time, her gaze outside, to the sky and the droplets behind the wall. Is it something to do with the rain? Will she share what she has in mind if I ask?

I swallowed the food in my mouth and sipped on my ice tea. "<i>Rorim</i>."

She faced me and continued eating. "Hmm?"

"Can I be honest about something?"

She nodded.

"When you told me you wanted to go to the beach, I almost regretted offering." Our eyes met for a second until I dropped first, moving the mushroom on my plate that looked like an inflatable. "I don't like the beach, really. I was six when my mom took me to one. It was my birthday and we celebrated it, just the two of us. It was my first time seeing the sea with my own eyes and I loved it. She taught me how to swim and we built, or at least attempted to, we built sandcastles and had a small picnic. It might sound so unspecial and ordinary, but for a kid who only needed his mom, that was the only thing that mattered to me. For a moment there, I forgot that I had brothers, I had a dad, I had everything any 'inferior' little boy could ask for, because the two of us were more than enough."

She didn't say anything and just looked at me, intently immersed, food untouched.

"That day was one of the best memories I had. And I thought.. I thought everyday would be like that. I wished everyday to be like that. But I guess wishes don't work that way. Because the next day, I woke up, she was gone." I breathed in, composing myself and continued. "I stopped wishing ever since. I never wished during birthdays, at all, and never stepped near the ocean ever since. I was mad at my mother for leaving me the memories that only I hurt and wanted to escape from."

Rorim was silent still, tracing the moist droplets on her half empty glass. "Did you know where she went?"

I shook my head. "My father never said anything about her leaving, he only cared about his reputation and his money. No one told me anything either. She left nothing but the albums we made and put up together. All her clothes, belongings, gone. So I just accepted that she did leave me. I was alone."

She stared at the table in silence and folded her arms. She must be taken aback from all this trauma dump out of nowhere. "Why are you telling me this?"

I smiled, silently amused. "I don't know, I just feel like you needed to know."

Her eyebrows raised as she leaned forward. "I needed to know?"

"I <i>wanted</i> you to know."

She smirked and picked up her spoon. "You should have told me before then. We could have gone somewhere else."

"No, it's okay." I wanted to go where you wanted to go.

"Next time, let's go to yours." She murmured and ate the food on her plate, slowly.

<i>Next time…</i>

I mirrored her and ate from my plate as well. Can I place my trust on that 'next time'? Seeing that we're here, on a beach, happily spending time with each other? Can I open my heart and hope for that wishful thinking? I look at her. This person infront of me, knew more than anyone how it feels to leave and be left behind. She can be someone who's tired of expecting from promises. Or she can be the one desperately waiting for those said promises. Which one she is, I'll know soon. For now, I'm satisfied taking in the calming silence in this table.

"Mmmph.." She groaned after a couple of minutes, looking at her plate.

"What's wrong?"

She shook her head and leaned back. "I'm full."

I looked at mine and realized that I was almost done. I took hers and slid the remaining food next to mine. I didn't really know what they were but they looked like a fusion of dumplings and baos.

"You don't have to finish them. I can just pay them at the counter with the fee."

I served one piece to my mouth and shook my head. "My aunt will surely scold you for wasting food."

She pursed her lips and drank from her glass. "Suit yourself."

I couldn't exactly distinguish what flavor it was. All I knew was that it was flavorful. I finished my food and helped myself with hers, to the last piece left.

"I wonder when's the rain going to stop."

I looked at the window and watched the heavy pour of the sky, the coconut trees that swayed with it and the waves that crashed from afar. "It was also raining when we met." Funny how it was only weeks ago when we started on an off start and now we're here after I just discovered her deepest secret. It's still surreal. Rorim is surreal.

"What did you say?"

I faced her and I could feel my smile freezing. Did I say something wrong? What face is she making? "It was also raining when we met?"

"Whi….——-" I could no longer hear or see her next words, like a heavy, thick wall suddenly collapsed and fell between us. Then out of the blue, I could no longer see her, and I was falling. Or she was falling.

<i>"Where are you going?"</i>

...…..